by Nicole Hart
God, this man.
He captured my soul with those postcard eyes.
Chapter Thirty-Five
“Are you okay?” I wrapped my arms around Logan’s firm waist and leaned into him, amazed at the way our bodies fit together, even with such a large size difference.
“Yeah, I’m okay.” His voice was quiet, muffled, his lips pressed against my hair.
“I know it’s been a hard couple of weeks, with the move.” I kissed his chest three times, inhaling his delicious scent at the same time.
“I’m a big boy.” He chuckled, his chest vibrating against my cheek.
“I know, but you’ve never really been away from Gage, and it’s okay to admit that their moving to Colorado will be hard.” I lifted my head, determined to look into his eyes. We had just seen them off, in their moving truck as they headed out on their journey.
“Yeah, it will. But I have you.” He grinned and lifted me off my feet so I could be eye level with him.
And it was true. He had me. We had spent every single day for the past month together since he had gotten out of treatment. I was busy with work, and Logan was busy getting the bar ready to sell, but we made time—there wasn’t another option.
It still bothered me a little that they shut down Whiskey Bent so suddenly. And although it was technically Gage’s bar, and Logan only owned a small portion, he put a large part of his life into that place, and it was going to be much different for him not to have that. But he didn’t seem to have any ill will toward Gage for selling. He seemed a little relieved, and that made me feel better. According to Logan, Gage and Reese were ready for a fresh start in a new city, where her ex-husband wouldn’t look for them. Plus, they had a baby on the way, so I could see where they were coming from. Although, from the way Gage stood guard over Reese, any man would be an idiot to try to cause any trouble. I could only imagine how he would be now that she was pregnant. They had both been nice to me since I met Logan, but Gage still scared the hell out of me, just by the scowl he wore most of the time.
Besides, Logan made enough money through the sale, along with his savings, to take some time off and figure out his next step. And I wanted him to take it slow, make sure he was ready for something new before he jumped right in.
“You bet your ass you do.” I giggled and swatted his tight behind with the palm of my hand, and I was convinced it stung my hand more than it hurt him.
“Besides, I have plans for us tonight.” He wiggled his eyebrows at me mischievously, and I wondered what he had up his sleeve. Besides those rock-hard biceps I wanted to bite each and every time I put my hands on them.
“What plans?” I asked, excitement bubbled inside me. Usually, I didn’t like surprises, because most of the time, they weren’t good. But Logan had already started to change my outlook on so many things.
“Just pack a bag; you’ll see.” His smile lit up the room, those dimples made me melt. And then in a flash, my heart sank back to reality.
“Wait, somewhere overnight? I have to work the first shift in the morning.” I wanted to cross my arms, hold my breath, and pout like a child.
“Took care of it.” He grabbed my hand and pulled me to his bedroom, where my empty overnight bag already sat on his bed.
“What do you mean?” I stared at him, skeptically.
“I mean, I called Nancy, and she made sure your shift was covered. But not by her, before you worry that she’s working too much. She said the new girl would gladly take it.” He was perfect.
I pushed Logan back onto the bed, which he allowed, because it had nothing to do with my strength compared to his. As he went onto his back, I climbed on top of him and straddled his waist, before planting a kiss on his full, beautiful lips.
“I love you, you know that?” I gushed, kissing him again before he got the chance to answer.
“I love you.” Those beautiful green eyes of his gazed upon my lips, and I kissed him again, as if his lips were beckoning mine.
“So where are we going? Nowhere expensive, I hope.” I wanted to know where, but I was worried. I didn’t want him spending a ridiculous amount of money for us to do something, when I was just as happy being in this apartment, in his bed.
“How about you don’t worry about money, for once?” He squeezed my ass cheek firmly.
“I can’t help it,” I admitted, grinding myself into him, the weight between my thighs intensifying from the friction.
“Well, then at least keep it to yourself.” His playfulness made me giggle, and I decided to give him that, just once.
“Okay. I promise.” I held up two fingers.
He reached up and kissed them gently.
“When do we leave?” I asked, raising up slightly.
“Not so fast. First, we need to finish what you just started.” He smiled that crooked smile as he unzipped my jeans. That’s when I noticed his hard length straining against his own.
“Gladly,” I whispered.
A couple of hours later, we were crawling through the streets of Manhattan, the traffic forcing me to wait even longer to know our destination.
“Almost there,” Logan whispered in my ear, sucking on my lobe.
“Logan.” I gasped as the cab stopped in front of The Plaza Hotel.
“Surprised?” He grinned as he handed cash to our driver.
I couldn’t respond before he hopped out of the cab and pulled me out behind him.
I stared in awe at the beautiful building in front of me. The entire city had started to decorate for the Christmas season, and the giant trees that stood in front of the hotel, filled with white twinkling lights, almost took my breath away.
“We’re staying here?” I mumbled, glancing at Logan who pulled me into his side.
“Not a word, baby. You promised.” He winked, pressing me against him, leading me to the revolving doors of the hotel.
As we walked through the lobby to the front desk, my eyes were determined to take in every detail. The high ceiling with golden mosaic tile was breathtaking, with oversized Christmas trees throughout. The crystal chandeliers hung from the ceiling with plush furniture perfectly placed. This was like something out of a movie. I glanced down at my fitted jeans and booties, suddenly feeling out of place in such an upscale environment.
“You look beautiful…don’t do that,” Logan whispered, pressing his lips to my temple as he read my thoughts. All I could do was shake my head at him.
“I have a reservation for Carter, please. Logan Carter.” Logan spoke to the gentleman behind the desk.
“Aw, yes sir, I have you in the luxury king on the nineteenth floor. It’s a beautiful room.” He smiled, staring back and forth between us.
“We have somewhere to be right now, will you have our bags taken to our room please?” Logan asked and placed our bags on the ground.
“Absolutely, it would be my pleasure, Mr. Carter.” He gave Logan a nod as I stared at him in wonder.
“There’s more?” I swallowed the lump that formed in my throat. This was all too much. I didn’t get to stay at places like this, with a man who adored me. This wasn’t my life. It was all very surreal.
Logan signed a sheet of paper that was placed in front of him before grabbing me by the hand and leading me back out the same way we had arrived.
“Logan,” I mumbled, and he stopped in his tracks.
“Jess, just enjoy this. Don’t worry about anything. I want to do this for you, okay?” He stared down at me, waiting.
“Okay,” I replied, still in shock.
“I love you.” He smiled and brushed his lips over mine briefly.
“I love you, too.”
“Come on.” He intertwined his fingers with mine as we headed out the door.
A horse and carriage stood, with the driver waiting patiently.
“For my baby.” Logan smiled, extending his arm.
“Really?” The tears that threatened to fall since we arrived decided they weren’t waiting any longer. But only one, bef
ore I forced them to stop.
“Hop on.” He grabbed my hand as I climbed into the white carriage. The driver covered me with a red velvet blanket, perfect for this cold afternoon, before Logan crawled in beside me.
“Sir and Madam, we will begin our ride through Central Park. If you have any questions, please don’t hesitate to ask.” He gave us a smile and tipped his hat before climbing into the front of the carriage.
“This is perfect. Thank you, Logan.” I leaned into him as the horse started to trot down the side of the street before making its way into the park.
“You’re perfect.”
My life had never been anywhere near a fairytale. Yet, here I was, in a horse-drawn carriage with my prince, strolling through Central Park. This was a dream come true. With the man of my dreams.
My perfect prince.
Chapter Thirty-Six
I trotted up the stairs to Logan’s apartment, trying to shake the nervous feeling I’d had in my stomach for the last four hours. I hadn’t heard from him all day, and he didn’t answer my call or texts. I hoped maybe he just decided to sleep most of the day since I noticed he was up and down all night. He assured me through the night that he was fine, but the pacing worried me.
I knocked on the door and heard Bentley barking on the other side as I waited for Logan to answer. After a few minutes, I decided to use the spare key Logan gave me a couple of weeks ago. I pulled it from my purse, jamming it into the older style doorknob, peeking my head inside before going all the way in. Logan had given me the key, but it felt strange to just walk into his apartment.
“Logan? Baby?” I called out as I shut the door behind me.
“Hey there, buddy,” I whispered to Bentley as I knelt down briefly to pat his head. My eyes scrolled through the living room, no sign of Logan in sight. He wagged his tail and walked ahead of me as I made my way through the apartment.
I heard Logan’s muffled voice in his bedroom, the door was closed, where Bentley took his place in front of.
“It doesn’t matter anymore. It doesn’t matter anymore. It doesn’t matter anyone.” Logan repeated over and over as I pressed my ear up against the door.
“Logan?” I knocked lightly on the door, waiting for an answer. When that didn’t come, I made the decision to let myself in. As I opened the door, I watched Logan pace back and forth, repeating the same sentence again and again. His fists would clench. Unclench. Clench. Unclench. His eyes were blinking quickly and repeatedly.
I knew he was having an episode, and I needed to tread lightly. I didn’t want to make it worse on him or make him feel like he was crazy. He was hard enough on himself.
I had grown used to his nightly rituals. He would turn the lights off and on a few times. He made sure to lock the front door repeatedly until it felt right. And it didn’t bother me, not one bit. Some nights, he would kiss me goodnight multiple times until he considered it the perfect one. He didn’t realize that every kiss was perfect. I loved everything about him. But I’d never seen him like this, and I wanted to handle it the right way.
“Logan,” I said quietly, my steps slow and controlled as I walked closer to him.
He didn’t reply, he just kept repeating the same sentence, pacing, clenching, blinking. My heart shattered as I watched the pain in his eyes when he looked at me. He wanted to stop, but he couldn’t.
“Fuck, it doesn’t matter anymore. It. Doesn’t. Matter anymore.”
“What doesn’t? Logan, talk to me.” I spoke gently, keeping pace with him. I held his forearm, which flinched at my touch, causing a pang of sadness to wash over me.
“Jess, please,” he begged, his eyes still blinking rapidly, his fists clenched tightly.
“Baby, what can I do? How can I help?” I kept in step with him.
His breathing became heavier, more rapid, his clenched fists tapping against his thighs. He was getting angry, and I knew it wasn’t toward me. He was angry at himself for feeling out of control, as he continued to pace.
“Logan, let me help you.” In all honestly, I didn’t know what I could do. I’d researched OCD numerous times over the past few months, but I couldn’t think of anything in the moment. I just wanted to hold him, to soothe him, to help him.
“Jess, just go.” His voice rumbled, echoing throughout his bedroom, anger flashing in his eyes and broke me.
I couldn’t look back at him as I dropped my head and walked out of the room. My feet made their way back to the front door, my mind convincing me to walk away. If he didn’t want me here, then I would go. I wouldn’t beg him. I couldn’t stay somewhere I wasn’t wanted. I had spent too many years of my life doing that.
But as I put my hand on the doorknob, determined to give him what he wanted, my heart began to scream at me.
Fight.
Fight.
Fight.
And for once, I decided my heart was stronger than my mind. My heart knew what was best. My mind would deceive me and allow me to walk away from the one thing that made everything right. But my heart wouldn’t have it. My heart knew what I needed. And what Logan needed.
So I turned my back on the front door and marched back in Logan’s bedroom, determination running through my veins.
“No,” I stated flatly as I opened the bedroom door and walked through, closing it behind me. “I’m not leaving you.”
Logan looked at me for a few brief moments, confusion crossing his face as he continued to pace and blink, but he didn’t speak.
I opened his nightstand drawer and pulled the marijuana tray out of it. I stared at the orange pack of rolling paper and the baggie of greenish-brown dried leaves. I had watched Logan do this a hundred times now, so I decided to take the task upon myself. I rolled a joint—it was loose and lumpy, but I did it—while Logan’s feet padded across the floor the whole time. I put the paper to my lips and waved the yellow flicker of the flame to the twisted end, inhaling just enough to light the cherry.
I stood quickly, blowing the smoke from my lips for the first time in my life and made my way to Logan. I held the joint out to him and watched as he stared at me, taking it from my hand and placing between his own lips, inhaling deeply.
After a couple of hits, his feet came to a stop, and I placed myself in front of him. We didn’t speak, not with our mouths anyway. He stared into my eyes, with each hit he took. I stared right back, waiting for my Logan to return to me.
As the rapid blinking subsided, so did the clenching, the rigidness in his body, falling away. I let out my own exhale when I watched it happen.
When the joint was almost gone, the burnt end almost touching Logan’s fingertips, he grabbed my hand and pulled me to his bed, placing me beside him.
“You didn’t leave.” The emotion in his raspy voice ran up my spine.
“I couldn’t. My heart wouldn’t let me,” I admitted, pressing my cheek against his bicep.
“Thank you.” He kissed the top of my head, and I almost started to cry.
“Hard times won’t drive me away, Logan. I love you.”
“I love you, too, Jess. So much,” he whispered, pulling me into his lap. I stared into those postcard green eyes of his, and although they were rimmed red at the moment, it didn’t matter. He was still perfect to me, for me.
“Just don’t push me away, okay?” I placed my forehead against his, needing his reassurance.
“I just didn’t want you to see me like that. I hate it.” He shook his head in disgust.
“Logan, I want all of you. Even the parts of you that you don’t like. I love you for who you are, every bit of it.” I ran my fingers down his cheek, my thumb brushing over his full bottom lip. His eyes closed at my touch.
“I’m sorry for telling you to leave. It’s not what I wanted.” He brushed his lips against mine.
“It’s fine, baby. I understand why you did. But are you okay?” I just wanted to make sure he was okay and be there for him.
“I just took my medicine late today, and I’ve got a lot of st
uff on my mind.” His words made my insides thrash violently.
“What’s wrong?” I asked, although part of me was scared to know.
He let out a long exhale before staring into my eyes, inner turmoil conflicting him—I could see it. I could feel it.
“Talk to me,” I whispered, rubbing my hands gently over his head.
“I haven’t been completely honest with you, and it’s fucking with me.” He groaned, a tiny tremble in his cheek.
“Okay.” I became sick to my stomach. Assuming the worst was a hard habit to break, and awful scenarios raced through my mind. Other women, hard drugs, he changed his mind about me. The possibilities were endless.
“It’s about Gage.” He bit his bottom lip.
“Oh.” I hated that relief washed over me, especially since he was obviously conflicted about whatever secret he held onto. But in this moment, I felt selfish, and I just wanted to know that we were going to be okay.
“I swore I would take this to my grave, and I’ve never broken a promise to Gage, but I need to be honest with you. I don’t want to have secrets from you. I’m just worried you won’t want me after I tell you the truth.” He was confusing me, and I just needed him to clarify what he was talking about. At this point, I wasn’t sure if the secret pertained to him or Gage.
“I’m not following,” I whispered, trying to pull the words from his eyes.
He wrapped his arms tightly around my waist, as if what he had to say would send me flying out the door, and he refused to allow it. I wrapped my arms around his neck to show him I wasn’t going anywhere.
“We didn’t just leave Louisiana for a fresh start…we had to leave. Well, Gage did. He did something to protect a little girl, and there was a hit out on him.”
My eyes opened wide, the sentence completely shocked me. But I didn’t speak, I needed him to continue.
“He was associated with some pretty fucked up people. He thought they would come after me, too, so we left. Anyway, they found him. Here.”
“Oh my God,” I whispered, scared for Logan’s safety.