He frowned. "First of all, don't call me that. It's not funny. Second of all, I wasn't being creepy. I know your chest aches. I wasn't talking about rubbing your boobs. Although, if my hands happen to brush against certain things, I am not to be held liable."
All she wanted to do was sink into the couch until she was invisible. Of course that's all he wanted to do. He was being thoughtful and you turn it into something sleazy. Who's the asshole here? Oh, that's right. You are.
"Sorry."
"Yeah. Yeah. Scoot down and lay your head back."
Flipping completely around, she tossed a pillow in his lap and laid her head in his lap face up, with the rest of her body in-between his legs on the couch. She closed her eyes and let out a deep breath as his strong hands worked their way from the top of her collarbone down the front of her sternum. "Oh, God. I didn't realize how sore that was until you did that."
He let out a low chuckle. "I told you that you'd call me God."
Smiling she lifted her chin and relaxed her shoulders under his skilled hands as he worked his way around her chest. It was exactly what she needed and he knew it before she did. "How do you do this?"
"Do what?" his voice was low and husky.
"Know what I need even before I do."
"Because I know you. You haven't been yourself lately no matter how much you try and hide it. I see how easily you get worn out."
"You can't blame a girl for needing a nap after kitchen sex games."
His fingers worked in strong, slow circles across the top of her chest. The way he touched her scars with ease made chills radiate through her.
"This makes nap number three today, there, sweet cheeks."
"Just resting up for what's to come." She smiled at him but he wasn't mirroring her like she thought he would. He just watched her, with worry behind his eyes.
"Don't look at me like that please. This is exactly what I didn't want to happen."
His hands stopped on her chest as his eyes found hers. "Guess what? You can't stop people from loving you. No matter how hard you try. We're going to worry when you're not feeling well. It's not like you have a cold, babe. You're in heart failure."
"You don't think I know that?"
"Well, you don't act like it. That's why everyone gets so frustrated with you. You're so hell-bent on fighting the system that you fight all of us, too."
She sat up and turned to face him. "I'm not trying to fight the system. In case you haven't noticed, the system has kind of failed me. All the things they’ve done to me that were supposed to save my life haven’t. They’ve only prolonged it. A little... until the next thing goes wrong. So, now they're saying this ICD is the way to go and I may not need the transplant. Do you understand how I can't even allow myself to begin to dream that that could be true? I can't believe things like that." She bit her bottom lip to keep it from quivering.
"Why not? I thought you were past not allowing yourself to dream?"
"Fairytales and happy endings are meant for people like Sarah and Alex. Happily ever afters aren't meant for people like me."
He ran his fingers through her hair, like he always did when they were in a heavy discussion. "I really wish you'd stop putting yourself in this box of damaged goods. You can have the fairytale and I will be your happily ever after…if you let me."
"I've read everything there is about the ICD. I researched them a long time ago when I hoped it could be an option for me or even a fix and they told me no. Now they want to do it and I want to know what's changed. Why is it okay now but it was a no before?"
"Why didn't you ask him that instead of walking out?" He pulled her back down into his lap and continued to run his fingers through her hair.
She shrugged. "I don't know. I was pissed. I know my stubbornness gets in the way a lot but I don't do things out of blind rage. All the time anyway. I usually have a pretty damn good reason behind my outbursts."
A smile spread across his face. "Maybe in your crazy own Charlie way of spinning logic, but I get it."
"No one wants to talk about the ugly truth. They all dance around it and pretend like there's not an elephant in the room." She closed her eyes as a rogue tear slipped down her cheek.
His fingers brushed the tear away just before it touched her lips. "And what truth is that?" his voice was low.
That I'm going to die young. That I can’t go to Disney with you because it might be my last trip. She exhaled slowly trying to steady her breath, knowing her voice would be shaky. "That any surgery can kill me. That I might not make it through it. That I might not live long enough to even get a transplant."
"I don't pretend to know what you're going through. I can't possibly imagine, but I have seen you on the verge of Death's door. I saw you banging on that damn door to come back. You fought for every breath. Every step. Never giving into the darkness. No matter how damaged you think you are or how long Grimm has hunted you, you’re destined for the light, Charlie."
"Only you could make this conversation sound poetic."
His fingers brushed over her lips to her cheek. "I do what I can."
A small smile played at her lips. No matter how hard she tried to keep it together, she was still on the verge of breaking. Sam was her glue as life chipped away at the glass. Constantly looking for a way to shatter her into a million broken pieces.
She sat up and crawled into his lap to straddle him. All she needed in that moment was him. The fact he wasn't afraid to talk about the things that haunted her while she slept made her want him all the more.
She ran her fingers through his disheveled hair and rested them behind his neck. "Do you love my dark clouds?"
He kissed the tip of her nose. "Yes. I even love your acid rain."
She smiled and brought her lips to his. Their kiss was easy to get lost in and it was exactly what she needed to feel whole.
✦✧✦✧✦✧
For the next few weeks, Charlie played the avoidance game. She avoided further discussions with Sam about her mangled heart and she avoided them with Jules about his. She knew she needed to have these conversations with both of them, but if she could put it off a little longer she would.
After the most amazing weekend with Sam, she was kicked back on her couch in her room reading when Jules walked in. "Are you going to sit there and read about vampires again or are you going to come join the human race?"
All he got from her was a momentary glance up from her book with an evil grin on her face and she returned to reading.
"That's it." He grabbed it out of Charlie's hands and tossed it on the opposite couch. Without missing a beat, she jumped up ready to attack. "Don't make me hurt you, asshole. Give me back my book before I make you."
"Okay, first of all. No matter how much you may want to believe it, you are not a Dhampir. Your name is not Rose Hathaway and the only person you're going to hurt is yourself if you don't calm the hell down."
She snarled and lunged toward him. To her surprise, he caught her midair and pinned her to the couch. They landed much harder than she was sure he'd anticipated and the air was knocked out of her.
"Oh...my...God...it hurts," she moaned as she lay there like a turtle flipped up on his shell.
Jules laughed and stood up. "I told you."
"Dream killer."
After lying there for a few more minutes, she finally sat up and looked at him with a scowl. "So, now that you've ruined my glorious delusion, what are you forcing me to do today?"
"I don't know. Anything but this. I forgot how much you read. It's annoying and so damn boring."
"You have no idea what you're missing out on."
"I'll wait for the movie."
Rolling her eyes, she got up and set her beloved book on the table. "I'm going to ignore you said that. What do you want to do?"
"You can teach me how to ride your motorcycle." A slow grin spread across his face.
She went rigid. "No way."
"That's total bullshit. You let Sam ride it al
l the time."
"Because he knows what the hell he's doing. That is not the kind of bike you learn on, Bubba."
"This is bullshit. I never thought some guy would trump me." Jules pouted and crossed his arms over his chest.
"Seriously? You're acting like a five year old right now." She walked past him into the hallway and down the stairs. There was no point in arguing with him. It would only feed his tantrum. He was on her heels, not letting up. "I can't believe this. I don't ask you for much. Just this one thing and you refuse to do it."
She whipped around and struck him in the chest with her palm, bringing him to an abrupt stop. "Do you have fifteen thousand dollars to replace it when you wreck it? Do you have insurance to cover it? Do you know what your mom would do to me if I let you ride it? Do you know what I would do if something happened to you, if you got hurt?" Anger swelled inside her. He had no idea what he was asking of her. It wasn't just a simple request as he thought it was.
"You're making this a bigger deal that it is," he barked, completely ignoring her concerns. "I have a bunch of friends that buy bikes that don't even know how to ride and they're fine.”
"Then they're idiots. Riding isn't something you just jump into. It takes a long time to learn how to do it right and not get yourself killed. My bike is not the one for you to learn on. I'm sorry."
"So, what? You think you're so superior to me all of a sudden? Because your bike is so fancy?"
"No! Why are you trying to start a fight with me over this? We've had this conversation a thousand times. I've told you. If you want to learn, I will take you to a dirt bike track and we can start there."
"I don't need to start out on some stupid dirt bike. I'm not a moron."
"Well, you are if you think you can just jump on a bike that can go 140 miles per hour."
"I'm sure you never even had a second thought about your perfect boyfriend riding it. Did you?"
"What part of he's ridden for years do you not seem to comprehend? And why are you even attacking him all of a sudden? What is your problem? Are you man-strating?"
"You're such a bitch you know that?"
"So I've been told. But you're acting like a real dick right now. For no reason."
His body was tense and she knew there was something else going on but she hadn't a clue what it was. It wasn't about the bike. It couldn't be. They'd had this argument a million times and it'd never gotten that heated before. Her hand was still resting on his chest. Smacking it away, Jules stormed out the front door and slammed it behind him.
Joe came out of the kitchen with his face masked in confusion. "What the hell was all the yelling about?"
"Hell if I know. He's all pissed off I won't teach him to ride my bike, but I think something else is bothering him. He kept making comments about Sam."
"Well, you have been spending a lot of time with Sam and not as much time with him and Sarah lately," Joe replied, like it was common knowledge. Still, it really hadn't dawned on her.
Charlie sank on the bottom step of the staircase and dropped her head into her hands. "How could I be so stupid? I'm a shit friend."
Joe sat down next to her and nudged her with his shoulder. "You're not a shit friend. Well, not all the time. You had a lot happen this year but maybe you need to find a balance between your friends and Sam."
"Yeah." She knew he was right, yet how could she say that she had all the time in the world with her friends but she was trying to make up for lost time with Sam? They'd fought so hard against what they'd felt the previous year and they were finally able to be together. Besides, Sam was the only one that let her talk about the heavy and didn't feed her some bubble gum pop bullshit.
Joe must have been able to sense the wheels turning in her head. "Hey. Don't overthink it. I think Jules is over sensitive right now. Maybe you should teach him to ride and show him Sam doesn't mean more to you than he does."
She looked at him dumfounded. "You seriously want me to teach him. On my bike? You're as delusional as he is."
"You'll figure something out. I've got faith in you." He patted her thigh before he got up and disappeared into his room.
Figure something out. What the hell am I supposed to figure out?
Fighting with Jules was exhausting. It wasn't how she'd expected her day to start out. Sarah was busy with her parents and the only person she wanted to talk to was Sam. She pulled out her phone and sent him a message.
Hey are you busy?
It only took a second before her phone buzzed with his response.
Never too busy for you. Miss me already?
Do you care if I stop by?
She just needed to see him. Her phone buzzed again.
I'm not home. I'm at the coffee shop. You want to come here? Or I can come to you?
I'll come to you.
She slipped on her boots, grabbed her helmet, and jumped on her bike. The need to see him grew inside of her. He'd become her voice of reason. The sudden calm to her madness. When the hell did that happen? There was something else going on with Jules, but he seemed so hung up on learning to ride. She hoped Sam would have some kind of answer for her.
Ten minutes later, she pulled into the coffee shop lot and parked in front of Sam's usual table. He sat back in his chair with strong arms crossed over his broad chest. His perfect white smile lit up his face and reached his emerald-green eyes as soon as he saw her. There was something so sexy about his smile. It was infectious.
Charlie strolled over to the table as casually as she could. Even though all she wanted to do was rush over and wrap herself in his arms. He stood and pulled her into him, like he knew exactly what she needed. Nuzzling his nose against her neck, his fingers snaked into her hair and his lips pressed softly against her neck. She laid her head against his chest and let out a sigh.
She hadn't realized how much she'd needed his touch until then.
"You okay?"
"Yeah. I'm going to get something to drink. I'll be right back."
"No need." He kissed her on the forehead.
She looked down at the table and noticed a second cup sitting next to his. A slow smile spread across her face. Of course he'd gotten her a drink when he knew she was coming. It was so Sam of him. Little things like that made her love him all the more.
"You think of everything don't you?"
"I try," he answered with a low chuckle.
They let go of their embrace and sat down. Even though she wasn't his student anymore, they tried not to draw too much attention to themselves when they were out around town.
"So what's going on? You look upset." He studied her face.
She reached forward and grabbed her drink, taking a small sip before she spoke. It was still hot, and tasted like perfection. "It's Jules. He's pissed off at me."
A frown pulled at his perfect mouth. No matter what he did with his lips, she couldn't help but think of kissing them. "What's he pissed about now? I thought you guys were fine.” His question pulled her back from staring at him.
"I don't really know. He started with the rant about wanting me to teach him how to ride my bike. Then he started getting really pissed when I said no and he brought you up. I don't know if this is really about the bike or you or what. My dad says he's jealous because I've been spending more time with you."
"Well, for one, I know he's always been mad you've let me ride and not him. But I know your Charlie logic behind it…and we have been spending a lot of time together lately. He probably feels left out."
"But if you really think about it. Every time we're together he shows up and then you leave. So, it's not like I never see him. He's always around. So what am I supposed to do? You and I both know I can't teach him on that bike. It's not safe." She reached across the table, lacing her fingers into his. "How am I supposed to not spend time with you?"
Sam brought her hand to his lips and pressed them against her knuckles. Chills radiated throughout her as soon as his lips touched her flesh. "We can solve the bike problem
. I was thinking about buying another one. Even if I buy a 750 or a 1000, you can teach him on that."
He acted like it was such a simple solution. But he didn't know Jules the way she did. He was reckless and didn't listen. He'd think he was ready to do things he wasn't ready for yet and he'd get hurt. She'd never forgive herself if he did.
"He's not ready for a bike like that either. I want to teach him on dirt with something like a 125 or a 250, but he refuses. It's like he's trying to prove his balls are bigger than mine."
"Sometimes, I'm not so sure they are," he said, amused.
"What the hell is that supposed to mean?" She crossed her arms over her chest.
"You're fearless most of the time. I think he's envious of that and wants to be more like you in that way. Maybe this is his way of doing that?"
"I don't want him to ride. It's not safe."
Sam let out a low chuckle. "That's a little hypocritical, don't you think?"
She scowled. "No. I don't. He's reckless and thinks he knows everything. I may be a show off sometimes, but I'm always in control and I know my limits and I know that bikes limits." She took a long hard pull of her tea, not caring how hot it was as it burned her throat.
His eyes softened. "Look, I'm not trying to make you more upset here. If you don't want to teach him how to ride, then don't. If you think there's something deeper going on, then you need to talk to him. I really don't want to give up all the time I have with you, but if I need to take a step back for you to make things better with him, I will."
Worrying about finding a balance between her best friend and the love of her life never seemed like it would be that difficult, but it was obvious to everyone she wasn't doing a good job. She sank back in her chair and stared at her tea. If she went to Jules to talk, they'd only fight more. They both needed time to cool off. Being with Sam was where she wanted to be at the moment. She soon pushed her fight with Jules to the back of her mind and enjoyed her time with Sam. She'd figure out the rest later.
Breathless Page 3