There were too many questions that needed to be answered but she didn't have the energy to deal with them. They could come later.
She let out a deep breath and held her hand out to Sam. He laced his fingers into hers and sat on the edge of bed next to her.
After glancing back at him, she tilted her head to the side and gambled, "Do you like Chinese food, Javier?"
She'd just accepted his olive branch.
✦✧✦✧✦✧
Thirty-five weeks had passed and induction day had come. They weren't going to let her go a day longer out of fear that a delay would put both of them at risk.
"Are you ready?" Joe asked as they sat in the waiting area of the hospital.
"No."
She wasn't. There was no way to prepare for the day you could possibly die. They'd already checked in and she was waiting for her room to be ready.
"We'll wait out here until they get you all set up with everything," Callie declared. "Sam, just text us and we can come back."
Charlie's leg bounced uncontrollably. She looked everywhere but at her family. Even if there was a chance it could be the end, she couldn't bear the thought of it.
Joe rubbed her back and pulled her into a side hug. "It's going to be fine, Charles. You got this."
"Yeah, she's just going to walk out and be like, 'Yo mom, feed me. I'm hungry, change my butt.'" Jules chuckled.
Doing her best not to ignore his attempt at making her laugh, she forced a smile. Even so, he knew her well enough to know it was just that. Forced.
"Do we know how long before they'll actually induce?" Javier asked from the other side of Callie.
Charlie surprised herself when she asked him to be there. All it took was a knowing glance between her and Sam and a gut feeling for her to know it was what she wanted.
She needed a second chance with him.
If he was willing to give up everything in his life for the hope she'd forgive him one day, she knew it was something she was capable of.
The thing she hadn't expected was for him to weep uncontrollably when she asked.
Her knee bounced even harder as her nerves ramped up to the brink of a break down. Sam slid his hand up her thigh and gently squeezed. Their eyes locked and she calmed down a bit. Her leg also came to a halt.
"I think they said it was two hours after she gets in there, but don't hold me to that," Sam answered.
Everything had become so jumbled in her brain that she couldn't keep it all straight.
The speaker to the waiting room crackled. "Charlotte Evans, please come to the nurses’ station."
"It's time," Sam whispered into her hair.
She shook her head. "I can't do this."
Squeezing her thigh a few times, he rubbed it slowly. "Yes, you can. You're ready. They're ready. And…." He caressed her stomach gently. "She's ready."
He stood and offered her his hands to help her onto her feet, which she could no longer see.
Callie pulled her into a tight hug. "I love you, honey. Well, see you in a couple hours, okay?" Tears streaked both of their faces and neither of them bothered to wipe them away.
Joe held on a little longer, and she didn't mind it a bit. Part of her just wanted to stay his little buddy forever. They'd been through hell and high-water together before, but she'd never done the death walk on her own.
"You go get situated and then we'll come entertain you, all right?"
"Kay," Charlie answered.
"Hey, kid?"
"Yeah?"
"I love you and it's going to be okay."
She cried harder and held onto him tighter.
The speaker crackled again. "Charlotte Evans, please come to the nurses’ station."
Jules pushed Joe to the side, even though he didn't let go. "Fine. She gets to be the cream filling in the Oreo. Don't get all sappy and shit on me. You're not going anywhere. Who else is going to call me names and beat on me? Go pop this kid out so we can get back to normal, yeah?"
She snorted and wiped her snot on his sleeve. "Oh, that's fucking nasty."
"Hey, worst case, you have something to remember me by."
"Your snot. Great. Thanks."
They laughed and kissed each other on the cheek.
"Love you, asshole."
"Love you too, shit-for-brains."
Finally she turned to Javier, who stood a few feet back from the group. There wasn't room for anymore reservations. She threw herself at him, taking him by surprise and wrapped her arms around his waist. "I hope we can have more time."
Despair flashed in his eyes, but hope washed over his worn features. "We will. Lots of it."
"Charlotte Evans, please come to the nurses station."
With one last quick goodbye, she and Sam walked hand in hand to their destination as she dried her eyes.
She did her best not to think of it as the death march, but it was no longer in the back of her mind.
CHAPTER SIXTEEN
It took them thirty minutes to hunt down a heart monitor for her, and the nurse that checked her in didn't seem to know anything about her case.
Fear didn't even begin to cover the swirl of emotions overtaking her.
Sam stepped up and took charge. "Why isn't any of this in her chart? Doctor Cage assured us everything was handled and everyone was well aware of what's supposed to happen with her case."
The nurse gave him a bleak smile as she finally hooked the heart monitor up. "I'm sure it is. I just haven't opened her chart yet."
Well, that gave Charlie all the faith in the world that this was the A team.
Not.
She exchanged a worried glance with Sam and prayed by some miracle, they'd get their shit together.
The miracle’s name was Lisa. She strolled in wearing black and pink scrubs with the kindest eyes and most genuine smiles Charlie had ever seen.
"Who's ready to have a baby?" She smacked her hands together and rubbed them back and forth.
It was time to speak up, because she had zero faith in the chick that had hooked her up to everything. "Well, I was, until I got in here. As of right now, I'm ready to bolt out the fucking door."
Lisa's brows pulled together and she sat down on the edge of Charlie's bed. "Why, doll? What's wrong?"
"Apparently, you guys don't have a fucking clue about my case and that doesn't sit well with me, since I know I could very well die during this."
Lisa's sweet demeanor changed as she shot a menacing glare at the girl who'd walked them into the room. "What exactly did you say, Stephanie?"
The girl shrugged like she wasn't the one that had put Charlie on edge. "Nothing."
"Doll, we know all about you and we are fully prepared to handle you and your peanut. I don't know what you were misinformed about, but we've got this." The annoyance in Lisa's voice made Charlie believe every word she said.
Once Stephanie was gone, Lisa shut the door. "Not to talk shit about other employees, but that girl is only an assistant and has zero business dealing with patients. I'm so sorry she was your first encounter and she got you upset. You've got enough to worry about without that idiot giving you bad information."
Isn’t that the truth…!
Sam settled into the chair in the corner of the room to stay out of the way as different teams of nurses came in. They put in multiple IV's, hooked up drips, took blood, ran EKG's, and prepared the monitor for the baby.
"Okay, the doctor is going to come in any minute, really," Lisa stated as glanced down at her watch. "She’ll check your cervix and see how far you're dilated. Once we know that, she’ll decide the course of action of how they want to proceed with the induction."
Charlie had read about the different ways they'd do it and neither of them sounded very fun.
"How exactly do they do that?" Sam asked but from the look on his face she wasn't sure he really wanted the answer either.
"Well, if she's not dilated very far, they'll implant what's basically a tablet into her cervix to help soft
en it. It will help her dilate more effectively and then they'll start the Pitocin, which will help her go into labor."
Labor.
That word alone made beads of sweat form along her brow line.
Charlie looked between the two of them wildly. "What about the epidural? They said they didn't want me in pain at all because of my heart."
Lisa gave her a knowing smile and nodded. "I saw that. Once they check your cervix and you hit a certain point, the doctor will put a call into the anesthesiologist."
Sam leaned forward with his forearms resting on his knees and worry etched on his beautiful face. "Do you know what that point is?"
"It all depends. Some go off of pain level as the contractions start and some go off dilation of the cervix. I'll make sure she answers as soon as she gets here, so you'll know. Okay?"
Nodding, Charlie resting on the bed again and tried not to panic.
A few minutes later, the on-call doctor walked into the room wearing the same kind of kind smile. Charlie wasn't sure if it was just a thing on that floor or if the staff felt bad for her.
"Okay, sweetheart. I need you to scoot down here for me so I can check you."
Doing what she was told, Charlie scooted to the edge of the bed and slid her heels into the awaiting hands of the nurses.
Wincing from the pressure, she held her breath.
"Sorry. I know this hurts."
The doctor pushed down further and then the pressure stopped.
Thank god.
"You're at about a two. So, I'm going to put this in your cervix to soften it up and then check on you in a couple hours and see where you are. Okay?"
Charlie nodded and gripped the sheets into her fists as the pressure returned and the doctor shoved whatever that stupid thing was into her cervix. She'd bitten into her lip so hard that she would've bet she'd drawn blood.
She hadn't noticed Sam was at her head until he smoothed her hair back and kissed her forehead. "You're doing great, baby."
His loving eyes were going to get her through this.
Lisa had asked about the epidural before the doctor left the room and she said they'd have them come in when her pain level reached a six on a one-to-ten scale.
She wasn't sure how well that would go over with Doctor Brown and hoped to God she knew what she was doing.
It was her life she was gambling with.
Two hours later, they came in and checked her and she was only at three centimeters.
It was going to be a long ass day.
Sam texted everyone and told them it was slow going and Charlie wasn't up for company at the moment, which was true.
After six hours, she was still at a three, but they decided to go ahead and start the pitocin. It didn't take long for the contractions to start. She worked through them the best she could and forced herself to breathe as she writhed back and forth in pain.
Doctor Brown walked in during the middle of a rather brutal one as she lay there whimpering. He did not look happy.
"When did they give you the epidural?" he demanded.
There was no way in hell she could talk. Breathing was about all she could focus on.
"They didn't. The OB said she had to wait until her pain level was a six first. She said if they started it too soon it could wear off before she was ready to deliver."
Dr. Brown's eyes turned almost black as he stormed out of the room. All they could hear was him ripping someone a new asshole in the hallway.
She'd been watching her heart rate on the screen and it has been bouncing all over the place for hours, but she had figured someone was monitoring it. She assumed if there was an issue with the erratic beats and lightheaded feeling that was taking over, someone would have said something.
Within minutes the anesthesiologist was in the room and shooing Sam out so he could do the epidural. She'd had multiple spinal taps before, so it wasn't like it scared her.
"Stay really still and on this breath, I need to you hold it." He said as he counted down her discs with his fingers. She felt a poke and then a sting followed by pressure.
He explained that they'd have to play with the dosage to see what worked for her since they wanted her to be completely numb, unlike most deliveries, where they wanted them to be able to feel something in order to help push.
When they came back in to check her, she was still at a three but she was a lot more comfortable than she'd been. Charlie was on the verge of sleep, but was almost positive she heard Callie and Joe's voices in her room.
Something popped and her eyes shot open.
Everything was wet.
Immediately Charlie sat up and pressed her call button.
"What's wrong?" Callie and Sam asked in unison.
Ignoring them, she waited for the nurse to respond through the intercom.
"Yes?"
Charlie cleared her throat as her heart beat so hard in her chest she was sure it was going to explode. "Either I just pissed myself, or I think my water just broke."
"Okay. I'll send someone in to check you."
Callie lifted the corner of the sheet and peeked under it. Mom's had zero boundaries, but she didn't care. She'd lost all modesty years before.
"Oh yeah. Your water definitely broke."
Tears streamed down Charlie's face as she turned to her back and she felt a sudden drop. She gasped and looked at Callie in fear. "Oh God." Tears rolled down her face.
This was it.
There was no going back.
The on call doctor walked in and made everyone scatter behind the curtain. She had her two nurses hold Charlie's knees back as she checked her and looked up at her wide eyed. "Wow. You're at a ten. It's time to go."
"What?" Charlie cried out.
Everything happened all at once. They made everyone leave the room as a team of nurses and doctors swarmed the area. She searched the faces looking for Sam, but he was nowhere to be found.
She panicked and sobbed harder than she was before.
"Sam," she called out. “Sam….”
Lisa was at her side and grabbed her hand amid all the chaos. "He's right outside getting dressed in some scrubs and I'll have him by your head in just a second, okay?"
That was the only form of relief she had. She hadn't even had the chance to say goodbye or anything else to her family.
Please don't let this be it. Please don't let this be it.
Sam's cologne assaulted her nose as he leaned down to kiss her. "I'm right here baby. Everyone's in the hall. They tried to tell them that they couldn't block the hallway and needed to wait in the waiting area. Callie threw a total shit fit. You would have been proud of her."
Just thinking about the way Callie would react made her snort.
Familiar faces filled the room and for the first time that day she felt some sort of security. "All right Charlie," Doctor cage stated as she took a spot between Charlie’s legs. "Let’s introduce this little girl to the world."
Charlie glanced to her left to see Doctor Brown and his team standing by, but out of the way. He gave her an encouraging nod as she sucked in a ragged breath.
"I love you." Sam whispered as he pressed his lips to her forehead. "It’s going to be okay.”
"I love…I love you too," she replied between shaky breaths and sobs.
The heart rate machine next to her bed beeped erratically and she felt each thump in her chest beat harder and harder in succession.
"Charlie, I need to you push once for me," Doctor Cage said, although her voice was fading into the background.
I can't. I…I can’t do it.
Charlie had lost all control of her body. All she heard was beeping, scuffles, raised voices, and gasps.
Then everything faded black.
✦✧✦✧✦✧
"Come on, Charlie!" Doctor Brown yelled as he worked on her.
The room had erupted into complete chaos as Charlie slipped into unconsciousness.
Sam couldn't make sense of what was going on from the mo
nitor. Two teams worked on her at the same time….
Then he heard it.
Screams filled the room.
A healthy set of lungs as his daughter greeted the world.
He covered his mouth with his hand as a sob escaped. Watching from the corner he'd been pushed to, there was no way he'd get to cut the cord or hold his little girl right away. They took her straight to the warming table and that team started in on what they did best. She was beautiful, even covered in all the goop with a head full of dark hair, just like her mother. Meanwhile, Charlie lay there on the table fighting for her life.
He was completely numb. Sam could be nothing else as he watched Doctor Brown bark out orders.
"Shut that goddamn pacemaker off and shock her fucking heart back into rhythm."
They all stood back with their hands up.
"Clear," someone yelled.
Her chest lifted off the table and slumped back after the shock. His eyes darted to the monitor to watch with the rest of them.
Beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep.
"God dammit, Charlie. You better not give up on me now. Fight dammit!" He shook his head and yelled, "Again!"
They shocked her as they were told and Sam’s mind went back to the first time he'd seen her in the back of the ambulance. Bile burned the back of his throat. The sound of the baby crying was enough for him to know she was okay without having to take his eyes off of Charlie.
He couldn't.
The love of his life was slipping away and he couldn't bear to look away.
"Come on, baby," he whispered in desperation. "I need you. I can't do this alone."
"Charge it and do it again." Dr. Brown instructed. The stress in his voice was evident. He'd grown attached to Charlie over the years and wasn't ready to give up on her, either.
"Clear."
Her body jolted again.
Beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep.
Sam dropped his head into his hands.
This can't be happening. She knew all along and we didn't listen. We didn’t listen!
Suddenly, by some miracle, the beeping started to come faster.
Beep…beep…beep…beep…beep…beep…beep…beep….
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