by Pope, M. T.
After about a half hour, everybody was ushered out to the backyard, where there were decorations and things like that. Along the back of the large yard big sign read Happy 70th Birthday. After about another hour, the backyard was filled with about twenty more people who I learned were more of our newly discovered family. I was smiling, because I was really happy to meet them all. We were taking so many pictures that I had lost count. Everybody was commenting on how all of James’s children looked just like him. My father didn’t frown one time and neither did my mother. On a trip to the bathroom, I ran into Grace and she pulled me into a room and closed the door.
“I’m sorry for treating you the way I did. I was wrong for using you the way I did.” I immediately apologized.
“No need to apologize. I got what I deserved.” She began to break down everything that went down over the past two weeks in my absence. It was one big mess. I shook my head in awe.
“So everybody knows that you are a man now?” I asked.
“Yes, they do,” Grace spoke somberly.
“Wow.”
“It’s not that bad.” She wiped a tear from her eye. “It’s all out in the open now. The only ones that won‘t know is the school. Could you please keep it that way?”
“No problem, just as long as you keep the secret that we were intimate.”
“Sure.” She smiled. “I got one question though.”
“Okay, let’s here it.”
“How did you find out about my secret?”
“Well, nobody knows that my brother had plastic surgery on his penis, but me. I know that is kind of close for a brother and sister, but it’s true. Anyway, in the room that they placed us in so we can review some sample of the doctors’ work, there were two books and my brother was looking at one and I was looking at the other out of curiosity. When I flipped through the pages, I came to yours and almost peed myself. I took a quick couple of pictures with my phone real quick and presto, blackmail.”
“Wow, I never thought the money I saved by letting the doctor use my pictures in a sample book would come back to haunt me. That is just scary.”
“I know,” I cosigned.
“All right, another question.”
“Okay.”
“Why would you knowingly have an intimate relationship with me and you knew I was a man?”
“Well, in God’s eyes it was a man and woman relationship.”
“That is so true. I never really looked at it that way.” Grace nodded.
“Truth be told, whoever the doctor was that hooked you up down there, he was a master. Your shit worked just as well as mine and I’m the real deal.” She smiled a little and looked away.
“Well, he did earn his money, but he wasn’t God. Because there will be no babies coming out of here no matter what he fixed down there.”
I agreed with Grace, “True, true.” Then, “You ever feel like you made a mistake?”
“Yes, sometimes. But it’s too late for all of that now, right?” She frowned.
“I would say so.” I nodded. I looked out the window and then at the door. I was ready to go. The air was a little too thick for me at the moment.
“Again, I want to say I’m sorry. I really am. I didn’t know how deep your secrets hurt you. I know I wouldn’t want the same thing to happen to me. ”
After a few more seconds of silence, we both hugged and exited the house to go back to the party.
“So how do you know Professor David’s wife?” Alex asked as I sat down at the table with him.
“Oh, we’re just good friends.” I smiled. He didn’t need to know everything. I mean really. Got to keep something between us girls.
Chapter 43
Alex
The Showdown
June 13th 3:30 P.M.
“Ohhhh ... okay.” I said to Ashley as I got up from the table and went to fix myself a plate of food. I brought Ashley back a plate as well. We both sat and watched our two families mingle and get to know each other. It was nice to have a family and no more secrets. Well, almost no more secrets. I saw Professor Andrews walk in the celebration and go over to talk to his wife. He looked happy, but that could have been a front. After all that went down I was still a little shook myself. Shit, everybody I dated from henceforth was a suspect until proven a woman. And that shit was hard nowadays. Transsexual and transgendered men were passing like they were born the way they were remanufactured to be now. But, men weren’t God and they couldn’t change everything. No matter what they did, they couldn’t make men get pregnant and have babies. Doctors and science can clone cells and all of that, but they can’t create a womb inside of a man. God gave men the gift of creativity, but creation is in his hands. Men will try, but will never come close to it.
“Fuck all y’all muthafuckas!” Everybody turned around to see my crazy grandfather standing at the back gate of the yard. He had a gun in hand and he staggered a little, so I knew he was drunk. People at the celebration started to huddle together. I always wondered why people did that in movies and things. Now I knew why. You don’t want to be singled out by a madman with a gun. So right now I was stand next to my grandmother and Professor David. The music was still going, but I could only hear the beat of my heart as it raced. I can’t help but think that everyone else was having the same experience too. “I didn’t get an invite to this so-called party.”
Everybody was on freeze.
“Man, why don’t you just leave and let us be. You’ve done enough to this family and others.” Wallace spoke up.
“You don’t know anything about what I’ve done. All of them probably deserved it. ” As people say a drunk man speaks a sober man’s heart. He was doing it for sure. The gun was being waved like it was a bouquet of flowers. His arms would flail and people would duck. I looked at my mom and dad; my father had her and my sister and brother behind him. “Y’all was just waiting on me to give it to ya.” he laughed and his head roared back.
Pop! Then there was a shot in the air, but it wasn’t from my grandfather’s gun. Professor Andrews had a gun in his hand too. There was a couple of screams. The crowd then broke away from both of them and the two aiming the gun at each other like it was a showdown.
“David, baby, don’t do it,” his wife/husband hollered out in fear.
“Yeah, don’t do it with your punk ass,” my grandfather spoke with disdain. “You were always a faggot-ass punk anyway. I don’t know why I let you fuck me for all these years.” There were a couple of gasps from the crowd.
“Why are you here?” My grandmother stepped from the crowd and next to Professor Andrews. “You don’t belong here. You left a long time ago. We were happy when you left. Leave now and don’t come back.” She spoke with authority and firmness, but he still didn’t budge.
“You don’t know nothing, you old bitch.” You could see the spit flying from his mouth. He was definitely wasted.
“I know you better get out of here. I know that.” She spoke again. She was very serious. “God don’t like ugly. Look at these people. They will never be the same and it is your entire fault. But I forgave you a long time ago. I prayed for you to get peace and to come to God, but I see now that you had your own plans. God have mercy on you. I think that it is best that you leave here now. I can‘t stop this young man right here from pulling that trigger and taking your life. You might even take his in the process, but something tells me that he feels like he doesn‘t have anything to lose.” She looked at David and put her hand on his shoulder. It was like she was telling him to let it go. In her eyes was forgiveness. David looked at her and then at him again. Tears flowed from his eyes. I started to cry too. All that he went through on those tapes flooded my mind and I was balling too.
“Bitch, hush up. I got the gun. I’m doing all the demanding up in this here party.” He was waving the gun again with every word he spoke.
“Go ahead and leave, John.” Professor Andrews still had his gun pointed at John. He was shaking and I was afraid that his anger woul
d cause him to let off a shot. “Just get out of here. Leave us be.” The two guns had everybody’s attention.
“All right, all y’all want me dead.” He held the gun to his mouth and pulled the trigger. Women were screaming terror-filled screams. We watched as my grandfather’s body slowly fell and hit the ground. It was unreal. I had never seen anything like it in my life. It took awhile for the women and some of the men to stop crying. My father and mother were both consoling each other, my sister was hugging my grandmother and the professor and his wife/husband were embraced. The ambulance and the police showed up. They questioned everyone as to what happened to my grandfather. Everyone had the same story. He committed suicide. They took our names and numbers and told us that they would be contacting us if need be. I am not happy that it ended this way. I hoped things would have worked out better. He could have gotten help or something. But, then again, maybe that was his fate. That was the way he was supposed to go. It is all unfortunate. After all the commotion died down and most of the family went home, we made our way into my grandmother’s house again. I, for one, needed to sit down or maybe even a drink. Well, not a drink. I didn’t want start something new. I just need to hear something good or positive. My parents and I had a little bit of blood on us. My grandmother gave us some spare clothes she had in the house. She just happened to be collecting for a church clothing drive. They weren’t stylish, but they worked. My parents, Wallace, Me, Ashley, Li’l Shawn, Diana and my baby sister, Brittany, sat around the living room quiet. No one knew what to say it was such a strange and crazy experience; to see someone take their life. I know my little sister would have some questions for my parents. I am pretty sure they knew what to say. They were very experienced parents, indeed.
We were all sitting in the living room when my grandmother came in the room with a photo album.
“This here is all the pictures and memories of Jerry or James, as you know him.” She was all smiles. I was too, in fact, everyone was as we sat back and listened to my grandmother told us stories about each picture that she pulled out of the album.
“Let me tell y’all some things about my baby.” She looked at all of us as we sat in a small circle around her plush living room. “I knew my baby was special from the day he was born.” Her smile beamed brightly, almost lighting up the room.
“Most people don’t know my baby was a miracle. Yes, he was.” Some tears flowed down her sagging cheeks. “I was not supposed to be able to have any children. But God blessed me with him. Jerry Emmanuel Parks. Emmanuel means God with us. And I knew that God was with me and him. He was my little miracle. Hmph! ... The moment I laid eyes on him I knew I had the best thing in the world.” She paused, took a deep breath and continued.
“But I lost my baby trying to keep his father and the roof over our head. You see, I ignored my mother and father’s teaching—that a man was supposed to love and support his wife and the wife was supposed to stay at home and tend to the children. I took the first man that paid me some attention and gave him everything. Not knowing the cost. The cost that would not only I would have to pay, but my son with his life, and even to his children.” She looked at us with remorse in her eyes. I wanted to run over and hug her and squeeze her and tell her that it would be all right. But, I sat still as she continued.
“You see I was in a vicious cycle and didn’t even know it. My parents sheltered me in life so much so that when it was time for me to experience things I went at it headfirst. I too did the same thing to Jerry. I thought that if I could keep him in the house at all times, with very little contact with the outside world that he would be safe. Little did I know that the enemy was in my home the whole time. My ex-husband was evil. He took my child’s innocence. I didn’t pay attention to the red flags that were being waved in my face. Y’all, I was so blind. I would come home and my baby would be all over me but I would be too tired to do anything for him or with him outside of dinner and homework. My baby boy was a happy-go-lucky boy anyway. He really didn’t need anyone to entertain him. He knew how to do that by himself. My baby didn‘t have any friends. It wasn‘t because he couldn‘t make them it was because I thought that I could be his only friend. I was wrong. Oh, so wrong.
“Look, I’m rambling on. I’m sorry about that. I just want all of you to know that my son’s life was changed by some of my choices, some of his father’s choices, but most of all, his choices. You see I have learned over the years that my choices just doesn’t affect me, but they effect everyone around me. I sit here and look at all of you and I see some of my choices in you. The good and the bad. My son had an effect on all of you. Good or bad, he did. I ask that you forgive him. He was carrying some of my loose ends and didn’t even know it. So I too apologize.”
“I say to you all that we all make wrong choices and we have to live with those consequences. Though it is not always an easy feat. It can be done. I’m a living testimony to it. Forgive yourself and forgive others. It is the only way to truly live life freely. When I die I want to know that I don’t have anything holding me down. I want to fly away free. I sit here today with my loose ends tied up, right here and right now. I feel good. I feel blessed. I feel old.” She reared back with hearty laughter and so did the rest of us. We sat for hours and listened to Mama Bella as she told us more stories about Jerry and his life. I was truly full of joy when we left her house late that night.
All and all I was satisfied with how things in our family turned out. Especially, the still being together part. God has been good to us and we definitely have a testimony to give.
Alex’s Epilogue
Starting Fresh
“Good-bye, Cali.” I sat back in my seat on a plane, waiting for the plane to take off. Ashley and I were headed back to Baltimore. Life pretty much went back to normal after all of that went down out here almost two years ago. Or as normal as it could get. Both Ashley and I graduated with our degrees in college and in life. Outside of my degree, I learned a lot about myself and life. I learned that when you go searching for things you really never know what you are going to get into. The people that I have met over the last few years have changed me in profound ways. I thought I was looking for a lost father, but I found out that what I was looking for I already had in me, as my newfound grandmother said:
“You are your father. You carry pieces of him with you and you didn’t even know it. I’m talking about the way you walk, the way you talk. You nosy as can be. Your father was quick-minded and so are you.” I smiled and looked on in amazement. I loved this lady and haven’t even known her that long.
She continued, “I know you told me that you were looking for his family for medical reasons, but I can tell you that you will get what you will get medically. God knows you can handle it and he got you whatever may come. I’m a witness, baby. God is good. He‘ll be good to you. Keep on living and you will see.”
I was so glad for each and every thing that happened here. The good, the bad and the downright ugly. I can say that I have seen some things and made it through it. When think about my biological grandfather, I wish that things didn’t turn out the way they did. But there is a season and a reason for everything. It may not seem right at the time, but one day it will. He seemed crazy, but I knew that there was a hurt man in there screaming for help, but too prideful to get help. Having secrets will do that to a person. Thinking we can fix everything, we hold it in until it festers and then we pass it on to our offspring unknowing. Loose ends are a mutha. You never know who you are affecting when you keeping quiet about your secrets. But we made it. The Black family made it. My sister was a prime example of what can happen with loose ends, but she too made it, with God’s help.
I watched as Ashley progressed into a new woman. Over the last two years Ashley and I became closer than ever. She had totally stopped having sex with women and had been on a few dates with some men. At first, it was hard to swallow, but I knew that if anybody could change a person, God could and Ashley was a proven witness of God’s abilit
y.
But before we left California we both had long private conversations with my grandmother and we were told not to discuss it with each other and that is a vow we both keep to this day. It was a stretch for my inquisitive self, but I did. Sadly, my grandmother passed away at the ripe age of seventy-two. We had only known her for two years but we would visit her often and she would tell us all about our father and how we were some much like him. She would cook us dinner and would watch some home movies she had of James. There were only a few and they were short in length, but I got a glimpse of James/Jerry, his father and mother, when he was very, very young. They looked like a happy family, but that was only in the few minutes we got to see it. No one knew the secrets lurking in the shadows, but we would all experience the backlash from them. We all would reach back and look at it and say, But God. But God. But God.
“But God, but God, but God.” I mumbled and smiled to myself as I looked out of the window next to me. Life has its ups and down, but I knew that all and all it would be all right. I would be all right. When I get off of the plane in Baltimore, I don’t know exactly what is going to happen or what I am going to do but I am sure going to make the best of it.
Wallace’s Epilogue
Alive and Well
I sat in my car and cried tears; tears of joy, tears of sorrow and tears of gladness. Today was the day that the sign for my restaurant was being put up. I was finally the owner of my own business. It wasn’t a dream anymore. It was now a reality. I sat in awe and watched as the workers put up each individual letter. It was an experience to remember.
“Park’s Place.” I smiled real hard. That was the name I named my restaurant. “This for you baby.” I looked up toward heaven and smiled even harder. I knew my baby was smiling down on me.