by Rene Folsom
“I don’t think that really matters. It’s not like I could stomach selling them,” I said, just the thought of profiting from this mess making me wince, my stomach twisting at the mere mention of it.
“Yet, you were seriously thinking of tossing them instead. Yeah, that’s brilliant,” he said sarcastically.
“Fine. Okay.” I tossed the controller down on the floor in front of me. “I won’t get rid of them. But if you find me reading one of them again, take the book and bludgeon me with it,” I said, my tone making it clear it wasn’t a request, but a demand. I might need to be saved from myself at some point in the near future, and I was counting on my best friend to do the job.
“Now you’re just being dramatic, Martha,” Thad said, picking our controllers back up and handing me mine. “Let’s play. I’m sick of sitting here listening to you whine.”
“You must really like getting your ass kicked,” I joked, bringing the screen back to life by pressing the start button, the sound of the game’s intro filling my speakers around us.
“It’s a sacrifice some of us have to make in order to stifle your obsessive monologue of whiney proportions,” he said, choosing Johnny Cage as his fighter in the game. “Plus, I plan on giving you a run for your money this time. You’ve challenged me way too many times. Now, I plan on wiping the floor with you.”
“Hah!” I bellowed. “Challenge accepted, asswipe. ALLONS-Y!”
Chapter Thirteen
Maci: Gold
Staring at myself in the mirror, I contemplated calling Sofie and telling her I was out. There was just no way I could force myself to be happy tonight—force myself to pretend everything was okay in my world. It wasn’t fair to my friends who only wanted to enjoy the night and have a good time.
My makeup was still in place from the photo shoot. I had no more tears to shed for the time being, so at least there was that. But that didn’t mean the floodgates wouldn’t suddenly open at a moment’s notice, forcing me into hiding again.
Grabbing my phone, I scrolled to our group message, The Fantastic Four, and clicked on the text box to start typing.
Maci: Dudes, I’m not up for going out tonight. Maybe some other time.
There, I felt better. I could just keep my date with a Solo cup full of wine and a nasty TV dinner—hell, it’d be more than I deserved after what I’d done.
My phone began to dance with several messages vibrating the hunk of plastic, causing a rattling noise against the bathroom counter. I thought about ignoring them. Just let them call me a bore for standing them up so they could go have a good time without me. Sam was really the only one who was usually on the outside of our group since she didn’t share many of our geeky hobbies, but they all still got along great without me—especially now that I was a total bum to be around.
Sky: The hell you are! Get your sorry ass out of bed and put some actual clothes on.
Sofie: Yeah, bum. We don’t want to see those ratty sweats again. I want sexy!
Samantha: I’m on my way to drag you out.
Sofie: Fuck that. We’re all on our way.
Sky: Yeah, so you better be ready.
Well, shit. They weren’t going to let this go. The only thing worse than being forced to pretend happiness was being ganged up on by all your friends and then being forced to smile.
Deciding to make a point, I ran into my bedroom and pulled out my sick sweats. I usually reserved these for when I was deathly ill and couldn’t care less about appearances. They were so comfy too, the sweatshirt sporting several holes in the neckline area and hanging off my shoulders like an exercise shirt from the eighties.
Stripping out of the outfit I wore for the photo shoot, I quickly donned the cotton sweats, mussing up my hair a bit in the process.
They weren’t going to force me to be presentable tonight, that was for damn sure.
I didn’t even bother taking my phone with me, leaving it on my bed as I nearly ran to the kitchen, pulling every bottle of booze I had from the cupboard and setting them all on the island counter with several thuds and clanks. I then grabbed a handful of Solo cups, lining them up in a row of four as a bartender would do when making an order of shots.
Now they’d know just how fucking serious I was.
Grabbing the bottle of Goldschläger, I watched the thin gold flecks float around as I tipped it a few times, mixing it up before twisting the lid off. It was my favorite shooter liquor, made of Swiss cinnamon schnapps that warmed my insides quickly. I usually only reserved it for when I really needed to get the job done, and fast.
Pouring about two fingers worth in each Solo, I stood and waited, the bottle in one hand and the cup in another. It was almost comical when I could hear their laughter and voices echoing in the lobby as they exited the elevator.
Thankfully, I didn’t care enough to lock the door when I came home.
Without even bothering to knock, Sky pushed her way through my front door, holding it open for Sofie and Sam to pass through. All three of my friends froze in place once they caught sight of me.
“Aw, hell, Maci,” Sky whined, her hands going immediately to her hips as she crossed the room. “We’ll do shots, but not while you’re dressed in your pity me sweats.”
I didn’t even bother responding with words. Instead, I slammed the bottle of Goldschläger down on the counter with a loud smack before downing all four cups of liquor in a row, one after another, after another, after another, until they were all gone.
I felt the buzz hit me immediately, my esophagus warming at a rapid pace as each one went down with a smooth roll. I hissed in a breath I didn’t know I was holding as the warmth turned to a burn, a good burn, one that told me I wouldn’t be lost in a pit of despair, at least for now. Once I woke in the morning, the stupor of liquor faded from my blood, that’d be different.
“Shit, woman!” Samantha cursed, rushing over to me to take the bottle from my reach. “That’s enough for you.”
“And that’s where your wrong,” I said, pointing my finger at her as the alcohol continued to buzz through me at a speedy pace. “A whole fucking bottle wouldn’t even be enough for me.”
“Balls,” Fie said, laughing as she took one of the solo cups from in front of me. “That’s what you’ve got, some motherfucking balls.” Sitting on a stool, she grabbed the bottle of Goldschläger from Sam and poured one for herself, wasting no time as she threw it down like a boss. “Damn, this shit is strong. Not sure how you stand the stuff,” she added with a wince and a cough, puckering her face while the schnapps glided its way smoothly to her stomach.
“There are sodas in the fridge if you pussies need a chaser,” I said, grabbing a beer and making my way to my comfy couch.
“Well, so much for our plan to kidnap her. I guess we’re staying in tonight after all,” Sofie said, pouring herself another shot before joining me in the living room.
“The hell we are!” Sky yelled while hauling her pixie ass to stand in front of me. “You talked me into going out. I didn’t get dressed up just to sit around here drinking like a bunch of old ladies with nowhere to go. I look fabulous and these new boots need some mileage, damn it!” Her rant was cute, especially when she posed as she said the last of it, twisting her legs to show off her new boots.
“Then go without me like I told you to,” I said, my voice calm as the alcohol continued to take me away. I felt fuzzy, nice, and it wouldn’t be long before I started saying stupid shit.
“Fuck that. I wanted to go out with you kickass ladies. Plus, Grandma over here said she’d be our DD,” Sky said, pointing to Samantha, who was already mixing herself a drink from my collection of booze on the counter, looking up at me like someone caught her with her hand in the cookie jar.
I couldn’t help but burst into laughter at just the thought of Sam holding her liquor. “Her idea of a DD is some Sunny-D with a double shot of vodka, yo.”
“Hey now,” she protested, plopping a straw into her Solo cup and slowly strolling to sit with
us in the living room. “I’m not that bad. Plus, tomorrow is Friday and I have a shit ton of editing deadlines. So, this is my one and only drink.” Raising her cup in the air, she pretended to salute us before sucking half the liquid through her straw and sighing with relief.
“Riiight,” I said, wiping the tears of laughter from my eyes.
“Well, I’m going to go raid your closet, Maci, and find something sexy for you to wear. We are so not staring at those goddamn sweats all night,” Sky reprimanded, her anger cute as she stomped toward my bedroom in her new boots.
“But I like my sweats. They’re comfy,” I whined, tugging at the worn fabric around my neck. I knew at this point, with the alcohol taking full effect, I really couldn’t care less what the hell she did to me. She could probably parade me around naked and I wouldn’t give a fuck.
The only thing I’d care about was being near Liam. It was the only thing that could possibly bring me down from my alcohol-induced high.
Idly, I wondered what he was doing tonight, the whole memory of our ordeal this morning spreading like vines in my mind. At the very least, I’d assume he was upset. Then again, he was probably talking himself into what a good thing I did to show my true colors now before we got too serious.
Of course, him declaring how much he loved me was pretty goddamn serious. I kept playing last night over and over again in my head. The look on his face when he told me he loved me would haunt me for the rest of my life. Finally, someone who actually loved me, and I wasn’t worthy of their love.
At least he found out just how disgraceful I was before it was too late.
“Hey there,” Sofie said, scooting closer to me and wrapping her arm around my shoulder. “None of that. Tonight will be a fun night. No pity party going on tonight.”
“Which is why I wanted to stay home and wallow in my own pit of despair, Fie,” I explained, taking another healthy swig of my beer. “I really just want to save myself from not having to put on a fake face tonight. It’s too exhausting.”
“You were just laughing a few minutes ago. I’m sure we can keep you entertained,” she said, flicking me on the cheek. “C’mon. We’ll go out for dinner at least. If you’re not having fun, we’ll bring you home.”
“God. Just the thought of food doesn’t seem to sit well with me right now,” I said with honesty. My stomach twisted in knots at the thought of putting something other than alcohol in my mouth.”
“When was the last time you ate?” she asked, curling her feet up underneath her ass as she faced me on the couch.
“Um, last night. Chinese with… him. I think.” My voice sounded much weaker than I intended. I knew she would likely yell at me for forgetting to feed myself today. I hated being treated like a child… then again, I was acting like one, so I guessed if the shoe fit.
“Yeah, you need to eat something. Even something small. Your choice.”
Before I could protest, Sky came bouncing back into the living room with an outfit draped over her arm. “And I struck gold!”
“No, I struck gold. And I just might need another shot of it once you’re done with me,” I said, referring to the Cinnamon Schnapps and wishing I didn’t have to walk all the way to the kitchen to take another swig.
“Nonsense. I always dress you well, and you know it.”
“Since when have I ever let you dress me, Sky?” I asked, standing up so she could have her way with me. To be honest, there was no reason for me to fight it. She was relentless enough to keep picking at me until I caved anyway.
“I don’t know, but still. This is going to be sexy. So shut up now and let me work my magic,” she said, pulling at the hem of my sweatshirt and yanking it over my head. Thank goodness I was still wearing the cute bra and panty set from earlier today.
“So bossy,” I joked.
Less than five minutes later, I was dressed to the nines. Sky chose one of my tight, purple sweater-dresses with a brown belt and matching boots. No matter how sexy I felt in this outfit, it wasn’t thrilling without Liam around to show it to.
But my friends were insistent on dragging me out. So, with a roll of my eyes, I followed, never lending to the conversation unless someone addressed me directly. There was no point really. My responses would just make them angry with my melancholy thoughts.
After dinner, Sky insisted we go dancing, which sounded like nothing but pure torture to me. But, still, I went along with it, wishing the night were over before it even began. It wasn’t until the song Nintendo came on—our song—that the tears started to pool in my eyes. Thankfully, none of the girls noticed as they bopped around on the floor enjoying the song.
It didn’t matter how much liquid courage Sofie put in my hands, I couldn’t quite get into letting go and having fun. Just the thought of it depressed me even more, my body feeling like it was on slow motion the entire night.
Sam was the first to bow out, work being her excuse to bail. Sky had been sucking face with some dude in the corner for God knows how long. If I had to be honest, I really did love spending time with my friends. They made me laugh even when I thought it was physically impossible. But right now, I just wanted to go home.
“Ready to get outta here?” Fie hollered over the loud music, startling me a bit since her voice came from behind the stool I was sitting in.
“Definitely!” For the first time in hours, I actually looked forward to something—my bed.
“Well, Sky said to leave her. Guess she’s getting pretty chummy with that dude over there,” Fie said with a nod to her head and a light chuckle.
“Yeah, she’s hooked up with him before. I guess they default to each other when they can’t find anyone else to bang. It won’t last, but at least she’ll have fun,” I said honestly, knowing Sky would rather just shack up with her familiar one-nighter anyway.
Once in the car, my ears began to ring, the adjustment from obnoxious noise to silence just too much for them to handle so quickly.
“You cool to drive?” I asked Sofie, worried she’d had too much to drink tonight.
“Yep, been drinking water for the past two hours now. You were just too sloshed to notice,” she said, buckling her seatbelt first before eyeing me with a stern your-turn expression.
“Now I feel bad,” I pouted.
“What? Why?”
“Because, I really wanted y’all to have a good time tonight. I knew bringing me would just ruin your fun.” My words were slurring a bit from the lackadaisical feel of the alcohol, but it didn’t bother me any. Fie probably found it quite comical, to be honest.
“Pfft, you worry too much. Plus, if I over-drink, I black out. So it’s best I lay off the sauce after a few.” I nodded, unsure of whether she saw me, but not caring enough to speak up. “Can I crash at your place tonight?”
“Sure, you know you’re always welcome. But why?” Why in the world would she want to spend more time with me when I was obviously proving to be nothing but a debbie-downer?
“You want me to be straight up with you, right? Or would you like the sweet answer that doesn’t point out how fucked up you are right now?” she asked, peeking over at me every few seconds to gauge my reaction.
I shrugged. “Straight up—always.”
“You’re messed in the head over this guy, and I don’t think you should be alone right now.” Her words were matter of fact, almost harshly so. I could feel the shame rising inside me, knowing I was seriously so damn transparent.
“Well, damn. That was pretty straight up,” I said, sitting up a tad straighter in the passenger seat of the car. I was always used to being so confident, and now I felt like a little child being scolded for staying out too late.
“Eh, I’m not good at sugar-coating things,” she said in a sickeningly sweet voice. Her tone was always so pleasant, she could be reading the phone book and you’d interpret it like a love letter.
“And that’s why you’re my friend,” I affirmed, pointing at her and slurring my words even more.
Pull
ing up to my apartment, I suddenly wished we could just sleep out in the car. Going all the way up seemed like way too much work.
Without saying a word, Sofie helped me out of the car and up to my apartment, stealing my key from my purse and unlocking the door.
It felt so good… so, so good… to finally be home. The place was a mess, but I didn’t care. It was my place, and I could live with the mess if I wanted to. However, I knew that I’d have to clean up the slew of alcohol I’d cluttered the counter with the night before. Of course, that could wait until tomorrow… or next year.
“I need food,” Fie blurted out, tying up her red hair in a ponytail as she made her way toward the kitchen. Pushing a few of the liquor bottles aside, she asked, “Got anything quick and easy to eat?”
I suddenly felt hungry when I thought of the contents in my freezer. “Toaster strudels!” I shouted.
“Oh, fuck yeah,” she cheered. “Hook me up, woman!”
Stripping off my boots and tossing them randomly around the room, I padded over to the fridge and pulled out a box of cream cheese toaster strudels, plopping the package on the counter next to the toaster oven.
“You do it, and make me some. I need to take a piss,” I deadpanned, not waiting for a response before I turned on my heel and walked away.
“So eloquent,” she said from behind me, laughing as she tore open the package.
Entering my bedroom, I tore off my sweater dress, tangling myself in the belt in the process. Talk about eloquence—that probably looked graceful.
Grabbing one of my favorite t-shirts that said Talk Nerdy to Me, I headed into the bathroom while slipping it over my head. What was it about alcohol that made people need to pee constantly? I swear I went probably ten times in the past hour alone, and it still seemed never-ending.
“Maci, your shit is ready!” Sofie yelled from the bedroom.
I wasn’t sure how long I was sitting on the toilet, the alcohol keeping me in a rather pleasant fog. If anything, tonight was somewhat therapeutic, making me forget what an asshole I was for a few seconds at least.