by Karen Jonson
Along with this Insider, there were hundreds of other people sharing information. Each revelation provided another brushstroke to the new picture I was formulating about the strange, twisted, and scary world in which I suddenly found myself.
“He (Kripalu) makes his disciples believe that he is no less than the Lord Krishna; and this sleeping with his female disciples is as similar as Lord Krishna's flirtations with thousands of Gopis! How do I say this? Because I was a part of this organization for a long time (5 yrs) and know quite a lot of the insides that remain hidden from the common eyes. The atmosphere there within is full of secrets that most people do not know about. I repeatedly used to see women go into his room during the resting period in the afternoon and at night; but it was justified as for massaging the master's feet!! It was when he tried to sexually exploit my OWN mother on one instance, that his past history was confirmed. I no longer believe in his path nor his organization. It is nothing more than mockery of true spiritualism… he is nothing more than a perverted sex-machine.”
— Anonymous, Guruphiliac.com, 30 May 2007
“Witnessing his ashrams similar to brothel house where most of the women have been sexually involved with their guru, I feel too ashamed to admit my awkward failure to be a pure Krishna devotee. Most of the men may not know the secret sexual encounters happening as it is seen from outside that these girls are simply doing their kitchen seva or domestic chores. But his personal female aides regularly arrange appointments for the ‘intimate seva of the guru.’ So not all male disciples (husbands, fathers or brothers) know what exactly is happening behind the closed doors of their guru.”
— JSR, Monsters & Critics, 7 June 2007
“He sexually abused me!! The didi’s take you in to do charan seva the night before he molests you. If he approves he requests to meet with you. You go in thinking he is an 85-year-old guru. You think of him as God. The didi’s let you in and close the door behind them. You are now his victim. You question he is 85, why can’t you just leave? You are stronger than him. The reason being: shock. As he does what he pleases you stand there in utter disbelief that someone you considered to be divine was trying to put his tongue down your mouth, touching you inappropriately, explaining it as an act of divinity. I can’t even tell you what he did because it is that inappropriate.”
— Anonymous, Big News Network, 22 June 2007
As I read comments like these for days on end, I felt like I was living in an altered universe. I was so overcome with shock and terror that, most days, my world felt as if it had tilted off its axis. Some days I wasn’t even sure that if I lifted one foot off of the ground, the world would still be underneath me when I set it back down.
The more I read, the more I wondered: Where in the hell am I?
61
Reading Between Their Lies
Grasping at Excuses
AS PEOPLE REVEALED MORE DISTURBING facts and exposed Maharaji’s criminal behavior, his supporters wrote comments defending him—ranging from uber-pious to the absurd.
These defenders seemed to have an answer for everything. Some said he didn’t do it. Some made excuses. Some said it was a “smear campaign” against Hindus in general or him in particular. Some said the “worldly” people could not understand his “divine actions.” Some claimed that all great saints who appeared on this Earth have to endure the slings and arrows of heathens.
On June 8th, “Crusader” accused those bringing Maharaji’s misdeeds to light as having ulterior motives on Topix:
“You dirty minds, plotting stories & trying to defame the 5th Original Jagadguru. I know those who have faith on him will never believe your story but still I would like to expose your identity and intentions. You people claim to be an insider or an associate of maharajji & now spreading all these nonsense as your personal gains (money, flesh & power) will not be fulfilled through his association. I am sure you were associated with him for your own personal (materialistic) gain not for spiritual gain.”
“Ramjee” wrote the following regarding the plight of all saints on Earth on Topix on June 9th:
“History bears evidence that Godly saints have always been misunderstood and maligned during their lifetime. This was the case with personalities such as Swami Dayanand, Chaitanya Mahaprabhu, Haridas, Soordas, Tulsidas, Kabirdas and Meera. The world did not recognise even Lord Jesus. Their divine reality was recognized only after they left the world. The Truth will be revealed in course of time.”
On June 11th, “Anonymous” had this to say about others judging Maharaji on Big News Network:
“So this tells us your agenda…You are trying to make sure that no one goes to Maharaj ji’s darshan. Who is putting you to this now? Remember that according to scriptures a Guru is assigned to the souls and when the soul is ready he will be found by his guru, so no matter what you do or say you can’t stop that from happening. This is like a layperson trying to judge a surgeon.”
Another commenter insisted on Guruphiliac on June 12th that, because Maharaji is divine, the entire incident is all one big leela (divine play).
“It surely is a nothing but leela of shree Maharaj Ji and he will be declared innocent pretty soon but this will happen as and when shree Maharaji wishes so because he only knows his leela. We can not reach to his level in hundreds of our life to understand what his leela is.”
When all else failed, “Anonymous” pleaded with devotees on Guruphiliac.com on July 25th to stop reading the revelations:
“WE all know who our Maharaj Ji is and by reading these mean things about him we are only hurting ourselves. We must think what would make our Maharaj Ji happy and it wouldnt be reading and corresponding with these people and this blog.”
What his supporters failed to realize was this simple fact: Kripalu’s dark secretive world had now been exposed to the bright light of day—and that could never be undone.
62
Thank God for the Internet
A Chink in the Gurus’ Armor
WHILE I WAS RAPIDLY LEARNING WHO EXACTLY Maharaji really was, I could not figure out how Swamiji fit into his whole secretive history of Maharaji.
I wondered what did Swamiji know about this man’s secret life? What role did he play, if any, in it? And why had he brought us to this man and claimed he was God incarnate?
Since he declared himself to be Maharaji’s “foremost devotee,” Swamiji should have been aware of these goings-on, and could not be completely innocent. Yet I wasn’t ready to accept that he, too, was not who he claimed to be. But among the revelations about Maharaji, were several surprises about Swamiji, as well. And slowly, with the help of anonymous comments and my own independent sleuthing, I gathered that Swamiji could only be one thing: Maharaji’s foremost co-conspirator.
I read the following comments and others with growing concern about the man I had left the world to follow:
“Barsana Dham swami Prakashanand also has so much anger and egoistic personality. He preaches to leave your family and ruined many good families we know.”
— Anonymous, Guruphiliac.com, 20 May 2007
“One day a mother with a baby was sitting next to him (Prakashanand) as he ate. The child fussed and cried, which irritated the Swami. After his meals, the Swami gargled with water, and spat the water out on the baby’s face (the Swami is a very angry man with little self control)! This is the level and status of this organization. The devotees just thought that he is ‘gracing’ the child!”
— Anonymous, Guruphiliac.com, 26 June 2007
“Swami Prakashanand also claims to have been offered the seat of Shankaracharya! Another spurious claim! My God, but the lies and distortions are mind blowing! I will address this particular false claim some other time.”
— Unregistered, Big News Network, 4 August 2007
As I learned more about these two men, I remembered a curious event from the past. In the mid-1990s, a devotee described the then-burgeoning Internet phenomenon to Swamiji. He seemed upset by the idea of a worldw
ide communication system. The more he heard, the more upset he got. He kept shaking his head and said: “It’s just a passing fad.” Had Swamiji’s irritation masked a concern that someday his and Maharaji’s ugly secrets would be exposed? In the past, they could be pretty sure that what happened in India stayed in India. After all, when they started their organization in the 1950s, there wasn’t even reliable phone service in India, let alone a worldwide information exchange system.
As it turned out, the Internet proved to be a critical chink in their decades-old armor.
63
Down the Rabbit Hole
Wonderland Implodes
I DIDN’T KNOW WHAT “cognitive dissonance” meant until I was suffering from it.
According to Wikipedia, cognitive dissonance is “the uncomfortable tension that may result from having two conflicting thoughts at the same time or engaging in behavior that conflicts with one’s beliefs.” The concept was proposed by social psychologist Leon Festinger in 1957 in his book about a cult, When Prophesy Fails. In it, he described the counter-intuitive beliefs the members of a UFO doomsday cult had when aliens did not destroy Earth on the day prophesied by their leader.
Despite the failed prophecy, members continued to proselytize their faith. According to Festinger, the disconfirmed expectancy increased dissonance between the members’ cognitions. Most members lessened their discomfort by accepting a new prophecy—that the aliens had spared the planet for the sake of the cult members.
Similarly, many Barsana Dham devotees who heard about Maharaji’s bedroom activities assimilated this new information into their existing belief system. One of the new, openly spoken beliefs was this: Just as Krishna “makes love” to the gopis in the divine world, Maharaji behaves lustily with women on Earth.
However, this new concept clashed with our original teaching. Swamiji had told us that Krishna was pure and divine, and above worldly lust. Swamiji even got angry once when a devotee inquired about Krishna’s divine intimate activities with gopis. “Divine love is nothing like worldly lust,” he had growled.
Clearly, that view was no longer convenient. People knew that Maharaji was getting it on with women, many of who apparently consented. Comparing him to the amorous Lord Krishna seemed to be the best solution. It wasn’t that I didn’t want to believe the new spiritual fantasy. In fact, nobody could have wanted to believe it more than I did, for I had given up my life (some would say the best years of my life) for this spiritual path. However, unlike so many others, I could not pretend away the facts.
In an attempt to process my pain and try to make sense of the new reality, I began writing a journal one month after learning the truth. The act of writing down my observations, feelings, and experiences turned out to be an important step in healing. Plus, it gave me the idea for writing this book. My first journal entry on 20 June 2007 spoke to my discordant pain:
“All I’ve wanted my whole life was to find God. Now I think I’ve found the Devil. If my spiritual teacher is right, he has guided me to the living form of the highest possible manifestation of God. If the world is right, I’ve been following the teachings of one of the wickedest men on Earth. Sixteen years and one month ago today, I was sure that I had finally found the one true spiritual path that would lead me, finally, to God. Now I don’t know what the hell I’ve actually found.”
My next entry on July 3rd continues to show the utter shock and horror that I was living in during the weeks following my realization of the truth about Maharaji.
“Oh God!! I feel so sick, so heart sick. Please wake me up from this nightmare. What am I to believe? On the one hand, people say Maharaji is your very form on Earth, here to lead us to your highest, most intimate abode - with Radha-Krishna. But on the other hand, he spends many hours each day alone with women doing the most intimate worldly sexual acts. Can this really be your leelas being performed on this Earth, as they say?
“I feel you deep inside of me, in the furthest reaches of my mind, telling me to continue on remembering you. No matter what the external circumstances of my life are, perhaps you will still lift me out of this world some time soon and take me into your arms and finally, finally, let me drown in my one true eternal love. Please give me inner strength and guidance, for I fear that there is no pure guidance for me here on the Earth in the form or shape of any man.”
On July 12th, my pain and confusion grew worse. I implored God to give me answers and help guide me:
“Oh Lord! Where am I? What in the world have I done to deserve this life? I am facing two very different, but equally unbelievable situations. And I can’t make sense of either one. I can’t find the answer. I don’t know the truth. Either you have guided me to the most amazing incarnation of your highest form ever to grace this planet. Or I have landed in the center of one of the many Hindu cults operating in the world today. You yourself must admit that this is a very precarious dilemma, to which I can only apply my head, because my heart is broken - no matter which situation is true. In the first situation, others (but not me) have supposedly been intimately embraced by you in the form of this guru. In the second situation, I’ve been duped by an organization devoted, not to God as they claim, but to ego, money, and very worldly sex. Have I completely wasted my life?”
For months, I could only feel despair at the thought that my devotional dream world was destroyed. So acute was my pain that I wondered how I could keep living. When I tried to envision a new life for myself beyond the ashram gates, I felt fearful of the world I had left behind—the one that we had been told repeatedly was dark, ugly, and full of pain.
But I could not imagine a darker, more ugly, or more painful existence than the one I was living.
64
Maharaji Returns
Without a Hero’s Welcome
AFTER HIS ARREST, Maharaji’s much-diminished “world tour” had shrank even more—now Canada was off the schedule, too.
Originally, he had planned to go to Canada for a couple of weeks after visiting Trinidad, but that plan was shelved. It’s not like he had been welcomed there in the first place. The Canadian Consulate in India would not give him or his crew visas, because of his other outstanding rape charges. Someone reported that they called his followers “Kripalu’s Kookoos.” However, before the Trinidad incident, one of Swamiji’s Polish devotees had connections and somehow worked the system and secured Canadian visas for Maharaji, his family, and his servants.
I was sitting in Swamiji’s sitting room when the Polish devotee told Maharaji what he was going to do, with someone trying to translate his English into Hindi. Maharaji could not understand the explanation of the process involved and finally he said, “Okay, okay, do whatever you need to do.” Three days later the man returned. When he walked in the sitting room, Maharaji was all smiles. He said to us all: “He has done a very great seva.” Everyone cheered. But when Maharaji was arrested all bets were off. Canada changed its mind.
However, Barsana Dham was the one place in the Western world where Maharaji was always ensured admittance—and that’s where he returned for two-and-a-half weeks before heading home to India. His re-entry into Austin in late June was a cloak-and-dagger opeation—very different from when he arrived in early April at the Austin airport in broad daylight and was greeted at Barsana Dham with a parade. This time his family split up into two groups—one flew out of Trinidad to Dallas and the other flew to Houston. They both landed in the middle of the night and were driven from those cities into Austin by devotees.
Just before he returned, several hurried changes were made in the ashram. The closet full of his special sheets was reduced by half and the perfume and lotion bottles were removed. A small room near his bedroom was converted into a makeshift bedroom for Swamiji. And the Mercedes that transported Maharaji from Dallas to Austin was fitted with curtains.
Immediately upon his arrival, Maharaji kicked the seva machine into high gear, through aggressive debt collection and by offering enticing new and expensive seva oppo
rtunities, such as speedboat rides and photos with him in the shrine (a place rarely photographed). Before he’d left for Trinidad, we’d been told we could pay off our seva debt in one year. But when he returned, a preacher announced in the prayer hall every day that devotees had to pay whatever seva they could right away—preferably at least one-half of what we owed and preferably in cash.
Devotees were reminded that there was an ATM machine available right outside the temple doors. One day when the machine broke, it was repaired at lightning speed. At the very next satsang the preacher announced the news: “The ATM machine is now working.”
Other curiosities took place upon Maharaji’s inglorious return to Barsana Dham. The ashram security guard started sleeping on the floor outside of Maharaji’s bedroom door every night; and men were brought into his room every day to do the charan seva, while women were excluded.
But that modification to the schedule was short-lived—by the end of the first week, women were once again being secreted into Maharaji’s bedroom several times a day.
65
Follow the Money
A Mysterious Trip to Trinidad
I READ SOMEWHERE THAT IN MOST corrupt countries court cases are decided before anyone even steps into the courtroom.
The circumstances surrounding the Trinidad incident certainly made me wonder if something underhanded had saved Maharaji from prosecution. Among other things, Swamiji took a mysterious trip to Trinidad the week before Maharaji got off on his rape charge. The timetable of the entire incident went like this:
On July 4th, Maharaji was driven from Austin to Dallas in the middle of the night, where he departed on a plane for Trinidad.
On July 5th, Swamiji called a meeting of his well-off devotees and told them Maharaji was too old to withstand a trial. He requested cash. The purpose of the funds was implied rather than stated