“I’m not sure I can do this. This place means so much to you…”
“Liv.” He brought his hands to my face and forced my gaze to meet his. “Listen to me. It’s a floor. It will see wear and tear. It’ll get dirty. The paint will chip. And one day, a long time from now, maybe it will be painted fresh. Today, I want you to make it yours. Give yourself permission to do this…for me.”
I wanted to say yes, even as I doubted my ability to do what he was asking. I wanted to thank him for caring enough to see the empty place where creating used to fill me up and make me whole. But my throat was tight with emotion and I couldn’t speak, so I nodded and swallowed hard.
“Blue.” He pointed to the brush and then to the waiting blue paint.
Brush in hand, I knelt on the concrete. The floor was cool on my knees where my ripped jeans didn’t cover. He’d told me dress in clothes that I could get dirty, and now I knew why.
I took a few deep breaths, trying to catch the ideas floating across my mind. Lines and colors. Shapes and feelings. I pushed the paint tins out of the way so I could focus on the center, which seemed like the best place to start.
Ian’s steps moved away from me, and a second later, I jumped at the sound of music echoing off the walls. Loud rock filled the space. At the workbench, Ian stood beside a stereo.
“Okay?” he shouted over the music.
I smiled broadly, happiness bubbling up inside me. “It’s good.”
Returning my focus to the center, I dipped the brush into the paint, all the way to the metal, and pulled it back. A solid cyan coated it. The music was loud enough to silence the little voice in my head that tried to tell me I couldn’t possibly do this. Not after so long.
Instead, I thought in visuals. This place had meant pain for Ian for so long, so I searched for happiness and found a sliver of memory.
The ocean and long summer days at the beach with my brothers. Those few days every year as a child when everything felt perfectly right. Salt on my skin, laughing and exploring the shore. My mom’s smile was warmer than the sun, and my dad’s time was only ours. Everything around the memory blurred, growing darker when I started to think about how we’d grown apart in the years since. I returned to the happy memory. It was decidedly blue.
The first stroke was emotion—raw and unafraid. That thick wash of blue invited more. More colors, uneven lines, mistakes, and feelings that only had one outlet. I took the rest of the brushes out of their packages to see what I had to work with. I pulled my hair into a messy knot on top of my head and returned to mix up a soft gray—early morning clouds that hovered above the water.
The music played, and the world disappeared. The once daunting canvas beneath my feet disappeared bit by bit, under an ocean of memory. I felt Ian’s gaze on me at times, but when my focus broke, I found him sifting through boxes of broken glass at his father’s workbench, seemingly adrift in his own creative magic.
I lost time. I had no idea how many minutes or hours had passed, but eventually my back and hand began to ache. I sat back on my heels and rolled my shoulders. I couldn’t finish tonight, but I had definitely left my mark. The design had worked out from the center, layers of color, uneven rings, and diversions. Seagulls cut through the waves of blue. Sand melted into the waves and clouds. Next time I’d bring out the sun.
I cocked my head, strumming with energy and unexpectedly pleased with the results. The painting was abstract but bright and vivid. Folding my happy memory into the piece for Ian to gaze upon felt right. I hoped I’d given him a measure of what he wanted to add to the space.
“That’s awesome.” Ian stood behind me a few paces, his focus fixed on my design.
I smiled broadly, pride beaming out of every pore. “You really like it?”
He nodded with a sweet grin. “I love it, Liv. Why the hell did you stop painting?”
I drew in a deep breath. Then I let it go the same way I’d let go of the fear that had held me back for so long. “I guess whatever made me stop is in the past now. If I weren’t so sore right now, I’d keep going. I feel like I could go all night.”
When I glanced back at Ian, a familiar heat darkened his eyes. His lips curved up into a wicked grin. “I can go all night if you can.”
A rush of desire surged between my thighs and made my breasts tight and heavy. “Ian…”
He held out his hand and I took it, rising as he lifted me against him.
“I’m a mess,” I murmured.
But he didn’t seem to care as he crashed his lips against mine. I moaned and melted into him. That familiar frenzy worked its way through me. It tingled along my limbs and exploded at my core, making me want him with a fierceness that made me question my own sanity.
“Let’s go home,” I said, desperate to get a bed under us.
“No. Here. I can’t wait.”
My gaze flickered up to his. “Are you sure?”
He nodded. “Dad always wanted me to bring a girl home to meet the family. Here you are. Close enough.”
I smiled, and he tugged my shirt and bra off, giving my nipples a teasing pinch. He knelt down, undid my jeans and pulled them to my feet. He kissed my thighs and belly on his way back up. When he stood before me, he sifted his fingers through my hair, angling me to meet his molten gaze.
“And every time I walk in here, I want to remember this moment. The war you won inside yourself. How perfect you feel in my arms…all around me.”
Tying me even further to this place that held such importance in his world felt dangerous, but I was too high on Ian and this perfect night to say no. He stepped away to unzip a duffle bag in the corner of the room. He pulled out a thick blanket and laid it on the floor. I went to him, my body flushed with heat, my heart skipping every other beat in his presence.
As he stripped, I lay down on the blanket and waited for him, enjoying the view a little more with each passing second. The man’s body would make sculptors weep. When he came to me, he wasted no time divesting me of my panties and burying his gorgeous face between my legs. I gasped, unprepared for his savage hunger. He nudged my thighs wider.
“Open up for me. I want to see every inch of you, baby.”
I obeyed, and in seconds, his velvet tongue against my sensitive tissues had me riding the edge of an orgasm. The hint of teeth against my clit pushed me over. I arched higher, and my cries echoed off the studio walls. As I came down, he lifted away and rolled on a condom. Sated as I might have been, I was counting down the seconds until he was inside me.
He moved up my body and took my mouth in a fevered kiss. My taste lingered on his lips, mingling with his as we devoured each other. Our tongues dueled, chasing and tasting. I held him to me, touching and tugging. Suddenly he couldn’t be close enough. When he pulled away enough to look into my eyes, his were hooded with lust and soft with emotion.
“I don’t know how to say it. It sounds crazy…but I want to love you, Liv,” he whispered roughly, like the words hurt to say. He closed his eyes and swallowed. “I’m not sure I know how.”
My heart twisted painfully in my chest, like a tornado of emotion powering through me. I wanted to love him too. Every cell in my body wanted that. My mind shouted yes.
I couldn’t deny him something I wanted so badly too. I cradled his face in my palms, accepting the fall where a different me would have fought it. I gazed into those captivating gray eyes and let myself feel it all.
I brushed my fingertips over his full parted lips. “You’re loving me right now.”
A wordless moment passed between us. I grazed my touch down his chest, floating over the hard ridges of his abdomen, until I reached his cock. I positioned him against my slit and moved my hips to urge him to me.
Taking my lead, he began moving into me slowly. His heated gaze held mine. I stretched around his thick penetration. He tunneled deeper and claimed more of me as I savored the sensual glide of our bodies becoming one. With every inch gained, he retreated fully before sliding into me again. The
maddening rhythm ensured I was ready for everything he gave me.
With one hand, he held his weight above me. He slid the other under my lower back, protecting me from the hard floor. I lifted my hips into his careful thrusts, desperate for the pinnacle moment when we joined completely.
“This is more than sex, Liv. Tell me you know that.”
I gripped his shoulder tightly. “I know.”
The sex was unmatched, but he was right. We’d crossed over into something that meant so much more. Because it did, I was quickly losing my mind to the intensity of the moment.
“You feel so good…” I closed my eyes, the buzz of our closeness lighting up under my skin everywhere we touched.
When I opened them, he brushed his lips over mine tenderly, filling my lungs with his smoky scent.
“I could stay inside you for hours, baby.” His muscles bunched and flexed as he buried himself inside me completely with a shaky sigh. “Fucking you… Christ, it’s better than anything I’ve ever experienced. Can’t wait to feel you come apart around me. I want to take you there, over and over again.”
I gasped at the feel of him reaching the deepest part of me.
His rhythm picked up. My walls clamped down around him, adding an intense friction to every invasion. I clawed at his tight skin, wild with the sensations rocketing through me. A frenetic heat skittered over my skin and pulsed heavy at my core. I craved more the way I craved the release that would bring it all to an end.
“Ian!” I trembled beneath him, anchored by his powerful drives.
Banding an arm around my hips, he fucked me harder and at an angle that sent me into orbit. Colors flashed behind my eyes. Seizing around his cock, I screamed the air from my lungs and clung to him through the powerful release.
He slowed his undulations as I came down, but he was still thick and hard inside me.
“Did you come?” I asked breathlessly.
His lips curved up into a wicked smile. “Not yet, baby. I want to see if I can make you scream my name a few more times. Can you take it?”
He flexed inside me, putting pressure on the place inside that threatened to make me come on the spot. I bit my lip, aching for the stroke of his cock against that spot, again and again.
I nodded with a breathy sigh. “Yeah. Definitely.”
The lights buzzed and flickered above us. I rolled to my side, molding myself against Ian’s warm body. His eyes were closed, and one muscled arm rested over his forehead.
I was still reeling—from the multiple orgasms, and even more from the way I was falling hard for him. My heart hurt when I thought that maybe the affection I felt for him could be totally one-sided. Then I thought about his words…that he wanted to love me. He was too smart, too seasoned with women and protecting his heart to say something like that without meaning it.
I was falling for Ian too, but how could I love him with half my heart?
Will knew I was meeting Ian tonight, but that didn’t allay the sliver of guilt that took root. Still, Will had pushed for this. We’d all walked into it with our eyes open.
Didn’t change the fact that every time we were together felt like a free fall into feelings I wasn’t completely ready for.
I drew circles on Ian’s chest, marveling at how far we’d come in such a short time.
He moved his arm and looked over to me. “What are you thinking about, baby?”
I exhaled deeply and followed my thoughts to the last time we’d been together. The night had ended in Will’s bed, only because Ian had left. I hadn’t mentioned it, but his absence had bothered me more than I wanted to admit.
I released the frown I was holding and sighed. The rules were changing at every turn, and Ian’s absence right now, after what we’d just shared, would gut me.
“The last time we were together…you left. I wasn’t sure what to think about that.”
“I figured Will wanted his time with you. That’s all. My schedule is a mess with work. Most nights I don’t sleep really well, so I usually go out. I go for a walk or grab a drink before I turn in.”
I was silent a moment. His reasons were sound, but that didn’t change that I wanted to be close to him.
“Did it bother you?”
I shrugged. “I guess I felt a little vulnerable after what we did. I didn’t know what to expect. Now I do.”
He turned to his side, facing me with his head propped on his elbow. “I’ll stay next time. I like this—being close to you, touching you.” He captured my nipple between his fingertips, teasing the hard tip before cupping my breast gently.
His tender touch threatened to rev me up all over again. The few guys I’d been with in the past were always once and done. Will had turned that expectation on its head, challenging my stamina while more than proving his own. I had a feeling Ian wasn’t much different, and a part of me wanted to find out.
“I care about you, Liv. Never doubt that,” he said, his eyes turning serious. “Will does too. You’re important. What we have here, it’s important to both of us.”
“I know. I guess I’m still trying to wrap my head around everything that’s happening with us.”
With the return to coherent thought, I was thrust into the odd reality that I was sleeping with two men. Two very different men. The way they carried themselves, the way they smelled and fucked and talked was uniquely them. They shared an apartment, a passion for unbridled sex, and me.
Ian brought his hand to my chin and lifted my gaze to his. “I want you to be happy, Liv. You just have to tell me what you want, okay?”
My chest tightened. “You seem to already know.”
Tonight had been amazing in so many ways.
“Ian, you don’t know what tonight means to me.” I swallowed over the emotion rising to the surface again. “I can’t explain it. It’s been so long since I’ve painted. Losing that part of my life has been kind of devastating. You’re the first person who’s ever noticed anything was missing.”
He held my gaze for a moment. “I know what it’s like to live with that kind of emptiness. I don’t want that for you. You’re talented, truly. It’s a goddamn crime if you let anything stop you.”
Tears stung my eyes. I hid them by nuzzling into his shoulder. His strong arms came around me like they belonged there. I settled against him with a shaky sigh, feeling grateful and safe and cherished all at once. He held me tight, his strength surrounding me as silence stretched between us.
We lay that way, entwined and lazily caressing each other as the seconds turned to minutes. I traced the jagged edges of his tattoo. After a moment, he caught my hand and brought my fingertips to his lips, gently kissing them.
“Tell me about your dad,” I whispered.
He turned his stare to the ceiling, his expression becoming taut. “I don’t really like talking about it.”
I let our fingers slide together and rest on his chest, under his heartbeat, strong and steady. “Is that why you don’t let yourself get close to people?”
He was silent a moment, and I worried that I was pushing too far.
“Maybe,” he finally said. “I trust you, Liv. It just hurts. I want to be stronger than the grief, you know? It’s not easy to show that side of myself to someone else. Especially someone I want to be strong for.”
I lifted up on my elbow and stared down into his beautiful eyes. I stroked down his nose and over his full lips before kissing him.
“I know you’re strong,” I whispered against him. “And I think sometimes allowing yourself to feel it all makes you even stronger, even if it hurts. You don’t need to prove anything to me.”
His features were pinched with doubt. I didn’t want to push him. Whatever was eating at him had been festering for a long time. If he wanted to tell me about it, he would. I lowered again, relaxing against his chest.
His voice was low, tight with emotion as he began to speak. “My parents were crazy about each other.”
I held my breath, waiting for him to continue
. He stroked his fingers through mine rhythmically.
“They had to be to have five kids together and still be as in love as they were at the end. They were inseparable. We were all close. Things weren’t always easy. We struggled sometimes, but we always had each other. I grew up knowing, without a doubt, that we could get through anything together. My sisters and I grew up, and we did the usual things. Family dinners and holidays, but the past couple years my dad started getting really worn down. We noticed but didn’t think much of it. Figured he was just getting older and slowing down a bit. Then he collapsed one day when we were doing a job. The ambulance rushed him to the hospital. He died a few days later. I watched him take his last breaths.”
His grief seemed to permeate my skin, tugging painfully at my heart. “What happened?”
He exhaled a shaky breath. “Cancer. We found out that he’d visited the doctor a couple years earlier. They’d detected it then, but he denied any treatment. He didn’t think it was worth the fight.” He squeezed his eyes closed and pinched the bridge of his nose with a sigh. “Felt like someone cut something out of me.”
I wrapped my arms around his torso and held him tight. I listened to the sound of his heart and his breathing. I couldn’t imagine losing a parent, even as strained as our relationships were at times.
“I wasted so much time, Liv. I’m angry because he let me waste it. I’m angry because he didn’t fight to keep our family together longer.”
“He doesn’t want you to be angry,” I whispered.
He held me a little tighter. “I know. I want to let it go, but it’s so fucking hard.”
I kissed his chest and gazed up at him. “Think about the love he had for you, all the love he created with your family. Don’t let your anger ruin that amazing gift.”
He shook his head, his jaw tight. “It’s so much easier to be pissed off.”
“You need to let it go, Ian, if you want to make room for the good things he’d want for you.”
“Like what?” His voice was barely a whisper.
I trailed my lips over his torso and along the ink that marked his pain. “Like love.”
Over the Edge: The Bridge Series: Book Three Page 13