“That’s strong,” Grandma commented. “But delicious.”
“Really gets you going,” Grandpa added. “Just the start we need for a late night.”
I agreed and sipped my own espresso. I could probably drink coffee twenty-four-seven and never get tired of it. It was beyond a morning pick me up for me. Java practically flowed in my veins. I drank it just to stay conscious.
I peeked over the top of my mug at my father, thinking of asking about Jason. Had he left already?
Dad finished his coffee and set the cup down. “We’re going out to dinner before the play. Thompson’s.”
Thompson’s was Dad’s favorite steakhouse, a plain and simple place near the highway. Claire called it an old person’s restaurant. I had to agree with her on that one, but — for the record — they did filet a mean tenderloin.
“Sounds good,” I said. “When are you leaving?”
Dad grinned. “Your mom’s picking us up here in a couple minutes.”
“Oh. That soon?”
“Are you busy? Aren’t you closing early tonight?”
“Not tonight,” I said, but then realized I didn’t really have any reason to stay. Matt was completely capable of closing the shop himself. There really wasn’t any point in me sticking around much longer.
“Come on, Gwenie,” Grandma said, using the nickname she’d given me when I was a baby. “You need to eat.”
I didn’t have the heart to disappoint her. “I can come.” I smiled in response to the one that spread large on her face.
“You’ll have to drive,” my dad announced. “The car is full.”
“That’s fine.”
Someone’s phone buzzed and my dad pulled his from his back pocket to look at the screen. “They’re here,” he announced.
“Go ahead. I’ll be there soon as I can.”
I watched them go through the front door, then turned for the bar, meaning to do one more sweep of the place before heading out.
By the time I was bundled in my coat and slinging my purse over my shoulder, I felt infinitely better. I was doing my hardest not to think of Jason, and it was mostly working. The fact that I would likely never see him again helped. It stopped me from wondering if maybe there could have been a way for us to come to a place of peace. The way that thinking went, maybe if we both had somehow kept our cool and fought the attraction we might have gotten to know each other better. Then, when I visited Claire the next time in New York, we could have hung out. Maybe eventually, we would have both come to the place where we could have been able to date again, and therefore, begun seeing each other. The “maybes” only went on from there, leading to visions of us falling in love and taking summer trips to the beach together.
It was an awfully weird daydream, especially considering I didn’t even like the guy. He had dealt with his attraction to me in an aggressive way, then basically accused me of not caring about my family. He didn’t exactly possess the personality type I was looking to fall in love with.
I shook my head as I climbed into my car. It was just hormones making me so crazy. Jason Adler was not the guy I needed to be fantasizing about dating.
It’s because you’re sex starved.
It was so, so true. My need to get laid was literally beginning to warp my brain.
The parking lot at the steakhouse wasn’t half full yet, since dinner had barely begun. I parked in the corner and headed inside. Before I even got to the hostess stand, I spotted my family sitting at a round table in the middle of the room.
I waved and advanced… and then stopped, narrowly avoiding bumping into a passing waiter carrying a large tray. The head count was right. There were six people at the table. But instead of Danny there was… Jason.
He hadn’t left after all.
That, or there was a giant blizzard I didn’t know about in New York barring all flights.
Slowly, I walked to the table and took the last empty seat, in between Claire and Grandpa. I leaned around my grandfather to look at Jason, but he avoided my eyes.
You should be ashamed, I thought bitterly. He’d put on quite a scene the night before, saying he was flying out the next day and then storming out of the shop. So what had the tantrum really been about? Had he just been trying to make me feel bad?
I clenched my teeth and pressed my hands tight against my thighs. That wasn’t happening. This was my territory, and no strange man was going to just walk in here and make me feel like an awful person without there being consequences.
“Gwen, how was work?” my mother asked from across the table.
I faked a smile. “Good.”
“Bet you’ll be glad to have a break,” my grandmother commented.
“Yeah,” I lied, not willing to admit the idea of being away from Freddy’s for even a day terrified me. “Where’s Danny?”
My dad spoke up. “He’s eating at the theater. They’re ordering pizza or something before they get ready for the show.”
“Oh.” I glanced at Claire, but her nose was in the menu.
My dad rested his arms on the table and looked at Jason. “Back to the zoning…”
And so commenced a conversation I had literally zero interest in. I kept my menu closed, already knowing what I was going to order. Instead, I stared at Jason, silently willing him to look at me and admit he was a lying asshole.
He never did, though. In fact, he somehow managed to never once turn his face to mine.
I rarely spoke the whole meal, mostly just answering questions when they were asked. After our plates arrived, Grandpa looked at Jason and commented on how well he seemed to fit in with our family.
Irritation sparked in my chest and then flared all the way to each finger and toe. Randomly, my eyes fell on Claire. She was looking at Jason and smiling. Her eyes turned to mine and, abruptly, the smile disappeared. Her eyes fell to her plate.
Something was going on with her.
My stomach rolled. Oh My God. Does Claire have the hots for Jason?
The restaurant walls began to spin. I swallowed hard, trying not to vomit. Had Claire broken an unwritten pact of sisterhood and lied to me when she told me she didn’t lust after Jason? And worse still, if she did like him, did he return those feelings? Had he been lying when he said he couldn’t deal with women?
Maybe the truth was simpler than I’d thought it to be. Jason and Claire were in love with each other and trying to hide it. From others and probably each other. My initial suspicions on the night I picked them up from the airport had been right!
Or maybe Claire was the only one in love. Jason had hit on me, after all, which isn’t exactly something a man in love with another woman does outside of the movies. So perhaps he was just banging her… which made hitting on her younger sister easy… until he became afraid of getting caught and had to back out of that avenue really quick.
It was a long and slightly twisted theory, but it made sense.
It also made bright red spots appear in my line of sight. I’d been a fool. Perhaps Claire had as well. I took a deep breath and glanced back at her. I couldn’t really blame her for getting played. I hadn’t been entirely able to resist Jason’s charms either.
Yes, that was it. My sister needed saving.
Jason picked up the check, which pissed me off to the highest degree. It was almost as if he was desperately trying to prove his worth to the family.
It made me sick.
“Claire,” I said, when we were all standing up to head for the theater. “Ride with me.”
“I don’t know,” she said, looking at me as though I might be packing a loaded gun. “I kind of like riding in Mom’s car. I don’t get carsick in it.”
My mom spoke up, just like I could count on her to. “Oh, honey, ride with your sister. You only get carsick in back seats. Grandpa needs the front in mine to stretch his legs.”
Claire’s lips drew into a thin line. Her annoyance at me was nearly palpable. “Okay,” she said, the word thin and strained.
&n
bsp; We filed out towards the parking lot, with me making an effort to put as much space between Jason and myself as possible.
As soon as Claire and I were in my car, I turned to her. “You’re fucking him.”
Her eyes went wide. “What? Who?”
I rolled my eyes. “Seriously, Claire? Grandpa,” I sarcastically snapped.
“That’s disgusting and not funny.”
“Jason,” I practically shrieked. “The only man around here we’re not related to!”
Across the parking lot, the guy in mention climbed into Mom’s SUV, his jeans stretched tight across his ass. It was a damn crime for a man like him to be so hot.
“Are you losing your freaking mind?” Claire asked.
I looked back at her.
“Look at you.” She gestured at Mom’s car. “You’re staring at him right now, even as you’re accusing me of screwing him.”
I crossed my arms, half to keep myself in check. I had a bad habit of throwing things when I got really pissed off. The only loose object in the car at the moment was a travel mug half full of cold coffee from the day before. I’d had to work to get coffee stains out of the seats before and, believe me, it’s no easy task so not happening now.
“I saw the way you were looking at him in the restaurant,” I said.
She barked a laughed. “Gwen, I wasn’t looking at him in any particular way. You’re projecting right now. Do you not understand that? You’re the one that’s into him. Denial anyone?”
“I think I know lust when I see it. Tell me the truth, Claire.”
She turned to face me straight on, her eyes leveled with mine. “I’ll tell you the truth if you promise to do the same with me.”
I hesitated. This was what I’d wanted and yet I was terrified. I swallowed hard and forced myself to speak. “All right.”
“I… am… not… screwing… him. Nor have I ever. Okay?”
She stared intently at me. Slowly, the muscles in my tense neck released and I uncrossed my arms. “You promise?”
She lifted two fingers. “I swear to God.”
I let out a shuddering sigh. “Okay.”
“Now you tell me the truth.”
I glanced across the parking lot. The others had already left. “We kissed. I err… kissed him.”
“That’s all?”
I looked back at her. “You’re not surprised?”
“Hell no, I’m not surprised.”
I nibbled at my lip. “Everything feels so messed up. I don’t even know what’s going on.” I dropped my face into my hands.
“Inside of you or in the world?”
“Both,” I moaned.
“You’re falling for Jason.”
I peeked at her through my fingers. “But he’s so…” I looked for the right words.
“He’s so like you,” Claire finished. “So if a part of you can’t stand him, that’s probably why.”
She didn’t know how close I came to hitting her. Instead, I exhaled. “How do you know that?”
“Trust me. I know both of you fairly well. Also, I can see what’s going on. Honestly, I’m really surprised you guys haven’t had sex yet. It’s only a matter of time.”
I groaned. “Don’t say that. And don’t say that I’m like him. He’s a liar!”
“Huh?”
“He told me last night that he was going to leave. He realized that he doesn’t have any right to be here, butting into our family affairs.”
Claire’s eyes rolled. “Oh, Jesus Christ, Gwen.”
“It’s Christmas. Don’t curse.”
“Whatever, Mom,” she snapped. “Gwen Lawrence, you sound like you’re going absolutely crazy.”
I didn’t know what to say. I’d already suspected as much. Hearing someone else confirm my fears sucked.
“He’s not butting into anything,” Claire continued. “You only see it that way because your head is shoved up your ass. You live in your own world and now that someone else is pulling you out of it, you can’t stand it.”
“He hit on me!”
“And then you kissed him!”
“Only because he’s irresistible!”
Claire laughed. “And that’s his fault?”
I stuck out my lower lip, feeling like a petulant toddler. “Yes.”
“He didn’t leave because I asked him not to. Now will you turn the car on so we can get some heat in here?”
I stared at her, processing that last part. “What?”
“Turn the car on, please, and I’ll tell you what happened.”
I did as she asked and she cranked the heat up high. “He came to me last night and said that he felt he was out of place being here. He felt like he was butting in where he shouldn’t be.”
“Yeah,” I agreed, nodding.
“Let me go on.” She held her hand up. “I told him that wasn’t the case; that we love having him here. We talked about it a little bit and he decided to stay.”
“Um… did he say anything about me?”
“No, but I figured his wanting to leave had everything to do with you. He seemed really upset, you know.”
“Upset in what way?”
She gave me a sour look. “You can’t keep treating him like shit.”
“I’m not.”
She made a wonk wonk sound. “Denial alert. You’re refusing to see what’s really happening here.” She pursed her lips. “We should probably get going. The others will be wondering where we are.”
“Okay.” I pulled the car out of the parking spot and headed for the road, the entire conversation we’d just had still bouncing around in my head. “Maybe I am in denial,” I muttered.
Claire just looked at me.
“It’s okay if you don’t say ‘I told you so.’”
She laughed. “I figure I’ve been hard enough on you for one night.”
I signaled and checked for traffic before pulling onto the main street. “Even if I do have feelings for him, it doesn’t matter.”
“Why would you say that?”
“Because he told me he can’t get involved with anyone right now.”
“Oh.”
“When I saw you looking at him tonight, I thought he was lying. I thought he used not being able to get involved with a girl as an excuse because he was really just playing the field.”
“Well, he might be playing the field, but he’s definitely not pissing in my grass.”
I laughed. “What?”
“You know what I mean. There’s no corn dog in my funnel cake.”
“Ew,” I giggled. “I got it. You can stop now.”
“Good, because I’m running out of cheesy comparisons. And trust me, the way I looked at him wasn’t anything special. I was just agreeing with what Grandpa said. Jason fits in well with us. It’s surprising really.”
I glanced at her. The streetlights lit up her face as we rolled down the road. “He’s pretty different at work, huh?”
She nodded. “Extremely different.” She cocked her head, as if giving the issue some more thought. “He’s calmer here. More relaxed.”
“Oh,” I mumbled, simply because I didn’t really know what to say.
“You do believe me when I say I don’t like him, right?”
“Yes. I was being stupid. Sorry again.”
“It’s already in the past. Don’t worry.”
“Anyway… full disclosure?”
“Do you even have to ask?”
“After he hit on me and I turned him down, I figured that I might as well take him up on his offer. I mean, I figured we were looking for the same thing, you know? Just a hookup.”
“Since when are you into casual sex?”
“Since I’ve gone so long without it that I’ve almost forgotten how to even do it.”
“Ah. Gotcha. It’s pretty easy though. Corn dog in the funnel cake, remember?”
I grinned and shook my head. Claire might have seemed stressed and tired when she’d arrived the other day, but she was back t
o being her old comical self.
“So,” she continued. “What happened after you kissed?”
I shifted uncomfortably in my seat. “He turned me down. He changed his mind.” I gripped the steering wheel tighter, trying to make sense of the whole thing while verbalizing it. “He said he can’t get involved with women. But I don’t get it. What about a weekend hookup includes getting deeply involved? See, that’s why I thought something else was going on. That’s why I thought he might be screwing around with you.”
Claire was silent for a moment. “Hm,” she mused. “That is weird.”
“Men are weird.”
“But they’re like women in that they don’t do anything without a reason. We’re all driven by a desire for something. It’s just that we don’t always understand what’s going on in other people’s heads, or understand what they’ve been through. If you had lived every single experience Jason has, then you would have acted exactly like he did.”
“I guess so,” I admitted.
“I know so.”
We were at the tiny community theater. I pulled into the main parking lot. Less than twenty cars littered the asphalt, which was more than I had expected to see there. A story of death and woe wasn’t exactly the kind of entertainment you wanted to take the grandparents to the day before Christmas Eve — unless, of course, you were our family and had no way of avoiding it.
Claire and I entered the little foyer, buying our two dollar tickets at the folding table. The rest of our group wasn’t anywhere to be found, but when we entered the theater, we spotted them up near the stage, sitting in the first row. Claire started down the narrow aisle, but I grabbed her hand.
“I’m gonna sit back here,” I told her, nodding toward the mostly empty back half of the space.
Her eyebrows rose. “Why? So you can jerk off to the back of Jason’s head?”
An old lady passing by stared at my sister with wide eyes.
“No,” I hissed. “You don’t have to join me.”
She unzipped her coat and edged past me to choose a seat. “I will, though.”
“Really?”
“Of course. Gwen, duh. Sisters before misters. Besides, you’re my favorite.”
Damaged (Crystal Brook Billionaires) Page 12