by Debbie Zello
My sister is getting married to the motorcycle guy, Klutch, aka Ted. I was happy for her. Her one ambition was to be a wife and mother. They had already moved in together, living in an apartment in town.
I had been working for the better part of four months and I had saved what I thought was quite a bit of money. After paying for my plane fare and keeping a small amount for incidentals, I had six hundred dollars to give to the ranch.
As soon as we were home and out of the truck I handed the envelope to Sky. “What’s this?” he asked, looking inside.
“Money. I saved from my job at the coffee shop.”
“We don’t want this. It’s your money.” he said, shoving it back in my hand.
“That’s not the deal around here and you know it. What we earn is part of our combined money. This is mine. Take it,” I said, shoving it back towards him.
“You’re clear across the country, alone. If you need something, you’ll need this money. We don’t want it,” he said, with the face I knew meant he wouldn’t talk further about it.
“Fine!” I said, knowing I would simply leave it when I went back.
“And don’t you go thinking that you’ll just leave it here when you go back. When I find it, and you know I will, I’ll mail it to you!” he said, walking away.
Yup, I’m back.
The weather was beautiful, seventy-five and sunny. I walked through the tall grass. I read under my favorite tree. I thought about Royce constantly. I wondered if he was thinking about me. Probably not. Romance novels made you believe that everyone operated under the influence of love. Unfortunately, in real life that was not the case.
Christmas morning, we had our usual breakfast. We had our chores of feeding animals and tending crops that was done every day but we didn’t make crafts and such on holidays. We finished early and had our Christmas dinner mid-afternoon. That night, around our fire is when we give our gifts to each other.
Our gifts are usually made by us with a great deal of thought put into them. This year because I didn’t have the resources to make anything, my gifts were of the coffee influence. Mr. Masters gave me a discount so everyone got a mug and a pound of coffee or tea. I know it’s the thought that counts.
My gifts were note cards with flowers painted on them, an embroidered canvas book bag, and a knitted sweater. They were so beautiful and special. I was overcome with my family’s love. Few people are as lucky as I am, to have this community of loving people around them.
Sky found me the next day, lying in the tall grass, looking at the clouds. “What are you doing?” he asked.
“Nothing much. I’m making things out of the clouds.”
“School going okay?”
“It’s great. Thank you for making me go to Yale. I love it.”
“I knew you would. Have you met nice people?”
“Mostly everyone is. My suite mates are great. They’re a little crazy at times. They like to party but they don’t make fun of me when I say no thanks.”
“Why do you say no thanks?”
“I went once and I didn’t like it. I’m not the drinking, and dancing kind.”
“What about the men? Are they the drinking, dancing kind?”
“Pretty much. One wanted new experiences that he could chalk up on his list. I met one that seems nice and doesn’t take advantage of situations. But he is a TA and off limits.”
“He’s your TA or just a TA?”
“My English professor’s TA. His name is Royce Kane. You’d like him. He has a fancy motorcycle.”
“I have a feeling that you like him too. Be careful, Firelight, he’s probably ten years older than you. He has seen the world and has far more experience than you do. If you trust him, that’s fine but be careful.”
Dove and Ted pick me up to take me to see their apartment. Ted no longer has his bike; he traded it in for a car.
“Do you think you can come home for the wedding?” Dove asks.
“Have you set the date?” I said.
“I was waiting to see you. We’re just having a small party at the ranch. Just the family and a few friends. We were thinking early July.”
“That would be great. I’m finished with classes in mid-May. I’m hoping to find a room to rent for the summer so I can keep my job. I’ll be ready for a vacation in July.”
“I want you to be my maid-of-honor. I’m going to make your dress and mine. It’s going to be very simple. We don’t have a lot of money to spend,” she explained.
“If I can help, let me know. I have some money put away. I can pay for the material,” I respond.
“That would be a big help. Do you care what color you wear?”
“It’s your wedding. Whatever color you want is fine with me.” Dove and Ted decided on July sixth. I would fly home a few days beforehand so I could help with the cooking and decorating. It’s the first wedding at the ranch that I can remember.
I met up with Lucy and a few more friends from high school for lunch at the diner in town. Catching up with the local gossip and everyone’s college exploits was fun. I wondered how many more times we’d all be together.
If the school I tutored at hadn’t been closed for the week, I would have stopped in to see the kids and staff.
I spent the rest of the week working around the ranch, visiting with my extended family and relaxing. All too soon, it was time for me to pack. I was in my bed way before the new year came in. My plane was to leave at seven so it was an early morning. I had my breakfast and Sky drove me to the airport. “It was good to have you home for a while.”
“It was good to be home. I missed everyone.”
“We missed you. It’s kind of lonely without the young people around,” he said, looking out the windshield.
“I’ll be back for the wedding. Maybe Dove will have a baby right away. I know she wants some.”
“Yeah, maybe. Do you like your life back east?”
“Yeah, I do. It’s so different from here. I even like the cold and the snow.”
“I guess it grows on you. I’m too old for snow. I don’t want to have to shovel it. Still, there is nothing prettier than fresh snow.”
“Agreed. It was snowing when I left. My first snowfall. It was so beautiful and fresh. It had a smell like clean laundry.”
“You’re right, it does.”
“Where were you that you had snow, Sky?”
“I graduated from Yale, Firelight. That’s part of the reason I wanted you to go there. I know the area and the kind of education you would get there. I know the connections that you’ll make. I also figured if you wanted to go further and get your masters or even your PhD, it was a great place to go,” he said, smiling at his recollections.
“You started on the East coast and ended up on the West coast.”
“I ran as far as I could. Any further and I would have needed a boat. I left Davis Tarren behind and found Sky. For me, it was the best thing that ever happened.”
“You don’t miss him?” I asked.
“I’ve had moments. Even twenty years later, I still miss my wife and boys. I can hear them playing. I’ll never forget that sound. It’s magic. Unfortunately, it’s usually followed by me walking down the cellar stairs. First I’m comforted by my dreams and then tortured by them. For every yin there is a yang,” he said, patting my hand.
I would always remember this conversation.
Chapter Eleven
The first face I saw when I walked into the train station was Royce’s. He wore a wide grin and walked over to me. “I missed you. You got some sun! And it looks good on you!” he said, taking my bag.
“I missed you too. Did you have a nice Christmas? And happy New Year!” I said.
“Happy New Year to you, too. It was okay. I went to my friend’s again. The town is dead with everyone gone for the break. I’m getting my work done in an empty library,” he said, walking me out to his car.
“I’m just going to ask again that you’re sure about me staying wit
h you. I don’t want there to be any problem with the judiciary.”
“Don’t worry about it. We’re not sleeping together and it’s only for three weeks,” he said, placing my bag in his trunk. I said no more about the unusual circumstances between us. I wanted to neither argue nor upset the delicate balance connecting us. I wanted to be this close to him.
We got back to his apartment and I went directly to what was my room. He was so right about it needing to be cleaned. Even though I was tired from the plane ride and time difference, I went to put my laundry in and then began cleaning the bedroom.
I found some packaged cupcakes that I wasn’t sure were vanilla or chocolate, under the bed. Also, a few condoms, unused, thank you very much. I placed them in the nightstand drawer where I found several more. So I knew his roommate practiced safe sex. That lead to my next thought but I dismissed it quickly.
My laundry done and the room cleaned, I made the bed and then walk out to sit and watch TV for a while. Royce was reading all curled up on the couch surrounded by papers and notebooks. I sat in the empty chair. “What is your dissertation about?”
“Women in literature. How the confines of society and decorum placed on them differed from what was expected from men. Why some chose to write under male pen names while some simply bucked society and used their own. I’m fascinated by the concept. Odd for a man, I know,” he said, his gaze questioning my feelings on the subject.
“Why do you feel that’s odd? I think a man that cares about women is sweet. I find it lovely.” I was being honest.
“Men were writing about sex, doing it and talking about it all through history from the caveman on. Yet a woman that swears, or sleeps with multiple men is considered a tramp. It doesn’t make sense to me.”
“Many things don’t make sense to me. Why is there poverty in the world when there is plenty? How can you kill someone for sneakers, money, or their car? Why isn’t there more love in the world?”
I went to work the next morning. It was slower than usual. Paul said it would pick up by mid-week. Some people were still on vacation. I stopped at the corner market on my way back to the apartment. I wanted to make a nice dinner for Royce to thank him for allowing me to stay.
I bought a whole chicken, potatoes and carrots. I found a few nice apples and some asparagus. I doubted he had things like flour or baking soda so I needed a few more things. I made it back with my fixings and began by making an apple tart.
By the time he got home, the apartment smelled wonderful. I heard his key in the lock and the door open. He stopped in the entryway and said, “What is that wonderful smell?”
“Dinner. Are you hungry?” I said, smiling.
“My mouth is watering. You didn’t say that you could cook. How could you keep that piece of information to yourself?”
“Hi, I’m Neomi Dillon and I can cook. No…that sounds stupid,” I say shaking my head and smiling.
“To a bachelor that doesn’t cook that sounds like, ‘Hi, I’m Neomi Dillon and I’m a multi-talented woman that can also cook!’” We sat and ate, talking the whole time. I loved to watch him eat. The way his throat worked when he swallowed. His long fingers curled around his knife and fork so firmly I wondered what they would feel like holding me.
“What do you usually eat if you don’t cook?” I asked.
“A sandwich or frozen dinner. Jack gets pizza, stuff like that. So you cook. What else don’t I know about you?”
“I like tattoos and motorcycles,” I said softly, staring at his arm.
Following my gaze to his arm he said, “Do you want to see mine?”
“Yes, I do,” I said softly. Royce stood, grabbing the hem of his tee shirt. I stood in front of him as he pulled his shirt up and over his head. I know he heard my sharp intake of breath because he smiled that ‘gotcha’ smile that guys have. I deserved it because he was simply beautiful.
His tattoo was like a gladiator breastplate and sleeve. It covered his pec to his shoulder and down his arm to about half of his forearm. It had an intricate design of thin and thick black lines weaving around each other. I looked in his eyes and said, “May I touch it?”
“I guess so,” he said steeling himself. With my fingertips, I traced one line up to his shoulder. I moved to continue the line and saw the design went over his shoulder and down to cover his shoulder blade similar to the front. His skin was smooth and warm. I closed my eyes for a moment to imagine what having his strong muscular arms around me might feel like.
I followed a different line back around to his chest and down to where I thought I saw a small heart. I leaned in closer and I was right it was a heart woven into the pattern, with a lock in the center. “You have a heart with no key?”
“I have the key. Someday, I’ll give it to the woman I love and she’ll wear it around her neck. She’ll have the key to my heart.”
“That’s sweet, Royce. Tell me how much did this hurt?”
“A lot and don’t ever let anyone tell you it doesn’t hurt. I went a couple of hours a week for months. Frank worked on different patches of the design to give me a break. The patches under my arm and down my side hurt the most, it’s more sensitive there. I was a big, red mess for most of a year but when he finished, I loved it. I still do.”
“I want to get one. I don’t know what I want or where I want it. Something pretty and small.”
“Frank is an art genius. If you decide, I’ll take you to see him. I wouldn’t let anyone else touch me.”
“You let me touch you,” I said, smiling.
“So I did. How old are you Neomi?”
“I turned nineteen on December second. How old are you?”
“I’ll be twenty-eight in March. You’re so young.”
“So are you. You could be a professor next year.”
“I could be an associate professor next year. It’s doubtful I’ll be a full professor unless it’s an obscure junior college in the middle of nowhere. What do you want to do?”
“I don’t have a clue. I tutored at a grammar school back home and I liked that. I just don’t know if teaching is my thing or not,” I said honestly.
“You still have time to decide,” he said putting his shirt back on. My moment of free touching over, I went to the sink to wash the dishes. “I’ll get those. You cooked, I’ll clean up. Go do some girl thing,” he said smiling.
“Girl thing, huh! I’ve got reading to do, but I think guys do that, too.” I escaped to my bedroom and plopped down on the bed. I touched him. He let me touch him. I touched him! My heart was still pounding.
By the end of the week, the volume of customers had picked up. I liked being busy, it was easier than looking around for something to do. I spent a lot of time at the apartment alone. I wasn’t sure if Royce was avoiding me or actually working. I didn’t ask.
Once again, I was so far ahead on my reading and other work that my second semester would be easier than everyone else’s would. I doubted that many of my fellow students spent their break getting ahead.
The second week passed without any more revelations from Royce or me. I made dinners and he cleaned up. Just typical roommate stuff, I guess. The last night I was spending at his apartment he came in with a bottle of wine. “I know you’re underage but I thought a glass of wine might be nice with dinner,” he said.
“I’ve never had wine. I had a sip of beer and that was terrible,” I said making a face.
“It’s the yeast and the hops. Some people love it and others not so much.”
“I guess I’m with the not so much group. I don’t care if I ever taste it again.”
“I can take it or leave it. I do prefer wine though. What’s for dinner?”
“I made a beef roast with roasted vegetables.” I explain.
“You spoiled me these last three weeks. I don’t know if I can go back to pizza and TV dinners.” He chuckled.
“I might be able to come over and cook for you and your roommate on occasion,” I said offering.
&
nbsp; “I have four months. In four months we can have this conversation about you coming over on occasion. You coming over…staying over. I won’t be your TA anymore. Things can be different then.”
“I’ll be taking another one of Professor Miller’s classes next semester. You’ll still be his TA. Nothing will change,” I said sadly.
“I defend my dissertation in October. This is my last semester as a TA. Everything changes in four months. If you’ll wait until then.”
I found out that I liked wine. I am patient and can wait four months for something I want. As he went past me after dinner, I swear I saw him pick up a piece of my long hair and kiss the end of it. I could wait the four months for him to kiss me.
Chapter Twelve
I moved back into the dorm with the help of Royce and Jack, his roommate. Jack said I could stay in his room anytime I wanted to. His innuendo was with or without him being there. Royce punched him.
Jack left, leaving Royce standing in the doorway of my room. We were alone, as none of my suitemates had returned yet. I was two feet away from him looking in his eyes about to thank him and say good-bye. He reached for my hand and said, “Four months, Neomi. In four months we’ll talk about the future.”
“I’ve waited this long to kiss a man, I guess four more months won’t be bad.”
“You’ve never kissed a man before? You’ve kissed boys though, haven’t you?” he said, his eyebrows knitting together. I just shook my head.
“You’ve never been kissed before?” he asked shocked at the thought.
“No. I didn’t date or have a boyfriend. I wasn’t…popular,” I said quietly. He tugged my hand to pull me close. Placing it around his back, he used his fingers from that hand to lift my chin. Wrapping his free arm around my shoulders, he drew me up against his chest. His lips lowered to mine in a slow, tender meeting that rendered me unable to breathe. He lingered a few seconds and then separated, looking in my eyes for my reaction.
“Now I’ve really broken the rules. I couldn’t make you wait four more months for your first kiss. That would be cruel. You should be kissed often. Every minute of every day, in fact.”