by Royal Blue
It’s not a superficial thing. I believe I’m far from vain. I don’t think my weight ever defined me. No matter my size I’ve been told how attractive I am. No, it’s bigger than all of that.
It’s… I stopped looking after my surgery and the scars. I continued the work so that I wouldn’t get sick again, but I stopped looking. The scars were a painful reminder of how close I came to almost losing my life, not once but twice.
My past lovers only amplified the hurt and pain of seeing the scars. It all caused me to ignore the man in the mirror. In this moment, I’m staring at my will to fight. It’s my evidence of being a fighter.
Kyle’s dark hand glides across my skin as I flex once again. The sight mesmerizes me. The contrast is beautiful. Like my scars, the differences tell a story. They’re a part of who we are; they make up the whole.
“You see how perfect you are?” he breathes, pinching my left nipple. “Keep looking.”
I do. I watch his hand take the slow trip down the center of my body. His fingers run through the trail of hair that disappears into my waistband. When he connects with my belt, he releases it and frees the button of my jeans. My eyes lock in on the V that disappears into my jeans.
My eyes mist. When did all this definition start to show? It’s been so long since I’ve allowed myself to look at my nude body. The long scar that runs through that V would be the main reason I’m unaware of its existence.
Kyle licks the shell of my ear, sending a shiver rocking through me, pulling me from my thoughts slightly.
“Are you seeing it yet?” he whispers.
His hand slips over the center of the V into my pants, grasping a tight hold of my hard length. I moan so loud it jars me a little. Kyle chuckles darkly, his hand beginning to stroke me.
He releases his hold on me, leaving me bereft. Squatting behind me, he hooks his fingers in my jeans and boxer briefs to peel them slowly down my legs. I’m now content with watching him in the mirror. He removes my left shoe, then moves to the right. Tapping my leg in a silent command for me to step out of my pants and underwear, he pulls them free from my body and tosses them away.
I suck in a breath when he licks a slow trail from my ankle up my scarred calf to beneath my buttcheek. I turn to look down at him. His hand whips out to slaps my ass, his head shaking at me.
“Mirror, gorgeous,” he orders.
I turn back for the mirror to see the man standing before Kyle. It’s me. Yes, I see my scars, but they don’t seem as long, large, and ugly as they once did. Over time they may have gotten smaller and healed more than I’ve given attention to. I also think it has a lot to do with my mental state.
I’d go as far as saying the man I see is attractive. Better yet, I feel attractive—perhaps sexy. Battle scars can be sexy—these are mine. The feeling is driven home, as I watch Kyle’s brown skin glide over mine between my legs, over my thigh and back again. He nips my ass, and my cock jumps.
As if it calls for his attention, he slides his hand back through my legs and wraps his hand around my length. All the while he takes his time kissing and nipping my ass. His tongue peeks out to trace patterns across my skin.
“Bend over. Keep your eyes on the mirror. I want you to see that sexy-ass face when you’re turned on,” he says. “Grab the backs of them thighs for me.”
I follow his orders, bending over with my eyes on me. My palms wrap around the backs of my thighs and hold on. I groan when he licks from my hip to the center of my crack, opening me with his long fingers.
I’m so lost in the erotic image before me it takes a while before I realize he’s not just eating my ass in the most skilled way I’ve ever had the pleasure of. He’s spelling words into my opening. My brows crease, and I try to focus through the loud moans I’m releasing into the room.
I bite down on my lip. He pulls back, blowing into me, but goes back to eating and spelling. My knees go weak when I make out his name being tongued into my body.
“Oh fuck,” I cry out.
I’m so close to the edge. My breath catches from the slow strokes of my penis. His teasing tongue places my sanity in question. My belly quivers, and my face twists in ecstasy.
My eyes become so bright and open. I look as if I’ve reached a level of pleasure that’s unbearable, but it’s a beautiful sight, even to me. I’m instantly filled with overwhelming emotions.
I love this man beyond what he’ll ever comprehend. I don’t think I have ever looked at myself like this. I begin to sob silently.
Kyle
I NEARLY cry with him. I see the moment the shift happens in his face. We’re not nearly done, but we’ve reached the first step tonight. He’s seeing himself. However, I have a lot more to show him about the man I see before me.
I lift to my full height and pull him to stand, turning him into my embrace. He cups the back of my head, drawing me into a kiss. I smile when I feel some of the inhibition gone.
I dip, grasping behind his thighs before straightening and bringing him onto my waist. Andy deepens the kiss, taking me by surprise. I welcome it, though. I like seeing him bloom from his broken shell.
I back up until I feel the chair at the backs of my thighs. Lowering into the seat, I bring him down with me. My hands travel up his body to his back. I put this song on repeat for a reason. I have more lessons for my Andy.
Well, I thought I had lessons for Andy. He slides from my lap to his knees. His hands make quick work of my belt and free me from my jeans. We both work to push them down my thighs, but Andy doesn’t let that stop him from wrapping his lips around my tip at the same time.
I groan and clench my jaw as he sucks lightly and rolls his tongue around the crown. Like a warning of what’s to come. I lift out of the chair when he dives in, taking half of me into his mouth.
Shit, I’m at the back of his throat, but he doesn’t allow that to stop him. When he bobs down on me the third time, he takes it all. My toes curl and my eyes roll.
“Fuck, baby,” I grunt.
“Mmm,” he hums around me.
I hiss when his hands wrap around me and he works the fuck out of my dick in his mouth. My fingers grip his hair as he bounces his head up and down. My thickness seems to be an encouraging challenge to him. Even as my thoughts tangle into a mess, I can’t help thinking that I doubt that he would’ve been as aggressive or confident as this a day ago.
“Damn, Andy,” I croon. “Keep sucking the fuck out that shit.”
He groans a reply but doesn’t stop. My hips meet his efforts. I can’t stop the thrusts, not while trying to hold back coming down his throat. Andy gives me his all—slurring, drooling, moaning, neck rolling—a sloppy toppy at its best.
When I’m getting too close, I gently cup his jaw and pull him free. My length pops from his mouth with a wet sound. I bring his face to mine, giving him a hungry kiss. When I break our lips apart, I pull him to stand and spin his back to me.
I have him bent over again, before he can take a breath. I spread his cheeks, massaging around the hole I’m about to make mine. Tara told me not to let her brother run from me. Andy’s time to walk away from me is up; we’re in this together. I’ve known that since the day he told me he loves me. He’ll know it tonight.
I swirl my tongue around his puckered hole, eating his ass once again. My mouth is already watering to have him, so it’s nothing to spit in his hole, before I massage the moisture into his soft skin. I push the tip of one thumb into him, pulling a moan from his lips. I smile, bring two of my fingers to my mouth to suck them. Once they’re nice and wet, I play with his opening, readying him for me. I can hear my own breathing increase.
I need to put us both out of our misery. It’s time for that lesson I planned to put on his ass. Reaching down for my pants, I pull a condom and a pack of lube from the pocket. Andy looks over his shoulder, lifting a brow.
I grin, biting into the lube packet first, with a shrug of my shoulders. I’d planned to steal some time away with him tonight as soon as I got a cha
nce. He didn’t know that, but I did. Patience is key with me. I always deliver.
I knew the shit I planned to put him through tonight. I was always going to make it up to him. I had only hoped I wouldn’t get the reaction I got. He’s going to have to learn to school that shit. He failed horribly tonight. Being in my life can be complicated. It’s one thing to say he understands that, another to actually show he understands.
Once I’ve emptied the lube onto his waiting entrance, I roll the condom on, while his eyes eat me up. Andy is a very nice size, long with a bit of girth, but I think I’m a bit thicker. That doesn’t seem to bother him at all. He’s not the least bit shy about ogling me either.
I slide down in the chair a bit. Wrapping my arm around his waist, I pull him into my lap. I’m already hard as a rock. My tongue flicks out to lick his back as I line him up with my length. He wiggles back into me. Grasping his hips, I slide into him a bit.
“Kyle,” he calls out.
“You okay, baby?” I ask, lifting him back up before I guide him down again.
“Yes, I need more,” he breathes.
I nod to myself, watching him slide down onto me. He falls back into my chest when I’m fully seated. I nip at his ear, giving him time to relax around me. When he starts to rise, just as I expected he’s timid in his movements again.
I reach to pinch his chin between my fingers. I tap his lips with my forefinger to grab his attention, leaning into his ear. His movement halts.
“Listen to the song. Let it get in you. Watch the mirror. Use your eyes and ears to move your body. Move with me, not against me. I promise it will be better for us both,” I tell him.
He nods. I guide his hips as they start to move. It takes a few strokes before he catches the rhythm with my guidance. He’s still stiff with apprehension, though.
“Let go. Stop thinking. It’s just me and you. Do what you feel,” I whisper to him. “Stop being afraid.”
“Fuck, Kyle,” he moans when I roll my hips up into him.
He reaches back to grasp the back of my head as he rides me. Our eyes lock in the mirror. It seems my words are what he needs. I watch the last of the broken shell fall away. Andy comes to life right before my eyes. Like a phoenix rising from the ashes.
Andy
“YEAH, THAT’S it,” he croons heavily.
I’m in awe of the beauty the two of us make in the mirror. Kyle said exactly what I needed to hear. I need to stop being afraid. He’s here with me. He hasn’t run from my scars or my insecurities. He’s helped me through them step by step.
I reach behind me as I watch our reflection. I see nothing but lust and love in his eyes. Not the look of disgust I’ve seen with others. I don’t have to be afraid because it’s clear that I’m desired. I let go.
I move my body in ways I never have. The moans and groans coming from Kyle spur me on. It’s like the sound of the music and the feel of his skin against mine possess me. I sit up and roll and rock my hips to match his.
“Yes, Andy, yes,” he growls. “Fuck yeah, baby.”
He pounds up into me, pulling cries from my lips. He feels so damn good. His fingers dig into my waist, his nails biting into my flesh. I place a hand on the arm of the chair, bracing myself. With my free hand, I start to jerk my cock.
“Oh yes, yes, you’re fucking me so good,” I manage to groan.
“Do you see it? Do you see how sexy you are? Do you see how amazing you are?” he grinds out.
“Yes, I see it. Yes,” I say.
I do. I see how much I’ve changed emotionally, physically, and mentally. I’ve changed so much in just the short time we’ve been together. In the past, I wouldn’t have taken my pleasure like this. I would’ve taken the scraps offered and would’ve been happy.
“That’s it. Get into it. Put your feet on my thighs,” he coaxes.
I lose my pace for a second as I process the instruction. Throwing caution to the wind, I lift one foot, then the other as he steadies me. I plant the pads of my feet on his thighs. Once I’m securely in place he drills into me.
“Oh… ah… oh, yeah. Yes,” I breathe out.
My head falls back, and a loud curse rips from my lips. Kyle isn’t shy about owning my body just as he likes. I turn my face to his, and he captures my lips. I return the kiss with everything I am. I’m proud to use my body, this scarred body, to please him.
I’m offering pleasure as much as it’s being given. I tear my lips from his to watch this position in the mirror. Kyle’s right hand wraps around my throat, squeezing lightly. This is all too powerful to be contained. I feel so empowered.
A roar rolls up from my belly, and I release it into the room. It’s the most freeing sound I’ve ever made. His other hand reaches to pump my cock. My fingers are gripping the chair behind his back. It’s all I can do to hold on and not fall over. A second roar rolls through me, and I come right along with it, feeling the release in my toes.
Kyle gets to his feet in one fluid motion. He turns us quickly. I’m now facedown in the chair. I brace myself as he rocks into me. I bite my lip and breathe through my nose. The sound of his pelvis to my ass claps through the room, blending with the music and my own husky moans.
“This is what I’ve wanted all fucking night. You and only you. Never, ever question that,” he says through clenched teeth.
I look back over my shoulder, unable to do more than answer with my eyes. Kyle sucks his lower lip into his mouth. Seeing his pleasure written on his face takes me to new heights. I reach between our legs and knead his balls.
“Oh shit, I’m coming,” he growls. “Damn, I’m about to come so hard.”
He releases his own roar this time. His forehead drops to my sweaty shoulder. His soaked chest heaves against my back. Our breathing and the music become the final soundtrack. I close my eyes, but the images of us in the mirror are burned into my brain.
Those are images I can trust. They’re real. They show us. They’re just for us and our interpretation of who we are. As long as I have those, I can handle anything.
CHAPTER NINETEEN: THOUGHTFUL MOMENTS
Kyle
ANDY HAS been pretty silent since our lovemaking. After we caught our breath we showered and climbed into my bed for the night. We’d already planned for him to stay the night before the scene at the club.
Mason’s being spoiled by Beau’s mom for the weekend. She treats him just like a grandchild. She probably spent the evening baking him cookies.
Tonight, I wanted to be able to focus on the two of us. I exhale a deep breath, my fingers tracing patterns up and down his back.
“What are you frying?” I finally ask.
“Huh?”
“You haven’t fallen asleep. Why are you so quiet?” I mutter.
“I’m just thinking,” he says against my chest.
“Exactly, I can smell you frying your brain cells.”
He gives a low laugh, snuggling closer to my chest. My lids droop for a second as I relish in his heat. I should just be content with this comfort, but I want to know what’s on his mind.
“I’m not frying brain cells. I’m just thinking,” he says lazily.
“About?”
A few beats of silence pass. I know he’s going to answer from the tension in his body. I just wait him out, lifting my other hand to run through his hair. He grasps my palm, turning to kiss it. We both relax with the gesture. Sagging into the bed a little more, I place the hand he just kissed on his thigh thrown across me.
“I’ve spent my entire life afraid to be seen in one way or another. Always hiding. You walk into my life, and you see all of me without so much as trying,” he says.
“That’s not true. I see you because I am looking. I want to see you. I think in some ways you want to be seen, so you allow me in. Being afraid doesn’t mean that we don’t still want. It’s that want that shines through and draws the thing we want to us,” I reply.
The room falls silent. I continue to trace his skin, my thoughts moving a
t the same lazy pace as my fingers. My mind travels to overhearing one of the groupies at the club. She noticed Andy and asked who he was, checking to see if he was in the right paygrade for her to pounce.
Andy doesn’t think that people see him but they do. He’s gorgeous and pulls the attention of everyone around him. You have to look deeper to see the things I see, but that’s what makes me love him more. I see all of him.
“What do you want? What’s shining through you?” His voice breaks into my thoughts.
I remain silent, taking in his words. My jaw tightens as I think over my life.
“I think I’m the opposite of you. I’m not looking to have anything revealed. I’ve been seen all my life. I’ve been the center of attention that I’ve never wanted more often than not. All eyes are always on me.” I pause, twisting my lips in thought.
“Nah, I’m not looking to be found in my shell. I’m looking to be left alone in my shell. I want to be me. Just Kyle, but I only want to share that with those I choose. I want to choose. That’s what I want. I want to have a right to share, and if I don’t want to, I want to be able to say that and be left alone.”
“We’re quite a pair,” Andy replies, turning his face up to mine.
“It works,” I answer.
“Yeah, I think it does.” He leans in to kiss me.
I stare into his eyes when he pulls away, searching his face. I cup his jaw, running my thumb over his lower lip. There’s one more thing I need to make clear tonight.
“A part of keeping what I want to myself is going to the club and—”
“Don’t.” He cuts me off. “You don’t have to explain. I get it. I was just in my feelings tonight. I’m sorry. I understand. I’ll handle it better next time.”
My lips curl up in a broad smile.
“Next time?” I cock a brow at him.
“I always learn to adapt. I know I can handle this. I want you, so I’ll adapt this time as well,” he replies.