The Possibility of Somewhere

by Julia Day

  I loved his absorbed expression. “What is it with Gupta men and my hair?”

  “It’s gorgeous. Thick. Long.” He combed some strands away from my face. “It feels like silk. The first time I saw your hair like this…”

  “At the MIM.”

  “Oh, yeah. I turned around and there you were with this golden hair flowing over your shoulders and your big blue eyes and that tight tank top. All I wanted—” He groaned and let me slide down until my feet rested flat on the floor again.

  “What did you want?”

  “I wanted this. To touch you. To reach for you without asking because I knew you welcomed my hands on you.”

  This was getting intense faster than I could handle. I inched away until his arms dropped. Turning, I wandered over to the full-length mirror, trying to see myself through his eyes.

  I looked ordinary to me. Medium build. Medium height, with the top of my head barely even with his chin. Blond hair. Fair skin. A face that most people wouldn’t notice. Nothing remarkable. Nothing bad.

  Were our contrasts the attraction?

  He came to stand behind me, wrapped his arms around my waist, and drew me back against him.

  Well, hello. He was hard, and he was holding me close, and what did that mean?

  His head bent to my neck, his mouth searing my skin.

  What were we doing?

  Not that I was complaining. Yet.

  He nuzzled aside my outer shirt, pushing it to the floor. Then he kissed his way along my shoulder until he reached the strap of my cami. In one smooth move, he hooked the strap with his thumb and peeled it down my arm. I held my breath, paralyzed by heat and fear and wonder.

  “Beautiful.” His eyes focused on my bare breast with fascination while his hand slid over to cup me. I was thrilled by the need on his face—that my body created this reaction in him.

  It also scared me shitless.

  I was in charge. I could stop him. All I had to do was say no, but the word that trembled out was “please.”

  He fondled my breast oh so gently. Shivers cascaded over me. I sank back into his hold as I look at our reflection, riveted by the sight of dark skin against light, loving the firm, warm caress of his fingers.

  The power had shifted in his favor. I was doing nothing to stop his hand and his lips and his body against mine. I was afraid of what came next, yet I wanted to know even more.

  I had to stop him.

  No, I had to stop me. But how?

  Do something.

  Say something.

  “Ash?” His name came out as a whisper.

  He grunted without slowing down.

  “Have you ever had sex?”

  His lips stilled on the curve of my neck. His eyes raised until our gazes met in the mirror. He waited silently.

  “You seem to know what you’re doing.”

  “You don’t?”

  “No.”

  He straightened, pulled my cami back into place, and released me.

  I bent, grabbed my shirt, and yanked it on. “You’re not a virgin.”

  “You are?”

  “What the hell?” Cheeks flushed with humiliation, I backed away from him until the mirror stopped me. “You assumed that I’d had sex before? Without asking?”

  “I’m sorry.” His voice was gruff.

  “That’s a big assumption, Ash. I don’t date. I’ve never had a boyfriend. There haven’t been many opportunities to lose my virginity.” I didn’t know whether to be hurt or angry. “Have I ever given you any cause to expect otherwise?”

  “Murray Fielder has.”

  That name added instant fuel to my fury. “That’s just great. I believe everything Murray says too.” I glared down at my bare feet with their bold purple toenails. “How does his story go?”

  “Eden.”

  “What do people think?” There was silence. I looked up at him. He stood rigidly, hands fisted at his sides. “Tell me, Ash.”

  “According to Murray, on your first date, you gave him a blow job in his truck before you made it into the restaurant.”

  I shuddered, as if something nasty was creeping down my spine. Turning my back on Ash, I considered what he’d said. I’d known that Murray wouldn’t tell the truth. Why should I be surprised at how far he’d stretched it? He thought he was safe. Nobody would’ve believed me over Murray. “You came here today to have sex with me.”

  “No.” The word that slipped out was soft. Tortured.

  “Then why?”

  “I came here today because I wanted to be with the girl I can’t—” He stopped.

  “What?” I looked at him over my shoulder. He was tense enough to shatter. “The girl you can’t what?”

  “I wanted to be with the girl that I can’t stop thinking about. The girl who could want nothing more from me than holding my hand—and it would be enough.”

  Yes. That.

  My anger dissolved as if it had never been. Closing the distance that separated us, I wrapped my arms around him and felt his lock around me. I adored him. This was where I was meant to be.

  His lips brushed my forehead as I burrowed against him. Our embrace felt sweet and safe. I ached to trust it. “I didn’t give Murray a blow job.”

  “You don’t have to do this.”

  “I want you to hear it.” I leaned back in his arms. “It’s a lie. Murray shoved his dick in my face and said there would be no date if I didn’t take care of him.”

  Ash was silent, his expression hard to read.

  “I answered with my fist.”

  “You hit Murray?”

  “In the crotch.”

  “Wow.” Ash winced. “I should’ve asked you about it.”

  “Yes. You should have.” I snuggled closer and listened to the steady beat of his heart.

  Slowly, he pulled away from me. “I’m sorry, Eden.” He backed up until his leg bumped the corner of my bed. “I think that I should leave.”

  “No. Please stay.” I followed him and curled my fingers into his shirt. “I don’t want you to leave.”

  He covered my hands with his. “Maybe we should try this another day. I’ve messed it up.”

  I shook my head and gave his chest a firm push. He fell back on my bed, taking me with him. We landed, me on top, our legs tangled.

  With a smile, I said, “This is where I want you.”

  “Are you sure?”

  “Yes.”

  “Fine with me,” he said, still watching me carefully. “Should we leave? Go to the beach?”

  “I like where we are now. Really. You’re tall. I was tired of craning my neck.”

  “I’ll try to remember that.” With extreme gentleness, he rolled us until we lay side by side. “Eden?”

  I shook my head at him. “It’s behind us now.”

  “Forgive me anyway?”

  “Yeah.” I ran my fingertips along his jaw, exploring its faint roughness. “My first date was with you, Ash. My first kiss. You’re my first everything.”

  “This may sound selfish, but I’m glad your firsts are mine.” He turned his head until he could press a kiss into my palm.

  I leaned closer to brush my lips against his. He pulled me against him until we touched chest to hip.

  “We got each other wrong,” he said.

  “Yeah. Not sure if that’s funny or sad.” The misunderstanding had been painful, but what came afterwards was good—like we’d been propelled forward into something much better. “When you said I was in charge, what did that mean to you?”

  “You would say stop when we reached your limit.”

  “I didn’t understand that. I didn’t know enough to say go.”

  “Yeah, got it. Can we start over?”

  “Works for me.” I shifted against him, loving the restless way his fingers traced the length of my spine. “We have to finish the sex talk, though.”

  “If we must.”

  “I’m in charge, so yeah.” I gave a nod, in case the matter wasn’t clear in hi
s mind. “What about birth control?”

  “I brought condoms.”

  “Condoms? As in more than one?” I smiled to show I didn’t mind. “Somebody expected to get lucky today.”

  “Planning is key.” He smiled back.

  “I’m not on the pill or anything.”

  “If it’s ever an issue, I’ll handle it.”

  “It’ll be an issue. Someday.” My gaze dropped to the brown skin in the vee of his shirt. “I’m not ready.”

  “Whatever you give is enough.”

  I loved that he sounded so patient and matter-of-fact. It made me yearn to give him what he wanted. To want what he wanted. Just not yet. “Can we still make out even if we know where it won’t end up?”

  “I sure hope so.” His smile faded. “What’s allowed? I don’t want to overwhelm you.”

  Good question. We’d made it past fierce kisses already, but how much farther could I go? “Maybe…” It was hard to think when that beautiful face with those sexy eyes looked at me with such longing. “Anything above the waist is fair game.”

  “Oh, yeah. I can work with that.”

  I launched an assault on his mouth. It became quickly evident that not only did he have superior skills in this area, but he was also a talented coach.

  The make-out session continued unabated until the crunch of tires on gravel penetrated through my pleasure-hazed brain. I broke off a kiss and raised on my elbows, listening intently. A motor shut off, chugging and clicking its way to silence.

  “Get up. That’s Marnie’s car.” I pushed at Ash. “You have to leave.”

  “I thought you said we had hours.”

  “Something must’ve happened.” I peeked through the curtains. My dad slumped in the passenger seat, fists over his eyes. The driver’s side door screeched open.

  I crawled over Ash and made sure the front door was locked. He raced behind me to the sliding door and onto the deck.

  “Go straight back to the woods. Do you remember the trail?”

  “No problem.” His lips touched mine.

  Footsteps thumped on the front porch steps. “Go, Ash. Hurry.”

  He tiptoed across the deck and ran the short distance to the trees beyond. I waited until he’d disappeared into their dim cover, then yanked the curtains into place and ran to the laundry room.

  A key turned in the lock. The front door opened and closed.

  “Eden, we’re home,” Marnie yelled. The trailer shook as my father trudged its length.

  I waited until he was out of the way before stepping out of the laundry room. “Here.”

  “Your dad’s not feeling well. He needs to lie down.”

  I gave her a happy hug. “Did you get to see any of the wedding?”

  “We left immediately after the ceremony. Didn’t make it to the reception.” She watched me without expression. “What did you do while we were gone?”

  “Nothing special.”

  She turned her head deliberately and looked into my room. I followed the direction of her gaze. My bed lay clearly visible, the quilt rumpled and askew, pillows on the floor.

  She stalked past me. “Nothing special looks like an awful lot of fun.”

  * * *

  It was close to midnight when my phone buzzed in its hiding place under my pillow. I took a peek.

  Ash: got a moment?

  Eden: yes

  Ash: did they see me?

  Eden: no

  My answer was technically true, but Marnie was suspicious. I would tell her soon and hoped that she wouldn’t care much that Ash was Indian. And that she would keep it a secret. Dad would care.

  Ash: are you free Sunday afternoon?

  Eden: yes

  Ash: want to go to North Topsail Beach?

  Eden: that’s kinda public

  Ash: we’ll be fine. if anybody sees us, we’re just friends

  Eden: k

  Ash: where should I pick you up?

  Eden: go just past entrance to heron estates. i’ll be around the bend

  Ash: can’t wait. sleep well

  Eden: you too

  I powered off the phone and slid it into the pair of jeans that I would wear tomorrow. Nerves quivered through me at the idea of this date. It was the bravest we’d been. The weather was supposed to be nice, and North Topsail was popular, even in the fall.

  Slipping back under the covers, I shook my worries off. Ash didn’t take risks. We would be fine. Like he said.

  22

  Imminent Retribution

  The media center was mostly empty when I arrived after school on Monday. I sat at my usual table in the back and got out my chemistry book. I could get a few problems out of the way before Mundy joined me to work on an English project.

  A few minutes later, Ash and his circle of friends entered in their typical burst of noise. They laughed their way across the room to take over a table several rows from mine. I glanced up and met Ash’s gaze briefly. Damn, he was beautiful.

  Relaxing my face into disinterest, I frowned down at the textbook, reread the problem, and picked up my pencil.

  Someone pulled out the chair next to me and sat. “Hi,” Ash said. His arm dropped along the back of my chair as he peered at my pad of paper. “What are you doing?”

  I fought my lips to keep from smiling. Had he lost his mind? “What are you doing?”

  “I have to be near you.”

  “We have an audience.” His friends had stopped what they were doing to watch us. Dev and Upala looked pissed. The other two looked disturbed. “They know, Ash.”

  “They don’t know.” He slid the pencil from my grip and wrote something on my paper. “Not for sure.”

  “Upala spoke to me once.”

  His face tightened. “Did she upset you?”

  “No.”

  “Did you confirm anything?”

  “No.”

  He relaxed. “She’s smart enough to keep her mouth shut.”

  “You’re being reckless. Go back over there.”

  “I will.” He wrote some more.

  I glanced down and had to clench my teeth against a sigh of pleasure.

  Wish I were touching you

  Call me?

  I looked at him. We’d been putting my new prepaid phone to use, with almost hourly texts and hushed calls late at night. “Eleven?”

  He stood abruptly. “Sounds good,” he said, overly loud.

  “What’s good?” Mundy appeared beside us.

  “Life.” He held out her chair and pushed her in. With a smile, he left.

  I didn’t watch him go, preferring to busy myself with pretending to solve a chemistry problem.

  “Ash adores you.”

  “He does.”

  “You adore him.”

  “I do.”

  Her laugh was triumphant. “I knew it.”

  “I think his friends do too. That worries me.”

  “Well, stop it.” Unzipping her backpack, she whipped out her tablet and smacked it on the table. “English?”

  “Sure.” She was right. I ought to stop worrying.

  I allowed myself a tiny smile. It was time to trust this.

  * * *

  I arrived at school early enough on Tuesday morning to drop by the computer lab. Mrs. Barber wasn’t in sight, although the cup of steaming coffee signaled she couldn’t be far.

  My e-mail was full with over a hundred messages. Odd. The subject line from Mundy leapt out at me. Check candids page. I brought up the school’s web site.

  “Eden?”

  The word shivered over me, leaving goose bumps in its wake. I could become addicted to the way Ash said my name. As a little kid, I’d hated Eden. My name had been a big joke, which made me a big joke, but Ash made it sound lovely and unique.

  I scanned the lab until I found him standing in the entrance. “Why are you here?”

  “You really have to ask?” He gestured toward the computer lab’s office. “Is Mrs. Barber in there?”

  “No.
” My heart thumped in anticipation.

  He crossed to the office and disappeared from view. I hurried after him and, boom, collided with his body. His nice, solid, welcoming body.

  Ash wrapped me in a hug. “I missed you.”

  “I missed you, too.” Twining my hands around his neck, I drew his mouth down to mine.

  “Mmmm,” he murmured against my lips. “We’ll have to do this more often.”

  “Agreed.” I hadn’t expected to be alone with him until later this afternoon. This was an awesome surprise.

  “Eden?” Mundy’s shout echoed through the lab.

  Her timing was bad.

  “Ignore her,” he said, but there was resignation underneath the words.

  “Let me check. She sounds upset.” I poked my head out the office door. “What do you need, Mundy?”

  Her eyes focused on me, wide with alarm. “You haven’t checked the candids yet.”

  “I will.”

  “Do it now.” Her voice rasped. “This is crazy.”

  Her urgency got through to me. I exchanged a concerned glance with Ash before returning to my chair. The Campus Candids page held several new shots which had been uploaded Monday. I scanned them quickly and found the image she wanted me to see at the bottom.

  Holy. Shit.

  It was a black-and-white shot, stark in its beauty. The sun had been low on the horizon, preparing to sink behind the dunes at the beach. In the foreground, the ocean had been gray and choppy. A teen couple, absorbed in each other and oblivious to the rest of the world, leaned against a wooden pillar of a pier at North Topsail Beach, the boy standing behind the girl, cradling her in his arms. While he buried his face against her neck, she laughed at the waves washing up near their feet, her fair hair whipping in the breeze.

  The guy would be unrecognizable to all but those who knew him well; the sole telltale sign was a white crescent-shaped scar gleaming on his dark thumb.

  And the girl?

  She was a deliriously happy version of me.

  There wasn’t a person in the world who would look at this photo and think that couple was just friends.

  Ash dropped onto a computer chair and rolled it closer. “What’s up?”

  “The school’s web site.” Life was about to change.

  He made a choked gasp. “Where did that photo come from?”

  “I don’t know.”

  “Did you upload it?”

  “Of course not. Why would you think that?”