by Ruby Cruz
Mom, of course, was beside herself that Jane hadn’t immediately said yes to Charlie’s proposal. “Jane, dear, second chances don’t always come around. I’d hate for you to ruin this opportunity.”
“Mom, that’s where you’re wrong. Charlie should be the one worrying that he doesn’t screw this up, not me. He’s the one who’s getting a second chance here.” I was gratified to see that Jane’s rare display of firm resolve left Mom speechless for once.
~
Over the next few weeks, more details emerged about Charlie’s decision. Jane discovered that Charlie’s father had not been happy with his decision to leave Princeton and return to Meryton. Bingley Senior had thus punished his son by cutting him off from the family trust and relegating him to living in the resident’s quarters. Charlie didn’t mind the perceived demotion as he’d never felt comfortable living apart from the other residents because of his wealth. “So, you see,” he explained to Jane, “If we do get married, you’ll be married to a poor, country doctor. Do you think you could handle that?”
Jane was so upset and offended that he even thought that his wealth had been a consideration for her that she broke things off with him, an act that left her weepy and with me actually running interference for once.
Despite my resolve to stay out of the middle and to allow them to work things out on their own, Charlie cornered me at work one day and came to me for advice. “Lizzy, I don’t know what to do. She’s not returning my calls. She’s refusing to see me again. I know I screwed up again big time but I don’t want to lose her. What should I do?”
“Well, don’t be an idiot, for one. That was a stupid remark to make. The whole reason why you broke up with Jane the first time around was because you thought she was after your money. Didn’t you think she’d be just a little angry if you insinuated she’d be upset that you weren’t rich anymore?”
In frustration, he hit his palm against the side of his head. “I am an idiot. I hate this. I hate not knowing what to do. You’re her sister. Tell me what to do.”
“Charlie, I’m sorry but I’m not going to baby you through the whole process. This is something you need to figure out on your own because if you and Jane are going to have any shot at being happy together, you have to get to know her, all of her, the good and the bad. She’s sweet and kind, yes, but right now she’s a mama bear protecting her cub so she’s at her most vicious. The most advice I can give you is to proceed with extreme caution because your next move might just get you ripped to pieces.”
“Not being with her is killing me. If she doesn’t forgive me, I might as well be shredded.”
That evening, I broke my resolve and talked to Jane. “I saw Charlie at work today.”
“Don’t start with me, Lizzy. I’m not in the mood.” She was wearily chopping vegetables for dinner while Chloe tugged at her legs to be picked up.
“I’m not starting anything. I was just stating a fact. He wanted advice about how to make things better with you.”
“And what did you tell him?”
“I told him not to be an idiot, a statement he began to appreciate after I set him straight.”
“I really thought he was one of the good ones. I really did. He’s a little dim when it comes to relationships but he has a good heart.” She put down the knife and leaned over the counter. Even though her hair covered her face, I could hear the tears in her voice. “Why do I keep falling for guys who disappoint me? Do I have a big sign on my forehead that says, ‘Sucker?’ I sure feel like I do.”
“It’s because you’re the opposite of me and you actually want to see the best in people, even if their best is probably pretty bad. Honestly, I do think Charlie is one of the good ones. He can be misguided and a little immature, but like you said, his heart is in the right place. And he does love you. He’ll do anything for you. Not many guys would be willing to give up a prestigious and lucrative career in order to be with the woman he loves.”
“Yeah, but does that make him even more of an idiot? I don’t know, Lizzy. I want to give him a chance. I want to be with him because I love him more than I’ve ever loved any guy. I just can’t stand it if I’m disappointed again. I need for him to believe in us. To believe in me, unconditionally, and I feel like he doesn’t. I don’t ever want him second guessing his decision to be with me.”
“Well, then, why don’t you stop telling me what you want and tell him what you want? I understand not wanting to be disappointed and not wanting to get hurt. I totally get that. And I’m not saying that you should just forget everything that he’s done.”
“Then what are you saying?”
“I just think that maybe you should just be honest with him and get it all out there. You can’t have a healthy relationship if you’re going to be scared all the time and not communicate. If the past year has taught me anything it’s that you can’t judge people based on a first impression or even a second impression. It takes more than a few conversations to really get to the heart of a person.”
“Are we talking about me anymore?” Jane’s eyes searched mine knowingly.
I ignored her question and continued, “Look. I don’t doubt that Charlie’s a good guy, probably even a great guy, but he was misguided and immature and he handled things really badly. If you think you can move past all that and try to build a relationship together, then I’ll do what I can to help you, but I can’t make your decision for you. Only you can decide if he’s worth the risk.”
~
Three months later, Jane was sporting a pretty diamond on her finger.
Unsurprisingly, Mom was over the moon with the news of Jane’s engagement. She made sure that the engagement announcement went into the Sunday paper as soon as it was to go to press, and called every single one of her friends to impart to them the wonderful news. Because of the fallout with Bingley Senior, the wedding could not be held at the Netherfield mansion as she had dreamed. Jane preferred a long engagement, however, and Mom held onto the hope that when the wedding date arrived the following year, the rift between father and son would be mended in time for the wedding to take place.
CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE
Anyone Less Worthy
With Jane and Charlie getting married, my decision to go back to school was made much easier. With the responsibilities that came with coursework and clinicals, I’d feared that I would be abandoning Chloe, but with Charlie wanting to be more involved in Chloe’s care, he eagerly volunteered to start helping out. Even though Charlie began living in the resident’s quarters and Jane and I maintained our townhome, among the three of us, I felt that we formed an odd sort of family unit and a part of me was beginning to feel a bit left out.
Despite Jane’s assertions that I would always be Chloe’s aunt and a major part of her life, with Charlie in the picture serving as the father figure, a part of me felt there wasn’t as big of a place for me anymore. The situation had me feeling quite melancholy, especially when I considered that this time next year, the two of them would be married and living in their own place.
I was happy for Jane, really, I was, just as I was happy for Luke that he’d finally found his place in life. I guess I was just afraid of what changes might occur, of losing the close bonds I had with my sister and niece. As much as I was looking forward to school and starting something new and different, I feared that it would be a poor substitute for the time I currently spent with my family.
Charlie’s involvement in Chloe’s care meant that I had more time to spend visiting Aunt Jo. She’d flourished while undergoing her rehab at Pemberley and was able to be discharged home safely. Ana had arranged for outpatient therapy with the horses once a week. When that therapy was no longer needed, she invited Aunt Jo to come ride whenever she’d like, another gesture from the Darcy family I’d never be able to repay.
I was treating Aunt Jo and myself to mani-pedis when she asked me about Darcy. “Whatever happened with you and the doctor? You don’t talk about him any
more and he doesn’t ask me about you during our appointments.”
“Nothing. I told you, that ship has sailed. We don’t even see each other anymore at work and when we do, we don’t talk about anything other than our patients. I can’t blame him. I’m the one who asked for things to be kept strictly professional between us.”
She shook her head. “I don’t get it. I saw with my own eyes how you two were with each other.”
“It’s fine. I’ll be much busier anyway once I start school in the fall, so between school and work and taking care of Chloe, I won’t have much time for anything else.”
She patted my hand, a look somewhat akin to sympathy on her face, but she said no more about the subject.
~
With the end of summer came the Nurses Gala again. Because the Netherfield mansion was not available this year, the fundraiser was being hosted at the Meryton Inn, the usual local venue for weddings and such events. My unit had been nominated for the Interdisciplinary Teamwork award and we had all been ecstatic to learn that we’d actually received the award.
Like the previous year’s gala, my manager entered names into a hat to see who would attend with her. As award recipients, we were allowed two nurses in addition to the ones sponsored by Meryton Cardiology Associates. Even though I’d attended the gala the previous year, my manager had endorsed me to be one of the award recipients, citing my commitment to teamwork and professional interactions with other disciplines in advocating for my patients. I was flattered that I was so highly regarded by my manager and peers and felt that my decision to return to school was even more justified.
I wore the Calvin Klein sheath I’d bought in New York. I felt attractive and sexy on the outside even though on the inside I felt somewhat wretched. None of my friends were with me that evening. Jane had to work so Charlie was babysitting, Lydia had attended last year so she wasn’t eligible to attend unless she paid her own way (an expense that George apparently wouldn’t allow), and Kate had charge of her kids again that weekend. Mary was again on the planning committee, but had so many responsibilities that she couldn’t spend any time with her other co-workers. I supposed I had a good enough time with my other co-workers, but I missed Luke and my other friends.
I was taking a breather from the dancing and nursing a glass of cabernet when I looked across the room and saw him. Darcy.
I wasn’t prepared for the physical response of seeing him again. My heart constricted and my stomach roiled and my face was so hot I thought it had caught fire. I couldn’t look at him directly, not if I wanted to maintain my composure. Never in my life had I felt like this for anyone or anything.
I considered escape but dismissed the thought as cowardly. I couldn’t avoid him, not when every part of me wanted to be with him. The knowledge was more than embarrassing, it was torture.
What was worse was that he was with Caroline. While he hadn’t yet noticed me, I saw her gaze capture mine and a smug, knowing smile fluttered over her expression. I’ve disliked many people but I don’t think I’ve ever fully hated another human being until that moment, not even George. Instead of letting her bait me, I raised my glass slightly in salute and turned away. I was done playing games with her. I was…just done.
I hated knowing I was defeated, not that this was a competition or a game. I hated that she knew my weakness and I hated myself for acknowledging it.
Even though I didn’t attempt escape (although I longed desperately for it), I did manage to excuse myself from polite conversation to make my way towards the bar. While I couldn’t physically leave, I could attempt at least to dull the pain with some sort of alcoholic beverage. I traded my wine glass for a snifter of single malt which, to the surprise and chagrin of the bartender, I downed in one, fiery gulp. The burn was nearly unbearable and my eyes watered with the sensation. I signaled for another when I heard the snark.
“Drowning your sorrows?”
“Just trying to get through this mundane evening, Caroline.” I picked up the refilled snifter, though I did not drink. I could already feel the alcohol burning a hole through my gastric mucosa and I felt slightly nauseated.
Caroline had somehow extracted herself from her circle of friends and was standing before me, her face glorious in her victory. “How is your stepsister enjoying married life?”
Her smug tone infuriated me. For her safety, I carefully set the snifter back onto the bar, otherwise I would have hurled it into her beautiful, smirking face. “She and George have found their own place so I suppose she’s happy.”
“How lovely. You must be happy to know that another one of your sisters was able to scrounge off the Bingley dime.”
“What are you talking about?”
“Don’t be coy with me, Lizzy Bennett. I know you were with Will the night of your stepsister’s…unfortunate situation.” Her eyes lost their smug look and became predatory. “I know you convinced Will to charter the Bingley company plane so that he could find George Wickham for you and pay off his debts.”
Annoyance was replaced by shock. I had been under the impression that nobody had known of Darcy’s connection with Wickham, but Caroline acted as if she’d known all along what had happened, about George’s predilection for gambling, everything. Even more, I was shocked by the knowledge that Darcy had done so much to save Lydia, chartering the Bingley plane, paying off all that money. My mind reeled with the information. “How do you know all this?” I finally asked.
“Darcy and I are…close. After all, he is my brother’s best friend and we’d been practically living together for a year.”
Ugh, could she be more repellant? Her words nauseated me even more. “Well, thank you, Caroline, for clarifying things for me.”
I made to escape but she caught my arm. “That’s it?” She now appeared bemused, even confused. “That’s all you have to say?”
“What else do you want me to say?” I think the alcohol was starting to seep into my brainstem because my head was feeling fuzzy. I didn’t have the patience to try to understand Caroline anymore. “Congratulations? Well, okay. Good for you, Caroline. You finally got what you’ve wanted.”
Her eyes narrowed. “What is it you think that I want?”
“Darcy. You and your smug attitude, knowing things about him that aren’t common knowledge. I’m not stupid. I know you’ve been after him ever since I’ve known you. And now you have him.”
She laughed triumphantly. “Is that jealousy I detect?”
Because I desperately didn’t want her, of all people, to know how I felt, I lied. “Why would I be jealous of you?”
“Come on, I know you’re not innocent. Finagling you and your sister into my home so you could insinuate yourselves into Will’s and my brother’s lives. Your sister may have succeeded in charming her way into my brother’s bank account but you’ll never get Will Darcy.”
“What makes you think I want Will Darcy?”
“What woman doesn’t? He’s rich, handsome, intelligent, successful… he’s a fantasy, one I’m happy to say you haven’t realized.”
“Well, now that you’ve cleared that up for the both of us, you can have your go at him.”
My nonchalance appeared to frustrate Caroline and she blocked my way again. “Maybe I will. Not that I enjoy having your leftovers, but I have to admit that I suspect Will would be yummy the second and third time around. I could probably enjoy him indefinitely.”
“Good luck with that, but I have to say that I hope he chooses better.”
“You think he would choose you over me?”
Instead of directly answering her, I said, “Darcy once told me that I deserved better than someone…that I deserved more than that person could offer me. I don’t know if he was completely right in that situation, but I do know that he deserves better than us. He’s an extraordinary man and not because he’s smart or rich or successful. He’s extraordinary because he gives a damn about the world, because he’s a great brother and
friend, and because he would go out of his way to help someone, even a complete stranger, if they really and truly needed it. If you think you deserve a man like him, then by all means, I wish you luck.”
With those words, I extricated myself and walked away.
~
The scotch in my empty stomach burned unpleasantly and I needed air. I hurried through the lobby and pushed through the exit and into the cool night. I couldn’t see the stars but the moon shone brightly, a faint haze surrounding it and reminding me somewhat of a dandelion gone to seed. The air chilled me. I remembered that I’d left my wrap in the ballroom but I was in no mood to return inside to retrieve it. I shivered and hugged my bare arms.
My encounter with Caroline and the alcohol in my system had left me with a slight headache. Why had I said all those things to Caroline? Why had I let her bait me? I could have just walked away from her, I could have just thanked her for the news about George but the shock of knowing that Darcy had confided in her, that Darcy had been the one to save Lydia…that knowledge made me love him even more.
There, I said it. I was in love with William Darcy. The full realization of my feelings had my heart aching at the futility of the situation. I’d had my chance with him. He’d declared his feelings for me, kissed me, and I’d repaid his sincerity and courage with a slap in the face and severe rebuff. After our time at Pemberley, however pleasant, and after Lydia’s return, he’d made no attempt to contact me. In fact, tonight was the first time I’d actually physically seen him in weeks. I wiped at the sudden moistness in my eyes.
I was so engrossed in my thoughts that I missed the footsteps until they were upon me. “Lizzy?”
My breath caught and I turned. There he was, so handsome that I could barely look at him. I took another futile swipe at my eyes and cleared my throat, which had suddenly gone dry. “What are you doing out here?”