“Angel, God isn't like that.”
“Well, if He loved me, He wouldn't allow me to go through this.”
“He knows your heart. He knows deep down inside you didn't mean what you said. We don't know the reason for any of this. We just have to trust Him. We're just going to believe in your healing. Remember, the doctor didn't say you had to have the surgery yet, so we're going to have to do some serious praying over this issue.”
“Lexi, all I know is that right now, everything is going wrong. God's not going to help me. I haven't been going to church. I don't even care about church. What can God do for me that I already haven't done for myself?”
“He can save your soul. Aren't you tired of hurting and feeling bitter? Angel, you haven't been able to have a real relationship since your divorce. God not only can heal your body, but He can heal your mind and your spirit, too. Why don't you come to Bible study with me tonight?”
“I'm really not in the mood. Besides, most ministers seem money hungry to me. All they do is beg.”
“Angel, just give my church a chance. We're supposed to tithe. My pastor is educating us on that right now. There were a lot of things I didn't understand in the Bible, and I had some of your same reservations. I always thought preachers took money for their personal use. Tithing is in the Bible and it does work. When I tithe, which I have to admit I have missed the last two Sundays, God does great things. He blesses me financially as well as in nonmonetary ways. I can't remember the last time I was sick. He has protected me and kept me safe. He has stretched the money I do have. He has given me an office where I don't even have to pay for office space on a regular basis. God just wants you to obey His word. Angel, please come tonight, it's important.”
“I don't know, Lex, I'll think about it. Give me directions to the church. I'll call you back at about four o'clock to let you know if I'm coming.”
“Alright.”
sat in the pew and tried not to let my thoughts distract me from the sermon. Angel hadn't called by the time I left the office, so I just came by myself. Still, I promised to pray for Angel when I got to the service.
The praise and worship portion began and I got comfortable in my seat. As I listened to the music, my spirit started to lift a little. Although I didn't feel like being there, I promised I wasn't going to quench the Spirit. I needed to allow God to really take over my soul. Just when I was about to sing a verse of “Alone in His Presence,” I happened to look to my right a few rows up and saw Kyle.
Is he with that woman? It took everything I had to keep from standing up for a better view. My eyes started to water a bit. This hurts, God. I held out. I wanted to be the one on his arm at church. Why not me? Why can't I be appreciated?
I choked back the tears, for I was about to blow. I found myself about to get furious at God. I was hurt, devastated. I came to church for deliverance and had gotten this.
But then, suddenly, I felt calm and peace. Something inside of me awoke!
Not my will, but Thy will be done. What God has for me, nothing can take it away, I whispered silently to myself. At that moment in my heart, I was reminded that God had someone special for me. I just had to wait.
When Pastor Graves had altar call, I almost ran up to the front. Tonight, I didn't care who was watching. I really needed to hear from God on some issues. When I got to the altar, everyone held hands at Pastor Graves's instruction. I bowed my head and listened to his prayer. Then, he instructed everyone to lift his or her own petitions to God.
Lord, I come to you now with thanksgiving and praise. God, You said to “ask, seek, and knock and it shall be given unto us.” Lord, I am coming to You as Your child in a time of need. I am coming to You on behalf of my friends and others. Lord, I ask that you give my friend Capri wisdom over her situation at her job. God, work everything out for the good. I also ask that You heal her grandmother and protect her sister, Trina. Second, help Jewel to find a job. Give her wisdom also. Lord, I particularly want to say a special prayer for Angel. Please help her to receive the knowledge of Your kingdom. Heal her body. Let her know You are not punishing her. Remove the bitterness and hurt from her heart. Finally, while on others Thou are calling, do not pass me by. Please bless my law practice. I have been diligent. I haven't always paid my tithes, but Lord, I have really tried. I have tried to uphold Your principles. I have many bills due this week and I'm tired of borrowing. You said for us to be “lenders and not borrowers.” I don't know how You are going to do it, but I believe You are going to honor my diligence. You know my needs. I also want to pray for a Christian mate. Lord, I want to do it Your way. Please make me a suitable helper for the man You have chosen for me. And Lord, help Jermane keep her marriage bed pure. Help Rex stand up and be the man You have called him to be. Restore the oneness in their union. All these and many other blessings I claim in Jesus' name, Amen.
I walked toward my seat and felt like a ton of weight had been lifted off my shoulders. I still felt a little low, but I knew God had heard my prayers. Pastor Graves then began preaching about tithing.
“Before God wants you to give any tithes and offerings, he wants you. You are the first offering,” he said boldy.
Not this sermon again.
Tithing wasn't my issue. I had no problem with the concept, and I thought I'd heard all I needed to know on that subject. Outside of my last two checks, I'd been consistent with my tithing. But I made up my mind to receive the message.
Pastor quickly moved to talking about offering ourselves as a sacrifice. He said that no matter what level of your Christian walk you thought you were on, you must continue to grow.
I questioned myself. I knew I'd grown a lot since I'd joined the church, and I witnessed to people in my own way. However, I also knew I was in a comfort zone. In my heart, I knew God was calling me to an even higher level of maturity and spiritual development. He was calling me to trust Him with every issue in my life, including my personal life.
Just when Pastor moved into the time of invitation, I started feeling around in my purse for a mint. I looked in a zippered compartment and felt some paper. I pulled it out and it was a twenty-dollar bill that was crumpled up and obviously forgotten about. Lord, You do hear me! You're meeting my needs. Finding that money was encouragement. God, You do take care of me. You are the God of miracles. My heart was racing.
Just then, I looked up and just knew I was seeing things.
There was Angel, with a tear-stained face, walking down the aisle to give her life to the Lord.
My heart just flooded with emotion. I began to cry, too. Lord, forgive me for doubting You. All my prayers are not in vain. I stood up and clapped as I witnessed my friend receiving Christ as her personal savior. Others joined me and cheered as they watched their loved ones receive God.
Finally, the congregation settled down, with a few random Amens and hallelujahs sprouting up here and there. When the offering tray came around, I placed the twenty dollars in the tray and thanked God for what He was going to do with it. That night, He had done something great again. He was becoming more real to me, and I was thankful.
CHAPTER THIRTY-SEVEN
ermane watched Naegel as he adjusted the new curtains that he'd placed in the bedroom. He'd been in there most of the morning, arranging things, painting, and creating. Jermane couldn't help but notice how sexy he looked. He had on overalls folded at the waist and a tank top, and he worked in his bare feet.
“Are you ready to take a break?” Jermane asked, pretending that she'd just arrived in the doorway.
“Well, I almost don't want to stop here.”
“I have some coffee here. Or do you prefer juice, milk, or …”
“Do you have any wine?”
“Wine, well …”
“I hope I'm not being unprofessional. Wine relaxes me. It helps my creativity.”
“No, that's fine. I'll be right back.”
Jermane returned with two glasses of wine, some cheese, crackers, and fruit.
“What do you think so far?” he said, grabbing his glass.
“It's beautiful.”
They sat at the small bistro set he had positioned near the bay window. They both remained silent.
“You were jealous, weren't you?” he said.
“Jealous? Of what?” Jermane said, caught off guard.
“Jealous of my girlfriend, Kenya. It's alright. I've been wanting to talk about it for a while now. Jermane, you hide too many of your feelings. You need to express yourself more. We've been friends long enough for you to trust me. I love talking to you and being with you.”
“Naegel, I'm just not sure how I feel. I enjoy being around you, too. I love my husband. We have something special. I guess I'm just changing as a person. You allow me to grow and explore. You pay attention to me. You recognize things about me that no one else seems to realize. You let Jermane be Jermane. And, yes, I was a little jealous. When I looked at her, I knew that she loved you. I knew that despite your complaints, you cared for her, too. You two have a chemistry that almost seems electric, that I could totally feel and see. You both seem so sensual and in tune with each other.”
“Yeah, we do have a lot of chemistry, like I told you. And yeah, I love her, but I just don't know if I wanna be with her forever. She's sexy, fun, and crazy about me, and I can't get enough of her. But that's the problem, because we just don't ever seem to get that deep. But you, you're different. You're so elegant and intelligent. I could talk to you all day. Your thoughtfulness and innocence is sexy to me. Jermane, you are a very beautiful woman.”
Jermane didn't want to talk anymore. She knew she was in danger. She also knew she didn't drink on a regular basis. She slid her chair away from the table. She reasoned it was best to let him get back to work. He quickly stood up and grabbed her hand. Before she knew it, his hands were wrapped around her tiny waist. He pulled her back toward him. He just held her.
“I've been wanting to do this for a while,” he whispered into her ear.
Jermane didn't move, didn't say a word. She stood there, letting him hold her. He turned her around toward him, grabbed her face with both his hands, and began kissing her softly. She wrapped her arms around him and her hands were soon under his shirt, exploring his back. She kissed him, gently at first, then deeper.
A rush of passion engulfed them both. He loosened her hair and began running his fingers through it. He unbuttoned her blouse. He lowered her to sit on the edge of the bed. Jermane was in another world.
When she realized he was on his knees and pulling at her pants, she snapped back into reality.
“No,” she cried. “No,” she said again, louder, “please get up. Please.”
He jumped up, breathing hard. “I'm sorry. I am so, so sorry,” he said as he sat on the edge of the bed, rubbing his forehead with his hand.
Jermane didn't say anything. She began fixing her clothes. She grabbed the glasses of wine and sprinted to the stairs, leaving Naegel alone.
CHAPTER THIRTY-EIGHT
apri nervously paced back and forth in her office. One of the partners had called an impromptu meeting at two o'clock. She told herself she was worrying over nothing. She reminded herself that the last meeting she'd had with the partners was a good thing, so she continued to work and silently pray.
When it was ten minutes before two, she decided to head upstairs to the partners' suites. Although she kept telling herself it was going to be nothing, something in her spirit was just not right.
As she reached the receptionist's desk, she was instructed to go right in. This time the receptionist was not as friendly—not a good sign. This is it, I'm busted. Capri knocked on Bob Lentz's door. He was one of the other senior partners.
When she walked in, she felt a sudden coolness. Only two partners were in the room. She felt strange.
“Good afternoon, counselor. How are you today?”
“Well, I'll be doing much better once we get this meeting over with.”
“I know you're wondering what this is about. Would you like some coffee or juice first?”
“No, thank you. I had a big lunch.”
“Well, as I was saying, Capri, we've been very proud of you. We've invested in you, and our investment has truly paid off. You're a very talented attorney. We always like to think of our firm as being different from the others, like we're a family. We want to be able to say we trust one another. Do you agree that we have provided an excellent opportunity for you to advance here?”
“Yes. But … well … can you please get straight to the point?”
“Well, we always try to be very careful. We uphold the canon of ethics. Well … I'll just come straight out and say it. It is our understanding that you may have become intimately involved with one of our clients.”
Capri immediately gathered her thoughts. She wasn't surprised.
“Well, I, umm, Mr. Stanton and I are friends, however …” Capri felt her mouth take over. It was like an uncontrollable reaction. “Let me just lay it on the line. Yes, I agree. I've been given a great opportunity at this firm. But I've made the best of this opportunity. I've been dedicated and, might I add, brought plenty of money and clients in.” She folded her arms. I've proven myself time and time again. You've gone out of your way to make me feel like the chosen one. That's a lot to live up to. Nonetheless, though this may come as a surprise to you, life at the firm is not the be-all and end-all.”
“Well, Ms. Sterling, we all are chosen ones. Not everyone gets an opportunity to work in a firm like this.”
“An opportunity for what? An opportunity to work myself to death? An opportunity to be forced to socialize on Fridays and Saturdays when all I want to do is stay home and watch television? An opportunity to work for things I don't even have the time to enjoy? If you must know, yes, I am seeing Anthony Stanton. I do realize that it may be wrong, but I owe it to myself to be happy.
“Yes, gentlemen, I made a mistake. I got involved with a client. However, let me point out that when you thought it would be to your advantage, you didn't hesitate to introduce us. As a matter of fact, every time I turned around, you were seating us together at your functions. I was the bait, and Anthony was the fish. Why not use me to make sure you keep his business. Then things got messy when Fast-Trak retained you without letting you know they were already working on a potential endorsement deal with Tony. Gentlemen, I appreciate every opportunity that you have given me. However, my grandmother once told me never to be so dependent upon anything that you can't walk away from it.”
“Wait, Ms. Sterling, we may be getting a little too excited here and we wouldn't want …”
“I'm sorry, but as of today, I'm resigning from my position.”
“Ms. Sterling, we just wanted to talk to you, to hear your side, to be fair. Dating a client is serious. We have to protect ourselves. We just want to prevent any problems.”
“I understand, but this is not about you or the firm anymore. I realize you have to do your jobs and protect the firm's reputation. This is a decision for me. I realize how much I've been living my life for other people. It's time for me to live my life the way that I want to. Don't worry. Mr. Stanton has a lot of trust in his attorney. I'm quite sure he will continue to retain your services.”
Before they could say anything else, Capri left the office and rushed to the elevator. It was good no one was in there. She began to shake violently and had to hold her stomach. Pull it together, pull it together. She took deep breaths, checked her face in the mirror, and straightened her suit jacket. By the time the elevator opened, she looked as though nothing had happened. She lifted her head and pulled her shoulders back. With a confident, calculated stride, she walked toward her office. She was determined to exit with dignity.
CHAPTER THIRTY-NINE
felt like this day was going to be another bad one. Despite praying a lot this particular morning, I still felt down. I made up my mind to try to have a good attitude.
I'd been doing a lot of thinking lately about m
y career. I was beginning to wonder if I had what it takes to be an attorney. I wasn't talking about my actual skills, just my mental capacity to play the games that lawyers have to play at times. It was a very competitive field, and to try and do things “right” all the time made making it even harder. I wondered if I'd made a mistake. People had told me that private practice would be too hard. Others had warned that the big firms would eat me alive and overburden me with paperwork.
I was barely breaking even so far, but I wanted to hang onto my faith.
“So much for faith,” I said as I began to clear off my desk. Just as I was about to sink into depression, the phone rang.
“Law office.”
“Yes, I would like to speak with Attorney Parker please.”
“This is she, how may I help you?”
“Ms. Parker, this is Edward Freeman of Freeman, Byers and Boles. How are you today?”
“Oh, I'm doing just great. What can I do for you?”
“Well, I'm calling on behalf of our client, Toy-Time. We're ready to make a second settlement offer on the Hudson case.”
“Well, would you like to meet or would you like to make the offer now?”
“Since we have attempted a formal mediation once, we can discuss the offer verbally. Then if your client accepts, we can meet for the final details.”
“What is your offer?”
“Two hundred fifty thousand dollars.”
I tried to compose myself. This was a product liability case, and my client had only expected half that much. I was sure she would accept that offer. I had to take a deep breath before responding.
“Mr. Freeman, I have to reach my client. I'll have an answer for you by this afternoon. I'll give you a call then.”
“That will be fine.”
After taking down his direct number, I reached for my client's number. I knew exactly where my file was, because I'd been waiting on this call for a while. After I called and received authorization to accept the offer, I tried to call Attorney Freeman back to set up a meeting to finalize the agreement. I tried two times, but he was in meetings. The last time I left a message. I was on pins and needles. In the midst of my anxiety, I realized that God had answered my prayer.
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