by CeeCee James
I nodded. I already knew that after today.
“You ain’t surprised?” He pursed his lips and whistled. “You really are a little spy-mouse, aren’t you?”
“I think it’s not that hard to believe,” I said to my defense. “And I’m not a mouse.”
“Gee, get a little make-up on you and your dander fires up as well, hmmm?” He smiled again. “I like that.”
I crossed my arms and arched an eyebrow.
“Whoa! Whoa! Whoa!” he said, his hands up. “I’m not hitting on you. You look like you need friends. I want you to know I’m willing. I can be a good friend.”
I nodded, but my guard was up. Way up. “Thanks,” I said. I smiled slightly and shook my hair over the side of my face.
Don’t hide. Stop hiding, I told myself. It took everything I had, but I flipped my hair out of the way. Shoulders back, head up.
His eyebrows lifted in question.
“If that’s all the gossip you have, then I need to get busy. I have to curry Prancer before the show.”
“Oh! Yes, of course.” He jerked away from the door. “Well, I’ll be seeing you. And I guess, you should probably try to get along with Tiffany since she’s cozying up to the Ringmaster and all. She’ll be the boss around here soon.”
I nodded. I wasn’t too worried, having just seen her scoop her shoes out of the dust a bit ago. But I wasn’t sharing that information with him.
Vincent waved goodbye and then strode off. His cowboy boots scuffed in the dirt. On his way out, he stroked one of the horse’s nose who poked its head from its stall. Then he was gone.
I leaned against the stall door and shook my head. What a day. Prancer lipped my hair over the doorway.
“Hey, give that back,” I said, jokingly. He released my hair and nuzzled the top of my head instead. “You’re a good boy. Aren’t you? Such a good boy.”
I rubbed his chin and thought about how that conversation went. I had never had someone straight out ask me if we could be friends. I definitely was suspicious. He had a dark look in his eyes that never entirely disappeared no matter how big his smile got. I hadn’t forgotten how he’d gone after Tiffany in the wardrobe tent. He went into one category, no matter how nice he was to me or how much Sally liked him.
Dangerous.
Why was Vincent in Prancer’s stall, and what had he fed my horse? Was it really just an apple core? I studied my horse in concern, but the animal seemed fine. I opened the door and nudged him back. For me, he moved willingly.
I found the curry brush on the bench and then brushed his mane and tail.
“You look beautiful,” I told him.
When his coat was as glossy as a Polaroid picture, I left the brush on the top of the stall door and then collapsed into the straw in the corner. Someone—maybe Jerry—had just mucked Prancer’s stall and the scent of clean straw lifted around me warm and sweet.
I placed my arms behind my head and looked up. This was one more safe place for me, and I felt uneasy that Vincent had barged in.
I sat up as a thought hit me. What if he’d come in here with something to hide? I started digging around through the straw. Prancer watched me, exhaling a rush of air.
“Did he put something in here, Sweetheart?” I sifted through the bedding until I felt the dirt floor. I swept my hands along the floor.
Bingo.
Something small and hard and rectangle. I pulled it out.
It was a red wallet.
A wallet? I opened it up to see a picture of Claudette. Only her name wasn’t Claudette, but Tracy Bosworth, of Cincinnati, Ohio.
The rest of the wallet was empty with the exception of a small picture in the billfold part. I slid it out and squinted in the dim light. It was a struggle to make it out.
The shot was of an older couple who looked to be in their sixties. The woman had short curly gray hair and glasses. The man had his arm on her shoulder. I flipped the photo over, but there was no writing.
“Trixie!”
I jumped as the voice yelled at me. Guiltily, I looked up.
It was Jerry. His cute face had just a hint of stubble showing he needed to shave. I smiled until I notice he was staring at me with a kind of strange expression. I dropped my hand that held both the wallet and picture to my side.
“What?” I asked. “You okay? Why are you looking at me like that?”
He shook his head as though waking up out of a trance, and pushed his longish hair back off his forehead. His muscles drew the shirt fabric on his arms tight. “Uh, I’ve been looking everywhere for you.”
“You have?” I was confused.
“Yeah. Uh—” He stared at me again, seemingly at a loss for words.
Oh no. He was going to ask me about the wallet. I knew it. The leather billfold felt like a burning coal in my hand.
“It’s Marla. She’s sick. So you need to do the pony rides this afternoon,” he said quietly.
I blinked hard, trying to digest that he wasn’t going to point a finger at me and scream “Murderer!”
Pony rides. “Okay, sure.” I nodded.
“What—what did you do to your face?” he asked and then blushed.
I put my hand up to my cheek. I’d completely forgotten the makeup that Sally had put on me this morning.
I smiled at how he was blushing. “It’s makeup. Sally was messing around.”
He nodded. His jaw moved like he was chewing the inside of his cheek. “Well, anyway. Go to the pony rides. They’re waiting for you.”
“Okay,” I wanted him to go, needed him to go, so I could hide the wallet again. He stared at me for a moment longer, and then with a small smile, he walked away.
12
I stared down at the wallet. But what do I do with this? I shuffled the picture back inside and snapped it close. I didn’t dare leave it where I found it. Jerry might discover it when he mucked the stall again. No. I needed a better hiding spot.
The horses in the barn grew quiet, spookily so. I glanced up and listened. Normally there was swishing, huffing, or stomping of hooves.
Now, there was nothing.
I slowly slid the wallet in my pocket. Prancer looked up. His ears pricked forward and his tail flicked nervously.
“What’s going on, buddy?” I whispered.
Two stalls down, a black horse named Jessup gave a shrill neigh. I jumped and hid next to Prancer.
“Hello?” I called.
There was no answer. Other than Jessup’s skittish pacing in his stall, I heard nothing else.
A cold feeling came over me. I can’t explain it other than I felt watched. I pressed into Prancer’s shoulder, suddenly afraid to leave his stall and walk past it, whatever it was. All I could think of was the black shadow. Had it come back?
Prancer’s coat smelled clean and horsey. I clung to his warmth and strength. His muscles flexed, and he huffed warm air against my neck. I held him and tried to control my nerves.
“It’s just your imagination,” I whispered.
“Trixie!” Jerry called from the entrance of the stable. “You coming or what?”
And, just like that, the evil feeling cleared, as though banished by his voice.
I stroked Prancer one more time and kissed his nose in gratefulness. “See you later, buddy.” Then I ran out of the stall.
“He’s a special horse,” Jerry said as if giving me an excuse on why I’d delayed.
“He sure is,” I answered, grabbing an apple from the basket at the entrance. “Hey, could you do me a favor?”
His eyebrow arched. “Yeah?”
I slipped my costume from around my neck. I felt embarrassed at its limp, dirty form. “Uh, is there any way you could hang this up in my wardrobe?”
He stared at the outfit like it was a drowned rat. Then his eyes snapped up to meet mine. He reached out his hand. “Yeah, sure.”
“There’s the initials LG on the front.”
“I can find it.”
“Thank you so much!” I bit my
lip as more enthusiasm than I meant oozed through.
“No problem. Well, they’re waiting for you. I’ve already got Chocolate Drop ready and hooked up. Have fun.” He grinned again, just a small cute one before his gaze flicked away. I swear, this was the most I’d ever seen him smile. Was it still the makeup?
I hurried to the pony arena. It was uncomfortable, all these strange stares because of some cosmetics on my face. Why did I let Sally do that?
There was a long line at the pony rides. I groaned and started to run.
It was always fun to lead pony rides. I had to laugh when the parents first saw me go inside the rink. First, they’d look around for my mother. Then, when they realized I would be the one guiding the pony, they would slowly slink away until the line was half the size of what it originally was. But after I went around the ring a few times, the lines would grow back as parents felt comfortable to let me escort their kids again.
Funny thing about parents.
I walked up to the dark brown pony and stroked his nose. Chocolate Drop was attached by a leather rope to a wooden spindle that looked similar to the spoke of a wheel. I led him around to the ladder where the kids would be able to reach the saddle.
“Good boy,” I said.
Chocolate Drop blinked long eyelashes at me as a little girl climbed on. She clutched the saddle horn and yelled, “Giddy yap!”
Her dad’s eyebrows scrunched low when he saw me.
“It’s fine,” I reassured him. “I do this all the time.”
He didn’t look too sure and spoke to his daughter, “Hang on tight, Elizabeth.”
I reached for the horse’s rope and started to walk. “Come on, Chocolate Drop.” I clucked my tongue.
The brown horse took a few steps and then simply stopped in mid-stride. He was stubborn and wanted to test me.
I knew how to get him going. I reached into my pocket for the apple that I’d brought specifically for this. This wasn’t my first rodeo manning the kiddie horse rides.
“Giddyap!” the little girl said again, bouncing in the saddle. I bit the apple and spat out the lump, then held the apple chunk in front of the horse’s mouth.
Chocolate Drop’s lips stretched to scoop it from my palm. I held it just out of reach until he took a few steps. I knew once I had him going again, he’d keep moving.
Chocolate Drop and I made it around the arena, and then I stopped him at the drop-off. The girl’s dad helped her off, looking a sight more reassured. She waved goodbye to me and ran off.
I smiled. Little kids might say some of the most obvious things to me, but they always made me feel good.
I spent about two hours doing pony rides. Then it was time for Chocolate Drop to have a break, and me as well. I was hot and sweaty and hungry after skipping breakfast. I went to my cabin to wash up and then headed for the chow tent.
The sun was setting, wrapping the circus in a gray cashmere blanket. I hurried inside the tent and nearly bumped straight into Tiffany. I started to shrink back when I remembered that didn’t work with her. I squared my shoulders and kept my place in line.
Tiffany didn’t spare me a glance. She crossed her arms and left the line. My jaw dropped as she continued right out through the door.
Vincent noticed as well because he sidled up next to me, making me turn in surprise. “Wow! She just gave you some reaction. You have her spooked, girl. Either she regrets slapping you, or she knows you know a juicy secret.” He laughed and squeezed my shoulders in his giant hands.
I froze, remembering the wallet. It was still in my pocket. He must have put it in there, right? I watched him like he was a black widow.
“I’ll catch you later,” he said, finally releasing me. He winked and walked away.
Shuddering, I closed my eyes and swallowed, suddenly feeling sick. Pull yourself together. You’re okay. You’re safe.
“Hey, you going to move or what?” said the guy behind me. The line had already moved, and there was a large gap ahead of me.
“Sorry.” I lurched forward and grabbed a plate. I took my sandwich and headed outside.
My hiding spot in the hay maze wasn’t safe to go to right now, with all the circus guests here. I decided instead to take my late lunch to the dog kennels.
It wasn’t because of Jerry. I didn’t have any ulterior motive, I swear.
I walked inside and sat on a covered garbage can. I knew from previous times that it contained dog food. The dogs all barked and leaped at their gated fences to greet me. But, after a few moments, they quieted back down.
I thought about Tiffany getting kicked out of the Ring Master’s cabin this morning. He’d even thrown her shoes after her. But what had he said? “You came last week and I told you to leave.”
What was her reason for coming a week earlier? The Ringmaster was obviously with Claudette at the time.
I bit my sandwich and swung my feet. The dog kennel was a pleasant place. Jerry did a good job of keeping everything clean.
It was then I caught movement in between two of the kennels. I jerked, startled. Jerry was sitting there. When he saw me, he gave a sheepish wave.
“Hey,” he said. He stood up and shoved the last bite of his sandwich in his mouth. “Did you have fun with Chocolate Drop? He give you any trouble?”
I hardly knew what to say. It was one of the first times anyone got the drop on me. I was a little shocked.
“Sorry,” he said, pushing his food to his cheek. He ducked his head. “You were sitting there for so long. I didn’t know what to say. I didn’t want to scare you.”
“No, it’s fine.” I was anything but fine. A hot blush crept up my cheeks. I tried to cover. “Chocolate Drop was great.”
“Glad to hear that. Hey, I took care of your costume. It’s all good.”
“Thanks. I appreciate that. Chocolate Drop probably didn’t want to wear it.”
I blushed at my corny joke, but Jerry laughed. He grabbed a ball from his pocket and started bouncing it. This made the dogs excited again. He opened the kennel and let a few of the yipping animals out.
“This is our exercise time.” He explained before tossing the ball down the length of the tent.
The little dogs scurried happily after it, barking up a storm. There was no more talking. Neither one of us could be heard.
One of the dogs pranced back, clearly the winner with the ball in his mouth. His tail wagged while the other dogs jumped over each other to try and get it from him. The animal dropped it in front of Jerry, who chucked it again.
They went through this scenario several times. The last time, Jerry tucked the ball back in his pocket and sat on the floor. The dogs overwhelmed him with doggy kisses. It was adorable, although he smiled like he was a little embarrassed. After a few moments, the dogs settled down with Jerry scratching ears and backs.
“They sure love you,” I noted.
“Yeah. They’re good dogs.”
“You do amazing with them. With Prancer too. I mean, his stable is always so clean.”
“Thanks. It’s not much, but I love my job.”
I picked a stray piece of straw that had somehow found its way in my hair, then decided to come straight to the point. “Hey, I wanted to ask you if you found anything strange in Prancer’s stable, recently.”
“No. Why?” he asked. I stifled a smile to discover he was as blunt as I was.
“I found Vincent petting Prancer today. He fed him an apple.”
Jerry shrugged, unimpressed. He scratched a dog’s belly, making the animal’s leg kick.
I could tell I wasn’t making my point clear. “The thing is, Vincent was in the stall.”
That grabbed Jerry’s attention, and he stopped. “With the horse?”
“Mmhmm.”
He scratched the dog again. “Okay. I’ll keep my eye out.” He stood up and whistled. “Come on, boys.”
He called them over to an obstacle course where he led them through their routine as practice for the evening show. It was a goo
d reminder that I needed to get ready myself. Little Lady Godiva was required to make an appearance soon.
The costume tent was bustling with entertainers getting ready. I was nearly stepped on as I hurried to my wardrobe for my costume. I unzipped the bag. Jerry really did do what he said. My nude bathing suit and flower sash hung there next to the silver mask.
I shimmied into the bathing suit, making sure I sucked in my gut as I pulled it up. Then I slid the mask over my face. After adjusting it to make sure the eye holes lined up, I sipped the flowers over my chest like a pageant queen’s banner.
I didn’t want to take out the blue barrette. My hand hesitated a moment before I finally unclipped it. I tucked it into the pocket alongside the dreaded wallet and then brushed out my long hair.
My hair shimmered like a black silk scarf. I appreciated it so much more after what Sally had said this morning. It fell over my shoulder in waves. I stared at it in the mirror and couldn’t help a smile, just a tiny one. For the first time, I was grateful for something about myself.
It was a good feeling.
Tiffany strode into the costume tent with her nose in the air. I wiped the smile off my face and avoided eye contact. She walked past me in a cold cloud and walked over to her garment bag.
“Have you been in my bag?” she asked, after unzipping it.
I glanced around, not sure she was talking to me. What an odd question. Why on earth would I be in her bag? Her clothing alone was six sizes bigger than the sizes I wore.
“No,” I said.
“I know you’ve been in my bag. You’ve moved my stuff somewhere. I’m onto you. And you’re going to get what’s coming. I promise.”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” I said. I didn’t want to back down.
She acted like I’d said nothing as she walked over to the next wardrobe bag and unzipped it, and then moved on to the next. For a few minutes, I watched her going down the line of them before I had to leave.
It was time to get Prancer ready.
13
It was nearly an hour more before it was my turn in the ring. I stood on sidelines, out of sight, watching with my beloved Prancer. He was patient, he knew his routine. I remembered the apple that I’d taken from the basket outside the stable, and polished it on my costume before taking a bite.