by Mia Ford
We were deep into it and not even the thoughts of impropriety were keeping me from coming up with some ingenious designs. I felt like we really did play off of each other well. If he wasn’t such an ass, then maybe I would have considered a long-term engagement with him.
It was almost quitting time and I did see that he was still dealing with the remnants of the hangover that he had gotten last night. I found myself showing him some mercy by using my thumbs and my fingers to massage some of that tension out of his shoulders. It was not meant to be sexual.
“I’ve no idea when was the last time that somebody gave me a massage. You do have magic fingers. I really don’t know what came over me last night.”
I felt like I was living in two pairs of shoes. The one that I was wearing currently was that of a professional young woman on the cusp of finding her passion. The one that I was afraid of falling into was those 4-inch pumps that accentuated my legs and made me feel ready to give him more than lip service.
“I thought that you needed this.” I actually enjoyed touching him.
My nipples were rubbing up against him. I wanted to give them the attention that they deserved, but I that would only be sending up the smoke signals from between my thighs.
“We have done more than enough. Amanda. Let’s treat ourselves to an Italian dinner on me. I can always claim it as a business supper. We can always come back and pick up where we left off.” His hands were touching mine and I didn’t know what to do. I played it off, going to get my coat and then opening up the door in a reversal of the gentleman role.
“I’m famished and I took the liberty of calling ahead to have our order placed. It should be ready by the time that we arrive. As you know, it is in walking distance and they have a table set up for us in the back.” He followed from behind and my attention to detail wasn’t necessarily limited to what was on my drawings.
“I don’t know what I did to deserve you.” There was nothing that I could say to that.
There was a chill in the air and I pulled my coat closer to my chest. He walked at a good clip, this time opening the door to the restaurant for me and then guiding me to the table in the back. We barely sat down when he ordered a bottle of champagne and had it chilled in a bucket.
“I thought that we decided that we weren’t going to have anything to drink.” I didn’t want a repeat performance of last night, although I really couldn’t get the feel of his hands off of my mind.
“I don’t see any harm in a little bit of the bubbly.” He popped the cork with a flourish, and then poured me half a glass with the foam reaching the top.
“I don’t mind, but I really don’t think that you want to go down that road again. I’m not your mother. I’m not going to tell you what to do. It’s your life.” I took a sip, feeling that it was tickling my nose and then I set it back down to watch for his reaction. I saw the hesitation in his eyes and he overcame that by downing that one glass in one swallow.
“I have heard that some people think that I have a problem, but I only drink during social occasions. It’s not like I have a trash bag full of empty bottles back home. I don’t mean to raise my voice, but I’m getting a little sick and tired of people trying to police my life.” I could understand where he was coming from and maybe we could build on those things that we had in common.
I had no interest in getting into a relationship. It was a dangerous play and one that was ripe with the kind of sexual tension that you could cut with a knife. He was not fooling me. There was that evil twinkle in his eye. It didn’t hurt that he proved my point by moving his sock covered foot up along my leg. It would have had more impact had I been wearing a skirt.
“I don’t think that it’s right for us to consider something more than a professional working relationship. It might be fun for a moment, but then things are ultimately going to turn awkward in the workplace. I enjoy working with you and I don’t want to do anything to upset that delicate balance.” I was letting him down gently. I was close to screaming and grabbing him by the collar, but I refrained myself from doing that.
“I speak from personal experience when I say that it would be a whole lot of fun. I don’t mean to brag, but I am pretty damn good. You can believe me or not. The only way that you’re going to find out is to put me to the test. We can start simple enough.” His leg had not stopped that constant movement of rubbing like a cricket against my own. He was getting very close to rubbing me in a way that was going to have me moaning in the kind of pleasure that I hadn’t had in quite some time.
I grabbed his foot and I twisted it in such a way that he grimaced in the kind of pain that I was hoping for. It would’ve been so much more gratifying to kick him between the uprights. That was the only language that a man understood when they were getting too hot to handle.
“I get the message. You can’t blame a guy for trying. It would’ve been interesting to mix a little bit of business with pleasure. I would have loved to chase you around the office barely dressed.” The food arrived and the aroma drew me to it like a moth to a flame. One bite and I was transported back to Italy.
I had gone there on a summer vacation courtesy of my mother meeting an Italian stallion that wanted to give her little girls a reason to like him. He was the only one of my mother’s suitors that took any interest in either me or Carol. I had a small crush on Antonio. He looked damn good out of his shirt. I was pretty impressionable at the ripe age of 16 with my hormones out of control. I’d actually spied my mother and him in a not so innocent embrace. It sickened me to my very core.
“I can see the appeal, but I’m really not in a good place. I just got out of a very long-term engagement. It left me broken into a million pieces and my heart can’t take anything more. I only wish that I was the type of girl that was willing to have sex just for the pleasure. I could seriously see myself doing unspeakable things to you. I could leave you spent, unable to say anything and have you wanting to come back for more. I really am insatiable and that can be pretty daunting to any man. You should count yourself lucky that you’re not one of my hit and run victims.” I was playing a part, completely lying through my teeth, but loving the way that he was on the edge of his seat.
“That makes me more than curious. You really do paint a vivid picture. Are you sure that there’s nothing that I can do to convince you to change your mind?” It was nice of him to ask than to assume that he could put his hands where they didn’t belong. It was a nice change of pace from the way that he acted last night.
“I’m afraid that you’re going to have to use your imagination. I can’t stop you from doing that, but I can put a stop to any idea that we can be more than work colleagues. I know that I’m probably going to regret this. You certainly do have everything going for you. I’m just not ready and I hope that you will respect my decision. I have a tendency to fall easily. I would probably become a vindictive stalker that would never leave you alone. Trust me; I’m doing you a favor by not subjecting you to that.” The lies were piling on top of one another. It was getting easier with each word that came out of my mouth.
“I appreciate the candor, but that doesn’t stop me from wondering. You might find me a little distracted at the office. I would give anything to be that sweater that you’re wearing. To feel the cushiony softness of your breasts would make me die a happy man.” His words conveyed his lust. I brought that on myself.
“You know what they say about curiosity killing the cat. If you were to spend 1 hour with me underneath the sheets, you would find out for yourself. You can’t handle a woman like me and why you insist on thinking that you can is only making you look foolish.” I had pulled out all the stops. He was staring at me, most likely thinking with the head on his shoulders and not the one between his legs.
“I’m glad that we talked about this beforehand. Giving it a little bit more thought, I don’t think that it would be a good idea to change the dynamic of our relationship. I want us to be able to work together without feeling that there h
as to be more to it than that.” As a man of his word, he did pay the bill and then we separated at the door with him walking back to the office and me taking a taxi back home.
It was another one of those nights where I had nobody on that cold side of the bed. It was made even worse because the heat had gone out in the building. I had no idea where Tina was, but I had a feeling that she wasn’t lacking male companionship.
I woke up several times shivering like mad and going to the closet to grab yet another blanket. By the time that the sun had risen, I had five blankets on top of me and feeling like a bear that was ready to hibernate for the winter.
I got up, running in a mad dash for the shower to take that chill out of my bones. The hot water only lasted for about 20 minutes, but without Tina being in the apartment with me, I was able to squeeze every little bit out of it.
As I threw my clothes on the bed, I thought about being that same chaste young woman, but I didn’t want him to have that kind of power over me. I decided on a peasant blouse and a snug black leather skirt with that zipper down the back. I wore something special underneath, just on the off chance that I could catch his wandering eye. I didn’t want to push the envelope, but I found it necessary to entice him without giving away the milk for free.
The purple leather jacket really was the only thing in my closet that was made just for me. Everything else had to be altered in some way. I’d made my own clothes because I liked it, but it was also out of necessity. There was one place that catered to women of my considerable size, but I didn’t feel right about stepping into those doors.
I went back into the office and this time it was nothing but business. He wasn’t putting me in a difficult position by making me feel uncomfortable in the very least. To be honest, I was feeling a little neglected. I might have done something that I couldn’t take back.
“I hope you know that you have real talent. I’m not just saying that and I mean every word from the bottom of my heart. I’m thinking about bringing on somebody full time and you might be the one that can fill the position. We’ll have to come to terms, but I don’t see that being difficult under the circumstances. I can be very accommodating, but you haven’t even expressed interest in staying here. Is this something that you would be ready to take on? I know that some freelancers like their independence and I can perfectly understand that. It’s just that I don’t think that I’ve ever had anybody working with me like a well-oiled machine. I’m reluctant to give that up. The one sticking point is if the client is going to like what we came up with.” He wasn’t trying to look down my blouse and I found that bending over didn’t make him that drooling dog.
“I sent you my designs because I wanted your honest opinion. I was not fishing for a job, but now that you have broached the topic, I might be convinced. I do like working with you, August. I don’t think that I told you that you were my inspiration for getting into this profession. Everybody has their heroes and the one that shapes them into who they are today. You were that for me.” I didn’t want to give him a swelled head to go with the one that was never going to take no for an answer.
The only way that I was going to dissuade that part of him was to dump a glass of chilled water into his lap. It was a known fact that shrinkage was something that a man deals with when they go swimming. I could’ve done that, but I took it as a compliment.
“I’ll be happy to draw up some papers, but not until after we meet with the client.” August was hedging his bets and hoping that I was the golden ticket. I wasn’t sure how he could put that much faith in me. I wanted him to be proud and for some reason, his admiration of my work was something that I coveted.
“I understand. I think that we have hit this one out of the park, but we really won’t know until we hear it from the client. I just want to go on the record to say that I appreciate that you have refrained from putting the moves on me. I think that it was for the best and that is not a road that I’m willing to travel. I didn’t mean to scare you, but I wanted you to know what you were getting yourself into,” My lie had worked way too well and his interest in me had waned a little bit too much.
“I have to say that I was a little taken back. I don’t usually have any problems getting a girl to sleep with me. Rejection is for other guys and maybe I did need a cold dose of reality. I can’t always assume that every woman wants to sleep with me. That makes me sound a little egocentric. You were the first that ever said no. It sometimes comes down to timing. You did say that you were interested, but you just got out of a long-term relationship. I’m not sure that I believe you and it really doesn’t matter. I find our working relationship not worth losing.” August had a way with words.
At the end of the day, we left to prepare separately for the meeting with the client in the morning. I came to him for that experience that I was lacking. Sending those blueprints was my way of self-destructing. I really didn’t expect him to answer back, let alone invite me to work alongside him. I thought that his rejection would be the final straw to make me forsake my dream from coming true. It had turned out better than expected and the way that he looked over my curves had me wishing that I didn’t throw cold water on his parade.
“I’m going to go home, put on some soft jazz and have a bubble bath. I would offer for you to come join me, but I think that we have already beaten that horse to death. I’m sure that you have your own ritual before a big meeting.” I was trying to open that window, but I was not willing to open up the door wide enough for him to think that he had a chance.
“Trust me, I’ve learned my lesson and you won’t have to worry about me putting the moves on you ever again. I look back at all those times that I treated women with disrespect and I want to call each and every one of them and tell them how sorry I am. Tonight is the first night that I’m going to go home and sleep alone. I don’t know what I was so afraid of and maybe the idea of growing old alone makes me reach out for any kind of cold comfort in the middle of the night.” I didn’t know that he had those kinds of insecurities. I’d always taken him for somebody that was strong and confident not having any idea that he was suffering some of the same things that I did.
“There’s no reason for you to be alone. Change your ways and let the women in your life see the chink in your armor. I’m going to tell you a secret about women. We do want strength, but we also want our man to have the ability to cry. We want them to show their softer side. Try being honest and you’ll be surprised by the results.” I had no idea why I was telling him any of this, except to say that I was feeling sorry for him.
“It’s a novel idea, Amanda and I might just take your unsolicited advice like I did with your designs. Look at how good that turned out. I’m usually an army of one, but having you to back me up has allowed me to live a little. Now that you mention it, there is something that I should do while it’s still fresh in my mind.” He moved the hair away from my eyes. I thought for sure that he was going to kiss me. He did, but it was more of a peck on the cheek. He didn’t need to know that I almost moved to intercept him with my mouth.
“The one thing that you need to know about women is that they don’t like playing games. Say it like it is, tell them what you really want and let them decide if what you are offering is good enough. Women want a man that is going to be there for them. It’s that cold spot on the bed that draws a woman to the bar at odd hours of the night. They find that unsuspecting victim and they think that they have to settle.” I was giving him way too much insight into the female mind, but I felt that he could benefit from my lessons.
“It is nice to hear the other side for a change. A man’s point of view only gets me so far. You’ve given me a lot to think about, Amanda and I really don’t know how to thank you. Let’s get some sleep and we’ll meet in the office at 7:00 AM to go over the details of those designs. Lionel is not going to know what hit him. I just hope that he’s open to new ideas. He already told me what he wants and it’s the same thing every time. If he wasn’t paying an exorb
itant amount of cash, I wouldn’t even consider debasing myself like that.” He walked towards his Lexus, a silver extension of his anatomy and it gave me the impression that he was making up for some kind of shortcoming.
I knew that it wasn’t what most women would think it was. He was not lacking in that department. I had no firsthand knowledge other than the way that he put it out there for everyone to see. That was not a rolled up pair of socks. That was the real thing and I had pushed him away because he was too forceful in his approach.
I felt like kicking myself. I wanted to believe that leopards could change their spots, but my personal experience told me otherwise. Men would say that they wanted to change, but they would always fall back on old habits. I didn’t want to nag him into being something that he wasn’t. It was better that we cut things off before it got any messier.
I was up all night going over those designs and putting the finishing touches on them. I tried to call him excited and wanting to share it with him, but the only thing that I got in response was his voice message service. I told him that it was no big deal and that I would see him in the morning. I was kinda hoping that he would reach out even if I was snuggled tight into my bed.
I finally got to sleep around 4:00 AM and that left me with 3 hours to dream about the possibilities. I woke up thinking that he was there with me. I lifted the sheet off of my naked body half expecting to see his smiling face nestled between my thighs, but there was nobody there. It felt so real that I could almost reach out and touch him.
I kept drifting in and out of that fantasy. I finally gave up around 5:30 AM. I had a sheen of sweat glistening on my skin. I looked at myself in the mirror and knew deep down that what I did was the right thing for everybody concerned. Office romances didn’t work and I couldn’t in good conscience drive a wedge between us because we couldn’t keep it in our pants.