by K T Bowes
“No.” His voice sounded muffled as my ear nestled against his chest, my makeup transferring itself to the white cloth with abandon. I pulled his left hand towards me, searching for the gold evidence and saw nothing as I slipped my fingers through his, mine tiny in comparison. When I tipped my head up and let his lips find mine, I tasted the merlot on his tongue and he explored my mouth with tenderness. He teased my senses, touching my tongue with his and then withdrawing it, kissing as though we were teenagers who hadn’t worked out the mechanics of it yet. I bit his lower lip and he groaned and released his tongue into my mouth again, letting me connect with him and taste his essence. My common sense screamed out a warning but for once, I ignored it, wanting to expunge my former life with an illusion of how it could have been; one night stands, beer fuelled holidays. And babies.
The first time was a frenzied, mechanical union of lustful bodies and we undressed only the necessary parts of each other. My sofa creaked and groaned under our activity and I blocked out the distracting noises as I satiated myself in the intimate live connection with another human being. We each took what we wanted from the other and lay exhausted in the afterglow, neither one of us wanting to break the atmosphere with futile platitudes as we waited for our heartbeats to return to normal.
“You ok?” Teina whispered eventually, surprising me with his caring. My foot rested against his calf and I felt the dark hair tickling my toes. He stroked my cheek and fixed a gentle kiss over my lips, his own trembling with the adrenaline withdrawal. The pressure of his body over mine pinned me to the sofa cushions and the uncomfortable gap between them, but it didn’t matter and I dreaded him starting to move away in the ultimate rejection. I wound my arms around his neck like a baby monkey and tried to make the moment last, my face pushed against his shoulder. To my surprise he stroked my curls and kissed my neck and the underside of my jaw. He’d leave soon; walking out of my life as though I didn’t matter. Because I didn’t, not to him. Not to many people really.
“I’ve never done this before,” I whispered and he smiled with his eyes.
“Never?”
I buried my face in his shirt to hide my embarrassment and shook my head. “Not like this. I don’t know you.”
Teina ran his thumb down my jaw line and his expression looked kind. He leaned up on one elbow and nodded, the movement slow and calculating. “Would you like to know me?” he asked, the crinkles in the outer corners of his eyes softening his angular face.
“You’re a referee,” I said, chewing my bottom lip in mischief. “I just broke a Saint rule.”
“A cardinal rule too,” Teina said with a low snort. He kissed my cheek, the end of my nose and then my lips as his eyelashes fluttered against my skin like falling rose petals. When he moved I felt the hardness of his interest against my inner thigh and saw a vision of myself; falling like a loose stone into the swirling lava of volcanic lust. It served as a warning and I should have heeded it. I shouldn’t have led the dark stranger through the apartment to my sterile bedroom and I certainly shouldn’t have slipped out of my summer dress with such a frisson of excitement mixed with fear. I shouldn’t have delighted in the way he undid the buttons of his shirt or the sound of it fluttering to the floor. From the first moment I invited him into my tiny flat, I suspected I was in trouble. I shouldn’t have been surprised by its outworking.
Chapter 5
I woke with the taste of wine in my mouth, mingled with the masculine tang of Teina. I lay for a while listening to him breathe and feeling his arms tighten when I tried to shift. He’d moved his leg over me in the night and he lay awkwardly, his arms sheltering me. In the semi-darkness I examined his tattoo, watching the black lines morph into patterns and words across his skin. The sheet cut across his midsection and I watched him for signs of waking as I pushed it away with care, needing to see the man who gave me so much pleasure a few hours ago.
He disturbed and I felt myself tense, afraid of his reaction when he woke in my bed. Me; a stranger.
“About last night,” he began. I scooted up the bed and covered his lips with mine. His hands clasped my waist and he kissed me back, inducing a sense of relief. The last thing I needed was rejection and the slamming of Pandora’s Box lid on my fingers. “I don’t want to talk about last night,” I breathed. “I just want to do it again, without talking.”
“Fine. Because I’m not sorry.” He bent his head and kissed me. I groaned and ran my hand across his torso, surprised when he froze under me. “What’s the time,” he asked and I heard the panic in his voice. “I’ve got a game.”
I glanced at the bedside table and saw the digital numbers flash to 5.35, relaying the time back to him. “We’ve got ages. Where do you have to go?”
Guilt slid across Teina’s expression and he pursed his lips. “I’m reffing your guys at 3 o’clock.” He frowned. “I should cry off the game and ask them to get someone else.”
“I’m not affiliated to the club anymore,” I breathed, sliding down his body to take one of the delectable nipples in my mouth. Teina groaned. I released the raised bulb and watched it lose some of the erectness as the pressure ended. “I’m the widow of last year’s captain, that’s all.”
My words stung him and Teina tutted, strengthening his resolve. His determination to leave frightened me and I held him in place, needing to explore his body more. He’d given me a glimpse at a gripping book and threatened to steal it before I’d read the final page. “Stay?” I said, hating the edge of begging in my voice. “Just a little while longer.” I sat up and settled my knees either side of his waist, nestling them into his soft skin. His hip bones dug into my calves and the discomfort excited me. When he flipped me over, the deep kiss frigged the electrical components in my brain, shorting out all good sense as his tongue caressed my lips and probed the depths of my mouth. Our teeth banged together and woke me from the stupor. “Not like this!” I gasped, fighting to remove the memory of Pete’s missionary fumble and afraid of ever reading duty and disinterest in another lover’s eyes.
Teina’s eyes weren’t indifferent. He kept me pinned in position, his body over mine as his finger traced the outline of my face. He kissed the end of my nose and walked his lips up to my forehead and over my right eye. “You’re so perfect,” he whispered and I opened my mouth to contradict him. “He never deserved you.” Teina’s allusion to my husband caused a stiffening to begin in my spine and I raked his eyes with mine, searching for the knowledge I feared he had.
Compassion and need channelled into me from the deep brown eyes and I panicked. Raising a hand to push him away, I found my ready fist gripped in a strong vice and Teina drew my arm above my head. He nuzzled my neck and fixed my free wrist in his other hand raising it to join the other. “Sshhh,” he commanded, authority in his tone. I pushed my fretting to one side for later and leaned into the sensations he drew from my inexperienced body.
“You won’t hurt me?” My voice wavered in the half-light and Teina’s eyes widened.
“No! Hell, no!” His body covered mine and he pulled my arms down, wrapping them around his neck as he smothered my lips with his. “I promise,” he whispered and I believed him.
I trusted him enough to relax and an hour later he pushed me, giggling into the shower. “I have to go to church tomorrow,” I said, running my hands through the dark curls. “But I’ll be struck by lightning.” My laughter sounded as fake as it was. I believed I’d be crimped the second I walked through the doors.
“A good Christian girl, hey?” he asked, rubbing shower gel onto my back.
“I thought I was.” My voice sounded sad, even to me and I felt a sickness in my gut, as though I’d crossed a line and couldn’t retrace my steps. My brain latched onto a vision of the vicar’s face as he stood in front of the altar and smiled at me, genuine concern in his upturned lips and twinkling green eyes. Maybe I wouldn’t go tomorrow after all. He wouldn’t know what I’d done but God did. I chewed my lip and grew quiet.
“Are yo
u ok?” Teina wrapped his arms around me from behind and his hairy chest felt safe against my back. I nodded and forced a smile onto my lips.
“This is new to me,” I stammered. “I don’t know what happens next.”
“What do you want to happen?” he asked, his lips quirking at the edges as he turned me and pressed me into his body.
“I don’t know.” The fear returned and a tremor began in my fingers, working its way up my arms and into my spine.
“What are you scared of?” he asked, his voice a whisper as he pressed a soft kiss to my damp forehead.
“Them,” I breathed. “They won’t allow it.”
A moment of confusion crossed Teina’s face as he held me at arm’s length and studied me. “Who?”
I pushed past him and left the shower, almost breaking my neck on the slippery tiles. Teina rinsed soap from his chest and shoved his head under the water while I snagged a towel from the rail and covered my nakedness in a heightened flush of embarrassment. The muscles covering his buttocks attracted my gaze as I dried my face, using the towel to hide behind while I regained control. Teina stepped from the shower onto the mat, naked and unashamed. He tugged at my towel, making me giggle as he wiped his wet face on a corner of it and attacked me with tickles and kisses.
We shared the towel although he got the raw end of the deal after I’d dried myself on it. I relented and fetched a clean one from the airing cupboard in the hall, watching as he smoothed the fabric down his body. “I’ve never met anyone like you,” he said, following me to the bedroom to dress. The rumpled bedding scratched bloody wounds in my conscience and I cringed and sat down on the mattress to avoid seeing it.
Teina’s trousers slipped over his hips and he squinted to fasten the zipper. I swallowed and dreaded his answer to my question. “What does that mean?”
He sat on the bed next to me and pulled on his socks. “Everything about you is a paradox,” he said. “You’re funny and crazy at the same time.” He pulled my face towards his and kissed me. “You love with fearlessness and then get so terrified. I can’t work you out.”
“Best not to try.” I chewed my lip and reached for my discarded clothing, eying it before throwing it at the laundry basket in the corner. Teina shrugged into his shirt and I used his distraction with the buttons to dive into clean underwear and cover up in jeans and a sweatshirt.
“Can I see you again?” he asked, his tone light as he stroked a gentle finger along my nose and over the swell of my lips.
I nodded, an unconvincing action which made his brow furrow and his lips twitch. “You don’t want to.” He sounded cut and I closed my eyes against his misery.
“It’s not that. They won’t let me.”
His lips quirked. “If I want to see you, I’ll see you,” he countered, his expression serious.
I felt my temperature hike and an ugly flush creep up my chest and encroach on my neck. “You’re not getting it,” I said, my teeth gritted. “I do as I’m told. If they find out about this; I’ll be in massive trouble.”
Teina tutted and drew my face into his chest. “Geez Ursula. Massive trouble with who?”
“Uncle Terry and Dad.” My voice sounded muffled and he released the pressure on the back of my head.
“Seriously? How old are you?” I heard the scorn in his voice and knew my heart mirrored it. Anger flowered and I gave his chest a shove, feeling the muscle tense beneath my palm.
“Mind your own business!” I snapped.
He nodded and took a step backwards. “If you don’t want to see me again, you only have to say.”
“I do,” I groaned, hiding my face behind shaking hands. “But you’ll never understand.”
Teina looked at his watch and frustration burgeoned on his handsome, angular face. “I have to leave, but I intend to keep seeing you. You said you weren’t affiliated to the club anymore.”
I nodded, at the same time grateful and terrified. “I lied. My father owns a half share of the club.”
“Shit!” he exclaimed and ran a hand through the dark wavy fringe. Then he laughed. “Ursula Saint. Of course he does.”
I writhed my hands in my lap and watched him finish dressing. “Uncle Terry acted as chairman last year, but he doesn’t want to after...” I couldn’t say the words, after his son died and he blamed me. “Dad’s chairman this season; while he still can. The brothers all used to have a quarter each but Terry and Dad bought out the others.”
Teina wrestled with some inner demon and came to his own place of reckoning. “I don’t care,” he said. His lips brushed mine before he laced up his shoes and afterwards too, lingering as he tasted me and drew me in for more. I tried to read his face and discovered I couldn’t; sensing something unpredictable and dangerous behind the piercing brown eyes. “See you at All Saints later,” he whispered. My eyes grew wide and I inhaled, but Teina placed a finger over my pursed lips. “I know, I know. I’ll pretend I didn’t just spend the night in your bed, or that I want to stay there for the rest of the weekend.” His smile looked sad as the mask of bravado slipped and I read his face like an open book in the millisecond of grace it afforded me. “I’ll talk to the convener and I won’t ref All Saints’ games again. Then there’s no conflict.”
I closed the door behind Teina Fox with a frown and leaned against it, knowing I’d seen something genuine in his eyes. It terrified me, promising hope while threatening heart ache. “You should know better,” I told myself, tying my long curls back into a pony tail. “People like you don’t end up with guys like him.”
Chapter 6
“I hate that twat!” Paulie Saint spat, watching Teina stride across the pitch. I followed his gaze and ogled the neat buttocks encased in tight black skins beneath the referee shorts and remembered the sight of him naked, each muscle defined with hard lines.
“Don’t you start!” I warned the man next to me in the wheelchair. “If you’re gonna carry on the whole time I’ll stand somewhere else.”
“Please yourself,” Dad said, catching Paulie’s eye and they both chuckled. “He doesn’t normally do our games. He’s a national referee, not premier.”
“They must be short this week,” I mused.
“You’ll be bloody short if you dump me again like you did last night,” Dad grunted. “Making me beg for a ride home.”
“You would’ve been doing that, anyway!” I snapped. “We got a ride there with Mark, remember?”
“Yeah, well, what the hell was he playing at, going off with you?” The bushy eyebrows narrowed in suspicion and I snorted with disgust and walked away. I didn’t want to follow my father’s dirty implication but used his filthy comment to avoid admitting we weren’t alone.
Dad watched me leave but the irresistible pull of the black strip claimed his attention as he launched into a tirade of abuse towards Teina, who thankfully didn’t hear. His lack of parentage would make little difference to his ability to control twenty-two tantruming, bratty adults as they brawled over a round sack of air in a muddy field. Bagging the referee took on a whole new meaning as Teina finished conferring with his assistant referees and strode back to collect the players waiting with impatience on the side line. My father’s volley of abuse almost tipped him out of his wheelchair in the passionate delivery. Teina eyeballed him and lifted his index finger in warning, drawing a number one in the air. Dad got the message and whispered his bile to Paulie instead.
“Captains!” Teina’s voice carried on the wind and I turned to watch as he beckoned to the team captains and gathered them for the coin toss. The object looked invisible from the technical area as all eyes followed something into the air and back to earth. The All Saints captain nodded and pointed away from the club house. I shielded my eyes and worked out the sun’s position, knowing the home team wanted to run with the sun behind them for the first half, giving them an advantage in the second. At half time the sun would pitch behind the buildings opposite. Crafty. I eyed the opposition and hoped they prepared to spend forty-
five minutes blind. My eyes strayed to Teina, realising they’d condemned him as well.
Teina’s eyes flicked to me for a fraction of a second and I watched as his lips raised in a smile. Misinterpreting it, My father launched into another ready stream of rubbish. “Look, Paulie. Bloody ref’s smiling at me!” he yelled and I cringed, wishing the ground could swallow me whole.
I backed away from the line of spectators as the teams got into position, finding a space over near the railings separating the car park from the grounds. My brain ran through a list of places I’d rather be right then; anywhere but there.
“Hey sweetheart, how are ya?” Terry Saint approached me, striding from the car park pressing the remote in his hand to lock the expensive BMW. My body stiffened, adding his presence to the list of bad things about the soccer club, but I forced a dutiful smile onto my lips to greet my father-in-law.
“Hi, Uncle Terry, I’m good thanks. You?” He nodded and his eyes strayed to the number one pitch as the whistle blew for kick off.
“How did the reserves do?” he asked, searching the field and spotting Paulie and my father.
“Lost,” I answered, praying he made a beeline for them and released me. “It was close but Mount Albert scored in the dying minutes. The final score was 3:2 to them.”
Terry Saint hissed through his teeth, brow knitted. “My Pete would’ve dug them out of the crap!” he spat. “That boy could kick from anywhere.”
My chest tensed and I held my self upright, forcing my head to nod in agreement while my heart demanded I run away screaming. Since his death, Peter Saint had somehow become Saint Peter, a hero of renown instead of a bad tempered player, scorned by the referees and cringed at by his wife. I said nothing and my father’s cousin stared at me, his jaw grinding almost audibly. He looked for affirmation but after my romp with Teina, I no longer felt able to give it.