by L. J. Voss
I don’t see Calder out front so I head so the side of the cabin and I see him bent over looking in the shed for something. It provides the perfect opportunity to peruse his beautiful backside. His jeans are worn and fit his body perfectly. My body starts to flush and I clear my throat so I don’t get caught checking someone out again.
He straightens and turns around with a baseball hat in his hand, “Well, it’s a little dusty but it should help keep the sun out of your eyes.” He walks over and puts it on my head and I feel my heartbeat pick up as he gets close enough for me to smell the lingering woodsy scent of the soap he used this morning in the shower.
He steps back and I try for a playful pose, “How do I look?”
Letting out a chuckle he responds, “Great. That was my grandpa’s favorite hat and I think he would like it even better on you. Let’s go.”
I can feel my cheeks heat up at his unexpected compliment. There’s a small pathway off to the left of the shed and I follow him that way. Watching where I’m stepping so I don’t trip is more work than you would think. I reach down and pick up Darcy since he’s having a rougher go of it than I am. Every now and then I glance up to make sure Calder is in front of me. I smile as I see the ends of the fishing poles bouncing in tune to his steps. We finally make it to a little clearing and he sets the poles and tackle box down. Turning from left to right I take it all in. It is breathtaking. There’s nothing to either side of us except trees and river. It’s so peaceful and beautiful that I completely forget why I’m here, who I’m with, and that my life is so completely messed up.
“It’s beautiful,” I say reverently. I glance at Calder and he’s smiling. The look on his face shows that this place means a lot to him.
“Thank you. This is my favorite place in the world. It’s that place where I can still feel my grandma and grandpa. We spent so much time here. They loved it so much, it’s almost like their spirits are in the ground and the trees. I can’t believe I haven’t been up here in so long. I didn’t even realize I missed it.”
I can sense he needs a minute and that he’s a little embarrassed to let so much out, so I walk a little down the river looking around. Mr. Darcy is snorting and smelling the ground when Calder calls me back over. He’s on one knee by the tackle box and is finishing putting something on the end of the fishing pole.
He stands up, “I’ll cast it out for you. Watch what I do and then try to do that same after. Sound good?”
“Ummm, sure. Yes. Yes, you do it first and I’ll watch.” He is holding the pole and with what looks like a small flick of his wrist gets the hook out into the river. Then he reels it back in and hands it to me. Well, it didn’t look that difficult. I take the pole from his hand and try to mimic his form and movements. But at the end of my wrist flick the hook just dumbly hangs and flips around the end of the pole.
I hear his chuckle from behind me. “That was…close. Want me to show you again?”
“Yes, please.” I hand the pole back to him and watch him again. Once again he takes it and with a small flick of the wrist gets the hook to land perfectly out on the river. After he reels it in, I grab it from his hands and get my starting form right. I can feel the smile on his face at my stance before I even get to the wrist flick. I hear his laugh after I flick my wrist and once again the hook is dangling wrapped around the end of the pole.
“I’m doing exactly what you’re doing. I don’t know why it isn’t working,” I huff. I know I should cut myself some slack since this is only the second attempt at casting a fishing pole I have ever done in my life but it looks so easy. I try a few more times each with a worsening result when I hear him approach me.
“Here,” he says as he grabs for the pole. He steps behind me and grabs my hand and places it on the grip at the end of the pole. Then his large warm hand envelops mine. “It’s all in the angle that you let the hook go. You also have to flip the bail,” he says, flipping the metal half circle thing where the line goes. Then he pulls some of the fishing line with his index finger and stretches our arms back and then brings them forward at a slight angle. When our hands are almost all the way to where we started, he lets the line go and flicks his wrist. The hook sails and lands right in the water in the shade of a tree on the other side of the bank.
I’m still trying to get my stomach to stop doing flips at the feel of my back pressed into his strong chest when I feel him let go of the pole and step back. Choosing to ignore the fact that his absence affects me, I say, “That’s exactly what I was doing. Let me try it again.” Not wanting to be rude I add, “Oh, and thank you.”
Through his little side smile that I’m coming to look forward to seeing he replies, “Anytime. You can sit down and prop up your pole if you want. Just watch the tip every now and then. If it dips then you have a bite. I’m going to go get mine ready. I’ll cast out a little bit away from you so our lines don’t get crossed.”
A little bummed that he isn’t going to be next to me for the whole day I only manage an, “Okay.” I find a couple of rocks to prop my pole up in between and sit down on a blanket that Calder surprisingly thought to grab. Mr. Darcy sprawls out next to me and enjoying the sun peeking through the leaves. I turn my head up to the sun and let the sunlight dance on my cheeks. After a few minutes I figure I should check my pole to see if I have a bite and I see Calder heading back my way. I realize his pole isn’t as far away as I thought it was going to be and he actually comes and sits next to me on the blanket.
“So, how’s your first fishing trip?”
“I love it! I really enjoy the outdoors and sitting out here is so peaceful. But, being completely honest, I thought it would be a little more exciting than this. It is fun, don’t get me wrong. I guess I just always see people reeling in fish and I didn’t realize how much sitting around there is.”
“There’s a lot of sitting around. But once we get you a fish, I promise it’ll be exciting. It’ll make the waiting around worth it,” he awards me another one of his killer side smiles. I never would have thought when I first met him that he could even smile, let alone this much. I don’t think I’ll ever get sick of looking at his dimples.
“Okay, I’ll be patient. So tell me about yourself. You know everything about me and I don’t know anything about you. I mean, you have a whole file on me. You even knew who my dad was before I did. Even the playing field a little,” I say as I nudge his shoulder.
“That seems fair. What do you want to know?”
“Well, let’s start with your family. Tell me more about your brothers and sister. What do your parents do?”
“Dalton is three years younger than I am. He is a genius and is a computer programmer in New York. He’s quiet and a nice guy. Justin is five years older than I am and he followed my dad’s footsteps and joined the force. He’s the loud, annoying one. You can dare him to do anything and he’ll do it. He’s still in Chicago and proposed to his girlfriend, Megan. Sarah is seven years older than I am. She lives in Chicago with her husband, Chris. They have three kids, a boy and two girls. She’s funny and creative. She’s an amazing artist. Her husband’s on the force with Justin. My parents are still in Chicago too. My dad’s a retired detective for the police department. It’s sort of a family tradition. He doesn’t believe in paying someone to do something that he can do himself. So I know how to do a lot of odd things. Surprisingly most of them have come in handy. He also is the first to volunteer to help someone if they need help. My mom’s a homemaker. She’s sweet and welcoming to everyone. I don’t think anyone has a bad word to say about her. She still’s holding out hope I’ll go back and settle down in Chicago.”
“Do you guys get along? Are you close?”
“We get along as well as any family can. We have our moments but we love each other. My parents have everyone over for dinner every Sunday. I go when I’m in town, which isn’t often. I don’t get many vacations and I’m kind of a workaholic so
I don’t leave Boston that much.”
“Did you always know you wanted to join the FBI? You said your dad was a detective, right? Did he want you to follow in his footsteps?”
“Yeah, my dad was a detective. My grandpa was one too. There wasn’t quite as much pressure on me to follow their footsteps since my older brother joined the force. But I always wanted to catch the bad guys, even when I was little. I just wanted to do it my own way and not have my name follow me around giving me something to live up to. I wanted to make a name for myself and not ride on my family’s coattails. So the FBI was my choice. I’m about to get a promotion that will give me my pick of assignments. And I’ll be smack dab in the middle of the action in Washington, D.C. Mom’ll hate it, but Dad’ll be proud.”
“All you have to do is keep me alive,” I wink.
“Something like that,” he says through a chuckle. He glances at my pole and I follow his eyes and see the tip dipping down. “You’ve got a bite!” He jumps up and grabs my hand and pulls me up after him, “Grab your pole. Now give it a little tug to set the hook,” he wraps his arms around me and places his hands on top of mine; giving the pole a quick little tug. “Then pull back a little and reel in some of the line. Nothing too drastic yet, we want to tire it out first.” He starts slowing pulling the pole back and reeling in some line. He does this a few times and then he starts reeling a little faster. As the end of the line starts to get closer to the edge of the water I can see the fish.
“I did it! I caught a fish!” He laughs at my enthusiasm as he pulls the fish free of the water. It’s pretty small. And by pretty I mean it would barely feed Mr. Darcy. “It’s, uh, it’s kind of small. I thought it would be bigger.”
“That’s because it’s a young fish. We’ll toss it back. Give it a little longer to get bigger before someone catches it again.” He grabs the fish and sticks his finger in its mouth to dislodge the hook. Then he tosses the fish back out into the river. My first fish is gone just like that.
“Let’s do it again!” And that’s what we do. We cast out a few more times before we ended up catching anything else. Mr. Darcy wanders a little, sniffing in the bushes and leaves, but he never wanders too far. Luckily what we catch ends up being big enough to keep. After a couple hours we take a break and eat some lunch. I learn more about his nephews and niece. I can tell by the way he talks about them that he must be a great uncle and I wouldn’t be surprised if he’s their favorite. It’s so easy to talk to him and the conversation flows. I think we’re both surprised how easy it is and how much we end up sharing. I tell him about growing up with June and how much I had wished for a bigger family. He tells me about the fights and shenanigans he and his siblings got into when they were younger. After lunch I finally figured out how to cast by myself and actually caught another fish.
It’s getting close to sunset when we finally decide to head back. “I’ll show you how to clean and fillet them. Then we’ll fry them for dinner,” he says over his shoulder on our way back to the cabin.
“Oh, I guess they don’t clean themselves. I didn’t think about the cleaning and filleting part,” I confess. My stomach starts to turn thinking about it. Thoughts of what the innards of the fish will look like are swimming in my head.
I can hear the smile in his response, “It’s not too bad, I promise. It’s easy and pretty quick. If you get too squeamish you can stop and I’ll finish.” He puts the fishing poles away while I head inside with the fish.
Inside at the kitchen sink he starts, “Now we have to skin the fish.” He takes these plier clamp things and grips part of the fish right by the side fins, “We clip the side fins so we don’t get poked with the spines. There’s a little hard boney part. Right here. Now grab that and pull.” I didn’t think I had a weak stomach but when he starts pulling the skin down off of the body my stomach flips. He repeats what he just did on the other side and looks up at me. My face must betray what’s happening to my stomach because he sets the fish down, washes his hands, and turns me toward the living room. “Why don’t you let me finish cleaning the fish and I can make you something for a change.”
I manage a slight smile and a nod and go sit on the couch with Mr. Darcy in my lap. After a few minutes my stomach calms down and I turn to watch him in the kitchen. I haven’t had a guy cook for me before. It’s sexy to see him in the kitchen making something for me. Thinking about how much fun I’ve had today I realize that I could easily get used to this. I knew I was attracted to him but the more I get to know him the more I like him..
These thoughts are more dangerous than the men he is protecting me from. His job is protecting me. He’s a FBI agent. I don’t know if I could be with someone who works in a job that’s so dangerous. Losing someone else I care about would wreck me. I could never ask him to give up his dream. Not that he even would or we are anywhere near that point. We haven’t even kissed. There’s definitely something between us. I know I can’t be the only one to have felt it. I’ll just have to enjoy the time we have together and hope that I make it out the other side.
“It’s ready.”
“It smells delicious.” We both sit down and start eating. “This is amazing! I can’t believe we caught this and now we are eating it. Thank you so much for taking me fishing and then making this delicious dinner. If I was stuck here with anyone but you I would have gone crazy. You’ve kept me sane when everything in my life was turned upside down.”
I see something in his eyes and I know he’s going to pull away again. It had to have been something I said. Maybe I am the only one feeling something between us. His phone goes off right when he starts to say something. He stands, I hear him answer it on his way to the hall to find a good spot for reception. Leaning as far as I can without falling out of my chair, I try to listen to the conversation. I can only hear his muffled whisper and then footsteps back towards me. I’m barely sitting up straight when he gets back into the kitchen.
“That was the field office. I have to head into the office tomorrow to help with your dad’s video testimonial.”
“Wait, my dad is going to be here? In Louisiana?”
“No, he’s in Boston. But I’ll be helping them and watching via video. Also, they want us to stay here until it’s safe for you to go home. They’re only expecting us to be here a few more days. They didn’t want to waste money and man power for a couple days when we’re safe here.”
“Oh, okay. So I’ll just stay here tomorrow? Or do I get to go with you?”
“You’ll stay here. They don’t want to risk anyone seeing you. It’s safer and I’ll be back later in the day.”
I try for as much of a smile as I can muster, “Sounds good. I’m kind of exhausted from fishing all day. I’m going to call it an early night if that’s okay.”
“Yeah, I was thinking the same thing actually. I need to get an early start to get into the office on time. Have a good night.”
I grab Darcy and head to my room. I decide to have a quick shower before I go to bed. The water helps relax me but it also gives me time to reflect on the quick turn tonight took. Just when I start to forget why I’m here and who Calder is I’m reminded of how messed up my life is and the real reason we’re here together. Maybe Calder being gone tomorrow will be good. I know I was going to enjoy the time we have together, but the more I think about it the more I know I won’t be okay in the end. If I’m already starting to feel this much for him, a few more days together would have me falling hard. Why can’t we just be friends? We get along great and things are easy between us. Sure he’s extremely attractive but I can put that aside and we can just be friends. He’s not the only hot guy that I can’t have. Just my luck that two hot guys come into my life and nothing’s going to happen with either of them. Heading back to my room, I’ve made up my mind that I can just be friends and that it’ll be enough. Now if only I stick to that resolve.
- Calder -
I watch he
r go to her room and I feel deflated. We had such an amazing day. We both shared personal stuff and were getting to know each other. She’s even more amazing the more I get to know her. She’s caring and is always taking care of everyone else. She’s strong and brave. Then at dinner everything felt like it was shifting. People out there trying to kill her and all I can think is how badly I want to grab her in my arms and make her forget everything and everyone but the two of us. There’s no possible way things could work. Her life and family are here and mine’s in Boston and hopefully soon to be in D.C. I know the facts but I can’t explain the way my heart fell knowing I don’t get to spend tomorrow with her. Our time is limited and I was looking forward to having another whole day with her.
Something changed after that phone call. She pulled away and I can’t say that I blame her. There’s something between us and it has the possibility to completely destroy us both. Or it could end up being what people write about and fight wars over. I’m not sure I’m ready for that. I’ve got to put my feelings aside and not let things get out of control. Things need to stay professional. I can’t and I won’t be the thing that ruins her. She’s dealt with shit and come out stronger and braver than anyone should be. I can’t risk starting something that I can’t finish.
I clean up dinner and hear her start the shower. After everything I’ve just decided about how we can’t start anything and things need to stay professional, my mind takes a very unprofessional route. I’m imagining things that have me gripping the counter to keep me from going to her. Closing my eyes I can see the water droplets caressing her skin. One water droplet is making its way down her neck and then down her collar bone. Before I can finish watching it completing its journey to the drain, the water shuts off and I’m jolted out of my fantasy.