Hidden Heart

by Camelia Miron Skiba

  “Wait, Tessa, wait, let’s talk.”

  She stopped and came back to confront him.

  “There is not much you can say that would change this mess. This is Romania and you foreigners come here and think that you can operate the same way you do in your countries. But the truth is, if any of you would take the time to find out, we do so many things differently; you might think closing my accounts will clear once the investigation is over and I can use that bank happily ever after. But I wouldn’t. Next to my name there are red flags being drawn as we speak and I can never go back there. I’ll have to switch to another bank. I’ll have to work again at building a relationship with different people, gaining their trust. Our bank system is so different than any other out there. Did you know that up until three years ago, no one knew what a debit or a credit card was or how to use it?”

  She saw his eyebrows drawn together and the astonishment in his eyes. She sighed and shook her head.

  “I thought so. I just wished you’d tell me what you plan to do. I would’ve brought you my bank statements; I have them all nicely filed and this mess would’ve been avoided all together. I have nothing to hide; I didn’t take the money.”

  She felt defeated. She closed her eyes trying to fight back tears. When Alessandro’s palms clasped around her shoulders, she opened them.

  “Tessa, listen to me. I had no idea this was going to happen. I am so sorry, you have to believe me. I thought it would take me a few days top to verify your transactions, see the pattern of your expenses, see something that would put the accusations to rest.” He squeezed her shoulders and bowed closer to her face. “I am not your enemy here, you have to believe me.”

  She peeled his hands off her shoulders, one by one then walked away. Before she left, she looked at him one more time.

  “But you are not my friend either.”

  ***

  For the past ten days, Tessa had submerged herself in work. She’d spent her time in the office, morning till late at night in meetings with her colleagues and the French team.

  So far no other piece of evidence—other than the anonymous letter—turned up and the investigation for the fraud accusation was on hold. Any attempt to bring farmers to testify against her remained unsuccessful. However, the money pulled out from the company’s account didn’t match the amounts the farmers received. Somewhere there was a leak and all fingers pointed at Tessa.

  Her accounts had been unblocked, but she was no longer welcome at that bank. She switched to a different one and every day before she’d leave work, she’d send Alessandro electronically her daily expenses. Alessandro tried to talk to her, but she always found a way to avoid him. The tension between them seemed like a ticking bomb. Except for subjects strictly related to their business association, she’d refused to exchange any words with him. If she saw him coming her way, she’d turn on her heels and walk in the opposite direction.

  She told Victor about Daniel’s nocturnal visits and asked for his assistance. He ordered one of the company’s chauffeurs to take her home every night and bring her to work the following day. When Alessandro offered to drive her home, she refused him politely. She thought she saw disappointment in his eyes, but wasn’t so sure anymore. All signals coming from him so far had been nothing but twisted and confusing. Her life had enough drama as it was, no need to add to it.

  Sometimes she fought the morning sickness and lost her appetite completely. She didn’t want the baby but feared an abortion. She tried to tell her sisters, but changed her mind at the last minute. She thought seriously about giving the baby up for adoption, but she couldn’t picture herself carrying it for full nine months. It felt like an alien object in her body, no maternal instincts, no feelings toward it. She read everything she could put her hands on about pregnancy and knew decision time was close.

  Chapter 7

  Tessa looked forward to Isabella’s wedding. She flew to Italy the night before and Carlo picked her up at the airport. He gushed about his twin boys the whole drive and promised he’d bring them the next day for her to finally meet. His enthusiasm about being a parent didn’t rub-off on her and when she got to her room, she stood naked in front of the bathroom mirror for half an hour staring at her belly.

  No outward signs of the life growing inside her yet, since the pregnancy couldn’t be more than six weeks along based on the doctor’s estimation. She tried to convince herself to touch her abdomen but the attempt caused her upper lip to sweat and made her quiver. She dressed and curled up in bed. Did she feel this way because Daniel was the father or because being a mother just didn’t fit her future plans?

  She lay in bed for part of the night and when at last she surrendered to sleep, she knew she’d never be able to look at the baby without remembering the hurt its father caused her.

  The next morning passed by quickly. She met Isabella and the bridesmaids for a spa splurge, then a hair salon visit, and finally the makeup appointment. When she looked in the mirror, she felt beautiful. Her hair was neatly done in a loop at the nape of her neck and a tiny silver tiara completed the silver set of necklace and earrings she’d purchased especially for this occasion. She wore a light pink long gown, tailored around her waist, sleeveless and with deep cleavage that accentuated her bosom.

  Tessa saw Alessandro coming down the aisle; he stopped a few times to greet people, and then took his place at Antonio’s side, next to Carlo and the other three groomsmen. He waived at her and smiled.

  Her heart pounded. Her palms turned sweaty. She squeezed her eyes shut hoping she’d seen a ghost. She opened them only to see him wink at her.

  “What are you doing here?” She tried to keep her voice down.

  “Good to see you too, Tessa,” he said, without losing his composure.

  Carlo elbowed him and chuckled. “I told you she’d be happy to see you.”

  Alessandro glanced at Carlo then back at Tessa and said, “I doubt she’s happy to see me…”

  The music announced the entrance of the bride and everyone fell silent. Flower girls led the way spreading pink rose petals, followed by a cute little boy dressed in a tuxedo carrying the wedding rings, and then finally Isabella appeared. Her father walked her slowly down the aisle and people stood in awe. She looked angelic in her long white dress, a translucent veil covering her face. She beamed with love and happiness when she took her place next to her future husband.

  The priest opened up his Bible and read. His baritone voice filled the chapel.

  Tessa understood very little. Before long, she didn’t hear anything. Her thoughts wandered around; what had happened to her fulfilled life? What had happened to her carefully and nicely outlined life? Where did it go wrong?

  Her inner turmoil stopped when she heard the music. She looked at the happy couple, then at Alessandro. How long had he been staring at her? Then a thought crossed her mind; what if he’d told her friends about the fraud accusation? What if he told everyone what a horrible person she was, someone they couldn’t trust? Fear overwhelmed her.

  When the ceremony ended, everyone walked out for photos. Over one hundred and fifty invitees came to the restaurant for dinner and dancing. The first melody began and the cheerful couple walked to the middle of the dance floor and danced; the party officially started.

  Tessa felt happier than she had felt in a long time, since before her mama had passed away. She decided to put aside all her troubles for now and enjoy her friends’ wedding. She came without a partner, but this shouldn’t be a reason why she couldn’t relax and have fun. Dancing had always been one of her favorite things to do. She’d stop for a sip of water or a bite, then she’d be back on the dance floor.

  “Cara mia, look, my boys,” Carlo said, approaching her, carrying both babies. His smile widened when he looked back and forth from one baby to the other.

  “They look so much like your wife.”

  The smile faded instantly from his face, then he saw Tessa’s grin. “You got me!”

  She
laughed at his troubled faced.

  “Here, you take Eduardo…” Carlo didn’t see her horror, but saw Alessandro approaching and said, “And you take baby Ricardo.” He straightened his tuxedo and his bowtie, pushed both his hands through his hair and said, “Don’t panic if they cry, just rock them. You both look good, you should have your own,” and then took off.

  Speechless, both Tessa and Alessandro watched him walk up to his wife and drag her onto the dance floor. He gave them thumbs up and proceeded to dance.

  “Let’s have a seat,” Alessandro said.

  She nodded. Too scared to say something for fear the baby might cry, she followed him. She sat and held the baby from underneath his armpits, like a rag doll, holding her breath.

  Alessandro pulled a chair closer, so close that his left knee touched her right.

  “Tessa, you need to breathe.” He inhaled and exhaled waiting for her to follow suit.

  She let a big whoosh of air out and she continued the breathing exercise. The baby’s whimper frightened her. “Oh my God, what now?”

  “He’s probably uncomfortable in that position. Hold him like this.” Alessandro’s forearm folded underneath baby Ricardo, who snuggled, all smiles.

  Tessa moved her forearm in the same position and Eduardo stopped fussing. But not for too long. He tried to find his way to Tessa’s breast, beating the air with his little fists and turning his mouth towards her nipple. She looked at him horrified.

  “Little man, those are not your mama’s, here take this,” Alessandro said and put the pacifier in Eduardo’s mouth. He took it impatiently and relaxed. He fell asleep within seconds.

  “I take it you’re not accustomed to babies,” Alessandro said.

  She stirred in her chair. “No, I am not, sorry I act so stupid.”

  “It’s okay, you don’t need to apologize.” He smiled at her, and for some unknown reason, Tessa’s heart calmed down.

  “Thanks for helping, I don’t know what I would’ve done without you. You are so natural with a baby in your lap and you are a man; me on the other hand…”

  Alessandro rocked the baby and smiled.

  Tessa’s heart sank.

  “Don’t worry. I guess having four sisters with one baby after another had its advantages. Nothing a baby can do scares me. I changed enough diapers to last me a lifetime and I could theoretically write a book about the whole babysitting stuff.” He chuckled and winked at her.

  “Of all the people I know, I can’t picture you babysitting.”

  “But he does,” Carlo said, who approached them and heard the last sentence. His wife at his side, Carlo continued, “I trust Alessandro to watch over my kids more than I trust my own sister, and it’s heaven when he comes back home. It’s a date night guaranteed for us while he babysits.”

  Isabella joined the group, then Antonio. He brought a camera. “You guys look so good with the babies, get closer, closer, like this, perfect, smile and one more time. Perfect photo, come on Tessa, you can relax. Yeah, Alessandro put your free arm around Tessa. Perfect. That’s going to be a great photo.” Antonio snapped a few more photos; Isabella’s parents joined the group. The babies slept through the loud music and voices around them.

  “Okay, enough time off guys, these little ones are going to wake up soon, so why don’t you proud parents take them while I take Tessa for a dance.” The babies switched carriers.

  “Take good care of my girlfriend, Alessandro,” Isabella said while Alessandro took Tessa’s hand and walked away.

  Carlo winked at them and said loud enough for everyone around to hear it, “It’s about time you guys got together.”

  Tessa felt her cheeks redden and mouthed, “Stop” just for Carlo. He totally ignored her embarrassment and gave her a thumbs up, a grin on his face from one ear to the other.

  Déjà vu all over again; dancing with Alessandro like they did the very first day they met, followed by the passionate night in his arms. His close proximity made her head spin. He took her hand and placed his other on her lower back. His body radiated warmth, confidence and sex appeal. She rested her palm on his shoulder and felt his strong muscles. Her long gown brushed his pants. His embrace on the dance floor made her forget about everything.

  It felt so natural.

  His eyes spoke to hers. A smoldering fire lit up his pitch-black eyes. There was something in them Tessa didn’t dare to believe—passion, hope, care.

  His tender smile just for her.

  Nothing else around existed.

  Nothing else mattered.

  The song ended. Another one started.

  Alessandro still held her. He hugged her even closer and her body molded perfectly against his, her breasts pressing gently against his ribs. Her hip touched his as her leg nestled between his. His scent enveloped her like the night surrounding the moon and her mind emptied of all thoughts, any thoughts.

  A clicking sound and flashing light brought her back. The wedding’s photographer took pictures of them from all angles. A cameraman recorded their dance.

  Tessa blinked quickly, as if snapping out of a dream. A beautiful dream. It needed to end, soon, right that moment. It was wrong.

  “Excuse me,” she said and walked away.

  She needed air, fresh air.

  And space.

  Space, where she could think and clear her head.

  She rushed to the wide terrace outside the restaurant. She sat on a stone bench and looked up at the sky; a full moon and infinite stars shielded the warm summer night. A stone banister divided the terrace from the rest of the yard. Night lanterns projected their shadows across the garden, a magical and serene view all around. Sturdy trees looked like soldiers alongside the tall, solid walls. Gardenia bushes and roundels of red and white roses blended their fragrances.

  Little by little, her nerves settled. Alessandro’s behavior confused her even more. It felt like someone switched him and he was this other person she knew from their one-night stand; kind, tender, considerate. It felt so good, yet so wrong. Just weeks ago he told her it would’ve been a mistake, why the change?

  It didn’t matter.

  It didn’t matter how she felt towards him or what could become of them.

  She had baggage. She carried someone else’s baby. It wouldn’t be fair to drag Alessandro into this mess.

  Wrong timing had somehow become her mantra.

  Tessa stood and straightened her shoulders in an attempt to brush off the panic that constricted her heart.

  I will be all right.

  Someone cleared his throat close by.

  “Are you okay?” Alessandro handed her a glass of champagne.

  She thought of refusing it, then changed her mind and accepted it. She didn’t drink; instead she toyed with its long stem.

  “Yes, I am okay.” She sighed then nodded. “Look, Alessandro…I…I am tired. Thanks for the drink…I better go now.” She left the glass on the banister and walked away.

  “Please, don’t.” He grabbed her wrist, then let it go. He looked into his own glass, and pushed a hand through his hair.

  The gesture looked so familiar. How she’d love to do that, sink her fingers in his thick hair.

  “I…I have a feeling I scare you…I just want to make sure you aren’t running off on my account.”

  She weighed her words. “To be honest, yes you do scare me. I just can’t handle you one minute warm and fuzzy and next colder than ice; I just don’t do well with mood swings like this. I like to know what to expect from people and with you…with you it’s impossible, and quite frankly it’s exhausting.”

  “I am so sorry…for all the times I couldn’t be myself around you. I know the past few weeks have been a nightmare for you because of the accusations, but things are about to change.”

  “Are they?”

  “Yes. As you know, I don’t like to mix work with pleasure, but given the circumstances, I have to make an exception. I will no longer be part of the investigation.” He sighed then p
ushed a hand through his hair. He looked nervous.

  Tessa flinched at the heavy feeling settling in her tummy. Someone else would take over and put her through hell. Accuse her of something she didn’t do. She’d be sent to jail, pregnant and all alone.

  “Oh my…” Her knees buckled.

  Alessandro helped her sit on the nearby bench. They fell silent for a while.

  Tessa fought back her tears, absorbing the news.

  She looked up at the sky and forced a smile. “It’s funny how when I first saw you in the office, I feared your presence…now, I panic, knowing you aren’t going to be there anymore…” She looked at him and asked, “May I ask you why?”

  “Well, there were some vital facts that I had to take into consideration and I realized I can’t go any further without jeopardizing something very important to me.” He placed his glass on the banister, then rested his elbows on his knees and looked sideways at her.

  Tessa understood. He believed her guilty and their history put him in an awkward situation. His job was very important to him, yet pointing his finger at her made it that much harder to finish off the investigation. She couldn’t blame him for not wanting to have anything to do with her, with her messy situation. She nodded, then stood.

  “Tessa…” Alessandro stood and faced her. “I…I don’t know how to say it, I…” He folded his hands in prayer, pressed them against his lips and closed his eyes. He struggled to find his words. He opened his eyes and sighed, “I have not been in or desired to be in a relationship since my wife died.” His eyes bore into hers, then he looked at her lips. “I have not wanted a relationship, until now, Tessa."

  She opened and closed her mouth several times, but no words came out. A feeling of disorientation overwhelmed her.

  “Oh, here you are. I’ve been looking everywhere for you. Come on, I have to throw the bouquet, everyone is waiting!” Isabella dragged her back inside to the middle of the dance floor.