Hidden Heart

by Camelia Miron Skiba

  He read the Romanian history, which sounded captivating. Long ago, the Roman Empire invaded Dacia, the country located around the Carpathian Mountains all the way to the Black Sea, because the country was rich in gold, silver, copper and had flourishing agriculture. After two long and difficult wars, the Roman Empire conquered the country and enslaved the people. History says many of the Roman soldiers remained in Dacia, married, and began a new life. This was considered the birth of the Romanian nation.

  In some ways—him being an Italian, choosing to live in Romania—didn’t seem that strange, though it was something not many foreigners elected to do. Alessandro liked to believe somewhere among his ancestors, one of them had traveled and fallen in love with Romania the way he did. He made some friends in the places he visited and felt increasingly accustomed to the people around him.

  He found most of them warm and friendly once they allowed someone in their house. But on the streets, there were a lot of distrustful, almost scary looks people shot each other. When he asked Victor why, Victor explained that during Communism, lots of people betrayed their own relatives, friends or co-workers by revealing discussions carried in those circles to the Communist Party. They were mainly about the frustration with Communism, political chaos and the overly controlling Government.

  Although the Government changed after the Revolution back in December of 1989, people’s mentality and life were still as they’d always been. Almost twenty years later, many things had changed for the better, but some of them worsened and for many families, life still meant a struggle and a harsh battle for survival.

  Alessandro had learned so much since his break up with Tessa. His heart felt empty at times, but his life was filled with the exciting new things he learned every day. He made sure his time was occupied, surrounded by new friends, learning about the country, its traditions and its people. But at night, there was nothing and no one around him. It was then when he couldn’t help but wondered about Tessa.

  He missed her each and every day, but he loved her too much to try to get her back, at least not until she was ready. He believed their lives would eventually intersect and, hopefully, by then she’d know where her heart was.

  Women came—and left—his life as fast as they entered it. At work, at various events he attended, places he visited, there was always someone interested in knowing him better. A drink, a dinner, an invitation, but that was all he had to offer. His heart belonged to someone else and he preferred it that way.

  “Let me guess; by the look on your face you saw a ghost,” Gabriela said.

  “Yeah, you can say that…let’s get out of here,” Alessandro replied and, taking the young woman’s elbow, he rushed out of the store.

  ***

  The next morning, Tessa decided to do something she hadn’t done since Daniel’s attack. She found a sports center and went for her first workout. She paid for the membership, checked the class schedule and opted for a step class. She knew she’d be sore afterwards, but at least it would give her a new focal point that would help her forget about Alessandro and his new girlfriend.

  By the time the class finished, Tessa was out of breath, soaking wet and totally spent. She left the class and decided to swim as well. She went first to the lockers to exchange her clothes for a swimsuit. It seemed all the ladies around her had the same interest—Cristian, the step class instructor.

  “I’ve never seen a man as well built as Cristian,” one woman said.

  “I should take a picture of him and glue it to my ceiling; each time I’m having sex with my husband I can look at it,” said another one, and several women burst into laughter.

  “Oh, God, he is the best trainer ever, and his routine is really designed to make us sweat,” another one said. “I’m taking all his classes from now on.”

  “That toned body, those muscles screaming out, yum! And his blue eyes—I swear he is like looking right through me. And his lips, so kissable, and…”

  Tessa tuned the chatter out. She didn’t observe any of those things her fellow classmates gossiped about. She left the locker room, and went to the swimming pool.

  On her way, she saw Cristian talking outside the pool area with two other girls. He smiled briefly and inclined his head towards her and continued his conversation. She went in, swam ten laps and, exhausted but refreshed, went to take a shower. She finished with fifteen minutes in the sauna, then took one last shower, and prepared to leave. Her body ached already, and from past experience she knew she’d pay a hefty price for exercising so much in one day after such a long absence. Tomorrow she’d be lucky to make it out of bed. On her way out, she saw Cristian again in the reception area. She passed by and went out to the parking lot.

  “You are quite a pro,” Tessa heard someone say as she arrived at her car. When she turned, she saw Cristian approaching her quickly. She looked around, unsure if he’d spoken to her or someone else, but there was nobody around.

  “Yes, I mean you,” he said, still walking her way. “I don’t very often see women working out so much in one day. An hour is the most they’ll hang out in a gym, including their chit-chat,” Cristian said, standing in front of her.

  “I guess I have more time on my hands than the others,” Tessa said, not sure why he had engaged her in conversation.

  “So much time on your hands that you could have lunch with me?” came his blunt question.

  Tessa raised a brow and said, “Do you do this a lot?”

  “What do you mean?”

  “Well, inviting your students for lunch after you just met them.”

  “Not all students. Just you,” he said, smiling and confident looking.

  “How many times have you said this before?”

  His self-confidence bugged her. Just because they met during the class, didn’t mean that they were pals and could hang out now. He was probably used to having girls fall all over him and, most likely, he thought she was easy prey—so wrong of him.

  “I don’t usually ask my students out. But throughout my entire career as a trainer I rarely have met hard working people like you, so I’m just curious to know you better.” He shrugged while he pulled his car keys out of his pocket and lifted his gym bag over one shoulder.

  “I’m afraid I have other plans. But thanks for the invitation.” Tessa turned around, dropped her gym bag on the back seat and drove away.

  She smiled just thinking about his surprised facial expression and how he just stood there after she left. It would be something different if they had known each other for a longer time and found some common ground. But out of the blue, after just being in the same room for one hour, he made such a bold move on her. Well, too bad; she had no interest in knowing him or any other man, for that matter.

  Tessa had a sandwich and an iced tea at a corner coffee shop and went to order more furniture. She was so ready to be done with this project and move on. For the bedrooms she opted for combined sets of steel and wood that would complement the blinds and the flooring. The furniture was very basic, but with a modern cut. She hoped that after all the accessories were bought, the rooms would look perfect.

  For the office she opted for a bookshelf, a similar color to her mama’s antique desk and rocking chair. She also picked an extendable sofa, thinking whenever her sisters visited, the office could be used as a bedroom as well. And finally, for the living room, she chose a mocha color leather sectional sofa, end tables, and an entertainment center in dark brown finish. Her account looked scary after she made the down payment, but she knew that this was the last investment she’d make for a while.

  With the furniture not being delivered for a few weeks, Tessa decided to really empty out the storage unit. She brought home the remainder of the boxes containing the items she’d keep, but she still had way too many things she needed to get rid off.

  She called Dina and asked if she knew of anybody needing clothing and house supplies.

  “I actually do know a place you can take everything you don’t
need anymore. It’s a very secluded location and not too many people know of it, especially men. It’s for battered mothers that need protection with their kids. I give them a place to live until they find either a job or a place they will be safe from their husbands. We’re always in need of clothes, shoes and pretty much anything you might have to spare.”

  Tessa had known Dina for so long, yet never knew about any women’s shelter run by her.

  “I’d be so happy to help. I could take the boxes there, if you give me the address. I also have my old furniture, from my old apartment; if it’s of any use, you can have it,” Tessa said, excited she could help.

  “How many boxes do you have?” asked Dina.

  “A lot, I’m not sure I’ll fit everything into my car, but maybe I’ll make two trips if I need to.”

  “I have a minivan; how about I come and pick them up?”

  “That would be great. Dina?” Tessa said and waited for a few second before she said out loud, “I’d like to get more involved in this matter…maybe donate some time…Would that be something I could do?”

  “Oh dear, I’m so glad you asked,” Dina said, her voice sounding choked up. “I always need people willing to volunteer to help me out. Unfortunately, there are not many women that want to work and not be paid. I have difficulties every month paying the rent for the house, and I get the food pretty much donated from stores and restaurants. But I can barely make it from month to month and I’d hate to have to close the shelter. Some of their stories are just heartbreaking, and I try my best to help.

  “Women do all the work in and around the house. The only man who knows about this place is Victor, who swore on his life he’d never divulge its location. I can spend days telling you how I run the place, what we do, but I don’t want to take advantage of your generosity and willingness to help.”

  “Dina, I really want to help. It sparked something in my brain. This would be something I’d like to do; help others get back on their feet. I feel I can do much more than just donate my clothes. How about you come tomorrow and pick up the boxes, and while we are at it, we can talk and maybe some good ideas will come out of this.”

  After she hung up, Tessa’s mind ran a hundred miles an hour. She always wanted to work with people and help. Find something to do for others. And she knew she’d be good at it. She just felt it was the right thing to do, somehow redeeming herself for her mistakes.

  Dina showed up promptly at eight the next morning, hugged Tessa and the two of them began loading the boxes in the minivan while they covered the subject of the “Mothers In Need” shelter run by Dina.

  “Right now I have ten women and their kids in the house. The need is much higher, unfortunately the house can’t accommodate more than ten families at a time. I had the living room transformed into a kitchen with a big eating area, and we still can’t have everyone sitting at the table at the same time. The yard has been divided into two areas, with one side supporting a vegetable garden, the other side a playground.” As she spoke Dina picked up one box at a time and loaded her minivan, while Tessa listened and carried boxes to her car and loaded as many as she could fit in. For her age, Dina moved fast and with surprising agility.

  “I have to make sure those kids get into school, and let me tell you, what a struggle. You know our stupid bureaucratic system, I’m so sick of it. I had to make lots of connections, schools, electric company, water, gas, everywhere. They all want to be bribed otherwise nothing gets done. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve told Victor I need money to buy food and supplies for those women and he rolls his eyes. But I can’t leave those poor creatures with no help. A friend of mine sends me checks once in awhile to cover some of the costs, but it’s never enough.”

  With both cars completely loaded, Dina gave Tessa the address and directions to the shelter. They’d have to return for the furniture, but Dina promised she’d have Victor come help, maybe even rent a truck.

  The house was on the East side of Bucharest, solitary and most importantly, no one would ever guess that this was actually a place for fugitive mothers and their kids.

  Dina gave Tessa a tour of the place. Thick, tall walls surrounded the house, a double wooden gate kept intruders away. The rooms were very small, but clean and neatly kept; bathrooms were crowded, especially in the mornings when everyone got ready for school or work. The young mothers with babies stayed at home, ensuring everyone had cooked meals each day. Once everyone left the house in the morning, they took turns doing the cooking, laundry and caring for the little ones that didn’t go to daycare or kindergarten.

  Some women worked two jobs, while others in the house took care of their children. They’d bring home the money and share it. Groceries and house supplies were shared between everyone living there. At times it was chaotic, but the one thing they all loved about the place was that they were safe from any kind of abuse.

  It was sad to see so many of them. In Romanian society, too many women ended up abused physically and emotionally by their husbands. Considered shameful, many of them never talked about this, keeping the suffering as a secret their entire lives, living a miserable and horrible lie. Others were stronger and divorced, taking their children and moving away.

  The worst were the ones who had never worked, but stayed at home taking care of the children while the husbands went to work. Some of the women preferred to return to their husbands and the abuse started all over again. Some never survived because they were abused too much and chose to commit suicide. Others ended up killed by their husbands, beaten until they stopped breathing.

  The income for most of the families was very low, barely making ends meet from month to month. With no money and no place to go, the women were abused and kept under very strict control. The kids had pretty much the same destiny as their moms, violence on almost daily basis, with no escape.

  “When I opened the place, nobody came for a long time. Women were too afraid to come out and talk. I made some connections at the Tutelary Authority and left my phone number with the clerk. One day I got a call to stop by the office. There was a barefoot woman who had been beaten up, along with two small children. She had bloodstains on her shirt, her kids cried from hunger and she was terrified her husband might come after her and kill her.

  “I took her and the kids, drove to the shelter and tried to calm her the best I could. A doctor friend of mine came to check the woman; luckily, she didn’t have any internal injuries. The woman remained in the house and after she healed, I got her some decent clothes and helped her get a job in a store as a cashier. She kept her job, divorced the jerk and won custody of both her kids. She moved out six months later into a small apartment she paid rent for. She still comes to see us regularly and we’ve become so close.”

  With Tessa by her side, Dina helped one of the children hop on the swing and pushed it gently. “The worst of all is the neglect showed by the Government. Nobody wants to have anything to do with these families. The Government is too corrupt to care for those less fortunate; they changed the laws so that they could steal more, preoccupied with how to facilitate their own enrichment rather than to fulfill what they promised during election times. You know all of this, I don’t have to tell you how we live.”

  Tessa met the women at home and played with some of the babies and the kids. When she first held a baby, her heart dropped in her stomach. Her own baby would’ve been a few months old by now, if given the chance to live. She cried and smiled at the same time, seeing the little baby asleep in her arms, fists curled on his chest, free of any worries and sweet like an angel. She then helped prepare dinner and chatted more with Dina.

  “I’m telling you, I struggle the most with how to raise funds in a society that doesn’t acknowledge such a thing exists. It’s easier to get clothing and supplies donated rather than money, but we need money for all the extra costs. I have monthly bills coming in and some of them aren’t paid on time because of the lack of funds.” Dina finished her dinner, then stood and we
nt to rinse her plate.

  Tessa followed her. “Maybe we can start a campaign for fundraising and bring the battered women subject to the media’s attention. I know from experience what these women go through,” Tessa said, shaking her head. She leaned against the sink while Dina stopped working and stared at her.

  “Oh, dear…I took a whole day out of your life, talked up a storm about my problems, but I didn’t once ask how are you, Tessa?” Dina’s face looked concerned and tired.

  “I’m fine, better now…a lot of time has passed since…well, since you know what happened.” Tessa sighed and felt despair lurking in her heart again, not for herself, but for those women in need. At least she had a home, she had money, she had some control over her life. But them?

  “I’m almost done with the house renovation; you should come and visit. And I thought about starting a business, or something to preoccupy myself.”

  “Have you considered going back to work with Victor? I still want him to retire, you know?”

  Tessa remembered the night she felt on top of the world when Victor announced he’d be giving her the reigns of his company. The same night her mama had passed away and her life had begun to crumble. It seemed so far away, and the feelings less painful. As if time didn’t only pass by, but had also lessened the intensity of the heartache, making her wounds less important compared to what happened around her. The world outside hers still existed, with good and evil, with joy and sorrow, but she’d been too busy tending to her own ravaged soul to see it.

  She turned to face Dina. “He offered me the job back, but I… there is nothing I want back. My life… The more I think about what you told me today and what I’ve seen, I feel like I want to be part of this. Maybe together we’ll begin something that would help more women; think how many are out there suffering. I feel a bond with them I never had with anything else before—it gives me goose bumps!” Tessa rubbed her arms as a chill went through her body.