by Kendra Riley
She slammed her fist on the counter, sending some of her makeup crashing to the floor. She jumped at the series of knocks on the door.
“Are you okay?”
She caught a glimpse of herself and noticed a tear preparing to spill down her cheek. She wiped it before it had the chance, turning on the faucet. “I’m fine. Be out in a sec.” She made sure he left before splashing her face, the cool water relieving the heat in her skin. “He already told you he likes you,” she said to herself. “Get over yourself, everyone has stretch marks. The people in Hollywood and Instagram aren’t real. Nobody looks like that.” She tried to use the toilet, nervousness preventing her muscles to relax enough to release. She looked herself over once more, breathing deep before turning the faucet off.
He was on the phone when she re-emerged, hastily shoving it in his pocket upon realizing she was standing in front of him.
“Do you need to leave?”
“No, just business.” He showed his black screen. “Phone is off.” He noticed the red babydoll that she bought just for this occasion. “You look great.” He noticed the subtle shift in her mood, asking if he said something wrong.
“This is really not my thing. I don’t, I haven’t…I’m not like the women I’m sure you’re used to.”
“You’re right, you’re not.”
She dropped her head, her chin colliding with her chest.
“You have depth, substance, a soul.” He chuckled. He used his thumb to make her look at him. “You’re beautiful. You’re real.”
“But, my stretch marks,” she whispered.
He maintained eye contact as he slid the thin robe off her shoulders. He maneuvered her so that she stood in front of him between his legs. He used a soft touch as he trailed his fingers down her arms, feeling her tremble.
She stopped him from raising the thin fabric over her waist.
“There’s nothing that can stop me from being attracted to you.” He waited until her hand was by her side to continue. He kissed different areas of the discolored skin, mumbling how gorgeous he thought she was. He stood to pull the babydoll over her head, tossing it in the corner.
She held one arm over her breast, using the other to cover her stomach. “I don’t know if I can do this.”
He moved her arms. “If you genuinely don’t want to, that’s fine. But if you don’t want to because you think I don’t like your body, then I can’t accept that.”
She remained quiet for a moment, her eyes to the ground. “I don’t know if I can.”
He switched their positions, sitting her on the bed and standing over her. “I know it’s not in your nature, but let me take control. Just for tonight.” Upon receiving her approval, he began unbuttoning his shirt. He had gotten a new tattoo since the last time she saw him shirtless.
Non avere peli sulla lingua
“You inspired it,” he confessed as she ran her fingers over the raised skin. He kissed her fingers. “I love your bluntness and your honesty.” He took her smile as permission to continue undressing. He proceeded to remove his shoes and socks, afterward taking his time to shed his pants. He made sure to keep his back to her and stay out of the way of the dresser mirror. Down to his underwear, he sat next to her. “I have things I’m ashamed of too.”
“Like what?” she questioned. “The veins in your arms or the mole expertly placed just below your navel.”
His face became serious, his stare intense, his intention showing in the thin line his lips became. “I have scars too, Nariah. I have reminders of my past life that continue to torment me.” He took a deep breath before turning his back to her, jumping as her fingers traced the crisscrossed marks that transversed his skin.
She swallowed her shock, doing her best to determine how she could have missed them; she did see him with his shirt off before after all.
“They’re why I started running backwards when we raced that day. Thank God you have tunnel vision when you’re focused,” he teased.
“How,” was the only word she could muster.
“My dad. Guess it was his way of reminding me who was in charge.”
She held his face in her hands, the flickering flames making their skin appear to be the same color. She wrapped her arms around his neck, not realizing she was crying until a tear wet her chin and his shoulder. “I’m so sorry.”
“It’s okay. It’s not your fault and I’ve forgiven.”
“No,” she refused. “It’s not okay. And fuck him. Fuck anyone who hurts you.” She said the words with such ferocity that he let her go. “I’m sorry, but I hate bullies.” Memories from her childhood clouded her vision; kids calling her names, picking on her because she couldn’t stand up for herself. She didn’t realize how hard she was breathing until she felt him pull away.
“Are you okay?”
“Yeah,” she said with a halfhearted grin. “I just really don’t like bullies.”
“Understandable. I apologize if I ruined the mood, my intent was to make you feel more comfortable.”
“It worked.” Nariah pushed him onto his back, carefully straddling him, her breasts on full display. “I appreciate all your effort, Mr. Haines.” She kissed his cheeks, forehead, and chin before tracing his lips with her tongue. She bit his bottom lip between her teeth, drawing a moan from the depths of his stomach. She held his arms over his head before kissing her way to his neck, making her way down his long torso.
“You don’t have to do that.”
“Shhh.”
His eyes floated to the ceiling, his arms remaining in place for lack of feeling. His breath caught in his throat as her warm mouth wrapped around him, her nails digging into his hips. Images of all the women he bedded formed a collage in his mind, all of them coming together to form hers. A moment of clarity struck him, a bright white light appearing in the distance before overpowering him. He pulled her up.
“I was just getting in a good rhythm, why’d you stop me?”
“I think I love you.”
Her face was blank as she looked at him, her mouth trembling as various words fought to be the first out.
“You don’t have to say it back. I just needed to tell you.” He didn’t wait for her reaction as he flipped her over on her back. He devoured her neck and chest, sweat pinning stray curls to his forehead. He paid her pert nipples much needed attention before descending to the part of her he had been craving to taste since the day he laid eyes on her. A growl floated into the air as he removed her panties, his grip further demonstrating his hunger. “I need you, Nariah.”
A guttural groan was the only answer she was capable of. She sucked in and gulped down air as he teased her with the tip of his tongue. She gripped the sheets until her palms were blue, her hands numb. Her breath became short pants. She could count the seconds before her first release, her second following shortly thereafter. Once he reappeared, she stopped him from wiping his lips. Tasting herself, she sucked his bottom lip into her mouth, then tending to the top.
They moved further up the bed, his weight bearing down on her. “Are you sure you want to do this?”
“I’m sure.”
His eyes rolled as he pushed into her. He stayed in place, savoring her feel. He placed a curl behind her ear and began thrusting, maintaining eye contact. He breathed in her exhale, sweat pinning stray curls to his head. He dug his nails into her hips and plunged deeper, burying his face in her neck. He looked at her once more, passion brightening his eyes. “I love you Nariah. I love you so much.”
Chapter5
Nariah stared out the window the entire ride to the airport. Olivia, who had her own fun the previous night, decided to catch a ride with her beau. She turned her attention to the road in front of her after Russell grabbed her hand. They arrived at the airport, an hour before her flight was due to board, anticipating traffic. They sat in the drop off lane, their bright red Ferrari catching more than its fair share of attention.
“I wish you could stay,” he said.
“
Me too.”
“I could pay for another night at your hotel.”
The corner of her mouth rose. “As much as I would like that, I have to get back to real life.” She stroked the back of his hand with her thumb, taking time to appreciate the last few minutes of the world they had created. She hadn’t realized how comfortable she felt around him, everything and everyone disappearing whenever they were together. “Gotta get back to real life,” she repeated. She checked her phone, expecting a text from Olivia.
“What all do you have to do when you get back? Maybe I can come for a visit soon.”
She replayed last night’s session in her mind, continuing to feel him inside her. The admission of his love and the actions that went with it made her decision that much harder to make. “Russell—” Her sentence trailed off.
“I hate to cut you off, but I have something I need to get off my chest.” He combed his fingers through his hair. “I know we’ve only known each other for a little over a week, but I feel like we have a connection that most people don’t come across in their lifetime.”
Tears blurred her vision as he continued. Letting them run, they splashed in her lap, soaking into her sweats. Her guilt blocked the majority of his words, resembling waves crashing on the shore. She didn’t notice she was no longer holding his hand until he kissed her.
“I want to try and make this work.”
“Uh, I…I don’t know what to say.”
“I know this wasn’t the perfect time, with you about to fly and all. I don’t expect an answer. I just want you to consider it.”
Her vibrating phone cut off her reply, announcing Olivia’s arrival.
Thank God.
Together, they found her terminal, Russell staying with her until Olivia and her boy toy arrived. They each exchanged pleasantries before separating to say their heartfelt goodbyes to one another. Nariah held onto him longer than usual, knowing it would be the last time they would see each other.
“Don’t worry love, I’ll see you soon. You have my number; call me if you need anything.”
“I probably won’t,” she replied. “I know how busy you are.”
He held her by the shoulders. “I am never too busy for you. Even if it’s just to talk.” He let her go, his phone ringing in his pocket. Upon seeing the name on the call log he excused himself, stepping a few feet away.
With him being so close, she couldn’t help listening in. The ongoing activity drowned out the majority of the conversation, but she could tell from his histrionics and the beet red tone of his skin that it was heated. She tried to feign ignorant when he came back to her, swallowing her urge to ask what it was about.
“Work. It’s like that can’t go a day without me.”
“Well you are the billion-dollar man,” she teased, poking him in the chest.
“I’d rather be your man.”
“You’re lucky you’re so good with words, Mr. Haines.”
“I’m just being honest, Ms. Alexander.” His phone began vibrating again. This time he ignored it. “I have to get going, got some stupid business meetings.”
“Don’t let me hold you up.”
He cupped her face, planting a loving kiss on her forehead before kissing her lips. He kissed her hands and wrapped her arms around his waist. “Please consider what I said. The distance doesn’t matter. I’ll make it work, even if I have to fly to see you every month.”
“I will,” she lied.
“Promise?”
“Cross my heart.”
They kissed once more, their fingertips lingering as Russell retreated. She made sure he wasn’t going to turn around before sitting next to her best friend. She rested her head on her shoulder, her orientation of the world mirroring her feelings.
“He likes you a lot.”
“It’s worse,” she confessed. “He loves me.”
On the plane, Russell’s words intermingled with Method Man’s poetic flow. She wasn’t a hip-hop fan, being more of a Neo Soul girl, but listening to it made her feel closer to him. She watched as the land gave way to the ocean, which then disappeared into the clouds. She fished her phone out from her pocket, opening the messaging app.
Russell, I had more fun than I’ve had in a long time. You’re right, I feel that we have a connection too, but I think the distance between us won’t allow us to sustain it. You deserve someone who can be with you at all times. That isn’t me. I’m sorry.
She deleted the words, her thumb hovering over the keyboard.
I like you a lot, but neither of us is in a place to maintain a relationship. I know you said you loved me, but maybe that’s just you trying to hold on to the moment. You’re a great guy and you will find someone equally as great.
She held down the delete key until she had a blank screen once again.
I can’t do this…
“Really Nariah, you’re gonna break up with him over a text message,” Olivia scoffed.
“No, there’s no Wi-Fi.”
“Even if there was, the man deserves better than that and it’s not just because he’s a billionaire. You’re better than that. At least give him a phone call.”
She stared out at the limitless sky for a few moments before pushing her phone back into her pocket. She switched to the Jill Scott album on iTunes, immediately relating to the melodious message of having a man that isn’t good for you crossing your mind. With a huff, she settled into her seat, using her jacket as a blanket. She shook her head and laughed as Olivia snuggled against her shoulder. A few minutes later, she had fallen into a peaceful sleep.
###
One Month Later
Life had resumed its normal pace, Nariah adjusting back to the States within a matter of hours, the New York traffic remaining a staple of her home. Her business had grown due to a feature in Shape Magazine as a prominent personal trainer. She suspected Russell had something to do with it, but hadn’t talked to him to find out.
Taking Olivia’s advice, she decided a phone call was the more respectable way to break off their short romance,, ecstatic when he didn’t answer and had to leave a voicemail. He had been calling nonstop since. For the most part, she was able to avoid his attempts to reach her, save for the few when he used a different number.
On those occasions she feigned an emergency. To further distance herself from him, she began dating, though nothing serious. It was more of a method to see if her tryst with him was a fluke. Olivia helped her set up a profile on a dating website, after which she received messages within an hour. As she guessed, most of the men wanted nothing more than a physical interaction, something she wasn’t interested in. The more she thought about it, she didn’t know what she wanted.
She huffed as she read over her date’s profile:
Steven Yates
6’4”, 230lbs
Interests include: long walks on the beach, candlelit dinners, and engaging conversation
Looking for: A woman to connect with mentally, emotionally, and physically. Wants a long-term relationship that leads to marriage and kids.
Kids.
She couldn’t figure out how she missed that. Kids wasn’t something she saw as being a part of her future, nor marriage for that matter. Being the modern woman she was, Nariah didn’t believe she needed a piece of paper to validate her commitment to someone. Another reason why she and Russell couldn’t be together.
She became lost in the transitioning leaves decorating the streets. She scanned her loft, her trip causing her to decide that it was time to splurge on some new furniture. A smile lifted the corner of her mouth as she thought about her and Russell sitting on a hilltop that overlooked the city. There was no pressure to be physical, no discomfort at all. Their conversation was easy and flowed without constraint, gaps of silence far and few between.
“It wouldn’t have worked,” she told herself.
An unexpected buzz from her phone caused her to jump out of her chair. With shaking hands, she answered the call, her tone a bit more short t
han she intended.
“Don’t bite my head off,” Olivia chided.
“Sorry, you scared me.”
“Buzz me up.” A few minutes later, she was strolling off the elevator with a dress bag hanging over her shoulders and a pair of matte black pumps in her hand.
“You know I don’t have to be ready for like four hours,” Nariah questioned.
“Beauty takes time, love.” After hanging the bag on the closet door, she helped herself to some leftover wine. She hissed after swallowing it down, pursing her lips together. “Doesn’t taste the same here.”
“Nothing does. I hope you didn’t bring anything ho-ish for me to wear.”
Olivia donned a sinister grin, though it couldn’t be sure if it was due to the tart wine swirling down the drain. “It depends on what you mean by ho-ish.”
“You know what I mean, potential for a nip slip or a rapist to say I was asking for it.”
“Then we’re good.” She led her best friend to the red leather couch, frowning as she fell into it, her tailbone hitting the metal frame. “You need to do something about this.”
“I plan on it.”
“The reason I came so early was so we could talk about your situation,” Olivia started. “You need to call Russell.”
Nariah scoffed before excusing herself to use the restroom. She turned on the faucet and sat on the toilet, her stomach cramping. She had been experiencing the same symptoms on and off since she had gotten back, attributing it to her body getting back used to American food, if it could even be called that. She swallowed the excess saliva in her mouth, a light sweat building on her forehead. In one swift move, she dropped to her knees, plunging her head into the bowl.
Her body quaked as everything she ingested during the day erupted from her stomach. Tears clung to her eyelashes, strands of spit clinging to her lips. Once she was sure she was done, she spit what was left in her mouth into the discolored water before flushing. Exhausted, she laid her head on the cool porcelain, finding instant relief from the heat in her skin.