by Kendra Riley
“If what I feel for you is love, then no. You?”
“Once, but he didn’t love me back. Took a while, but I got over it.”
“Did you two get together?” His voice was monotone, the view entrancing him. “I’d imagine it would be harder to get over if you were in a relationship.”
“No. He chose my rival, the head cheerleader. I won though, she flamed out after high school.”
“High school,” he repeated.
“Yes, high school. Don’t judge me. Derrick was the starting point guard of the basketball team, homecoming king, dark chocolate goodness.”
“So you traded him in for a vanilla wafer.”
“Best decision I ever made.” Her lack of volume demonstrated her lack of confidence.
“You just like me for my money.” He sat up when she didn’t answer, his mouth in the shape of an O.
“You know that’s not true. And how do you know he isn’t a billionaire himself?”
“Because you would be with him. As soon as he got where he wanted in life he would have come after you. That’s what I would have done anyway.” He rubbed her hair, while she collected her thoughts. “I wish I would have met you sooner, before I became this damaged.”
“Then you wouldn’t be who you are. I might not have liked you.”
“Same charm, less money,” he said coolly.
“Your money makes your assholishness more tolerable.”
“You know, you are not the first person who’s told me that.”
They spent the next few minutes listening to the leaves rustle in the wind, the water colliding with the white sand. Nariah climbed off the bed and leaned against the doorframe, the warm breeze caressing her body. Having escaped the grips of her insecurity, she stripped out of her babydoll and peeled off her panties. Her feet sank into the sand with each step she took. Before she knew it, dark foamy water covered her feet, rising to her ankles, and then her waist. She dipped under the surface, gaining a new appreciation for oxygen as she broke through the water. For the first time in months, she felt free. The chains of everyday life ceased to exist as she floated on her back beneath the blemish-freed sky.
The next morning, Nariah awoke to the smell of fresh fruits, pancakes, and Russell. His musk was particularly strong after their session the previous night. There were still some wet spots on the bed, grains of sand digging into her skin as she stretched.
Russell rolled over, propping himself onto his elbow. “Good morning, gorgeous.”
“Starting the day off with lies I see.”
“What lies?”
“I know I’m not gorgeous in the morning. I wake up to the horror every day.”
He stopped her before she had a chance to leave the bed. “Don’t say that.” He placed the usual curl behind her ear, stroking her cheek with his thumb. “Makeup, no makeup, swollen eyes and lips or not, you’re beautiful.” He could see she wasn’t believing him, so he changed the subject. “What’s the plan for the day, love?”
“Why are you asking me? You brought me to the island, big shot.”
“You’ve never been to Florida before?” he questioned.
“Yeah, but not this part.” Nariah held the sheet over her body as she walked toward the infinity edge doors, nothing obstructing her view of the pristine water that mirrored the sky above, clouds of white foam mimicking the clouds. Her hand fell to her stomach, her eyes landing on the same spot. She glanced behind her to see Russell on the phone. She returned his award-winning smile, deciding a shower would provide her with an extra boost of energy.
After closing the door, she allowed the sheet to fall to the floor. Today was different. She wasn’t annoyed by what she saw in the mirror. She ran her hand over her tiger stripes, appreciating the work that went into them. She smiled as she imagined the man on the other side of the door.
Her mouth began to water.
Her knees stung as they collided with the marble tile. She managed to swipe her hair out of the way before she emptied her stomach. Three of her nails chipped from gripping the bowl so hard. Sure he could hear her, Nariah didn’t spend any time manufacturing a lie.
On cue, four knocks rang throughout the room. “Baby?”
She winced as she flushed the toilet. Weakness plaguing her legs, she pulled herself to her feet.
Knock. Knock. Knock.
“Sweetheart, are you almost done in there? I’m afraid I have some bad news.”
“I do too,” she mumbled to herself.
Concern etched his face as she opened the door. Looking past her, he saw remnants of her sickness on the toilet rim.
“I’m fine.”
“Clearly you’re not.” He left her where she stood, disappearing from the room, returning with two suitcases.
“We don’t have to leave.”
“It’d be better if we did.” The clothes he folded slapped against the bottom of the suitcases as he threw them him. “I have to get back to California to handle an emergency.”
“Is everything okay? The business?”
“Nothing for you to worry about.” The tone of his words was unfamiliar, short, hot, and professional. “I’ll have it sorted out shortly.”
Nariah yanked her hand back after his scold burned her. She focused on packing the clothes she hadn’t gotten a chance to wear, doing her best not to listen to his conversation. His trust had obviously grown for her as he didn’t leave the room. With an ear on the heated discussion, it was clear by his body language and lack of facial expression that the emergency hit close to home.
“I’ll be back in the city in a few hours. I just need some time. Yes I, hello, hello? Shit.”
“Russell.”
“What!?”
She didn’t offer a response as she stuffed what remained of her clothes into the suitcase and left the room.
###
Nariah had managed to avoid Russell until it was time to leave. She made her place at the back of the private jet, different items of hers resting in the seats to the left and right of her, her feet resting in the one adjacent. She had no reaction to his presence as he entered.
“I just want to—”
Tupac’s aggressive flow blocked the rest of his apology.
Hours later, she watched as the ground met the plane’s wheels. She hurriedly grabbed her bags and descended the stairs. Walking past the door Ryan held open for her, she jogged to an unoccupied part of the runway. She typed the first three letters of her location, the private airport’s address autopopulating. She pressed enter, confirming the cost and order of an Uber.
“Nariah,” Russell called before reaching her.
She turned her back to him, increasing the distance between them.
“Please stop being so stubborn. I know this isn’t ideal, but—”
“After today, I don’t want to see you again.”
Taken aback, he said, “You can’t be serious. I can’t take you back to Florida next week.”
“It’s not about Florida Russell. It’s about you not being honest with me.”
He froze. “Wha—whaat are you talking about?”
“Don’t even worry about it. You can have all your little secrets and your lies. I’m done.” A brand-new Cadillac Escalade pulled up to where she stood. She confirmed that she was indeed the requestor, letting the driver know she could handle her luggage. A second after throwing the suitcase into the trunk, she set it on the ground. “That belongs to you.”
He didn’t move, nor did he speak, as the door closed. He watched the SUV drive off, biting the inside of his cheek. He left the suitcase where it stood, making his way back to the plane. Fishing his phone out of his pocket, he dialed her number, getting her voicemail. “Fuck.”
“Preparing for takeoff, Mr. Haines.”
He thought about staying until the wheels left the ground.
###
A couple of weeks had passed since the disaster trip and Nariah was feeling no better. She stared at the hearts painted on her b
ig toes, her bottom going numb as she waited. Though she didn’t think she needed to, Olivia convinced her to take a pregnancy test. She stretched for the box, checking the instructions, for the fourth time, for the designated waiting period. The timer on her phone showed she had another ten seconds before it was time to check if her life would be changing forever. When it went off, she found herself getting nervous.
I’m fine, nothing to worry about.
After flushing the toilet, she walked the two steps to her sink. Reading the instructions from the box, she recited, “One strip for negative, two for positive. Two, for, positive.”
Two for positive.
She threw the stick in the sink, combing her fingers through her hair as she paced. “No. No, no, no, no, no.” She picked it up, the results the same. “I can’t be pregnant. I can’t be pregnant.” Her anxiety rose as she couldn’t locate her phone. The stick remained glued to her hand as she scoured her room. Upon finding it, she scrolled to Russell’s name. Their last encounter replayed in her mind. She dropped the phone, tears beginning to blur her vision; her heart rate slowing to a crawl. She curled into a fetal position, imitating what she thought the child growing in her stomach was doing.
###
Olivia handed Nariah a steaming cup of hot chocolate, pulling her feet into her lap. She left work as soon as she received the news, the potential of being fired not enough to deter her from being with her best friend.
“You didn’t have to come.”
“Are you kidding me? Why would you think I wouldn’t?”
“Your work,” Nariah confessed.
“I’ve been friends with you longer than I had that job.”
“Thanks.”
“We’re sisters, girl. It’s my job to be there for you. How are you feeling?”
“Still kinda numb.” She rubbed her stomach. “I can’t believe it. I have a baby in me.” Questions she had managed to bury in the deepest parts of her mind forced themselves to the surface.
Do I want kids?
Do I even like kids?
Do I want to be married?
Am I fit to be a mother?
Am I fit to be a single mother?
The revelation also brought about questions concerning her beliefs.
Am I pro-life or pro-choice?
Adoption or abortion?
It was the final question that scared her the most.
How do I tell Russell?
“Where are you gonna tell him?” Olivia asked. “I’d do it sooner rather than later.”
“I’m still tryin’ to figure out if I’m gonna tell him at all.” Nariah knew she would, her answer more rooted in him shutting her out during the last time they saw one another. With him being the father, she knew he would want to play an active role in its life. That did not mean she had to be in a relationship with him. A sad chuckle crawled from her throat. Her family was broken before her child was even fully developed.
“We’ll worry about that later. But I will make sure you don’t wait too long. This isn’t a breakup, you have to tell him.”
“I’m gonna tell my family first. Hopefully my mom won’t ring my neck.”
Olivia pulled her into a hug, holding her head against her chest. “It’ll be fine, sis. You got me. And I for one, cannot wait to meet my little nephew.”
“How do you know it’s a boy?”
“Shh, don’t ask questions. Just trust me.”
The conversation switched to the failed trip, Nariah skipping over the more personal details, much to Olivia’s chagrin, instead doing her best to recreate the breathtaking scenery. As she recalled the details, she reminisced over her and Russell’s chemistry. Memories of them holding one another, describing what the ideal future looked like saddened her. Their plans were ruined. She couldn’t put his reaction behind her, though she was disappointed he hadn’t reached out. Her mind went back to the call that started all the trouble, her synapses connecting it to the previous mysterious calls.
“What are you thinking about?”
“Nothing.”
Olivia held her by the chin, forcing her to look in her eyes. “Don’t start hiding things from me now.”
She dropped her eyes and took a breath before raising them. “Russell’s been getting these weird calls.”
“I’m sure he gets weird calls all the time. He is a billionaire. At least you know they’re not bill collectors.”
“He always puts his phone on silent when we’re together and if he does answer it, his mood changes completely.”
“You said he was separated, right?”
Nariah couldn’t figure out how she let the detail slip her mind. A mixture of emotions bubbled inside, the combination of them and the baby making her sick. She counted to ten to regain control of her breathing and to keep her mind from slipping down a negative thought path.
“He probably didn’t want you to hear him bickering with his ex,” Olivia suggested.
“Why would he be so secretive about that, though? I already know he’s getting a divorce.”
“That would be the perfect question to ask when you tell him you’re carrying his child.”
She didn’t reply for the comment, feeling herself withdraw into the shell she thought she had gotten rid of. Her mood getting worse by the second, she decided to spend the rest of the afternoon and evening in her room, but not before making Olivia swear she wouldn’t tell Russell.
The next day was no better as Nariah woke up with stomach pains. She scheduled an appointment with her doctor, half hoping the test was a false positive. As she dressed, there was nothing that looked pleasing to her, her stomach appearing more bloated than usual. After settling on a pair of sweats and a large t-shirt, she headed out the door.
She sat on the exam table, kicking her legs back and forth and picking at her nails. The seconds passing slower than she wanted, she decided to quiz herself on the female anatomy, looking over the model vagina sitting on the counter. A knock on the door surprised her, the model falling apart in her hands.
“I promise that won’t happen when you give birth.” Doctor Langston laughed.
She almost questioned how she knew she was pregnant, remembering she had to tell the receptionist the reason for the visit.
“So how are you feeling, Ms. Alexander?”
“Doc, you know me too personally to do the last name thing.”
“Okay Nariah how are you feeling? Congratulations by the way.” After noticing her lack of excitement, she asked, “Unexpected?”
She nodded her head, afraid of being judged.
Dr. Langston wheeled herself in front of her, giving her legs a loving pat. “It’s going to be okay. You’re in good hands with me, no matter what you decide to do.”
“I want to keep it.” The words came out of her mouth before she had a chance to think them over. It was also the first time she admitted it to herself, though she never considered abortion an option.
“That’s good. Don’t take this the wrong way, but I have to ask; do you know who the father is?”
“Yeah. He doesn’t know yet. I’m scared to tell him.” She dropped her eyes to her shoes. “He loves me.” If anyone else would have been her doctor, she wouldn’t have disclosed that information, but Dr. Langston had been taking care of her since she was thirteen. She trusted her. With more than just her health. “I’m scared.” She didn’t know she was crying until she felt the warm wetness spilling down her cheeks.
“Of him?”
“No. He wants the baby.”
“I thought he didn’t know.”
“I haven’t told him officially,” Nariah explained. “But he has witnessed my morning sickness.”
Dr. Langston took her hands in hers. “We’ll worry about that later. I want to get some blood work done to see how far along you are. After that, we’ll do an ultrasound and I can give you a due date. We might even be able to hear the heartbeat.” She wrapped Nariah in a long hug, assuring her that everything was going to be fine
.
Once she was alone, Nariah allowed the full weight of what was happening to weigh on her, her shoulders and back rounding, her chin tucking into her chest. Tears flowing, her body trembled. She dried her hands on her pants, which then found her ever-swelling belly. As she pictured the life growing inside of her, she found that she wanted a boy. Name ideas ran through her head, none of which she liked. She laughed at herself as she imagined herself in a birthing class or learning how to change a diaper. A smile spread across her lips as she rubbed her stomach.
Despite having had her legs in the stirrups many times before, it still felt weird to have a woman between them. The blood test did confirm her pregnancy, putting her at just under ten weeks.
“I’m going to need you to relax,” Dr. Langston instructed. “Take a deep breath for me.”
Nariah sucked the air back into her lungs as soon as she exhaled. She breathed in and out of her nose as the probe pushed deeper into her. Her eyes drifted to the screen before she turned her head, afraid of what she might see.
“There it is.”
“It doesn’t look like anything?” She turned her head left and right trying to determine the orientation of the blob-looking thing.
“It’s still in the early stages of development. You’re not as far along as you think you are.” Dr. Langston laughed.
“I’m at two and a half months, so that puts my due date at somewhere in April.”
“Look at who’s good at math. Late April. I would say between April 20 and the 28th.”
“Why such a spread?” Nariah questioned.
“Babies have minds of their own. They tend to come when they want to come. Everything looks good from what I see so far.”
“Can we hear the heartbeat?”
Dr. Langston flipped a switch and turned a knob. A moment later a booming sound thundered throughout the room. “Nice and strong, just like we want it.” She said nothing as she watched Nariah’s eyes widen.
Nariah rubbed her tears before they had a chance to spill over the edge. Pregnancy was wreaking havoc on her emotions. The strength of the pulse calmed her, her hands once again, finding her stomach. A protective instinct came over her, already deciding what changes she needed to make to her diet and workout schedule. She closed her eyes, letting the sound soothe her into a state of bliss, all her worry vanishing. She raised her head and she felt something shake her leg.