by Olsen, Lisa
Boy howdy, I needed something… and he was just the man to give it to me. But I couldn’t order him to kiss me, could I? My teeth caught at my lower lip, already thinking what I’d say and what he’d say, and what he’d do…
“Anja?” Rob prompted, breaking me out of my private fantasy.
Music could be heard coming from Felix and Bridget’s room. Deep, throbbing music, the kind you put on when you wanted a soundtrack for something that could get a little loud in the bedroom. Or a striptease… even better. Too bad he’d probably balk at the idea. But I was the boss. Isn’t that what Felix kept calling me?
“I want to dance.” I decided suddenly, reaching for him. “Dance with me.”
Rob backed off, his hands coming up. “I don’t think that’s a good idea.”
“Sure it is. Dancing’s always a good idea,” I replied, pursuing him as he backed away down the hall. We came into the living room which was deserted, the lights low.
“I think we both know that’s not true.”
“I don’t think I know that it’s a thing I know, you know?” I’d wound myself into a corner of words, no longer sure what it was I wanted to say. Spotting a nearly full glass on champagne on the end table, I rescued it, downing it in one long gulp that tickled my nose. “Fine, take me to your bed then. Even better.” Tossing the glass negligently aside, it hit the plush carpet and rolled under the couch.
“Anja…”
“Oh, come on, you said you didn’t want to dance. Or did you change your mind? Fancy a dance then, mate?” I pretty much murdered his accent, but it was enough to bring the twitch of a smile to his lips.
“One dance, and then it’s off to bed with you,” he allowed, pulling me away from the coffee table where one of us might lose a shin.
“One dance is all I’m asking for.” I sighed happily over my victory, resting my chin against his shoulder as his arms came around me. Once again I was struck by how well we moved together. I had a feeling it would translate well off the dance floor. What was it Bridget had said about his hands?
I found myself breathing faster, and deliberately forced myself to think of something else before I lost what self esteem I had left and begged him to forget his silly objections to what we both wanted. “I really do like you in this suit,” I murmured, fishing around for something to say.
“You’ve mentioned that before.”
“Do you like my dress?”
“It’s very nice.”
“Again with the nice,” I snorted, teetering back on my heels to get a better look at him. “Maybe I should raid Bridget’s closet and see what I can come up with that might get a stronger reaction. What kind of girls do you like, Rob?”
“I like girls who do what they’re told.” He raised a brow at me pointedly, but I took it a different way.
“Now we’re getting interesting again. What would you tell me to do, Robby? If you could make me do anything? No one interfering, nothing but you and me and your deepest desires. Anything at all…” My voice fell to a whisper. His jaw tightened, and I saw the hunger descend almost as if he craved a taste of me the way a vampire would.
“The things you say,” he breathed, his gaze lingering on my mouth. We’d stopped dancing, but he still held me tight.
“You do still want me, don’t you?”
“What I want don’t enter into it.”
I opened my mouth to reply, but Rob swept me up into his arms, stealing my breath away. It didn’t seem so important to say anything back as he carried me down the hall and I rested my head on his chest, listening to the thump of his heart until he reached my room. But instead of a romantic interlude, it felt like a cold bucket of reality when he tossed me onto the bed and stepped away from it.
“Goodnight then, miss,” he said stiffly.
“For the love of God, would you stop calling me that?” I demanded, scrambling right back up again.
“Calling you what?”
“Miss!”
“It’s a gesture of respect, which I should point out you’re not doing much to earn right now.”
“Do you think I respect myself very much right now? Here I am throwing myself at you and you can’t even be bothered to take what’s right in front of you.”
“I’m doing right by us both. You’ve had a jot too much sauce tonight to think clearly, but you’ll see it on the morrow, yeah?”
“Oh, I have not!” I pouted, wrapping my arms around myself. “This goes way beyond tonight, and it has nothing to do with a few glasses of champagne and you know it.”
“What should I call you then?”
“Huh?” I blinked at the question, my alcohol soaked brain tracking slower than usual. “I don’t know. How about Anja? Or luv, or anything else that shows you give a damn about more than a paycheck?”
“You know I can’t do that.” His hands tightened into fists, like he wanted to hit something, and I felt the same way.
“I know that Jake’s nowhere around here. How would he even know if you and I…”
“That’s not a risk I’m willing to take.”
“Fine, just go away then.” He turned on his heel and I chased after him, smacking into the wall in a mixture of drunkenness and early morning clumsiness. “No wait… Rob, I’m sorry.” Tears spilled as the jumble of emotions inside me couldn’t be contained any longer. “I’m just so…” I shook my head, there were no words for the sense of helplessness and loss that gripped me.
His face softened, one hand reaching for my cheek and then dropping as he thought better of it. “Try and get some sleep, you’ll be fine come sundown.”
“No, I won’t be fine. That’s the whole point. You can’t just tell a girl you love her and then expect her to forget it.”
“I never told you I loved you.”
Okay, so technically that was true, but we’d both already acknowledged it, and he knew it. “Not to my face, but I heard it. And even if you hadn’t said the words, when we kissed… Tell me you didn’t feel the music.”
“What music?” He blinked, puzzled by my choice of words. “What are you going on about now?”
“When I kissed you on Christmas. It was… I felt…” My eyes slid shut, remembering the way his lips had felt on mine, my breathing coming quicker, lips parting. “… like together we made something new. And there I was walking around my whole life thinking I knew what music was, but I’d never truly become a part of it before, until I kissed you and we…”
His lips crashed against mine, muffling my cry of surprise, but I recovered swiftly, desperation fueling my kiss, knowing it might end at any moment. His kiss was no less desperate, and the way his hands fisted in my dress as he held me tight told me everything I needed to know. All too soon, he tore his lips from mine, and I buried my head against his neck as he held me close.
“That,” I gasped for breath, feeling his heart beating a fast staccato. “That is what I felt and I know you feel it too.”
Rob held me for long seconds before he pulled back, his eyes heavy with regret. “Anja… I can’t love you.”
“But you do,” I replied gravely. Neither one of us said anything and the silence stretched into minutes, our bodies still close. I felt it in the pit of my stomach when he looked away and the first thing that came to mind spilled out. “What if I start to love you back?”
His gaze snapped back to mine. “Do you?”
Did I? It hadn’t been all that long since I’d even started to think about Rob as more than a friend, and couldn’t deny there was a powerful attraction between us. But was it love? More than anything I wanted the opportunity to see where it went, but I couldn’t say the words to him yet. “I…”
“Doesn’t matter,” he said, pushing away from me. “It’s not up to you and me.”
“What if I talk to him?”
That stopped Rob in his tracks, a deep furrow appearing between his brows. “Promise me you’ll do nothing of the sort.”
“What if he understands? What if we’re
torturing ourselves over nothing? What if he accepts it, like he accepted Bishop?”
“Anja, I’ll have your word on it here and now or I’ll walk right out that door,” he growled, grasping my shoulders tightly.
“But, Rob…”
“Say it now, there’s no you and me.”
“I won’t…” I refused, even as his grip tightened painfully. “But I promise I won’t talk to Jakob about it either.”
He let go of me then, the tension draining from his shoulders. “It’s for the best.” I didn’t agree with him, but all I could do was nod dumbly as he herded me toward the bed. I sat there, drained of energy as he took off my shoes and tucked me into bed like a child. He brushed the hair back behind my ear, and I leaned into his hand, cherishing its warmth until he pulled away, switching off the bedside lamp.
“Rob?” I called out softly as he reached the door.
“Yeah?”
“If I decide that I do, you know, love you, do you want me to tell you?”
He was silent for so long, I almost thought he’d left without replying, but for his silhouette against the hall light. “No, I think it’s better if we don’t talk about it ever again.”
“One day will you say it to me?”
“No, I don’t think I ever will.”
I never felt so cold and alone in my entire life.
Chapter Four
The flight back to San Francisco was a subdued one for me. Rob was neither distant nor familiar with me, leaving off the ‘miss’ when he spoke, as I requested. I tried catching his eye a few times to gauge how things were between us, but we seemed to miss each other’s gaze far too often for any real evaluation. Felix and Bridget stayed behind in L.A. with the promise they’d be up in a couple of days to pow-wow about the Gathering and do some real estate shopping.
It was good to sleep in my own bed again, the old Victorian house comforting in the way it smelled like home. And if I took a little longer to fall asleep, listening to Rob move around in the room next door… well, that was comforting in its own way too. Luckily, there was plenty to focus on during the nighttime hours, between the plans for the inauguration with Maggie and Felix’s staff and the new security people to meet. Maggie was a real gem, taking over a lot of the apologies over cancellations to my calendar that had to go out since I’d be flying to England in a week or less.
That left me some time to focus on my own preparations for the trip. The problem was, I wasn’t entirely sure what to expect from the Gathering. How long would it last? Would any of my wardrobe do, or should I be hitting the mall with a vengeance? Were there any traditions I needed to observe as Elder? Maggie hadn’t ever been to one before, and neither had Rob or Gunnar. I called Jenessa over as my ace in the hole, hoping she could give me some useful advice. With her impeccable sense of style, I had no doubts the elegant blonde could steer me in the right direction.
Unfortunately, she’d never been to one either, but she did come down to help me look through my wardrobe with a critical eye. There were very few outfits that made the cut, one being the blue beaded gown Bishop had bought for me on my last visit, and the dress I’d worn for my housewarming party. We sat down at the kitchen table to make out a list of what she thought I might need – all the better to attack the local boutiques she assured me would have the kind of clothes I needed.
Rob came up soon after the list had run onto the back of the sheet, offering Jenessa a polite smile. Jenessa perked up as soon as he came into sight, and I noticed her back straighten, the slit in her skirt falling just enough to display her shapely legs to perfection.
“I can’t get over this, Anja. Why didn’t you tell me you were thinking about becoming Elder?” she asked, when he didn’t so much as look twice at her.
“Because I had no idea I’d get it. It’s crazy, really.” I shook my head.
“Should I call you Your Grace now?” she teased.
“I really wish you wouldn’t. I’m still the same old Anja, you know that better than most,” I said carefully, knowing Gunnar was outside talking to two of the new security detail in the back yard. My gaze slid over Rob’s form as he puttered around in the kitchen, putting the kettle on and taking down three mugs without asking.
“How can you say that? You’ve got real power now. Don’t you see how exciting this is?”
“Oh, I’m all kinds of excited,” I said, holding up a hand. “But I’m still the same person. I don’t want you treating me any differently than before. The same goes for you, Rob. None of that Your Grace stuff.”
“Should I call you miss then?” he said mildly, not even bothering to duck when I threw a wadded up napkin at him.
“But this is good, this is better than good. We’re golden now, right?” I looked to them for confirmation. “We don’t have to pussyfoot around the Order anymore or keep people up in the attic when they need Sanctuary. We’ll just approve all the petitions that come our way and no one can be killed for not having license and registration.”
“That law exists for a reason,” Rob pointed out, bringing the three steaming mugs to the table and sitting between us.
“I know, but it’s not like new vampires are getting turned every night. We’ll have to keep an eye on it. If we start to get too many, we can make it a requirement for them to move to a less populated area or something.” Sure there’d be some fine tuning to work out, but my nights of sitting glued to the computer waiting for the Order to get dispatched on a call were over.
“It’s true, as Elder you can you can approve any amount of petitions you want – up to a point,” Rob replied. “It might start out easy peasey to keep the Order from killing unlicensed vamps, but you’ll have to answer to other Houses at the Gathering.”
“Why would they care how many vampires we have?”
“Because of the treaties,” Jenessa replied. “There are agreed upon numbers so that no one house grows stronger than the others.”
She had to be kidding me. What good was being Elder if I had to answer to a bunch of other Elders? “That’s stupid. Are we supposed to have the same number of vampires in the whole West as a tiny country like England?”
Jenessa shook her head. “No, it’s based on geographical area. True, you can support more vampires here, but there are still limits.”
“I still say we’re in better shape than before. We’re doing the same work without having to sneak around.”
“I agree with you completely,” she nodded, blowing across the top of her tea. “The less I have to buggar with the Order’s computers the better I’ll sleep during the day.”
“And it would be difficult to continue on your… jaunts with the added security detail I’ve added,” Rob pointed out.
“About that…” I said, staring down into my cup. “Are you absolutely sure I need a whole pack of red shirts with me everywhere I go? Can’t I just take them with me when I go to the Hart or to meetings and stuff?”
“We’ll have to see about that. Like it or not, you’ve a certain standard of living to maintain now, and top notch security is part of it.”
“I know,” I sighed, slumping in my chair, until I remembered something. “Hey, I’m looking for a new magistrate, by the way. Any ideas?”
We started a lively discussion on who the likely candidates were in the area and I started a new list on a fresh piece of paper. As the night wore on, it turned into kind of a zoo with security wandering in and out and the house phone ringing off the hook with a mixture of congratulatory calls and people wanting something from me. It was weird having a house phone. No one I knew had a landline anymore, except for my parents. But I didn’t want to give out my cell to everybody and their Sire, and it seemed to be working out fairly well.
I was tempted to get one of those old-timey phones with the ornate handset to match the period of the Victorian house, but in the end I went with these sleek cordless ones that doubled as an intercom system so we could all call each other in our rooms without having to yell. Maggie appr
eciated this fact immensely, seeing as how she was the one fielding most of the calls. If the volume kept up, I’d have to hire someone to play receptionist to free her up for more important tasks.
Jenessa had just left to go back to work when the doorbell rang. I didn’t think much of it, deliveries had been arriving all night; my sitting room looked like a funeral parlor with all the flowers. Maggie poked her head into my study a few seconds later.
“Did you make an appointment for tonight?”
“Nooo,” I replied after a moment’s thought. “You’d know about it if I had, why?”
“Because there are two ladies on the front porch who said they’re here for your dress fitting.”
“My… I didn’t arrange for a dress fitting.”
“They said Cordelia sent them.”
“Cordelia from the council? Why would she send them up here without letting me know?” I mused aloud.
“She did call earlier and leave a message.”
“Oh. I guess I should check them more often, huh?” I gave her a sheepish smile. “I’d better go talk to them. They’re still on the porch?”
“That’s right.”
Of course they were. They couldn’t come in until I invited them. We’d already tested Leila’s spell in a number of ways and I was the only one who could let someone into the house. Not even Rob had the power to circumvent the magic. Usually Rob was around whenever I invited someone new into the house – just in case – and this was no exception. I looked to him for any signs of recognition when Maggie pulled the door open, but he gave no indication that he knew either of them.
“Hello, I’m Anja Gudrun,” I greeted them with a polite smile. “I understand you’re here for a fitting?”
“Of course you are, and you’re every bit as stunning as Cordy said you’d be, isn’t she, Ree?” the blonde one gushed.
“Oh yes, you are,” the petite brunette replied.
“Of course you never know what to expect.”
“People are polite as a rule.”
“Even when someone is unfortunate looking.”
“Not that we’re being polite with you now.”