by Olsen, Lisa
“Because he couldn’t possibly want to just kiss me, right?” This was more about wanting to save poor Anja than any jealousy on his part. Typical.
“No, that’s not what I meant at all. Why do you have to try and twist everything around?”
“What did you mean then?”
“He’s manipulative. And dangerous.”
“And you’re not?”
“I wouldn’t try to hurt you.”
“But you did.”
His eyes closed, taking a moment to choose his words carefully. “I wouldn’t try to hurt you on purpose, there’s a difference.”
It didn’t make much of a difference on the receiving end. Maybe it helped him sleep better all day with Angel by his side, but pain was still pain. He hadn’t trusted me enough to try and make it work, and whether he set out to hurt me or not didn’t matter a whole heck of a lot. But I didn’t want to lash out at him over past hurts, mostly I wanted to understand where he was coming from.
“What happened between the two of you?” I asked. “Why do you distrust your own brother so much? I know it has to do with Carys, but not how.”
Bishop hesitated, his green eyes swinging towards the mansion before he gave a short nod. “I told you before, she turned Aubrey about ten years after she turned me. We weren’t one big happy family after that. There was a lot of jealousy between us, and she thrived on it.”
“That’s sick.”
“That was Carys. She preferred a certain level of drama in her life. When things settled down, she created it.”
“And you loved her for it.” He’d said as much before, he’d been so wrapped up in her life it had nearly destroyed him when she died.
“I loved her in spite of it,” he amended. “I was willing to take whatever crumbs of love she offered, and if that involved accepting Aubrey as my brother, then that’s what I had to do to stay with her.”
I couldn’t imagine such devotion, but then again, there was almost certainly a level of compulsion there. “Do you think it was because she compelled you to love her no matter what, or because she was your Sire?”
“I don’t know,” he shook his head. “All I know is, from the moment she found me, I wanted nothing more than to please her, no matter what it took. But not every moment of every day. The longer we were together, the more her mood swings and sick diversions chipped away at that love. I could still be utterly enslaved by her and have waking moments where I wanted to throttle her.”
“That sounds familiar,” I smiled faintly, catching his eye.
“No, you’ve only scratched the surface of my temper, trust me,” he pressed his lips together into a thin smile. “Aubrey took advantage of those rocky moments to try and drive a wedge between us, because he loved her too, you see. He was just as enslaved to her as I was, only he had the anguish of knowing he was second best. Carys made no secret of how she loved me more. Aubrey was always her second choice and I never let him forget it.”
“It sounds like there’s some blame on both sides then, for the crappy relationship you have now.”
“There was, I can admit that now. But it’s no excuse for what he did.”
“What did he do?” I asked softly, holding very still. I felt like the smallest interruption might make him stop talking and I’d never find out what happened.
“Carys had been really moody, even for her, alternating between clingy and cruel. She’d push us away and then complain that nobody loved her. Take on lover after lover, flaunting them in front of us without shame. Maybe she was bored, or maybe the endless years started to wear her down. She pitted us against each other at every turn and I… got tired of it. It wasn’t that I stopped loving her, but we’d been together for nearly a hundred years and I needed a break. Aubrey was going through the same thing, or so I thought, and we actually bonded for a short time, commiserating over how Carys was ruining our lives, and yet we both seemed unable to leave her.”
That sounded like them growing closer, not farther apart, but I nodded, waiting for him to go on.
“I don’t think I ever would’ve actually left her, that’s the thing. As miserable as I was, I was bound to her in ways I couldn’t understand. I know now it was all compulsion, but at the time, I felt… doomed to repeat the same cycle over and over until the end of time.” He paused, waiting for some particularly unpleasant memory to clear.
“Anyway, Aubrey started filling my head with all these arguments for why we should leave and start our own independent lives. It wasn’t out of the question, vampires left their Sires all the time.”
“Sure, it seems like it’s the norm.” I didn’t know anyone who wasn’t a newbie who was still with their Sire, and my circle of friends was rapidly expanding.
“Well, I started to really consider it. Aubrey and I stayed up drinking for most of the night, and when Carys finally made it home, we had a fight. A really ugly one.” He fell silent, lips pressed together and I waited without speaking for him to continue. “I stormed out of there and Aubrey found me later, playing the supportive brother to the hilt. We drank… a lot. And when I eventually sought my bed for the night, it was in the arms of another woman.”
“That’s not so bad.” Vampire fidelity seemed to be a rare thing, especially when it came to feeding from humans.
“It might not have been. Except Aubrey led Carys there. I have only the vaguest memory of her bursting into the room, I was still so drunk I could barely see straight. I remember mumbling at her to go away and leave me in peace for once. That was the last time I saw her.”
“What happened to her?” I was almost afraid to ask.
“Aubrey poisoned her mind against me, or at least he tried to. But she had to see it for herself. Only, instead of turning to Aubrey, as he planned, she completely lost it when I blew her off. I found out later she’d been so shocked, so… broken by my rejection, she walked into the morning sunlight while I slept in another woman’s bed. I don’t even remember that girl’s name.”
I could see the guilt eating away at him even after all this time, and why he held Aubrey to blame. “Aubrey told you this?”
“He showed up the next night with what was left of her remains and the scars to prove it. He’d tried to drag her out of the sunlight once she burst into flames, but she was so much stronger than we were back then. He cried and begged for my forgiveness, but how could I forgive him? If it wasn’t for him, she’d still be alive. We might all be miserable, but we’d be together.”
“And that’s how you’d want to live your life?”
“It wouldn’t have gone on that way forever. Eventually she would’ve found some other distraction.”
Had anyone ever compared me to this woman? Ugh. “That doesn’t sound like much of a life to me. I mean, I’m sorry she died, but that was her choice in the end. I’m sure neither of you expected it to happen. You can’t blame yourselves. Especially not after everything she put you through.”
“The hell I can’t. None of it would’ve happened if he hadn’t been so dead set on winning.”
“Bishop, I’m sure he didn’t want her to die either.”
“In the end it doesn’t matter. She’s gone because Aubrey pushed her to it and I wasn’t there for her. Aubrey lashes out, that’s his thing. He didn’t think about the consequences or anyone but himself.”
“And that’s why Jakob hates you,” I realized suddenly. “He blames you for her death as well.”
“No, he blames me because Carys kept me close far longer than she willingly stayed with him.”
It was all such a mess. “Bishop, all of this happened hundreds of years ago. Why are you still letting it eat you up inside?”
“I don’t expect you to understand, you’re still young.”
“Oh, come on, don’t play that card with me. I can still spot misery for the sake of misery. I’m almost starting to think you like being miserable and alone.”
“That’s ridiculous.”
“Then why did you push me aw
ay?”
“Because I didn’t want to get caught up like that again. I told you, it was too devastating to have someone able to control me like that.”
“But you would have happily stayed with Carys, even knowing she’d bring you nothing but heartache? You just said that not two minutes ago.”
“Stop twisting my words around,” he scowled. “What she and I had was complicated, but there was love there, I know it in my heart.”
“Just not with me.”
“What?”
“You trust that the love was there with Carys, even knowing she could compel you, and how she tormented the both of you on purpose. But you can’t trust that your feelings for me were real. You’d rather throw it all away than see where it led. Maybe I should have tortured you more.”
“It wasn’t like that,” he said, but there was no strength behind his words.
“We were happy, weren’t we?” I asked. Suddenly I needed to know. “Before everything fell apart.”
“I thought so,” he admitted, looking down at his shoes. Was he afraid I might compel him to feel more than he did?
“And you don’t now?”
“Anja, don’t…”
“Don’t what? Miss what we had? You can delude yourself into thinking it wasn’t real all you want, but it was very real for me.” But maybe we’d never been on the same page after all, if it was so easy to tear it all to shreds.
“Are you happy now?” he asked, his eyes still on the ground.
“Yes, for the most part,” I answered easily enough. Some things hadn’t worked out for me on the personal front, but the sun didn’t set and rise on whether or not I had a man in my life. “Laugh all you want, but I’m good at this, at helping people.”
His head came up swiftly. “I never laughed at you.”
“But you weren’t heavy on the support either.”
“It’s not that I didn’t think you could do it. I just didn’t want you to get in over your head. I told you before I never liked all this politics garbage.”
“It’s not so bad,” I shrugged. “And I like helping people. I’d tell you about it but… it’s probably for the best if you have plausible deniability.”
“Thanks for that.” His smile was fleeting, the twitch of his brows immediately shifting to something more sober.
“Are you happy?” I asked, the silence stretching between us as he either couldn’t or wouldn’t answer. “Does she make you happy?”
“It’s not like that,” he insisted, the moment I brought her into it. “Angel and I aren’t… It’s not like you think.”
“Hey, it’s none of my business, right? Just like it shouldn’t matter to you who I flirt with or who I let drink my blood.”
“Who have you been letting drink from you?” he demanded, and I couldn’t help my tiny smile over the display.
“You’re not supposed to care, remember?”
His lips curved as he acknowledged my amusement, and for one second it was like I had my old Bishop back. Especially by the way he looked down at me, his eyes softening. “And if I do?”
Tucker growled, his ears swiveling in the direction of the mansion. In the next instant, he bounded off toward the house with another low rumble. I’d almost forgotten he was there in the first place, privy to all our secrets.
Bishop’s head came up, concentrating until he picked up on what the wolf had. “There’s someone out there,” he murmured.
“It’s okay, I’ll protect you.” I patted his shoulder, stepping in front of him to face the path.
“Funny,” he muttered, grabbing a handful of my sweater and pulling me back behind him. “If it’s trouble you run for the house, understand?”
“Don’t worry, I got this,” I grinned, almost spoiling for another attack on the heels of my success in taking him down. Only it wasn’t a pack of bandits hell-bent on attack, it was Rob who emerged from behind the bend in the maze.
“Everything alright here?” he asked cautiously, his eyes going from me to Bishop and back again.
“Yes, of course. Except you missed it when I made Bishop eat dirt.”
“Is that a fact?” Rob’s brows came up.
“Dropped me like a stone,” Bishop admitted with a rueful grin.
“Good,” Rob muttered. “Felix is asking for you,” he said, holding his arm out to me.
“Oh, I should probably get back anyway, I’ve been out here for a while.” I went to Rob’s side, turning back to look at Bishop before I left. “Thanks for the talk, Bishop. I’m sorry if I hurt you.” I meant the kick to the jewels, but I supposed it worked as a blanket sorry too.
“I’ll live,” he shrugged, offering me a slight smile. “I’m glad we talked too.”
Rob’s hand fell to my waist, and I felt the pressure to move on. “Well, later.” We threaded through the maze in silence, Tucker following along behind. “You’re not mad I went out with just Tucker are you?” I asked after I was sure we’d left Bishop behind.
“No.”
“Because I didn’t wander away alone, I had protection with me, and I even texted you where I was going.”
“I know.”
“And Bishop was there too.”
“That he was.”
“You should have seen me take him down, it was glorious,” I crowed. “I do feel sort of bad about hurting him though. Hopefully he’ll be able to shake it off.”
“I’m sure he’ll rally.”
“Is something wrong?” He was being awfully short, even for him.
“No.”
Something was bothering him alright, but I couldn’t for the life of me guess what. “Did you get anything out of Jean Pierre’s security team?”
“Not really.”
“I guess that was a bust then. Maybe I should get Felix to schedule a meeting between the two of us and ask him about it point blank?”
“You could.”
I stopped walking, waiting for him to face me. “But should I?”
“My opinion don’t enter into it,” he said coldly. “It’s your decision in the end.”
I swear, if I live to be a thousand years old, I’ll never understand men.
Chapter Nineteen
Felix was waiting for me back at the suite, Bridget sitting next to him, polishing off a hot fudge sundae. “There she is,” he smiled, rising to his feet, and I waved him back down.
“Hey guys. Did you get those meetings set up?”
“Yes, but not until the night after tomorrow. Also, I got a request from Macallister to meet with us later tonight, but not until after four, so you’ve got plenty of time to kill.”
I shot Rob a look – why had he been so insistent that Felix wanted to talk to me? It sounded like he had everything in hand. “Good. What else is on the agenda for tonight?”
“Not much.”
Bridget set her spoon aside with a clatter. “Does that mean we can blow this place off and go have some fun for a change?”
“Sure thing, babydoll,” Felix grinned. “That is, unless you need me for anything, boss?”
“Actually, I’m in the mood for a spot of fun myself. How about we all head into town and go to that bar we went to before? Pandora’s Cross?” I suggested, knowing it was one of Rob’s favorite hangouts. “I promise I won’t challenge anyone on the dance floor and spur a murder this time.” Not that Jasper hadn’t deserved it.
“Can we do that?” Bridget perked up. “That place was the bee’s knees.”
The bee’s knees? I looked closer at my friend; her relationship with Felix was changing her more than her choice in clothing.
“Absolutely. I wouldn’t mind cutting a rug or two. I’m in,” Felix stated decisively.
“What do you say, Rob?” I gave him my most winsome smile. “Feel like going out for a night away from all this political stuff?”
“If you like,” he replied, still more subdued than I would have thought by the prospect. We’d had a good time there on our last visit, and he’d seen so man
y of his friends there. Why did he sound so unenthusiastic?
“If you’d rather sit this one out I could take Gunnar instead, but I’d like it if you came with us.” I tried again.
“No, Gunnar and I will both be coming if you’re leaving the grounds. Tucker too.”
“Okay,” I replied, keeping the sigh to myself. “Give us twenty minutes to make ourselves beautiful. Will you guys be ready by then?”
“Ready and waiting,” Felix smiled, but his eyes were on Bridget.
“Come on, Bridge, let’s get ready to go.”
She had more clothes in the appropriate style for the forties club than I did, and I ended up borrowing a navy blue dress with white piping. Bridget wore a fire engine red dress with lips to match. I rolled her hair into fat waves, but didn’t have time to do more than pin my bangs back, leaving the rest of my hair loose around my shoulders. Even so, I felt pretty and feminine in my seamed stockings. After all, what girl doesn’t enjoy dressing up to go out dancing?
Felix looked happy as a clam in another one of his pin striped suits, this one cut to a more retro style with his fedora perched at a rakish angle. Gunnar added a black homburg to his usual suit, but it somehow made him look a little gangster. Even Tucker had changed into a brown suit, that was unfortunately cut too big for him, but I appreciated the effort. Only Rob hadn’t made any change to his attire, but he still looked good in his suit, as usual.
Pandora’s Cross was a Big Band themed bar, complete with live music and a dance floor. Vampires, all dressed for the occasion, were pressed together and swaying to Don’t Be That Way by Benny Goodman when we arrived. Almost immediately we were accosted, but in a good way.
“Twice in the span of a year, I might have to start holdin’ yer old table for ya,” Charley Boone, the owner, greeted Rob with a grin.
“Hello, Charley.” Rob accepted his hand, stepping back to acknowledge the rest of us. “I brought a few with me again, I hope you’ve room enough for us all.” The club was pretty packed, but Charley scoffed at the suggestion that he might turn us away.
“Don’t be daft, of course I’ve room for you all. Hello, Miss Gudrun, nice to see you again.” He sketched a half bow.