by Leah Ross
“Done? What does that mean? Shana?” He stuck his head out into the hallway. “Shana!” Several curious pairs of eyes met his with interest, but Shana was already gone. “Shit!” He punched the door jamb and considered chasing after her. Then he looked at the pile of stuff he’d tossed on his bed and went back to packing. He’d fix things with Shana as soon as he could. Perhaps he’d enlist William’s assistance. But at the moment, he needed to be ready to leave that evening, and there would be no second chances if he missed his appointment with the captain who’d agreed to take him on for the break. Rolling his shoulders, he put his emotion aside and got back to work. He couldn’t afford to waste this opportunity, and he sure as hell did not intend to.
~*~
William sat with Guinn at a tall table by the window of a dockside pub nursing a pint of beer. He couldn’t let Guinn ship off for four months without some kind of amicable farewell, despite the situation with Shana. He didn’t like being the buffer between them, but he wouldn’t stop being Guinn’s friend just because he and Shana were fighting.
“So, what are you up to during break?” Guinn asked.
“Interning at my father’s firm,” William grumbled. “Again.” Being stifled underneath his father’s thumb was about the worst way he could think of to spend the next four months, but it was the most practical way to keep the momentum going with his architectural experience.
“Same as me.”
William raised his brows at his friend. “How the hell is my indentured servitude to the soul-sucking wastes of skin my father calls partners for an eternal four months the same as you gallivanting across the globe having a crapload of rowdy fun and downing rum like the recipe’s been lost to time?”
“You don’t think I’m working my ass off?”
“No, mate. I know you’re working hard. But your break will be a damn sight more interesting than mine; I’d wager anything on it.”
“You’re still working to expand your experience base in preparation for your career, though,” Guinn said pragmatically.
“I suppose so.”
Guinn took a long sip from his pint. “Can you help me out with Shana, Will?”
“I don’t know, Guinn. You’ve done a stellar job of screwing that up spectacularly. She definitely seems to have written you off for good.”
Guinn reached across the table and squeezed William’s arm. “I know you can do it. If anyone can fix this mess, it’s you, Hannigan.”
William sighed. “I’ll try, but I’m not promising anything.” You should be fixing it yourself.
“Thanks, mate.”
William nodded his head toward the dock, noticing a ship pulling in. “Looks like your ride is here.”
They stood and hugged warmly. “See you in a few months, Will. Have a fantastic break.”
“You too, Guinn. See you back here before classes start.”
~*~
“Oy! McCabe!”
Guinn looked up from the tediousness of his line splicing to acknowledge the boatswain. “Aye, sir!”
“Ye’ve mail, lad. Come, take a break.”
Guinn dusted off the particles of rope covering his hands on his breeches and stood, stretching the kinks out of his back. Though the sun was warm, creating a sheen of sweat on his brow, the breeze off the water was refreshing, and he breathed it in deeply. As unpaid, seasonal help, Guinn was naturally given the tasks that no one else wanted, and he was rarely thanked for doing them. Yet he took them without complaint, considering every job to be valuable experience. After all, if he was to be captain someday, he needed to know everything about how a ship was run, even the small, tedious things.
By now, after three full internships and much of a fourth, he’d had a taste of pretty much everything. Guinn definitely had his preferences and dislikes, but he’d gained a healthy appreciation for every job aboard a ship. He couldn’t cook, he didn’t have the patience for the infirmary, and he found navigation far too dull for his taste. But he knew every piece of rigging ever made, his innate handiness had gotten him on the good side of more than one ship’s carpenter, and his aptitude for weapons of all types had the master gunner of his current crew trying to convince the captain to hire Guinn despite his lack of a magic license. Overall, Guinn was feeling rather confident in his future, and he couldn’t believe that another internship was nearly over. Only one more year at Holystorm, and then he’d be off on his adventure at last.
He followed Casey, the boatswain, up to the chart room, where the man handed him an envelope. About time Hannigan wrote to me, he thought. He turned the envelope over, but the handwriting that greeted him wasn’t William’s. He frowned.
“Pretty writing, lad. Must be from yer girl,” Casey teased him pleasantly.
Guinn’s cheeks colored. “It’s not… She’s… We’re… Well, she is a girl…”
Casey laughed. “Ye young ‘uns are so amusin’. Not a bleedin’ clue what ye want from each other.” He clapped Guinn hard on the shoulder. “I’ll leave ye to it, then.”
Guinn watched him leave and then dropped into a chair, tearing open the envelope. Shana’s pretty, feminine cursive stretched across the paper inside. He drew a deep breath and dove in.
Dear Guinn,
First of all, I’m sorry. I’m sorry for how we left things at the end of term. I’m sorry I didn’t have it in me to write to you sooner. I’m sorry I was so angry. I’m also sorry that we can’t make it work together.
William did try valiantly to plead your case. Please don’t be angry with him. We are truly lucky to have such a friend as dear William. He cares so much about both of us. But not even he can convince me that you and I should be together.
I love you, Guinn. I do. But I’ve realized that I can’t allow myself to be in love with you. I very much admire your aspiration and initiative, but I need a relationship that isn’t so one-sided and you need to be able to focus on your goals. It’s not fair to either of us to waste energy on maintaining something so fundamentally broken.
I hope you’re not angry with me, or William, or even yourself. We had a lot of fun together and I enjoyed our time as a couple. I think it’s time, though, to just be friends. I still want you in my life, and I absolutely will not make Will choose which of his friends to keep. I want things to be like they were when we first met, when we could all just be comfortable together.
I know it will take some time to transition to a different phase of our relationship, but I hope we can work it out. I really can’t wait to see you at school in a few weeks, and I’m looking forward to our last year at Holystorm. I want to hear all about your break.
Be safe, Guinn. I love you.
Shana
He sighed and rubbed the spot between his brows. Godsdamn it. She’d cut him loose. He supposed he deserved it, but it still didn’t feel very fair to him. He was doing exactly what he should have been doing—getting himself ready for his life beyond school. He just couldn’t win.
Maybe he’d been asking for trouble in the first place. He shouldn’t even have gotten involved with Shana. They should have just stayed friends from the beginning. Yes. He pounded the table lightly with his fist. He could do this. He could just be friends and focus his energy on the important things. There would be time for romance later.
So resolved, Guinn shoved Shana’s letter in his pocket and strode back out to his work. He only had a few more weeks aboard the ship and then it was back to the grindstone. He wanted to get the most out of his remaining time at sea. No more distractions.
~*~
A few weeks later, after what felt like no time at all, Guinn walked up to the open door of William’s Holystorm room and leaned against the frame. “Hey, Will.”
William spun around from where he was unpacking clothes into his dresser, his face lit with a radiant smile. “Guinn! Hi! When did you get here?”
“Just now. I wanted to see a friendly face. Yours will have to do.”
William strode over and embraced his friend. �
�Good to see you, mate! How was your break?”
“Busy, but amazing.” Guinn raised a brow at William. “Which you might know if you’d bothered to write, you prat.”
William’s cheeks flushed. “I would have. But I didn’t want to get in the middle of anything.”
Guinn shrugged and waved his hand dismissively. “No worries. I suppose you’ve heard, yeah?”
“Shana told me. I’m sorry.”
“Entirely my fault, really. Poor girl deserves better than me.” Guinn gave William a sheepish smile. “Is she all right?”
William shrugged. “About as well as can be expected. She seems to have made her peace with it.”
“I’m single and free again,” Guinn said with a sigh. “A lonely loser, just like you, Hannigan.”
“Alone, unloved, frustrated…”
“We seriously need to get you hooked up, Will,” Guinn said, shaking his head. “I can’t believe you haven’t found yourself a girl yet. You must need help.”
“I don’t need your pity, McCabe,” William grumbled.
“Well, what the devil are you waiting for, man?”
A tortured look crossed William’s face and he turned away from Guinn. “Nothing you could hope to understand.”
Guinn closed the door and crossed the room, resting his hand on William’s shoulder. “Come on, Will. You’re my best friend. Talk to me.”
William looked at him over his shoulder, his green eyes dark with a riot of emotion. “I can’t.”
“Why not?”
William’s heart raced and his breath was quick and shallow. Just being so close to his friend, feeling the warmth radiating from his body, was completely undoing him. He turned and stared into Guinn’s eyes, swallowing hard against the dryness in his throat. Gods, Guinn, you have no idea…
“Will…”
William’s breath hitched and held as he drank in the sincere tenderness and care that he so rarely witnessed from the hard man whose touch still lingered on his arm. “Guinn, if you know what’s good for you, you’ll turn around and leave now.”
Guinn shook his head. “Not a chance in hell. Something’s bothering you, and I’m not leaving until I help you fix it.”
“You can’t fix it.”
“I can bloody well try!”
“No! Damn it, Guinn! You’re the problem!”
“What?” Guinn cocked his head at William, thoroughly confused.
“Guinn, I… I…” William leaned forward and kissed Guinn, softly and tentatively, allowing him a chance to escape.
Guinn was too stunned to know what to do, so he just stood there, frozen in shock. He didn’t know what to think either, so he just let himself feel. What he felt was odd and confusing, but not unpleasant. William’s lips were warm and soft, inviting him to explore the unknown. Guinn’s eyes closed and he pressed forward unconsciously, seeking more. A hushed moan sounded in William’s throat, and Guinn jolted when his best friend’s tongue traced the seam of his lips, begging entry. He gasped, opening his mouth, and William dove in enthusiastically.
Mind reeling, Guinn got lost in the flood of sensation wrought from William’s tongue exploring his mouth. It was hot, wet, insistent, and earth-shatteringly good. As he pondered the pleasure he was obviously taking from the unexpected turn of events, something in the back of his mind clamored rudely that it was wrong. Slowly, gently, he placed his hands on William’s shoulders and pushed him away.
“Will, what are you doing?”
“Seizing the hell out of an opportunity,” William whispered. “Please let me savor it for a moment longer.”
Guinn took a deep breath. “Will, I’m sorry.”
William sighed. “So am I.” He looked up and smiled sadly at the puzzled expression on his friend’s face. “I’m sorry I have to take this memory from you.”
“What?”
“I can’t allow this to torture you and ruin your life. It was selfish of me to take what I wanted, but I had to know what it felt like, just once. Now I’ll make it right.”
“You’re not making any sense, Hannigan.”
“I know. But you won’t have to worry about it anymore.” William took Guinn’s face between his hands and brought their foreheads together. “Forget, Guinn. Forget the kiss, forget my feelings for you, forget any desire you may have felt for me. Forget, and be happy again.”
~*~
Shana found William sitting by himself in a deserted corner of the dining hall that evening, absently stirring a mug of tea and staring, unseeing, into space, his mind very far away. She stopped some distance away from him, just observing, feeling his melancholy even from across the room. Her heart ached for him as she resolutely continued with a new purpose in mind. Something had happened, and now William needed her comfort.
Taking a seat next to him, she reached out and took his hand. “William, honey, what’s wrong?”
He blinked and refocused on her, frowning in confusion for a moment. “Oh. Hi.”
When his eyes met hers, he looked so lost that tears filled her vision. “Oh, sweetie,” she crooned at him. “What is it?”
“I just realized how alone I am.”
“No you’re not. I’m here.” She gently took the mug and spoon to prepare his tea for him and wrinkled her nose as she felt the outside of the mug. “It’s stone cold.”
“I’ve been here a while.”
“Let me get us some hot tea.” She scurried off to fetch it, returning only a minute later. “Here. Now, tell me what happened.”
“Guinn’s back.”
“All right… That’s not surprising, considering he does go to school here.”
“I kissed him.”
Shana sprayed her mouthful of tea over the table, then proceeded to choke and splutter on the part that she’d inhaled. Grabbing napkins to clean the mess, she coughed violently. “You what?!” she croaked.
“You heard me.”
“Why?!”
“Because I wanted to. And because I couldn’t think of a reason not to.”
She held her breath and stared at him. “And?”
“And he let me,” William said flatly.
A very girlish squeak bubbled from her. “Did he like it?”
“Yes, I think so.”
She gaped at him. “What does this mean?”
“Nothing. It means, precisely, shit.”
“What? Why?”
“He doesn’t remember it,” William said on a sigh. “I took the memory from him.”
“William Christopher Hannigan!” She punched him in the shoulder. “Why the hell would you do that?!”
He rubbed his shoulder and glared at her. “I’m going to pretend that your obsessive fascination with this topic is not creepy and weird, especially given the fact that you were practically attached to Guinn’s hip for the last four years and now you’re all but shoving me into his arms.”
“Oh, no. You are not pushing me off this one, mate. Why don’t you want him to know?”
“I can’t ruin his life like that. He has so many plans…”
She squeezed his hand. “Why can’t you be a part of those plans?”
“I just can’t!” He banged his fist on the table. “He has far too much to lose! I refuse to be a liability to him.”
“That’s very noble, sweetie, and absolutely the right thing to do, but it’s also bollocks. I’m tired of always watching you sacrifice yourself for the greater good. At some point, the weight of all of that baggage will be too much for you to handle and it will crush you. Stop being such a masochist and go after something you want for a change!” Shana stared into his eyes. “I’m worried about you, Will.”
He smiled wanly at her. “Shana, I’m fine. And I still won’t do it.”
“You’re daft, man,” she said with a shake of her head.
“I know. Thanks for the support, love.”
She got up and wrapped her arms around him. “You know I love you, Will. I’d do anything to make you happy.”
“I’m going to go get the awkwardness with Guinn over with. You coming?”
He waved her off. “I’m going to sit here and wallow in my misery a bit longer.”
“If you must,” she said. “But I want you back to your usual irreverent self by dinner, mister.”
“You got it.” He gave her a small salute.
She hugged him once more. “Welcome to fifth year, Mr. Hannigan.”
He lifted his mug of tea in a toast. “Cheers. May the gods have mercy on our souls.”
Chapter Four
Guinn’s fifth year at Holystorm Academy of Magic began as all the previous ones had, filled with the high-academic theoretical tedium that he hated. He much preferred the all too infrequent practicums, during which he actually got to use the spells. Even those were far too restrictive for his liking, though, and he most enjoyed exploring magic on his own. He had to do so discreetly, however, as extracurricular sorcery was an offense that led to expulsion and he’d be damned if he was throwing it all away now that he was so close to the end.
He had long since tuned out the monotonous drone of his current instructor and absentmindedly rolled his pen across his notebook as he gazed longingly out the window. He could just see the tantalizing glimmer of the ocean through the trees and he daydreamed about feeling the wind through his hair as he sailed wherever he pleased at the helm of his own vessel. He wanted it so badly he could nearly feel the salty spray on his face.
THWAP! Guinn nearly fell over as he was jolted out of his daydream by the instructor’s pointer as it struck his desk. “Care to join us, Mr. McCabe? I’m fairly certain you will want to pay attention, as this material is an integral part of the final exam and you must pass this course to graduate. No diploma, no boat. Do I make myself clear?”