The depression stayed with me the rest of the evening. Thoughts of Ruth, of the new emphasis she had brought into my life, did little to relieve the blackness and the hint of fear. My mission in Hillston seemed pointless. It was part of running away from myself. There was no chance of finding the money and even if there was and I did find it, I couldn’t imagine it changing anything. Somehow I had become a misfit in my world, in my time. I had been jolted out of one comfortable rut, and there seemed to be no other place where I could fit. Other than Charlotte—and, too optimistically, Ruth—I could think of no one who gave a special damn whether I lived or died.
After the light was out I lay in darkness and surrendered myself to the great waves of bathos and self-pity. I wondered what would become of me. I wondered how soon I would be dead. I wondered how many other lonely beds there would be, and where they would be. Finally I fell asleep.
• SIX •
Saturday morning was dreary, with damp winds, low, scudding clouds, lights on in the stores. I couldn’t get a better line on the Cooper girl until the administration office at the high school opened on Monday. The few leads had faded away into nothing. I wondered what I would do with the day.
After buying some blades and some tooth paste, I drove around for a while and finally faced the fact that I was trying to think of a good excuse to see Ruth Stamm. I went without an excuse. She was in the reception office at the animal hospital. She gave me a quick, warm smile as I walked in. A woman sat holding a small shivering dog, waiting her turn. There was a boy with a Siamese cat on a leash. The cat, dainty and arrogant, purposefully ignored the shivering dog.
Ruth, smiling, asked in a low voice, “More questions?”
“No questions. Just general depression.”
“Wrong kind of hospital, Tal.”
“But the right kind of personnel.”
“Need some kind of therapy?”
“Something like that.”
She looked at her watch. “Come back at twelve. We close at noon on Saturday. I’ll feed you and we’ll cook up something to do.”
The day was not as dreary when I drove away. I returned at twelve. I went up to the house with her, and the three of us ate in the big kitchen. Dr. Buck Stamm was a skilled storyteller. Apparently every misfortune that could happen to a veterinary had happened to him. He reviled his profession, and his own stupidity in getting into it in the first place. After a cigar he went off to make farm calls. I helped Ruth with a few dishes.
“How about a plain old tour of the surrounding country,” she suggested. “There are parts that are very nice.”
“Then dinner tonight and a movie or something?”
“Sold. It’s Saturday night.”
She changed to slacks and a tweed jacket over a yellow sweater and we took my car. She gave me the directions. We took small back roads. It was pretty country, with rolling hills and spines of rock that stuck out of the hills. In the city the day had been gloomy. Out in the country it was no better, but the breeze seemed moist with spring. The new leaves were a pale green. She sat slouched in the seat with one knee up against the glove compartment and pointed out the farms, told me about the people, told me about the history of the area.
At her suggestion I took a back road that led to a place called Highland Lake. She told me when to slow down. When we came to a dirt road we turned right. A mile down the slippery, muddy road was a sign that said B. Stamm. I went cautiously down an overgrown drive through the woods until we came to a small cabin with a big porch overlooking a small lake less than a mile long and half as wide. I could see other cabins in the trees along the lake shore.
We went onto the cabin porch and sat on the railing and smoked and talked and watched the quick winds furrow the lake surface.
“We don’t get up here as much as we used to when Mother was alive. Dad talks about selling it, but I don’t think he will. He hunts up here in the fall. It’s only eighteen miles from town, the shortest way. It’s pretty primitive, but you know, Tal, this would be a good place to write.”
I felt again a quick, sharp pang of guilt.
Her enthusiasm grew. “Nobody is using it. There’s no electricity, but there are oil lamps and a Coleman lantern. There’s plenty of wood in the shed, and one of those little gasoline stoves. The bunks are comfortable and there’s lots of blankets. It would save paying rent. I know Dad wouldn’t mind a bit.”
“Thanks, Ruth, but really I couldn’t—”
“Why not? It’s only a half hour to town.”
“I don’t think I’ll be here long enough to make it worth while moving in.”
“Well, then,” she said, “okay.” And I thought I detected some disappointment in her tone. “I’d like you to see it, anyhow.” The key was hidden on one of the roof supports near the door. We went inside. It was bare, but it looked clean and comfortable. There were fish rods on a wall rack, and a big stone fireplace.
“It’s nice,” I said.
“I’ve always loved it. I’d make a wild row if Dad ever tried to sell it. The first time I came up here they had to bring play pen and high chair. I learned to swim here. I broke my collarbone falling out of one of those top bunks in there.”
She smiled at me. We were standing quite close together. There was something both warm and wistful about her smile. There was a long silence in the room. I could hear birds and a far-off drone of an outboard motor. Our eyes locked once more and her smile faded as her mouth softened. There was a heaviness about her eyes, a look almost of drowsiness. We took a half step toward each other and she came neatly, graciously into my arms as though it were an act we had performed many times. The kiss was gentle at first and then fierce and hungry; as she strained upward against me my hands felt the long smoothness of her back, and her arm was crooked hard around my neck.
We wavered in dizzy balance and I side-stepped quickly to catch our balance and we parted awkwardly, shy as children.
“Tal,” she said. “Tal, I—” Her voice was throaty and unfocused.
“I know,” I said. “I know.”
She turned away abruptly and walked slowly to the window and looked out across the lake. I followed her and put my hands lightly on her shoulders. I felt shamed by all this, shamed by my lies, and afraid of what would happen when she found out about me.
I felt new tension in her body and she leaned closer to the window and seemed to peer more intently.
“What’s the matter?”
“Look. Isn’t that some kind of animal over there? Directly across. That was the Warden camp before George sold it. The one with the green roof. Now look just to the right of the porch.” I looked and saw something bulky, partially screened by brush. It looked as if it could be a bear. She brushed by me and came back with a pair of binoculars. She focused them and said, “It’s a man. Here. You look.”
I adjusted them to my eyes. The man was getting to his feet. He was a big man in a brown suit. He was hatless and his hair was thin on top and he had a wide, hard-looking face. It was the man who had driven by Fitz and me in the blue sedan, the man who had come into the bar at the Inn. He brushed the knees of his brown suit and dusted his hands together. He bent over and picked up what looked to be a long dowel or a piece of reinforcing rod.
“Let me look,” she said and took the binoculars again. “I know the people who bought the camp from George. That isn’t the man.”
“Maybe he’s a service man of some kind.”
“I don’t think so. I know most of them. Now he’s going up on the porch. He’s trying the door. Hey! He broke a window right next to the door. Now he’s getting it up. Now he’s stepping in over the sill.” She turned to me, her eyes wide. “How about that? Tal, he’s a thief! We better go over there.”
“Anything you say. But how about the law?”
“Wait a minute.” She hurried into the bedroom. She came back with a .22 target pistol and a box of shells. It was a long-barreled automatic. She thumbed the clip out and loaded it expert
ly, snapped the clip back in and handed me the gun. “You’ll be more impressive with it than I would. Come on.”
There was no road that led directly around the lake. We had to go about four miles out of our way to get to the road on the other side of the lake. A dark blue sedan was parked at the head of the driveway, facing out. There wasn’t room to drive by. I parked and we went down the trail toward the camp. I turned and motioned her to stay back. I went ahead but I heard her right behind me. The man came walking around the corner of the camp, frowning. He stopped short when he saw me, his eyes flicking toward the gun and then toward Ruth.
“Why did you break into that camp?” Ruth demanded angrily.
“Take it easy, lady. Put the gun away, friend.”
“Answer the question,” I said, keeping the gun on him. He acted so unimpressed that I felt ridiculous holding the gun.
“I’m a licensed private investigator, friend. Don’t put any hole in me while I’m getting my wallet. I’ll show you.”
He took the wallet out. He took out a card encased in plastic and flipped it toward us. Ruth picked it up. It had his picture and a thumb print and two official looking countersignatures and it said he was licensed by the State of Illinois. His name was Milton D. Grassman. The card said he was forty-one years old, six foot one, and weighed two hundred and five.
“But what are you investigating?” Ruth asked.
He smiled. “Just investigating. And who are you, lady? Maybe you’re trespassing.” His smile was half good humor, half contempt.
“You’re working for Rose Fulton, aren’t you?” I asked.
The smile was gone instantly. He didn’t seem to move or breathe. I had the impression that a very good mind behind that flat, tough face was working rapidly.
“I’m afraid I don’t know the name,” he said. But he had waited too long. “Who are you, friend?”
“We’re going to report this to the police,” Ruth said.
“Go ahead, lady. Be a good citizen. Give them the word.”
“Come on, Tal,” she said. We went back up the trail. When we got into the car I looked back and saw him standing by his car, watching us. He didn’t take his eyes off us while he lit a cigarette and shook the match out.
Ruth was oddly silent as I drove back toward the Stamm camp. Finally I said, “What’s the matter?”
“I don’t know. At first I thought you lied to me. Then I believed you. Now I don’t know.”
“How come?”
“You know what I’m thinking. You asked him about a Rose Fulton. It shocked him when you asked him that. Anybody could see that. Eloise Warden ran away with a man named Fulton. What would make you think to ask that Mr. Grassman that question?” She turned to face me. “What are you doing in Hillston, Tal? If that’s your name.”
“I told you what I’m doing.”
“Why did you ask that man that question?”
“The police picked me up last night. They had word that Rose Fulton had hired another man to come here. This will be the third. They thought I was that man. They interrogated me and then they let me go. So I guessed that maybe he was the man.”
We got out of the car. She was still looking at me oddly. “Tal, if you’re here to write up Timmy, I think you would have told me that before now. It’s a cute and interesting little story if you were here just to write up Timmy. And I can’t believe that you could have forgotten it.”
“I just didn’t—think of telling it.”
“That’s no good, Tal.”
“I know it isn’t.”
“What’s wrong? Is it something you can’t tell me?”
“Look, Ruth. I—There is another reason why I came. I lied to you. I don’t want to tell you why I came here. I’d rather not.”
“But it has something to do with Timmy.”
“That’s right.”
“He is dead, isn’t he?”
“He’s dead.”
“But how can I know when you’re lying and when you’re not?”
“I guess you can’t,” I said helplessly.
She locked the camp and, on the way back, told me which turns to take. She had nothing else to say. I drove into her place. She opened the door quickly to get out.
“Wait a minute, Ruth.”
Her right foot was on the ground. She sat on the corner of the seat and turned and looked back at me. “Yes?”
“I’m sorry about this.”
“You’ve made me feel like a fool. I talked a lot to you. I believed you and so I told you things I’ve never told anybody. Just to help you when you had no intention of writing up Timmy.”
“I tell you, I’m sorry.”
“That doesn’t do very much good. But I’ll give you this much benefit of the doubt, Tal. Look right at me and tell me that you have no reason to be ashamed of why you came here.”
I looked into the gray eyes and, like Grassman, I hesitated too long. She slammed the car door and went to the house without looking back. Saturday night was no longer a nice thing to think about. Somehow, through impulsiveness and through awkwardness, I had trapped myself. I felt as if I had lost a great deal more than a Saturday night date. She was not a girl you could lie to. She was not a girl you would want to lie to. My little cover story now seemed soiled and dingy. I drove into town. I started my drinking at the Hillston Inn.
Before I left the Inn I cashed two traveler’s checks. I hit a great many bars. It was Saturday night. The city seemed alive. I can remember seeing the dwarf bartender. There was a woman I bought drinks for. At one time I was in a men’s room and four of us were singing. The door was locked and somebody was pounding on it. We were making fine music. I was sick in a hedge and I couldn’t find my car. I wandered a long time before I found it. I don’t know what time it was. It was late. I had to keep one eye closed as I drove cautiously out to the motel. Otherwise the center line was double.
I parked the car in front of my motel room and went, unwashed, to bed. Sunday was a replica, a sodden day in town, a drunken day.
It was eleven when I got up on Monday morning. A half dozen glasses of water made me feel bloated but didn’t quench my thirst. My head pounded in a dull, ragged rhythm. I shaved slowly, painfully. The shower made me feel a little better. I decided that it was time to go. Time to leave this place. I didn’t know where I would head for. Any place. Any kind of a job. Some kind of manual labor. Get too bushed to think.
I packed my two bags. I left them inside the door and went out to unlock the trunk. All the transient cars were gone. A big dog stood with his feet against the side of my car, looking in the side window. The cold, thin, birdlike woman was carrying sheets and towels out of one of the other rooms and dumping them into a hamper on wheels.
The dog jumped back as I walked out. He stood twenty feet away and whined in a funny way. I made as though to throw gravel at him and he went farther back. I didn’t know what attracted him to my car.
I happened to glance inside as I was heading to unlock the trunk. I stopped and looked for a long time. It seemed an effort to take my eyes away. A big body was on the floor in the back, legs bent, head tilted sideways. It was Milton Grassman. He still wore the brown suit. The knees showed traces of pale dried mud. The forehead, in the area where the thin hairline had started, was broken jelly, an ugly, sickening depression. No man could have lived more than a moment with a wound like that.
I realized the woman was calling to me in her thin voice.
I turned and said, “What?”
“I said are you staying another day?”
“Yes. Yes, I’m staying another day.”
She went into another room. She was working her way toward mine. I hurried back in. I put one bag in the closet, opened the other one, put my toilet articles back in the bathroom. I slammed the door and went out. The dog was standing by the car again, whining. I got behind the wheel and drove out of there. I drove away from town. I didn’t want to be stopped by a traffic light where anybody could look down in
to the back of the car. I remembered an old tarp in the back. I pulled off onto the shoulder and got the tarp. I waited while traffic went by and then spread the tarp over Grassman. I tried not to look at him while I did it. But I couldn’t help seeing his face. The slackness of death had ironed everything out of it, all expression.
I drove on aimlessly and then stopped again on the shoulder of the highway. I wanted to be able to think. I could feel the dreadful presence of the body behind me. My brain felt frozen, numbed, useless. It did no good to wonder when the body had been put there. I couldn’t even remember the places where I had parked.
Why had it been put in my car? Somebody wanted to get rid of it. Somebody wanted to divert suspicion from himself. From the look of the wound, murder had been violent and unplanned. One tremendous, skull-smashing blow. It was inevitable that I should begin to think of Fitz. Of the people I knew in Hillston, he was the one capable of murder, and both quick and brutal enough to have killed a man like Grassman. From what I had seen of him, Grassman looked tough and capable.
But why would Fitz want to implicate me? The answer was quick and chilling. It meant that he had traced the right Cindy, the Cindy who would know where Timmy had buried the money. He might already have the money.
The immediate problem was to get rid of the body. It should be a place where there would be no witness, no one to remember having seen my car. I couldn’t go to the police. “I was here before. Unemployed. No permanent address. A criminal record, according to your definition. It so happens I have a body in my car. It got in there somehow last night. Was I drunk? Brother, you can find a dozen witnesses to how drunk I was. I was a slobbering mess, the worst I’ve ever been in my life. Worse even than the night before.”
A Bullet for Cinderella Page 7