My Soul Then Sings

  “I said I forgive you,” she repeated.

  Ryan’s shoulders heaved. “No, don’t forgive me. I’ve done too much wrong. I don’t want forgiveness.” He wanted to be flayed and whipped, even tortured. That was what his punishment should be.

  Not the love shining through Karlie’s eyes.

  “You have my forgiveness, whether you want it or not,” Karlie said, patting him on the back. “It took me time, but I had to. I’m God’s daughter first, and I’m subjected to His leading.”

  Tears poured down Ryan’s face. What kind of love was this? He looked at the beautiful woman before him and touched her face. “You’re perfect. In spite of my flaws and all the wrong I did, you’re perfect.”

  “I’m not perfect, but I’m perfected by God’s love,” she said. “The Karlie you see is not because of anything I did.” Her eyes were now overflowing as well. “It’s the God in me. I love others as He loves me. I couldn’t be any other way even if I tried.” She rose to gather tissues for them.

  Ryan still could not believe what he was hearing. “I wish I could be like you, Karlie.”

  She smiled. “You can be. Anyone who asks God to take over will be filled with His love.”

  Ryan heard and recognized God speaking through her, yet his heart closed as he closed his eyes. Everything he possessed flashed before his mind. If he told the truth, he would lose it all. His heart hurt at the thought. Ryan knew he wanted God, but he could not let go.

  Yes, you can.

  Ryan debated, but he did not see how recovery was humanly possible. God continued to pull on his heart, but then Patricia dashed into the room. Her eyes were red, and her face swollen.

  “Brian’s alive,” Patricia said. “He has a ruptured spleen, some shattered ribs and a collapsed lung, but he is alive. Thank God. He’s also awake.” She turned to Karlie. “Brian has called your name more than once.”

  A smile broke from within and beamed across her face. “May I go see him?” she asked.

  “For a few minutes,” Patricia said. “He’s still very weak, and he might be asleep by the time you get there. He’s on the second floor in ICU.”

  Ryan watched Karlie gather her belongings and rush out of the room to see Brian. He and Patricia were now alone. Ryan stood. He moved closer to the woman he had loved more than life itself for over twenty years.

  His heart chilled. “Who are you? How could you not tell me?”

  Patricia’s breath caught. “I’m me. I didn’t tell you because I didn’t know. At first.”

  “How long have you known?”

  “It wasn’t until Brian was four years old when he had the meningitis scare that I learned the truth.”

  Four years old! Fury rose within him. Ryan wrapped his hand around her arm. “You should have told me!”

  Patricia’s eyes were wide with fear. “Please, Ryan. Don’t do this. We love each other. We can work it out. I’m sorry for not having the guts to tell you the truth.”

  Ryan heard a voice behind him. “Let her go.”

  Ryan released Patricia’s arm to confront the stranger. “Mind your own business. This doesn’t concern you.”

  “Yes, it does,” the man said, coming farther into the room. Ryan read the name tag: “Dr. Timothy Newhouse.”

  “Dr. Newhouse, I suggest you leave me to speak to my wife,” Ryan said. “This is a personal matter.”

  “Tim, please, leave,” Patricia said. “I’m all right.”

  Ryan glanced between the two of them. In a flash of insight, he discerned they were more than mere coworkers. After a meaningful glance her way, Tim left the room.

  Ryan met Patricia’s eyes. “You . . . and him?” He almost lost his balance as pain whipped his spine. “I don’t believe you did this to me!”

  Patricia bit her lip. “It was a mistake. I didn’t mean for it to happen, but you weren’t paying me any attention and I was stressed . . .”

  He flailed his hands. “Spare me your sorry excuses.” He rested both hands on his hips. “How many men have there been?”

  She shook her head. “I don’t know. This was before you. I was an addict, but when I met you, I thought I was cured . . .”

  Ryan waved off her ramblings. “I don’t want to hear it!”

  Patricia grabbed his arm. Her lips quivered. “I’m so sorry. Please find it in your heart to forgive me.”

  Ryan forgot how, moments ago, Karlie had forgiven him. “What you did was beyond forgivable.” He shook off her hand. “Get a good attorney because you’re going to need it.”

  “No, let’s talk about this later at home.” She twisted her hands, “Right now, our son needs us.”

  “I’ll be there for Brian, but as of tonight, you’re on your own. As far as I’m concerned I no longer have a home. I’m moving out.”

  He stormed out of the room as Patricia crumbled to the floor.

  Two hands gripped her by the shoulders and pulled her to her feet. Patricia raised her tear-streaked face to Tim’s.

  “I’ve lost him,” Patricia wailed. “Ryan told me he’s moving out and filing divorce papers. Divorce. What is that?”

  “Shh,” Tim whispered. “It’s going to be okay.”

  Patricia leaned into his broad chest. “This is your fault!” she cried. “You tempted me, and now my marriage is over!”

  Tim stepped back. “Whoa. You’re not putting this on me. Yes, I told you my feelings, but you didn’t have to come to my door. You had a choice.”

  Patricia dipped her head. “You’re right. I’m sorry, Tim. I shouldn’t have tried to put this on you. This is all me. My problem. Not yours.”

  “I’d like to think of it as our problem,” he said.

  Patricia smiled. “I don’t think you’re ready for my drama. I’ve got to sort things out with God.” She covered her face. “Brian’s going to hate me.”

  “One day at a time,” Tim said. “Brian’s your child. He’ll be angry, but he’s not going to hate you.”

  Oh yes, he would. Tim only knew half of the facts. He didn’t know the whole truth. He didn’t know Brian wasn’t Ryan’s son. She doubted Tim would look at her with eyes filled with love if he knew that.

  Both of their pagers beeped at the same time.

  “It’s the twins!” Tim shouted. “They’ve taken a turn for the worse.”

  Karlie’s eyes popped open wide. The nurse on duty had warned her to be prepared, but she could not withhold her shocked breath. There were so many wires hanging from IV poles and contraptions beeping that it overwhelmed her.

  “Karlie,” Brian croaked.

  Hearing her name gave her the courage to step forward. “I’m here.”

  He struggled to lift his hand.

  Karlie rushed to his side. “No. Don’t do that. You’ve broken several bones.”

  Brian opened his mouth and struggled to speak. Karlie bent her body so he could whisper. “Where’s the camera?”

  Forgetting about the hours she had spent worrying, Karlie’s relief translated into laughter. She laughed until tears rolled down her face. Here he was hooked up to all sorts of equipment, and Brian was worried about her.

  “It’s smashed to dust,” Karlie said. “The truck ran over it.”

  Brian nodded before closing his eyes and drifting to sleep, his breathing steady.

  She rested a tentative hand on his bandaged chest. Like a crescendo, all the emotions she had held at bay burst out of her being. Karlie closed her eyes and uttered a heartfelt praise: “Thank you, Lord, for sparing Brian’s life and for bringing him through.”

  When she opened her tear-filled eyes, she saw Nikki and Charlie hovering by the doorway. Anger as she had never felt before flowed through her. Her eyes took in Nikki’s artfully made-up face, her long nails, big earrings, and her twelve-inch extensions. Karlie stormed to the entrance and pushed Nikki hard enough for her to fall to the floor in the hallway.

  “You’re not welcome here!” Karlie roared.

  Nikki bounced to her feet
and put up her hands. “You can’t tell me what to do.”

  Karlie pointed her finger in Nikki’s face. “Bring it.”

  Charlie stepped between them, her eyes wide with fright. “Stop it now, both of you. I don’t think Brian would want this, and I’m not trying to get kicked out of the hospital because of you.”

  Nikki’s chest heaved. “He would want to see me.”

  “So would Jamaal.” Karlie blocked the door. “But I’m almost positive Brian would want to see me more.” She slid a scathing glance from Nikki’s feet to her face. “Get out of here.”

  “You’re not his woman,” Nikki said.

  Karlie swung her neck from left to right. “I’m more of his woman than you’ll ever be. Now unless you’re ready to donate your weave to charity, get out.”

  With a sneer, Nikki tossed her hair into Karlie’s face.

  Karlie sputtered for a moment as Nikki turned, then grabbed Nikki’s hair and twisted it around her hands. Nikki squealed loud enough to attract the attention of one of the male nurses, who came running.

  Charlie yelled, “Stop it!”

  “Let her go,” the nurse demanded.

  Karlie drew deep breaths to calm her temper, but she did not release the death grip she had on Nikki’s hair. Nikki’s face reddened with pain. Karlie spotted Ryan coming down the hallway.

  When Ryan saw the altercation in progress, he broke into a run. “Karlie, release that girl this instant!”

  Though she took umbrage at Ryan’s “daddy” tone, she let go of Nikki’s hair. Karlie blinked. She could not believe what she had just done.

  “And you say you’re a Christian,” Nikki taunted. “Plllease.”

  Karlie smiled when she saw Nikki massaging her temples as she left with Charlie on her heels. She heard Nikki’s sobs all the way to the elevator.

  Good riddance.

  “Consider this your one and only warning,” the nurse said. “Next time I’ll call security.” With that, the nurse walked away.

  “Karlie, violence is not the answer,” Ryan said. “Use your words, not your hands.”

  For some reason, Ryan had a coughing fit after uttering those words.

  Following her outburst, Karlie became a model citizen at the hospital. It took Brian three days before he could stay awake long enough to have a sensible conversation, and Karlie never left his side.

  She knew she was where she was meant to be. She was not going anywhere.

  Chapter Forty-three

  “Why are guys looking at me so weird?” Brian opened his eyes to see Ryan and Patricia staring at him. He yawned and pressed the button on his hospital bed to position his bed upright. He eyed the clock. It was almost nine a.m. He must have fallen asleep after eating breakfast. “Did I grow an extra head or something?”

  His parents chuckled with distinct awkwardness. They scuttled closer into the room. Brian was grateful to be alive. His near-death experience had brought things into perspective for him. He smiled at his father.

  Patricia kissed his cheek before she went over to pull the curtains back and let the sunlight inside his private room. Brian barely noticed the brilliance of the skyline. He was more concerned with the slight tension in the air.

  He arched an eyebrow. “What’s going on? You’re both freaking me out. Am I dying?”

  It was a week after his accident and Brian’s second day alert. He had spent the majority of his first day awake weaning off the IV and sedation drugs. They had removed most of the gadgets he had been attached to except for the heart and blood pressure monitor. Early this morning, Brian was able to put food in his stomach, and he was happy about that, even if it was a liquid diet.

  “No, you’re not dying. Your vitals are good, but your body needs time to heal. I thank God for bringing you through surgery, and I’m trusting Him for a complete healing,” Patricia said. She wandered over to the meal cart and fiddled with his uneaten Jell-O. Then she walked up on Brian’s left side and took his hand. “Your father and I need to speak with you.”

  Ryan moved on the opposite side of Brian’s bed. Brian wrinkled his brows and looked to the left and to the right.

  “Brian, there’s no easy way to say this, so I have to come out and just say it,” Patricia said. “You were in such a bad car accident that you needed to get a transfusion.”

  His heart rate quickened. “Please don’t tell me I got some bad blood or something?”

  Patricia squeezed his hand and touched his face. “No, it’s nothing that drastic.” She had a tender smile on her face. “I love you, son.”

  “Ha! It is drastic,” Ryan butted in. “Your mother donated blood because I couldn’t.” He cleared his throat. “What Patricia didn’t think to tell me until a week ago is that I’m not your biological father.”

  Brian’s eyes bulged. He looked back and forth between the two of them before settling a hard gaze on Ryan. “Is this some kind of a joke? What do you mean you’re not my father?”

  “I mean Patricia lied to me, to both of us, for the last twenty-three years,” Ryan said.

  “I didn’t lie. I just didn’t tell you.” Patricia glared at Ryan before looking Brian’s way. “Brian, right now, you have to get your strength back. We will talk about this some more once you’re better. I told Ryan to wait, but he insisted you needed to know today.”

  Ryan snapped, “Yes, we needed to tell him because I didn’t want Brian coming home and wondering why I wasn’t there.”

  “Wait? What?” Brian’s chest heaved. He held his hands up. “Slow down. I’m having a hard time processing all of this. You both are coming at me way too fast.” He looked at Ryan. “What do you mean you’re not there?”

  “I’ve moved out,” Ryan said. “But it doesn’t mean you won’t see me. I’ll be there to check on you. Even though I’m not your father by blood, you are my son. It’s important that you know that.”

  Brian shook his head. Ryan was not his father? His vitals monitor beeped with a fury. He knew his blood pressure was wacky. Patricia fiddled with something and soon all was quiet in the room.

  “But, you two are inseparable. You can barely keep your hands off each other . . . How did this happen?” Brian’s voice escalated with every word.

  “We weren’t always inseparable,” Patricia said. “Remember, your father did sleep with Tiffany, and Karlie is his daughter.”

  “Why are you bringing Karlie into this?” Brian pointed to his chest. “Can we keep this about me? I don’t need a reminder on how Karlie came to be. I need to know—I want to know about me. You need to explain and your bringing up Dad’s cheating isn’t helping your case.”

  “Yes, Patricia, please explain,” Ryan chimed in.

  Patricia’s eyes slid away from his. “When I met your father, I was sort of in a relationship with this guy.”

  “What!” Ryan yelled. “You told me you were single! Another lie.”

  She glared. “Do you want to hear my story, or are you going to keep interrupting?”

  “Dad, please give her a chance to talk,” Brian said, closing his eyes and resting a hand over his head. “I can’t deal with your bickering on top of all this.”

  Patricia tucked his sheets around him probably to keep herself busy. She released a breath. “I was with someone but the minute I met your father I knew he was the one.”

  Brian opened his eyes and turned to listen.

  “When Ryan introduced himself and we shook hands, I felt a connection. We, um, were together that night, and the next day I broke things off with my boyfriend.”

  “Why didn’t you tell me you had a boyfriend?” Ryan asked.

  “Would you have gone out with me?” Patricia arched an eyebrow.

  “No, but—”

  “There’s your answer,” she said. “I wanted you. I wasn’t thinking past that.”

  “How did you find out the truth?” Brian asked.

  “You were four years old, and I rushed you to the emergency room, thinking you might have meningitis. W
hen they did the blood work, I found out your blood type . . .”

  “And you said nothing. Instead, you went on as if everything was all right,” Ryan filled in. Brian saw the heat in his eyes. His father bore a look of pure hatred on his face.

  Patricia’s lips quivered. Tears rolled down her face. “Every day I carried the guilt, and I wanted tell the truth. But I was scared. You would have left us. You were the only father Brian knew, and you loved him. I told myself that’s what mattered.”

  “You should have told me,” Ryan said.

  Brian’s composure cracked. His body shook. “Would it have mattered?” Brian whispered. “If you had known, would it have mattered?”

  “Honey, I think you need to rest—”

  Brian cut her off with a glare. “Mom, I need you to leave. I respect you because you gave birth to me, but I need you to leave.”

  She cupped her mouth and nodded before rushing out of the room.

  Brian faced Ryan. “Would it have mattered?” he asked for the third time. His heart pounded as he waited for Ryan’s answer.

  “No, I wouldn’t have left you. I loved you. I still do.”

  Brian swallowed. “Dad, I know you’re hurting, but please don’t leave me. I know I haven’t been the model son, but I’ll change. I’ll do whatever you want.”

  “I don’t need you to bargain with me. I love you no matter what you’ve done. Brian, I’m not leaving you. I’m leaving Patricia. Too much has transpired between us.”

  “It won’t be the same without you there,” Brian admitted. He gave his father a sad smile.

  Ryan touched his cheek. “I’m only a couple of blocks down. I’m not far away.”

  “I don’t think I’ll ever see Mom the same.” His voice took on a hard edge. “She’s not who I thought she was. I thought she loved you, but she’s a liar.”

  “She’s your mother, and the Bible said you should honor her. Patricia has some issues . . . She’s going to need you by her side.”

  Brian nodded. What issues? He did not ask because he was not sure if he could handle any more truths. “Dad, I feel lost. I feel like I don’t know me anymore.” He coughed.