My mama and I were cool. At times, she was damn near a sister to me. She knew that I was a virgin at the time, so she told me not to lose it to him because he was going to break my young ass heart, but I didn’t listen. Hmmmm, he fucked me so good in that hotel suite that night. I remember the first five minutes being so uncomfortable and the unbearable pain because of his size. But once I relaxed and was able to take the dick, it was the best feeling in the whole world. For hours and hours, he fucked me silly in that room. Every day after that, he would pick me up to take me to his house, so we could have sex.
The heartbreak didn’t come until the following week. The nigga popped up on me literally out of the blue to let me know that he was leaving the next morning to go to college and play ball. He had a full ride to Duke University. Not only did he leave, but he broke up with me too. I swear, I cried about the shit for months. He broke my heart, just like my mama said he would. Years later, Truth is now playing professional basketball for the Lakers. He’s just as handsome as he used to be, if not more handsome, but that’s the past.
After him, I entertained other people, but when Monterius and I finally started kicking it, I was smitten over his good dick ass! I’ve known Monterius for years. That was Billion’s best friend, so he’d always been right there. We never crossed that line because, for the longest, I just never viewed him in that way. He would always crack on me, saying that I had the body of a little boy, so I knew he didn’t view me in a sexual way either.
After high school, a bitch’s hips started spreading, and my ass got a little fatter, so the nigga couldn’t help himself. I think the biggest mistake I ever made in life is when I sat on his dick for the first time. I was serious when I said that I could see myself killing his ass. You know how many guns I done pulled out on this nigga or how many times I done pulled a knife out, trying to cut his ass to death. The nigga was going to make me lose the last bit of self-control that I barely had left.
The thing with Monterius is that he was such a bad ass liar, and he was a sloppy ass cheater at that. It could be that or the fact that I wasn’t some dumb ass bitch. My mama raised me, one of the hoodest bitches in the world, so I was twelve when she schooled me to the game. This nigga couldn’t run game on me. I could tell from the difference in the way the passenger seat was adjusted if he had a bitch in the car. The thing is, I get it, he was only twenty-seven, and at that age, a lot of niggas weren’t ready for commitment, so that part was understandable. What I didn’t understand was the fact that I be telling this nigga to go, leave me the fuck alone, and entertain them bitches, but he claimed that it wasn’t them that he wanted. Instead, it was me.
Normani always told me that love wasn’t supposed to hurt, and I deserved better than Monterius. The thing is, I really loved this man, but as much as I loved him, I couldn’t let him continue to treat me the way he was treating me. I’m talking about cheating. Every time I found out about a different bitch, I loved the nigga less and less. Plus, I had Dream living with me, and I couldn’t keep exposing her to my toxic ass relationship.
There had been times when Monterius and I would be fighting in the wee hours of the morning, and Dream would come in the room, crying for us to stop. She had walked in too many times and saw me either curled up on the bathroom floor crying or in my room crying. I was showing her an image that men weren’t shit and that all a man would do was break your heart, and at five years old, I didn’t need her to witness this. The little girl had already seen too much shit in the first place.
“There she goes right there.” I pointed in the direction of my sister. I could now see her along with the other women coming from the back.
A big smile formed on Dream’s face as she rushed to get up from her seat and ran over to her mother. I always told Dream to wait at the table until Loyal comes, but like always, the shit went in one ear and out the other. Dream was her mother’s twin, looking just like Loyal looked when she was her age. My sister and I had the same mama and same daddy, so ultimately, we looked alike too. We both had caramel skin, light brown eyes, and really long, thick hair. I liked to keep different wigs, never really wearing my natural hair because it was just too much to keep up.
Loyal often told me about the hair salon that they had in the prison, and judging by how long, thick, and healthy her hair was, you would think she just left the salon. She was dressed in gray joggers, with a gray shirt, sneakers on her feet, and her hair was parted down the middle. I found myself getting teary-eyed as I watched Loyal bend down to hug Dream. A tear did fall, but I quickly wiped it away with the back of my hand. This was so sad for me because I knew Loyal’s heart, and I knew that she was a damn good mother. She didn’t deserve this shit, but this was life. When you do the crime, you have to do the time.
“Girl, if you don’t stop that crying! Dream not even crying, and she’s the baby. Come give me a hug,” Loyal said in good spirits as she walked over to me, still holding onto Dream’s hand.
The closer she got to me, the more I realized that my sister was in there getting too damn thick, looking like Buffy the Body. I had always been the skinny sister, while Loyal was always the thick one. I would kill to have her body. Her shirt was tucked in the sweats that she was wearing, so I could see how small her waist was, then the spread of her hips, and from the front, I could just see already that her ass was huge.
We hugged, and I looked to see if a guard was watching before I playfully slapped her on her ass.
“Your ass is huge! What the hell are you in here eating?” I asked, making her laugh.
“Thanks to you, Monterius, and Chance keeping money on my books, I’m able to cash out and get all the snacks and shit I want. Chance came up here last week to see me. He was talking his shit, talking about I’m in here getting injections. This all me, though. You are so beautiful, sister. Look at you,” she said, running her hands through the jet black, blunt cut that I was sporting.
Not only could I come up with some bomb ass fashion details, but I also knew how to do my own hair, so I switched my style up at least every three days or so. The wigs that I would install on myself were glueless, so I never had to worry about losing my edges.
“Thank you, baby. You see Dream lost her tooth? It came out two days ago,” I bragged, looking over at my beautiful niece, who was sitting down next to her mother.
Her bottom tooth came out, and I had been bragging about it, telling everyone who would listen.
Dream flashed her pretty smile at her mother, showing her that she was missing one tooth on the bottom row. She was so adorable today in her denim dress with her pink Converse on her feet. I liked to keep protective styles in her hair, or even ponytails, so today, her hair was styled in some stylish Lemonade braids that I’d done for her a few days ago. I loved the outcome of her hair, but Lord knows I never loved the experience of doing Dream’s hair. She was very tender-headed, much like I was when I was a little girl.
“I saw. That’s what I was telling her when I saw her. How much the tooth fairy left for my baby?” Loyal asked Dream.
“One hundred dollars,” Dream boasted, making me shake my head.
That was Monterius’ ass. He was spoiling this little girl rotten.
Loyal looked at me with wide eyes at her revelation, and all I could do was laugh.
“Blame Monty,” I said, calling him by his nickname.
“What he’s doing? You ain’t still fighting with the nigga, are you? I done told you what to do,” Loyal started.
I knew she was about to go in on me, so I pulled out the dollars that I had in my back pocket and gave them to Dream, so she could get some stuff from the vending machines.
As soon as she left, Loyal started up.
“I love Monty for you. You know I look at that nigga as a big brother, but had I been outside of these walls, I would have shot the nigga because you letting him get away with too much! How many more bitches you going to let that nigga fuck on you before you realize it’s enough? Twinkle, look at you.
You are fuckin’ beautiful, you smart, and you got your own shit, so why stick around if you ain’t happy?” she asked.
I could hear how pissed off she was, which is why I didn’t want to talk about it. I cannot tell you the number of times that I’ve broken down over the phone to Loyal, telling her about Monterius’ and my problems. She was all riled up, and she didn’t even know the story yet. Knowing my sister, she could probably just read my vibes. I wasn’t myself this morning; I already knew that.
“He didn’t come home last night. He said that work ran over, but I don’t believe him. He didn’t come home until early this morning, around five. I been pissing so much these days, and when he came into the room, I was finishing up in the bathroom. He had a look on his face like he’d rather I had still been sleeping than up, catching him red-handed.
“I hadn’t seen the nigga in a whole day, so of course my dumb ass jumps on him. I get to kissing him, he’s kissing me back. Knowing that I was coming down here to see you today and that I wouldn’t see him until later, I try to get a quickie in. I’m in his arms, trying to get his dick out, and this nigga is stopping me. Monterius don’t ever turn down a quick fuck! Ever! Loyal, I feel the shit in my gut that he was out with a bitch last night,” I said, my voice cracking as I spoke because I was hurting.
I didn’t even want to talk about that shit in there, but Loyal brought it up. Not only was I hurting off that, but right now, I was sitting across the table from my sister, who had nine more years left to serve, so this shit bothered me. A tear fell from my eyes that Loyal reached across the table and wiped with her hands.
“You need to figure out what you want. I can tell that you ain’t happy. Twink, you’re dealing with someone heavy in the streets. Not only are you going to forever be in competition with the streets until he leaves that lifestyle alone, but from the sound of things, you’re going to be in competition with these bitches as well. Take it from me, sometimes you just gotta disappear on these niggas for them to finally find their fuckin’ common sense. There is no doubt in my mind that Monty loves you. The nigga adores you, but at the same time, he adores fuckin’ other bitches too. Find your happiness, sis. When’s the last time you had your period? You talking about pissing every second of the day, mixed with these crazy ass emotions, so I think you may be pregnant,” she voiced.
All I could do was shrug because I really didn’t know when was the last time I had my period. That had more tears sliding down my face because I didn’t want a baby right now. I could barely get this nigga to love me right, how the fuck would he love a child right?
“You got away with doing what you did the last time. If I was you, I wouldn’t try to pull that shit a second time, so if you are pregnant, you should let the nigga know. He’s crazy, and you know it. I ain’t trying to call home and find out that Monterius done killed your ass because you snuck and had another abortion. Just play it smart, Twinkle, okay?” she asked me.
All I could do was nod my head. I didn’t like to talk about the abortion that I had two years ago; I tried to act like it never even happened. In one breath, I found out that I was pregnant, then in the next, I got on Instagram, and another one of Monterius’ bitches was playing with me! She went on to post pictures and videos on her Instagram of her and my man together. I remember crying so hard and breaking down so badly in that bathroom that I really thought I was going to pass out. I went from being shocked about the pregnancy to angry that this nigga was cheating again. Then I became bitter and called down to an abortion clinic where I scheduled the appointment two days later.
Loyal was home at the time, so she accompanied me to the clinic and promised that she would never tell anyone about the abortion. I didn’t even tell my own mama about it, and I told that woman everything. Monterius never even knew that I was pregnant, let alone had gotten an abortion. Loyal was right; I would have probably been dead by now.
We didn’t get to linger on the conversation much longer because pretty soon, Dream ran over with all types of snacks in her hands. She handed her mother a couple of things, and me some things that I set off to the side because I didn’t have an appetite, and she had some stuff for herself. The rest of the visit, I just zoned out, letting Dream and Loyal entertain each other. Like all the visits, it went by so damn fast.
“Remember to drop her over to Chance’s house. He’s expecting her. I love you, sis. Be careful. Let me know what happens when you take the test. I’m going to call you tonight, so take it right after you drop off Dream. I want to know if I have a niece or nephew on the way,” she beamed. She whispered it so that Dream wouldn’t hear because she was at the age where she told everybody’s damn business whenever she heard something.
Like always, when it was Dream and Loyal’s turn to say their goodbyes, Dream broke down crying in the middle of the visitation room. She did this all the time, which is another reason why I hated having to bring her. Loyal ended up leaving, and I knew she did that because she didn’t want us to see her crying. My sister wouldn’t dare drop a tear in front of anyone. She just never showed any vulnerability, even though I knew that this had to pain her.
It was such a struggle to get Dream out and into the car, but eventually, I got it. I strapped her into her booster seat once she had calmed down. I knew she would sleep the rest of the drive home, which was cool because I needed the peace and quiet while I thought about what my next move was going to be, especially if my dumb ass was pregnant.
When I was thirty minutes away from Chance’s house, I sent him a text message to let him that I would be there soon. I didn’t want any communication with this nigga, but because we often had to come up with arrangements for Dream, sometimes we had to talk. Most times, though, it would be Loyal and him putting the arrangements together, which was good because it meant that I wouldn’t have to say shit to his ass.
Maybe I was wrong, but I felt like my sister withheld information so her nigga could get off scot-free. Then again, I just really didn’t know because Loyal was a street bitch, just like our mother, so I couldn’t see her being dumb like that for a nigga. The shit was done already, though; it was nothing that we could do. They handed down her punishment, and it was like we were all going through this with her. Yeah, physically, I was free, but mentally, I swear I was locked up in that cell with Loyal. I’ll never be the same until my sister came home.
As I crept up to Chance’s house, I saw him standing outside in front of his jeep, with his hands crossed. I wouldn’t even lie; Chance was very handsome. He had chocolate skin, stood about 6’6”, and he was solid too. He rocked a bald head, and he had a nice beard. Chance was dressed simply in a camouflage hoodie with black jeans and Timberland boots.
He acted like he was holding my sister down, but I knew that behind closed doors, he had to have been dogging Loyal. Dream would come back home to me and tell me that her daddy had a friend over. My sister was dealing with enough shit, so even if I found out some shit about her nigga, I didn’t even know if I would tell her because I would hate to hurt her like that.
I pulled my car right in front of the house, and as I did so, Dream finally woke up from her sleep. I stopped to get gas and everything, and she had slept through the whole thing. I watched her from the rearview mirror as her eyes lit up when she saw her father coming around to help her out of the car. She adored him, so that’s all that mattered. He was a good father, and I wasn’t sure why Loyal decided to have me be the one to raise Dream and not her father, but this arrangement was cool.
The area that Chance lived in wasn’t good at all, and I really didn’t like bringing Dream there, but Loyal insisted that her daughter have a relationship with her father. I couldn’t turn my nose up at the projects either because the projects pretty much raised me.
“Where are you taking her today?” I asked, sounding like a very overprotective aunt.
“Did she eat?” he asked as he grabbed Dream out of her seat.
“Just the snacks she had at the prison. She hasn’t h
ad a meal since this morning,” I told him.
“Cool. We gon’ go somewhere and eat then. Ima take her to the mall and shit to get her some new shoes for school, probably go see a movie or something, and then we’ll come back to the house. I’ll have her back to you in the morning,” he told me.
“Okay. Bye, Dreamy. I love you,” I said.
“I love you too, Auntie,” she cooed back to me.
Chance leaned her into the car window, so she could give me a kiss. After that, I pulled off. I probably should have stopped at Walgreens or something to get a couple of pregnancy tests, but I didn’t feel like facing reality right now, so I chose to head home. The fact that I hadn’t heard from Monty all morning and afternoon let me know that he was more than likely still in the bed sleeping. I released a sigh, thinking if I should go to my mother’s, my grandmother’s, or just take my ass home. If I went to my mama’s house or my grandma’s, I would more than likely get another lecture like I’d just gotten from my sister. So, I was just going home to deal with my own problems by myself.
I pulled up to the gated community of townhomes that Monterius and I lived in, and sure enough, his car was in the driveway. After I pulled my car right beside his, I got out, grabbed my Chanel purse, and then I headed for the front door. The house was exactly how I’d left it.
Before heading upstairs to my room, I went into the kitchen and got a bottle of water. As I made my way up the stairs, I could hear Monterius’ voice. He was laughing on the phone as he sat at the foot of the bed in only a pair of black Versace boxers. My eyes went for his green ones, and I could see the sleepiness in them. His beautiful, short, curly hair was all over his head, which was a prime indicator that he’d just woken up. His hands were in his hair, and all the tattoos that filled up his whole chest, his stomach, his inner arms, neck, hands, just any visible spot were on display. My name was on him twice, once on his inner arm and another on his pelvis, written in red ink.
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