by Zuri Day
“It’s all right. Not as big as the one I’m designing, but it will do for now.” He placed a hand at the small of her back and turned her toward the patio table, set with linen and silver. “Please, have a seat.” Instead of across from her, he sat in the seat to her left. “What are you drinking, talented lady?”
“Cranberr juice, if you have it.”
A different woman from the one who’d answered the door appeared out of nowhere. “Two cranberry juices. Make mine with a little extra in it.” The woman nodded and left.
“What’s a little extra?” Jan asked.
“Vodka.”
“It’s not yet noon, a bit early for alcohol wouldn’t you say?”
“Vodka and cran is a breakfast drink. Besides, it’s five o’clock somewhere.”
Jan smiled. “I guess you’re right.”
“You have a nice smile.”
“Thank you.”
“I don’t know if I ever told you, but you’re a very pretty lady. A lot of people, especially these days, might say you’re overweight. But you’re rocking that body, believe it!”
Jan did believe it. Before leaving home she’d dressed with care: torture chamber, aka Spanx; form-fitting black maxi with a wide animal-print belt and large gold clasp, matching gold jewelry, and black leather ankle boots with a gold clasp on the side and four-inch heels. The elastic was so tight across the waist she could barely breathe, there was a fire between her thighs, and she couldn’t feel her feet. But she looked good. Sometimes a woman had to keep her priorities straight.
“Thank you, Nick. No, you never told me that, never said anything about my looks. Seeing the type of women you were attracted to, it was easy to see why. I know I’m not the industry standard of beauty, but I feel good about who I am.”
“Who I am,” Nick sang, adopting the raspy tone she used while singing the song, and sounding excellent while doing so. “That song is fire, and you rocked it.”
“Thank you.”
“I requested salmon for lunch. Is that cool with you, or would you like a different meat choice?”
“Salmon is fine.”
Their drinks were delivered. Nick raised his glass. “To Jan Baker, giving my show some true star power.”
She smiled again.
“Damn, girl, those dimples. I’m told that if a woman has them in her cheeks, she probably has them elsewhere. Is that true?”
“It can be.”
“Is it true for you?”
“I’ll never tell.”
“Hmm. Guess I’ll have to make it my business to find out.”
Jan’s expression was unreadable as she set down her glass. “Speaking of business, I don’t mean to rush you, but my time here is limited.”
“You’re working today?”
“I told them I’d be late, but yes, I have to go to work.”
“That’s not going to last too much longer, you know that, right?”
“We’ll see.”
“I already know. I’m going to make you the star of the show, Jan. Those other wannabes are going to bring the ratchet level that’s needed for a reality show to be a success, but I see you on there as I see you here now, classy, sensible, on top of your game.”
“This all sounds amazing, Nick. But I can’t help but remember how just a few short weeks ago I was all but invisible to you. I watched you with the other women. I saw how you treated them, how you fawned over them and flirted and, I don’t know, acted interested. You were never that way with me. Now all of a sudden I’m beautiful and wonderful and the best thing ever. Besides the fact that mine is now quickly becoming a household name . . . what changed?”
Nick placed his hand over Jan’s and looked deep into her eyes. “I understand why you’d ask that question and think that it’s just because you have a hit song. But let me explain something to you. Those girls I see at the club I’ve seen every day of my life for the last twenty years. They’re interchangeable and replaceable. Yeah, I sleep with them. Wine and dine them. I’m a single man and I live that life.
“I treated you different because you’re not like them. You’re on the come up, but you don’t act thirsty. You’re confident that you can stand on talent alone. That’s sexy as hell, but can I tell you something?” Jan nodded. “It was also a little intimidating.”
“Me? Intimidate the Starr? You’ve got to be kidding.”
“Not at all. I know my way around girls. But you’re all woman. And I’m not sure I could handle it all. But I’d like to try.”
By the time Jan left Calabasas, she was in a fog. The meeting had gone in a direction she couldn’t have imagined. Nick had done everything right: apologized for his past behavior, come clean about his superficial judgments, served some of the best food she’d ever eaten, and taken her on a tour of the house Nick said she looked to belong in. When she called him on his overt flirting, he didn’t back down. He went harder, told her it was time for him to settle down and he was looking for just the right woman to do that with. When their meeting ended and he hugged her in the driveway, he gave her the feeling that it might be her.
She tapped her steering wheel to engage her phone.
“Hey, Jan! I was just thinking about you. How’d the meeting go with your teenaged crush?”
“You won’t believe it, Crystal.”
“Why? What happened?”
Jan shared the afternoon’s events. “It all sounds too good to be true. I don’t know if he’s being for real or just telling me what he thinks I want to hear to make sure I’ll be on the show.”
“What does it matter if at the end of the day, your goal is accomplished?”
“It matters because of Doug? Or have you forgotten I’m already in a relationship?”
“I’m not talking about his wanting to get personal. You’re too smart to fall for that, and lose a guy like Doug Carter.”
“So you think he doesn’t mean any of what he said about me? Him being interested, our possible partnership, any of that?”
“I don’t know if he is or not. But what I do know is that Doug Carter loved you then, before your hit record, loves you now, and will more than likely love you when the fame is over. While just a month ago, Nick turned you down for a spot on his show. So what you’ll have to decide is whether or not you want to go for what’s possible or if you want to hang on to what is.”
Crystal’s comment put her in turmoil. Because that was a decision Jan didn’t know how to make.
47
The next two weeks passed in a blur. She was well into the second week before realizing that practically the only time she saw Doug was at work. When he went MIA the entire weekend, she really took notice. Friday night she’d had rehearsal. Saturday he’d taken a road trip with his motorcycle crew. Sunday she’d called and invited him to her house for dinner, but he was in San Diego at a Chargers game. In all that time, they’d made love once. Jan was going through with-drawals and, for the first time ever, discovering the difficulty in balancing a personal life with a career that had gone from zero to sixty. Ten years of trying had led to the overnight success she’d envisioned and soon, Jan felt she could quit the post office and fully embrace the life of her dreams.
On top of their regular rehearsals, she and the band were gearing up for a special fund-raiser that Frank had asked her to do at Breeze. She was working with Lionel, Thump, and now Peter to develop more songs. On Saturday she’d finally had the meeting with D’Andra Simmons, who on top of wanting to buy the rights to use her song in an upcoming workout video, wanted her to participate in it and to join their gym as well. Jan had said she was too busy for the latter, but knew that getting exercise was the right thing to do. Plus, she liked D’Andra. Felt that she was a kindred spirit who, like her, had a genuine desire to make people feel good.
Their stories were similar. D’Andra grew up in LA and had always been big. Her mother showed favoritism between siblings, which greatly affected D’Andra’s self-esteem. Food was her comfort. A life-alt
ering incident made her want to get healthy. That’s when she met a personal trainer named Night Simmons, who was now her husband. Together they created the program called J.E.W.E.L.S. that had led to a meeting between them.
With everything that was whirling around her, Jan still felt a void and knew what it was. Doug wasn’t beside her, along for the ride. While preparing for the holiday show, they had been inseparable. He’d been a constant support giving advice on everything from wardrobe to hairstyle. It was an exciting time and he’d made it more so. And once the show was over . . . that night and those afterward had been filled with heat.
This upcoming fund-raiser show felt vastly different. They’d bought a table, so she knew that the Carter family would be there. They’d talked last night, but only briefly. She was living an even greater dream than she’d imagined, a surprise hit record and being on a reality show. She’d maybe even have a chance to date Nick Starr. But was the chance of having it all, as exciting and amazing as that life looked, worth losing the man who’d help make her dreams real, the one who was in her life right now?
That weekend, she told Doug she was coming over and wouldn’t take no for an answer. That she missed him, and needed his curve. He’d laughed and told her he’d be waiting. Now on her way over she was nervous and didn’t know why.
He answered the door wearing baggy shorts and a ripped tee, looking good enough to eat. “Hey, babe.” She stepped into his arms and held the embrace as he closed the door and blessed her with a Carter kiss—hot, wet, long.
She sighed and clung to him as they went to the couch. “That’s what I’ve been missing from my life. Where have you been?”
“I’ve been right here, baby. You’re the one busy, living the life of a rock star.”
“Yeah, one that you’re supposed to be living with me.”
He laughed, reached for the remote, and began surfing the channels. “You’ve got somebody else to do that.”
She looked at him. “Who?”
“You know who. Your boy Nick.”
“You’re kidding, right?”
“A little bit. A part of me is serious, though. I’m still kind of put out that you’re working with him.”
“Well, thanks for being honest.”
“You’re welcome.”
“Is that why you’ve been so scarce and we haven’t had sex? Because I’m on punishment?”
“Girl, nobody has you on punishment.”
“I haven’t been getting my curve on, so that’s how it feels.”
“I’m sorry, baby, and will do all I can to make it up to you.”
She snuggled against him. “Good.”
“So how’s it going with the Starr?”
“I haven’t seen much of him actually, been meeting with the producers and honestly, things could go better in that department.”
“Why, what’s happening?”
“They don’t get me and are trying to make me into something I’m not, something they feel the public wants or a singer should look like. Same old stuff.”
“Why are they doing that when the public already loves you? That doesn’t make sense.”
“That’s what I told them!”
“Sounds like you need to tell Nick to put his foot down and get them to back off. Remind him that they came to you, you didn’t go to them.”
“That’s exactly what they need to know. See, Doug, that’s why I need you beside me. I need a manager.”
“Oh, you want my services now?”
She wriggled her eyes. “I sure do.”
“I hate to break it to you, but that isn’t going to happen. I’m a real dude and Nick? I can’t feel that brother at all! Him and I in a room together, debating something having to do with you and he says the wrong thing? It could get ugly. I don’t want that and you don’t need that.
“I’m happy for you, though, Jan. I’ll always want the best for you, no matter what.”
She sat up and away from him. “What’s going on, Doug?”
“What do you mean?”
“Why did that sound like the beginning of a Dear Jane letter?”
“Because you’re tripping. Nothing has changed. I’m still here.”
“It doesn’t feel like it. I feel a distance growing between us. And I don’t like it.”
“Sometimes life happens, baby, and it spirals in a direction outside of our control. You’re doing your thing and I’m here to support you. In your being busy, though, I realized that parts of my life had kind of gone by the wayside. I wasn’t spending as much time with my fam, or my boys on the bike, or with your brother, like I promised I would. Speaking of, did he tell you? I’m going to start working with my friend who coaches them, come on as the assistant.”
“No, he didn’t tell me! That’s wonderful.” She kissed his cheek. “Thanks, Doug.”
“You’re welcome.”
“But that’s spending time with my brother, not with me. We still have a problem.”
“No, you have a problem. I’m good.”
“You’re okay with the little bit of time we’ve spent together?”
Doug turned off the television, reached down, and began unlacing her tennis shoes. “No, but I’m okay that you’re over here now.” He reached for her other shoe. “I’m okay with the fact that these clothes are about to come off you.” He stood, reached for her waistband, and began pulling down her pants. “And I’m okay that we’re getting ready to get our curve on, just the way you like it. Right now, that’s all I want to think about.”
48
Doug started with her feet, massaging them with his thick, stubby fingers, planting kisses on her ankles in between rubs. Jan watched him, noted the care and concentration he took in caressing each heel and rubbing each toe. He licked his bottom lip. Her heat became damp. She moaned, low and soft, at the back of her throat. Quiet, but he heard it and got the message. He spread her legs and kissed her calf, the side of her knee, and inside of her thigh before reaching her satiny panties and licking the fabric that covered her treasure. Once, and again, his tongue stiff, the movement slow and long. Jan was on fire, wanting nothing more than Doug’s sword inside her, his hands all over her, his tongue in her mouth.
“Doug, please . . .”
“Don’t worry, baby,” he said, his voice raspy with desire. “I’ve got this.” He gripped the elastic waist of her panties. She raised off the couch. He pulled them down and flung them across the room, just seconds before he seized her hips, pulled her down to a horizontal position and plunged his tongue between her folds.
“Ahhhh!”
He licked her relentlessly, his pace alternating between fast and slow. He sucked her pearl into his mouth—nipping, lapping, flicking his tongue in a way that drove her crazy. It was everything and not enough at the same time. Everything because it felt so good. Not enough because she wanted him deeper.
He must have read her mind, because with one last French-kiss on her nana lips he kissed his way from there to each nipple, up to her neck, and on to her mouth. She tasted her essence as his tongue searched out hers for a duel as delicious as what was happening below as he slid inside her and began to grind, swirling his hips so his tip would hit the spot he’d memorized, the place inside her that he’d stamped with this love. She climaxed, but it was as if he didn’t notice. His hips kept moving, his dick kept grooving—in, out, up, down—and side to side. She thought to ask him to stop, to let her return the oral favor, to give to him as thoroughly as he’d given to her. Just as she opened her mouth to speak he shifted his body and increased the pace, pounding her G-spot like raindrops hit pavement. Steadily, relentlessly, over and over again.
“Oh, Douglas! Ooh! Oh my God!”
“Is this good to you?”
“Yes, it feels so good.”
He grabbed her butt, squeezed her cheeks and pushed himself deeper inside her. “You like it like this, huh?”
“Oh, yes.”
“Well, I’m not through. I’m just getting
started. Get on your knees and grab the back of that couch.”
Jan had barely complied before she was once again feeling his curved member tapping her core, her breasts bobbing up and down to the rhythm of his thrusts, her stomach muscles clenching as she matched him thrust for thrust.
“This is my juiciness, you hear me?” She nodded. “All of this.” He pumped harder, deeper. “Did you hear me?”
“Yes!”
“All right, then. Act like you know.”
A series of staccato thrusts and Doug let out a groan, grabbing her hips tightly as he went on an orgasmic ride, then collapsed on top of her.
“Doug?”
“I know I’m heavy, baby. Give me a minute.”
“No, it’s not that. It’s okay that I can’ breathe.”
He chuckled. “Then what is it?”
“Promise me we’ll never go this long again without. . . you know?”
“Making love?” He felt her nod against his chest. “Careful, Jan. You’re almost sounding like I’ve turned you out.”
“You can delete the almost part.”
On Sunday, after enjoying a rowdy brunch with his family, Jan went home. The house was empty, but she knew it would be. Her mom was attending an afternoon church function and Lionel was with some of his friends from the basketball team. She was happy that her family was out doing fun things and glad to have a quiet home all to herself. She needed to think, and lately life had been moving at a pace that sometimes made that hard to do.
She went into the kitchen and put on a teakettle. Waiting for the water to boil, she stared out the window and thought about all that had happened in the past few months. More specifically, all that had happened since a man named Doug Carter had come into her life.
A lot. And it was all good.
The whistle blew. She poured hot water over the spiced chai mixture and let it steep. Reaching for the sugar and then taking a lemon from the fridge, she thought about Nick and their last meeting, and how the conversation had begun to go in a direction that she didn’t like. As much as they voiced words to the contrary, they still didn’t get who Jan was. Sure, they liked that her song was catchy and that her popularity would add life to the show. But they were still trying to change her, mold her into their idea of beauty.