by Calia Read
My gaze cuts to him, and I give him a brief nod. “Then let’s go.”
Julian’s eyes are bloodshot and he walks like he’s been at sea for a month. I help him down the stairs, toward the door. A doorman holds it open as we pass through.
He grips my shoulder and looks over at me with a sloppy smile. “It’s good to have you back, Mac. You should just transfer and get the hell out of there.”
Grinding my teeth together, I give him a tight smile. “I was thinking earlier about all the shit we used to do in high school.”
“Those were great times,” Julian agrees.
I’m waiting for the alcohol to take over and for him to say he regretted it all. But the truth is, he probably didn’t regret it.
“Wait a sec,” he slurs. “I gotta take a piss.” He weaves back and forth deeper into the dark alleyway. My eyes never leave his back.
Looking down at the ground, I take a deep breath before I walk forward, into the alley. It rained earlier in the day and now the ground is damp, with puddles scattered around the cement. Broken glass lines the buildings. Trashcans are overfilled with garbage and I think I saw a few rats scatter across the ground. I’d never set foot in a place like this. But right now isn’t about my comfort level, it’s about digging the truth out of Julian. And if he doesn’t offer the truth, I’ll just beat it out of him. No one will see us here.
“I think I’ve been a pretty good friend,” I say casually.
Julian looks over his shoulder at me, and zips up his pants. “You have.”
I rest my shoulders against the brick building behind me and cross my arms. “I’ve watched you do some stupid shit.”
He turns around and looks at me quizzically. “What are you getting at?”
I’ve done a lot of shitty things in past. Things that were wrong, but as I take off my jacket and place it on the broken chair next to me, I feel no remorse. I probably never will.
“Do you know Emilia Wentworth and her family?” I ask.
Julian slowly inches toward the alleyway entrance and I step closer, blocking his path. He swallows and looks everywhere but at me. “Of course. Our dads work together.”
“They have a law firm together, don’t they? I think I read online that they started it up three years ago?”
Julian squirms and nods his head. His reaction makes me smile.
I did a lot of research about Emilia’s family after my conversation with Mae. And the shadiest discovery was that after Elizabeth died, Julian’s family became close to the Wentworths. A bond was forged and it was the perfect out for Julian. No one would ever point a finger at him.
I’m not sure if Julian’s parents know what he did, but in the fucked up world of the rich, I wouldn’t doubt it.
“The last few days have been great for me,” I say casually as I take off my cuff links. “I found out that my name was on a list. Some list that is all about revenge.”
Julian narrows his eyes. “What the hell does this have to do with me?”
I drop both cuff links into my pant pocket and step closer. “This involves you, and me, and the past. You like living in your glory days, don’t you?”
My words make Julian’s face turn ashen. He snorts before he gives me a dirty look. “I’m getting out of here,” Julian takes a step and I block him.
“You need to stay,” I command.
I stand to my full height and take advantage of it. I know without a doubt that if Julian charged at me right now, I could fight him and I would win.
Julian can see the same thing. He stops in his tracks and shifts on his feet uncomfortably.
“You want to know the rest of the story?” I ask.
“No.”
I continue like he didn’t even speak. “So my name is on this list and I got curious. I started to ask questions, and you know what everyone said?”
He silently shakes his head.
“They told me that Elizabeth Wentworth would talk to me all the time. She told her sister, her teachers. I didn’t know her, but she knew me. And imagine,” I say darkly, “how pissed I was when I found out that people blame me for her death.”
“She killed herself,” Julian offers as the weakest excuse. “That’s no one’s fault but her own.”
I want to tackle him to the ground right now, but I stand perfectly still and shrug. “Maybe, but someone had to cause this and if it wasn’t me, it had to be someone that knew me. Who would do that? Who would hate me that fucking much to put something like that on me?”
“I don’t know,” Julian says casually.
“There was only one person that used my computer. You.”
“No,” Julian denies and backs away.
I charge him until my face is inches from him. My patience is shot and I have nothing more to lose. “When all of this shit went down you were living in my house while your family was in Europe.”
“It was just a prank,” Julian stutters out. “Nothing big. She took it the wrong way and…” his words veer off and he shrugs his shoulders as if everything was out of his hands.
“A prank that made you use my name? A prank that made a girl kill herself?”
“Look, you’re acting fucking weird. That shit is in the past,” Julian gives me his typical carefree smile, a smile that gets him out of everything. But I think we both know that this is one time he’s not getting away with it. The truth catches up with everyone and when it does, it’s brutal and harsh.
I stretch my fingers and draw my hands into a tight fist. I can’t wait to be the person to give him the truth.
“No, for me, it’s not in the past,” I say darkly. “For you it is, but I have people that think I tormented her. I’m dealing with this shit now. Right fucking now!”
“It’s done, okay?” Julian yells impatiently. “It’s over. Let it go!”
I refuse to let it go. Holding my ground, I stare him dead in the eye. “Tell me what happened.”
Julian shakes his head and I watch sweat gather on his forehead. I’m finally getting to him. “I’m not doing this.”
“Why not?” I ask.
“It’s fucked up, that’s why!” Julian snaps out. He starts to pace back and forth and I watch him blankly.
“Tell me everything right now. Or I swear to fucking God, I will beat you until you’re begging to die.”
He backs away and for the first time in our friendship, I see fear in his eyes. “Fine.” Julian gives me a cautious look. “It was just a joke. I saw her e-mail on some stupid St. Xavier’s group on Facebook. I made up an e-mail address and I used your name. It was just a joke!”
“What did you say to her?”
“Anything, really.” Julian shrugs and tucks his hands into his pockets. “She talked and I pretended to be interested in the same things she was.”
My hands start to shake with anger. “And you never met with her? You never humiliated her?”
Julian shakes his head quickly. It’s an instant reaction, his self-preservation that urges him to lie to me. The action causes me to smirk because I get a sick sense of power watching the fear in Julian’s eyes. I know he’s lying, and he knows that I know. I’ve seen him do cruel things and walk away with a smile on his face.
“What did you do?” I yell.
“Nothing!” he shouts.
His eyes look frantically behind me. I have to hold myself back. “You’re lying.”
Julian’s jaw ticks and he nods his head. “I just kissed her once,” he admits. “It was at some bookstore she asked me to meet her at. A few weeks later, I saw her at a restaurant when I was with a group of friends, and she came up to me. So I pretended I didn’t know her, and I called her that retarded girl from St. Xavier.”
“God!” I grip my hair tightly and stare down at the ground because I feel not only Emilia’s pain but also Elizabeth’s humiliation. “What the hell made you do that?”
“It was a mistake, but it was a long time ago. Let it go!” He gives me a glance and his lips lift up in tha
t arrogant smile of his. It shows he isn’t sorry and he never will be. “You’re upset over this one Wentworth girl?”
All I hear is Wentworth girl.
Wentworth girl.
Wentworth girl.
Wentworth girl.
Shoving my face close to my old friend, I speak slowly. “I’m not just pissed about Elizabeth,” I whisper and shake my head. “No, I’m pissed because you messed with her, and you messed with Emilia—you fucked with someone I love.”
Julian’s smile wavers, but it’s still there and that makes my hands clench tightly. Before I can even think, I sucker punch him. I hear a loud crack just as his head snaps to the side.
He falls to the ground and automatically holds his nose. When his hands drop, blood trickles down his face, dripping onto his pure white dress shirt. He wipes the blood away with the back of his hand and it smears across his face. “Fuck you, Macsen,” he growls out. “I’ve been your friend for years!”
Julian steps back and shrugs off his suit jacket and angrily throws it to the ground. He gets one good punch in before he tackles me and the two of us crash to the ground, landing on broken glass.
My sleeve tears and I feel a burning sensation on my shoulder. It only lasts for a minute as I focus on Julian and roll over quickly before he can get another hit.
He stands on wobbly legs and points at me. “What’s gotten into you?” he yells.
I say nothing in response. Blood travels down my arm as I circle Julian and punch him with more force. My knuckles burn as they make contact with his cheek, but after that I become numb. And every punch after that just feels uncontrollable.
Julian is no longer fighting, his shoulders are slumped, and I’m now holding him up. His left eye is swollen and I finally stop long enough to shove him against the wall. He slumps before falling to the ground.
I kneel down and stare at him. I know he’s awake. He can hear everything. When he peels his right lid open, I finally speak. “You’re going to tell them the truth.” He makes a harsh noise and I shove my face closer. “You’re going to tell Emilia and her family that you were the one that fucking messed with Elizabeth, not me.”
“I’m not doing that,” he croaks out.
Money never fails for the rich. Julian is slumped against the filthy alley wall, and he’s still holding onto his story because the rich get away with everything. They’re invincible. When you can pay off your mistakes, it’s easy to walk around with a cocky grin on your face.
I want Julian Langley to pay for all the pain he’s put Emilia and Elizabeth through, because if I’m completely honest, I didn’t come here for myself. Emilia’s pain the night I saw her at the charity is ammunition to keep hitting Julian over and over. He hurt Elizabeth, that destroyed Emilia, and in return, she did the same to me. It’s a nasty domino effect.
I want it to stop now.
“You know there’s a journal, right? Everything that you told her is inside. And if I really wanted to be a fucking dick, I could dig deep enough and find that one friend of yours who knows what you did. We both know how you love to brag.”
Julian says nothing and leans against the wall with his eyes closed. I know he’s thinking about a way to get out of this. Kneeling close, I grab his jaw. He winces. “Stay awake. I’m not done.”
His good eye cracks open and it’s filled with hatred.
“How good is your money to the Wentworths?” I ask. “They can buy your family and mine twice over. You can’t get out of this. ”
“I’m not doing it.”
“You will.” I give him a strong pat on the cheek and he hisses out in pain. “I’m not your fucking fall guy,” I tell him coldly. “Tell her family before I tell her brother everything. I’ve given you bruises that will heal. But Aniston won’t stop—that guy will fucking destroy you. But I think you already know that … isn’t he one of your closest friends?”
Julian’s shoulders tense slightly. He says nothing in response, but I know that my message has been received.
I stand up and peer at my sliced shoulder before I retrieve my suit jacket from the ground. I slip it on casually and straighten out the collar. My eyes never leave Julian’s body as I fix my tie. He starts to vomit on himself and I turn around, walking away from him.
I take a sharp turn and pretend I’m just leaving the charity event and that I didn’t just almost kill someone. Fresh blood pools from my lip, I wipe it away and stare down at the sidewalk and feel a sick sense of justice.
“Sloan!”
I turn around slowly at the sound of my name and find Aniston Wentworth standing a few steps away. He is right in front of the alleyway and when he glances over to the entry, I know he sees the silhouette of Julian.
My smile is dark and I know he can’t see it. “You want to know what happened to Elizabeth? Ask him!”
Aniston walks forward and I flip him off. “I’m fucking done!”
Tomorrow, I’m leaving this city.
I can’t get away fast enough.
Chapter Twenty-nine
EMILIA
My legs dangle over the chair as I quietly read As I Lay Dying. This is my third time rereading this book and every time Darl narrates a part of the story, I think of Macsen. I try to see the good that Macsen is so insistent about, but it’s hard for me to see it.
It’s only been a week since the charity event, but I know Macsen didn’t stay too long in New York. Aniston used any chance he got to tell me that my Burn List was justified. According to him, Macsen’s walking away from me was an example of his character.
My calls to Macsen have started to waver.
I stopped calling two days ago. I know I’ve hurt him and that thought alone makes me squeeze my eyes shut and lean my head back against the armrest.
“Rough day, Emi?”
My dad walks into the room. When I open my eyes, I see him walking to his desk, sorting through the mail in his hands.
I straighten my body in the chair and close my book. “You could say that.”
He sits down at his desk and looks over at me. “Are you doing okay?”
Not at all. It’s on the tip of my tongue to tell him how I’m feeling, but I shrug my shoulders instead. “I’m just ready to get back to school.”
“How is everything with your classes?”
“I’m doing good.” He opens his mouth and I quickly say, “I’m even doing good in math.”
Leaning back in his chair, he observes me. “That tutor must be a great help.”
My fingernails dig into the armrest painfully as I nod my head slowly. “He is,” I agree.
My dad gives me a smile and turns on his computer. “Well, I’m glad. I know how hard you work and it’s good to hear your classes are going well.”
“They’re going better than I thought,” I admit.
“I have to be honest Emi, I thought you would want to transfer back to NYU,” he confesses.
NYU was never my dream. It was simply a school that was close to home for me. “Why does everyone keep saying that?”
“Because you’ve been so close to Eden and Aniston,” my dad explains. “I didn’t know how you would handle being away from everything.”
I knew what everything meant. Everything was Elizabeth.
“I really like it there,” I confess. Shifting closer to his mahogany desk, I swipe a finger over the wood. My finger is dust free but I keep my head down because if I look up my dad will see the emotions in my eyes. “I can be my own person there.”
My dad’s brows slant low. “You are your own person here too.”
I glance at him skeptically. “No, I’m not. I have a last name that scares everyone. In Kentucky, people know nothing and it’s amazing to have a fresh start.” My dad nods his head in understanding. “I just like it there,” I say with a sigh.
“I’m glad. I know the last few years have been rough for you, and it’s good to see you happy again.”
I was happy with Macsen but that happiness is gone. I
t was once within my reach and now it seems irrevocably gone.
“You are happy, right?” my dad asks.
I’m slow to nod because I don’t want to lie to my dad, but I can’t tell him how I’m really feeling. I settle in the middle. “I’m getting there.”
“Your mom told me you went to the church with her?”
In our house, ‘the church’ is a place that we all try to avoid. But that day with my mom cleaned a few of my wounds. It felt good to cry and it felt good to see my mom express her feelings. I’ve seen her as my plastic, smiling mother, the one that never allows a crack to appear on her armor. That day brought us closer, in a way. It showed me that there is still a piece of my old mom in there, just buried deep.
“She tricked me into going, if that’s what you’re trying to say.”
He gives me a sympathetic smile before he takes off his glasses and rubs the bridge of his nose. I take a good look at him and really see my dad. And it hits me just how worn down he looks.
“Your mom really needed that,” he explains. “Spending time with you that day really made her happy.” He smiles sadly at me. “No matter how depressing it was for you.”
“I know,” I admit quietly. “I needed it too.”
“I know that it seems your mom has it together but something she’s barely hanging on. Any time she can get with you guys, she’ll take.”
“I know,” I repeat.
My dad takes my response in stride and changes the subject. “When are you leaving for campus?”
“In a few days.”
“You know I’ll miss you and your random books laying around, right?”
I nod my head and smile faintly. “Yes.”
He smiles back and looks down at his work, and for the next few minutes, I read my book while he quietly reads through the papers in front of him.
The doorbell rings and I faintly hear my mom’s heel clicking against the floor and glance back down at my book.
“Oh no!” my mom exclaims loudly.
I look at my dad and stand up to go to the door. We stand in the middle of the doorway with wide eyes. Julian Langley stands in the entryway, looking almost unrecognizable. His left eye is swollen shut, a splint is on his nose, and half of his cheek is swollen in shades of plum and blue.