“I … God, I don’t want to fight with you. I never said tragedy or missing,” Scott insisted.
“Oh yes, you said you’ve lost your wife,” Amber recounted.
“I said that I lost my wife,” Scott agreed.
She had it! The phrase Scott used on December 9, long before a tape recorder could capture it, was now preserved for trial. Either he was guilty as sin, or those four words made Scott Peterson the un-luckiest man alive.
“Yes, you did … How did you lose her before she was lost? Ex-plain that,” Amber insisted.
“There’s different kinds of loss, Amber,” Scott said.
“Then explain your loss.”
“I can’t [explain it| to you now,” Scott said.
“When can you?” Amber asked.
“I can once there’s …”
“When my name has been smeared all over tabloids and everything else, because I’m the, the lover, I’m the girlfriend. When you’ve been married to this woman,” Amber interjected.
“You don’t deserve that,” Scott told Amber.
“No, I don’t deserve this,” Amber retorted.
“And you said you’ve been safe with me. ’Oh, some people I tell I’ve been married, and other people I say I never have because it’s so painful for me,’ ” Amber jeered.
“I’ve lied to you,” Scott admitted.
“So, Scott, what about your baby? Laci’s … missing woman, pregnant, is that what you just said?”
Scott would not address Amber’s question. He did everything he could to avoid talking about Conner. “I want to explain all of this to you, and I … I just am not able to.”
“Why?”
“I can’t ask you to trust me, but you will … if you give me a chance to later to explain it,” Scott pleaded.
“Yeah, is that why you said you didn’t want to have any children and Ayiana was the only child you ever see of having and … and at that point assuming we’re together she would be … you would have her as your own? Why would you tell me that when you were expecting a baby?”
“Sweetie, I … I’m sorry that I can’t tell you everything right now,” Scott said.
“Why can’t you tell me everything? Why?”
“It just has entirely too many repercussions and they’re not all for me. Okay, there’s a lot … and the repercussions don’t deal with me,” Scott said, without offering any explanation. No sufficient explanation has ever surfaced for these comments.
“Tell me the coincidence of Laci, your wife, disappearing and your stories earlier in December? And then you … you’re carrying on this elaborate lie with me that you’re in Europe and you’re in Maine with your folks? Explain that to me?”
“I wanted to tell you about this,” Scott contended.
“But of course you couldn’t because you were in Maine with your folks,” Amber said sarcastically.
“No, I didn’t make that trip,” Scott sighed.
“You and I, assuming we’d be together, how would you have explained a new baby that you brought into this world?” Amber questioned. “How would you explain your baby to me?”
“Sweetie, you don’t know everything,” Scott continued.
“Well, is this child yours?” Amber confronted Scott.
There was a long silence on the line before Scott finally said, “Sweetie … I’m sorry. Amber, I cannot tell you.” Astonishingly, Scott was now suggesting Conner was not his baby. As this conversation played out in court, mental daggers were being thrown by prosecutors and jurors alike. How could anyone be so cold and callous? How could he angle for advantage with his girlfriend by disowning his own child? It seemed clearer than ever that Scott Peterson could not feel empathy or pain for others—that he would say or do what-ever was necessary to ensure his self-preservation.
“Is this child yours?” Amber repeated.
“I can’t tell you all these things now,” Scott sidestepped again. “God, I know I hurt you.”
“Why should I not go to the police with this?” Amber demanded.
“It’s your decision,” Scott replied.
“Really?”
“Of course.”
“And at that point … I go to the police … with this, what do you see happening?” Amber let out a sigh.
“Obviously they would question you; they would want to know everything. I mean, it is your decision, of course. Um … I … I wanted to tell you what has happened and I wanted to tell you that I lied to you,” Scott insisted.
“And what stopped you from this?”
“Previous to now?”
“Yes,” Amber demanded.
“I could make excuses how to justify it to myself,” Scott began.
“You’re not doing great right now,” Amber stated.
“Well, I know I’m trying. I justify it to myself by saying, ’No, she just had a fight with her sister, don’t tell her.’ No, no, it was probably just weakness and hoping that I could hold onto you.”
As Amber continued to press Scott, the cell phone connection was lost. Scott dialed Amber back, and she picked up the call.
“Did you hear me?” Amber demanded. “Are you driving? Hello?”
“Amber?”
“I’m here, I can hear you just fine.”
“Okay, thank you for answering.”
“So, where are you right now?” Amber inquired.
“I’m in Modesto,” Scott replied.
“Doing what?”
“I’m helping in the search,” Scott didn’t know that Amber could verify his story by simply calling the cops.
“Really?”
“Yeah. I’ve been putting out flyers, helping in the search.”
“Why did you follow through and meet me and have this date and do all these things with me and tell me all these things, why? What purpose did I serve in your life during this last month?”
“Amber, you are … you changed me this last month. You are so special, you’re amazing. And I just …” Scott stopped himself mid-sentence.
“And so what are you telling me, your wife was not?” Amber pressed.
“I, I can not explain it all now,” he said.
“Yeah, there’s a lot of things you’re not wanting to explain to me right now, Scott,” Amber barked.
“Too many people would be hurt.”
For a man who thought he was smart, Scott was really tripping over his excuses during this conversation. In the end, 116 days of anguish would pass before Sharon Rocha would learn the fate of her daughter and grandson. If a stranger spirited Laci away in a robbery or baby-napping, how would that revelation hurt any more than not knowing? That was all Amber wanted to know.
“So, how is that … how is that gonna put any more hurt than what’s already out there now?” Amber asked furiously. “How would you think this wouldn’t just break my heart to meet someone and, I even tell you where I’m at in my life and, you know, I’m starting my own business. I just moved out, you know … what I’ve been through in my life already to this day. You’re very well aware of it, we’ve spent many times on the phone or even together and me talking about these things. How could you possibly not think you being married would affect me? How?”
“I don’t know how to answer that right,” Scott said. “God, I don’t want to say it again, but I mean you obviously don’t deserve this. I had no idea this was going to happen,” Scott insisted.
“Sounded like you did,” Amber asserted. “I should believe you that no, you couldn’t have anything to do …”
“No, no, no, that’s not what I’m saying… .” Scott insisted.
“… with her disappearance? Is that what you’re telling me?”
“I had nothing to do. My God, Amber, I had nothing to do with her disappearance.”
“Then who did?” Amber demanded.
“We don’t have any idea,” Scott responded.
“Really?” Amber replied.
“There was a robbery here … ” Scott offered again we
akly.
Amber interrupted. “You think a robber had something to do with her disappearance? … Well, robbers don’t kill people, pregnant people, for that.”
“I just, I can’t ask you to trust me, 1 can’t ask you to believe me,” Scott rambled. “I just … I can’t tell you and I … I will be able to in the future if you’ll listen to me, but then I don’t know if you will. I can’t ask you to do that.”
“You know, the only thing that would ever make me or change my mind, is that she is found alive or comes forward or whatever …” Amber stated.
“God, I hope she is found alive. We all hope she’s found alive. We’re all working for that.”
“Really? And you think that’s gonna happen?” Amber inquired.
“I hope so,” Scott responded.
“Do you feel that she’s honestly going to be found alive?”
“I’ve been losing hope.”
“You’ve been losing hope?”
“For the last couple of days,” Scott explained.
“Life does not lose hope,” Amber declared. “That hope never dies until she is found. And how can you call me and talk to me at night and sound so joyous and everything else while you’re going … that is just beyond me, Scott.”
“I know you won’t believe me, but I, at night … I haven’t slept in weeks,” Scott said.
“Really?”
“And yes, I have put on a face to talk to you until I could tell you,” Scott insisted.
“And when were you gonna tell me? When you got back from Europe?” Amber asked in a derisive tone. “So why is it you have such a hard time with the truth?”
“I don’t think I do. But I lied to you and I hate myself for that,” Scott explained.
“You didn’t think you knew you lied to me?”
“No, no, no, I have always told the truth.”
“Oh, really?” Amber was flabbergasted.
“Let me … well, no, with exceptions obviously.”
“Oh, truth with exceptions, huh? That’s a new one for my book.” Amber had him cornered. Apparently, Scott was unable to make the distinction. When I first read this transcript, 1 thought again about the definition of a sociopath. Where most people have some reaction to the act of telhng a He, such as feehngs of guih or shame, Scott appeared to face no such moral quandary. For him, the issue was simple: Will this benefit me or not?
“I wish I could tell you everything,” Scott began to sob. His behavior was an anomaly: During the search for Laci, Scott would shed few tears. Witnesses who had known Scott for years consistently described his calm, quiet demeanor; he never got upset or angry. That may explain why many of these observers didn’t find it suspicious that Scott never grieved in public.
If Scott’s apparent indifference was merely a matter of his even-tempered nature, however, why was he crying on a regular basis with Amber?
Amber had little patience for his outburst. “Oh, save your tears,” she told him now.
“This situation has … is so unbelievably painful,” Scott said.
“That you didn’t expect this to be so big? Is that what you just thought—Oh, well, no big deal, just another lost woman and it would disappear and then you would return from Europe and you and I …” Amber was right on target. How could this young fertilizer salesman from Modesto ever have imagined the national out-pouring of interest and support when Laci went missing?
“Amber, never,” Scott implored.
“Oh, you didn’t … you didn’t plan on wanting to move away with me?” Amber ranted. “Isn’t that what you were leading up to? And when you returned … you just hoped I would put my trust in you and that you would … whatever decisions that you were gonna make for Ayiana and I, … that I could say yes without question. Do you re-member that conversation? Because I remember it very clearly. That was just after I confronted you about Shawn’s knowing of your wife.”
“Yeah,” Scott acknowledged.
“Where was that leading to?”
“I can’t tell you everything now. I’m sorry.” With each utterance, Scott’s excuses sounded weaker.
During the ninety-minute call, Scott continued to evade Amber’s questions.
“So, should I be afraid of you?” Amber asked at one point.
“No.” Scott replied.
“So where do you think you’re going to find Laci?” Amber asked later.
“Our hope, and it’s a sad hope, is that … well, I mean, we need [a] tip. That’s why we have such a big reward. And we just hope that someone’s holding her for her child and that we can, you know, get her back with a tip,” Scott responded.
“So, what, you’re not elated that you’re having a baby?”
“Sweetie, we can’t talk about it,” Scott insisted.
“Really? Now at this point, if she’s found and she’s dead, can we still [not] talk about it?” Amber inquired.
“My God, don’t say that.”
“Isn’t that reality? Isn’t that the reality of a missing person?”
“Yeah, I guess,” Scott replied.
“So, tell me then, if she’s found …”
“Don’t. Yeah.”
“You have to look at both sides, right? The other scenario, she may not be found alive and then what?”
“Don’t know that,” Scott stated. When he was pressed to respond, Scott admitted that if his wife was found dead, he would tell Amber the truth.
“Okay, so now tell me the scenario when she’s found alive,” Amber asked next.
“Then I could tell you everything,” Scott responded.
“So either scenario at this point, whichever comes first at any point, then you could tell me everything?” Amber reiterated.
“Yes,” Scott responded.
“When’s your baby due?” Amber asked.
“Um, February sixteenth is the last date,” Scott said. In fact, Laci’s due date was February 10—Amber’s birthday.
“So, [you say] you only want to have one child—in which case, assuming we’re together, it would be Ayiana—when you had a child on the way? How can you say that?”
“Baby, you don’t know everything,” Scott assured her.
“Scott, is this baby yours?”
“I can’t … I can not tell you everything.” Again, whether he was actually denying that Conner was his own son—or merely attempting to throw up a smokescreen—Scott’s craven responses would elicit revulsion from the jury when they heard the conversation replayed months later.
“You can tell me everything. That’s a simple yes or no.”
“Amber, honestly, to protect everyone, I can’t tell you everything,” Scott insisted.
“That only leads me to believe that it’s not.”
“Amber …”
“Because if it was, you’d say of course it’s my baby, that’s my wife,” Amber continued.
Scott declined to answer.
Amber pressed on. “Who else knows about me, Scott?”
“That you and I have a relationship?”
“Do your parents know about me?”
“No,” Scott replied.
“Well, I thought that was [the] topic of conversation. ’Oh, I talked my parents’ ear off about you over the holidays.’” Amber’s voice was growing angry.
“Well, that trip didn’t happen,” Scott said matter-of-factly.
“Oh, that trip didn’t happen. You know, I’m led to question other things that happened, Scott,” Amber snapped.
Amber next confronted Scott about his role in searching for his wife.
“You’re doing everything you can, you’re putting up flyers … that’s it, putting up flyers?”
“No, I’ve been going door to door,” Scott explained.
“What do you expect to find from knocking on doors?”
“I don’t know where else to go …” Scott said.
“You’re having conversations with me when all this happening?” Amber asked.
“Yeah,” Scott sai
d.
“Really? Isn’t that a little … isn’t that a little twisted, Scott?”
“It is,” Scott agreed.
“Well, at least you agree with me there,” Amber said.
“Well, that’s the truth, isn’t it?”
“You have a missing pregnant wife and you’re talking to your girlfriend. Hum! Did you think about that one?”
“It sounds terrible,” Scott said.
The conversation returned to the search.
“I think that we will find her with her child,” Scott predicted. Only rarely did Scott speak of Conner in a personal fashion. He was “Laci’s” child, “her” baby, “the” baby.
“I know you’ve never said this but you’ve indicated so many other things that I could assume possibly that she’s missing because you love me. Right?”
“Amber, she’s missing because someone abducted her,” Scott responded without hesitation.
“This has to be the biggest coincidence I have ever heard of,” Amber said near the end of the call. “I mean, are you psychic? I mean, you predicted your wife would be missing!”
“No,” Scott replied.
“How can you not expect me to even think or ever to … to let this pass that you possibly planned this?”
“I did nothing like that,” Scott insisted.
“Oh, well, then, again, this is the biggest coincidence ever.”
CHAPTER ELEVEN
JANUARY 7, 2003
Early on January 7, Scott dialed the Enterprise rental office in Modesto and reserved a truck for the following afternoon. The Enterprise staffers alerted the Modesto police, and a court order to place a GPS tracking system on the rental was quickly obtained.
Scott then called Amber. He lied about his whereabouts, telling her he would be out posting flyers and was on his way to the Volunteer Center. In fact, police records showed that Scott was actually in Fresno when he placed the call. During this lengthy conversation, which has never been made public, Scott tried to convince Amber of another lie: that he had taken a polygraph test.
Amber told Scott that she had been researching the case online. “Scott, you really haven’t done everything you can yet. You don’t speak in public with your family, you … you know, there’s rumors that you won’t take a polygraph test.”
“Yeah, there’s a lot of rumors,” Scott agreed.
A Deadly Game Page 21