“It’s going to take time and probably a lot of therapy, but she’ll get better. Once we know more of what her triggers are, we’ll be able to help her better.” The nurse’s answer isn’t as bad as I thought it would be. Maybe we can help her get through this after all.
“What can we do to help?” I ask, finally feeling some hope again. I thought she was out of the woods after she was out of surgery and they were able to repair most of the damage done to her. She still has a long way to go with recovery, but I thought it would just be the physical stuff she’d have to get over. Not mental.
“Well, there are lots of things you can do to help with her recovery. First and foremost, just be patient with her. It’s going to take time for her to get better mentally, but she’ll get there. Also, it wouldn’t be a bad idea to research PTSD. The more you know about it, the more you’ll be able to help her,” she says as she takes a seat on the other side of the bed. Dani and Sara move forward and take a seat by me.
“We can do that. What else?” Dani asks.
“Don’t pressure her into talking. It’s important that you be there for her and listen to her when she’s ready to talk about something, but don’t push her. It’ll only make things worse. Also, make sure that you don’t take things personally. Sometimes it will be difficult but you can’t let it affect you. You need to understand that sometimes people with PTSD don’t have control over their behavior. There’s no magic switch she can just flip on and off, but with time and treatment, they will get better. It’s a gradual process, but she will get better.”
The door opens and Toby and Blaze walk in. Sensing the mood in the room, they each stand behind their girl and are silent.
The nurse continues on. “Also, people with PTSD will see the world differently. It’ll seem like a dangerous and frightening place at times, just like what happened a few moments ago. She was frightened and reacted. You’ll need to understand this because if you aren’t careful, it could damage the ability she has to trust you or herself around you. Anything you can do to rebuild her sense of security will contribute immensely to her recovery.”
“How do we do that?” Blaze asks. I almost forgot he was here, I was so caught up in my own head, trying to think of ways I can help Harlow get through this.
“Well, there are a few things you can do. Express your commitment to her, whether it’s a friendship role or a lover’s role. Let her know you aren’t going anywhere. Don’t be spontaneous; having structured routines and predictable schedules will enhance her feelings of security. It will help her feel safe around you. Minimizing stress will help too.”
Fuck, I feel like I need to be taking notes. How the hell am I’m going to be able to do all of this?
Dani, noticing my unease, reaches out and places her hand on my knee. “It’s okay, Louie. We’ll all help her. She’ll be fine,” she reassures me.
“Yes, you all can help. In fact, I encourage that. The more people who surround her and support her will help the healing process. I know it seems like a lot right now, but the main thing is just be there for her. Let her know you believe in her and that everything will be okay. Tell her how strong she is and brave. She’ll get through this and so will all of you.” The nurse stands up to leave.
“I’ll be back soon. I’ll print some things off for you all as well, and like I said, educate yourself. The more you know, the easier it will be to help her.” The nurse leaves the room.
We’re all quiet for a while, each thinking about what the nurse told us. I feel overwhelmed with all the information, but I’m determined to help Harlow through this. I’ll be strong for her and make sure she knows that she’s safe with me. With all of us.
***
Later that night, Harlow is still sleeping and it’s just Dani and me. I haven’t left the room, only getting up to go to the bathroom and even then, I don’t have to leave the room for that.
“How’s the leg?” she asks, concern lacing her voice.
“Hurts like hell, but I’ll be all right. Could’ve been worse.”
I ended up with a hairline fracture in my fibula from the warehouse falling down on me. They were worried that I wouldn’t stay off of it like I should and end up breaking it all the way, so they put me in a cast. Fuckers.
“Yeah, it could’ve,” she says, then she’s quiet for a while.
“Have you been up to see Mack lately?” I ask. I feel like shit not going up to see him in the ICU, but I can’t bring myself to leave Harlow.
“I saw him before I came down here. He’s still asleep, but the doctors think he’ll wake up soon,” she says, sounding tired. I’m sure all of this is a lot for her right now. Mack being hurt, Harlow being hurt, and her trying to be here for everyone. Plus, still being there for the twins.
“How are you holding up?” I ask. Dani is like a sister to me and even though I can barely keep myself from falling apart, I need to make sure Dani’s okay too.
“To be honest, I don’t know. Harlow has a long way to go to recover, both physically with her leg and fingers, and mentally with the PTSD. And Mack…we don’t even know the full extent of his injuries yet. I mean, the doctor said that they were able to get the bullet out, but it grazed his spine, Louie. They have no idea if he’ll be able to walk again.”
When Blaze came in earlier after Mack was out of surgery, he told me that. We’re all devastated but Mack is a fighter. I know he’ll be able to make it out of this and still be able to walk. Nothing can keep him down for long.
“He’ll be fine, Dani. Mack is the toughest sonofabitch I know, and stubborn too. Almost as stubborn as you,” I say, only partly joking, but it gets the reaction I was looking for.
Dani laughs, then leans her head down on my shoulder. “I hope you’re right.”
“Of course I’m right, honey. I’m always right.”
***
Harlow
Opening my eyes, I feel groggy. I hate feeling like this. It’s like I’m drunk and high at the same time. And yes, I know what both of those feel like.
Turning my head slightly, I see Dani and Louie sitting beside each other sleeping, Dani’s head lying on Louie’s shoulder and Louie’s head lying on Dani’s head. The sight makes me smile.
Sighing, I straighten my head and stare up at the ceiling, thinking about the chain of events that brought me here; my brother’s suicide, me not coping with the loss, coming back here, being with Louie, Titus taking me, and finally Louie saving me.
The past few days have been a whirlwind of emotions and painful memories. I remember everything Titus did to me and I remember the hopelessness I felt thinking I wouldn’t survive. And then waking up in the hospital, freaking out thinking Titus was here to finish what he started. I know I scared everyone with my outburst; not once, but twice. I can’t even explain what came over me. I know Titus has to be dead. There’s no way the club would let him live after everything that happened. So I knew I was safe—that I am safe—but my brain wouldn’t listen. It just kept screaming at me to run, to fight.
I don’t even know the list of my injuries but I can still feel them all. I have at least three broken fingers, broken ribs, bruised insides, and massive gashes on my legs and head. Now, I can add mental status to that long list. It’s going to take me a long time to get better, but I want to get better. Not just for me, but for my family. I know they all must have been scared shitless and freaking out over my behavior. I don’t want them to have to worry about me. I just want to get better and move on from this.
Movement catches me attention and I turn my head to see which one of the two is waking up. Louie stirs and seems to try to get comfortable, but then gives up on that hope. Opening his eyes, he doesn’t notice I’m awake yet.
“Louie,” I whisper, not wanting to wake Dani up but not being able to stay quiet either.
Whipping his head toward me, as soon as his eyes land on mine, he’s jumping up to rush toward me, but he ends up limping. Looking closer, I see him in a cast. What the hell hap
pened to him?
“Harlow! Are you okay?’ he rushes out, not seeming to care that his outburst woke Dani up.
“I’m fine, Louie. But are you okay? What happened to your leg?” I ask, worried about him.
Waving my question off, he takes my hand. “It’s nothing, babe. Just a sprain,” he says, but I know he’s not telling me the truth. They don’t put a full cast on you for a sprain, but I don’t push him.
Smiling, I just stare into his eyes. He saved my life. I’m just so glad that he’s all right and here with me.
Clearing my throat that is clogged with emotion, I say, “I’m gonna be just fine.” And I know I will be. With everyone I care about by my side, and time, I’ll be perfect. I’ll make sure of it.
***
Louie
Dani insisted that she stay with Harlow and I make my way up to the ICU while Harlow was sleeping. I was torn between what I should do; I didn’t want to leave Harlow, fearing that she’d have a breakdown again and I wouldn’t be there, and needing to see Mack. I know he’s still unconscious and he needs that time to heal, but I need to see him for myself to know he’s okay.
Opening the door quietly, I see Blaze sitting beside Mack. “Hey, brother. How is he doing?” I ask, walking further into the room.
“No change yet. He’s still sleeping. The doctors keep saying that he’ll wake up soon, but he’s not,” Blaze says with worry evident in his voice.
Taking a seat on the other side of the bed, I look at Mack as I talk. “He’ll be fine. He’s just resting, building up his strength. He’ll wake up when he’s ready,” I say, trying to sound confident. Though I try to believe what I just said, a part me has some doubt. Mack isn’t old by any means, but what if the trauma was just too much for him? Or what’s more, what if he wakes up and he’s paralyzed? How will he get over that?
“Yeah, man. You’re probably right,” Blaze replies, interrupting my negative thoughts.
A few minutes later, Blaze stands up. “You good here with him for a little while? I want to go check in on Dani and call Sara to check on the kids.”
Nodding, I wave him off. “Yeah, brother. Do what you need to do. I’ll sit with him.”
After closing the door behind him, I sit here quietly just looking at Mack. I wish he’d wake up already. I know I told Blaze we had to be patient, just like we have to be patient with Harlow, but that was me talking crap. What I really want is for him to open his eyes and tell me to grow a pair and quit acting like a bitch. Yeah, that’s what I need.
When the silence is finally too much for me, I lean forward and take his hand. “Hey, Mack,” I start, feeling stupid at first for talking to someone who isn’t even awake, but decide to continue on. “Harlow’s gonna be all right. You were right, she’s strong. Though she has a long road ahead of her and there was more damage than we thought, she’s a fighter. And I know with everyone supporting her, she’ll be fine.”
As I think about what else I want to say, I resituate my leg. It’s starting to pound, but I don’t want to take pain meds. I don’t want to get loopy.
“I got caught in a burning building again,” I say, then chuckle. “I know, it’s my thing, right? At least this time I wasn’t knocked out, though maybe that would have been better. Then I wouldn’t have the images of Harlow bleeding all over and thinking she was dead constantly bombarding me.” I still can’t get that scene out of my head and I doubt I will for a long time.
“And then I find out that you were shot. Scared the shit outta me. Brought back all the memories of the last time I was in a burning building and I woke up to finding out Lyle was dead.” Lyle was a close friend of mine, not just a brother. I still miss him to this day. I know he’s looking down on us all though and laughing at me. Probably telling me to quit being a pussy. Asshole.
Sighing, I drop my head. “I’ve got a lot of makin’ up to do. Not just with Harlow, but with you. I realized yesterday that I’ve been really shitty these past few years. To be honest, probably since the beginning. I thought with my dad gone that place in my heart would always be void and the pain would always be there. But that’s not necessarily true. I miss my dad like crazy, but through that pain and loss, I found you. Or rather, you found me. And I know I don’t say it a lot, but I want you to know how grateful I am for everything you’ve done for me. The kindness you’ve shown me. But most of all, for filling that void. I love you, old man.”
“Love you too, son,” Mack says in a scratchy voice.
Jerking my head up, I see that he’s awake. Barely, but he’s awake.
“Now quit acting like a bitch and get me some water, would ya?”
Epilogue
Harlow
Today I get released from the hospital. It’s been a long two weeks with lots of physical therapy for my leg and talking to therapists for my PTSD, but I’m more than ready to go home. I’m not one hundred percent yet, but I’ll get there.
Louie is signing my release papers and then he’ll be bringing a wheelchair for me. I still have some trouble walking on the leg Titus drove his knife into because I have some nerve damage, but I don’t think I need a wheelchair. Louie, on the other hand, wants me to take it easy as much as possible. Plus, since we’re going to up see Mack before we leave the hospital, it might not be a bad idea.
A few minutes later, Louie comes walking into the room. “Ready, babe?” he asks with a huge smile on his face. Yeah, he’s happy I get to come home too.
“Yeah. More than ready,” I say, standing up from the bed to walk to where he’s standing, but he rushes toward me, halting my progress.
“Whoa, Harlow. You can’t be doing shit like that. I got the wheelchair for a reason, babe.”
Ugh, this is going to get old real fast.
“Louie, I love you dearly, but if you don’t back the fuck off I’d fear for your life,” I say. I appreciate everything he’s trying to do, but I need time to heal and exercise, not to be babied.
“I’m sorry. I just worry you’re going to overdo it,” he says sheepishly.
Pushing up onto my toes, I kiss his lips. “I know. And I love you for it, but I’m fine. Promise.” I kiss him once more, then take a seat in the wheelchair to make him happy. “Now take me to see Mack, slave.”
Laughing, he takes a bow. “Yes, ma’am!”
Five minutes later, we arrive at Mack’s room, but before we’re able to make it inside, a woman giggling stops us.
Looking silently up to Louie, I smile. I wonder who that could be.
“Knock knock,” I say before I take the reins on the wheelchair and head inside. Nurse Rose is beside Mack’s bed, pretending to check his vitals, but I know better. I just wish she’d stop pushing him away when he gets too close.
“Hey, you!” I say before standing up and walking over to him to give him a kiss on the cheek.
“Harlow!” Louie chastises me, but I ignore him. He’s going to have to get used to it.
“I hear you’re getting released for good behavior today,” Mack says, smiling warmly at me.
“You heard right! I can’t wait to get home and take a nice hot shower and eat some real food. No offense,” I say the last part to Nurse Rose.
“None taken, honey.” She laughs, then the smile falls from her face and she turns to Mack. “All right, Mr. DeVin, make sure you do those exercises the physical therapist gave you.”
“Will you spank me if I’m a naughty boy and don’t follow the rules?” Mack teases, but it has no effect on her.
“No. I’ll send Nurse Helga in here to punish you for not following the rules,” she says, then turns to leave, but not before winking at me. Yeah, there’s something going on between them. She’s the perfect match for him too.
Turning back to Mack, I see him pouting, watching her leave. “Come on, Mack. Put the lip away.” I pat his hand. “And you better do as she says, otherwise you’ll have to deal with more than just Nurse Helga,” I threaten, though nothing is worse than Nurse Helga. She’s eighty years old an
d meaner than a hornet. I would know, she’s been my nurse a few times.
“Okay! Enough with the threats. I’ll do the damn exercises. Not like it’s gonna change anything, though.” He adds the last part softer, like he didn’t want me to hear.
Mack got shot in the back and the bullet nicked his spine. They did surgery to remove it and repair any damage, but some of the nerves were hit. They think that with enough physical therapy he’ll be able to walk again, but so far, he still doesn’t have feeling in his legs. And hearing him doubt that he’ll walk again makes me want to cry. Seeing him so down and unable to do what he loves is hard. I wish there were something I could do or say to make this better for him or fix him.
“Enough with the depressing crap. You two get outta here. I’m sure you have more pressing things to do besides sit here with an old cripple all day,” Mack says, giving Louie a meaningful look. I have no idea why or what it means.
I open my mouth to argue, but the look I get from Mack warns me not to. He’s more irritable lately, but I don’t blame him. But I will be having a talk with him soon about his attitude toward himself and about getting better.
“We’ll see you soon, okay?” I give him one more kiss, then sit back down in the wheelchair to wait for Louie to say his goodbye.
***
Louie
I hate seeing him like this, but I know he’ll be all right. He’s tough and he’s stubborn. He won’t let this keep him down for long.
“Oh, and Louie? Tell Blaze to give me a call. I want to check in and see what’s been going on with the Kings,” Mack tells me before we leave the room.
“Yeah, will do,” I say.
Blaze is acting President while Mack is out of commission. Mack was the one who voted him in, but everyone was happy with the decision. Blaze is perfect for the job, though we all hope Mack gets back on his feet soon. Literally.
Defying Destiny (Forsaken Sinners MC #3) Page 19