In Between
M. Fernández
© 2017 M. Fernández
All rights reserved.
ISBN: 1974665461
ISBN 13: 9781974665464
Dedication
I’d like to thank my mom and dad for always reminding me how important it is to believe in myself and who always reminded me that my fear was never bigger than my dreams. Most of all I’d like to thank, one of the most important people in my life. This book would never have happened if it weren’t for you. Thank you for being the good man who inspired this book.
Contents
Chapter One
Chapter Two
Chapter Three
Chapter Four
Chapter Five
Chapter Six
Chapter Seven
Chapter Eight
Chapter Nine
Chapter Ten
Chapter Eleven
Chapter Twelve
Chapter Thirteen
Chapter Fourteen
Chapter Fifteen
Chapter Sixteen
Chapter Seventeen
Chapter Eighteen
Chapter Nineteen
Chapter Twenty
Chapter Twenty-One
Chapter Twenty-Two
Chapter Twenty-Three
Chapter Twenty-Four
Chapter Twenty-Five
Chapter Twenty-Seven
Chapter Twenty-Eight
Chapter Twenty-Nine
Chapter Thirty
Chapter Thirty-One
Chapter Thirty-Two
Chapter Thirty-Three
Chapter Thirty-Four
Chapter Thirty-Five
Chapter Thirty-Six
Chapter Thirty-Seven
Chapter Thirty-Eight
Chapter Thirty-Nine
Chapter Forty
Epilogue
About the Author
Chapter One
At first I felt bad, extremely bad; until one day I understood that no matter how bad I felt I would still love them both. Or could what I felt even be called love? Did it not bother me to be torn between two men? On many occasions it did…but what always bothered me the most was that I could do nothing about it. I had come to comprehend that these feelings deep within my soul were each different in their own way, each unique, but damaging.
Ethan was my first love. I wanted to share everything with him, even the possibly distressing fact that another man had a pull on me; that I desired this man in secret; and that this desire broke me during the day and kept me up every night. But this was never an option, because these words would destroy the world he knew and loved; the world we built; and the world that I so selfishly wanted to keep a grasp on. Sure it was flawed, but in the end it was still my world. Deep in my heart this was my stability, and I knew Ethan was my rock, my fortress. He was always the one individual who balanced my flaws and brought out the good in me. I learned how to love with Ethan, and yet I still found a way to betray him and to betray myself.
Meanwhile, this other guy was supposedly the better version of me, so perfect but just so wrong. He showed me how to feel again and awoke deep passion I didn’t even know I possessed. While being trapped in the moment I never understood that what I felt for Tom was not love but passion, nothing more than passion. My foolishness was so immense for so long; the love and view of myself was so damaged; that the first man to give me all his attention and make me feel so alive again I fooled myself into believing that I loved. Much more than love, my heart toyed with the possibility that Tom was my soul mate.
To understand how I found myself questioning the love for the man of my dreams, Ethan, and my personal integrity, you have to understand where I was back then.
Six Months Earlier
“Excuse me, can I get a little help here?” said an impatient voice.
“Yes, one moment,” I said roughly.
I swear these clients think I have all the time in the world for them just because I am a secretary, I thought. Then I turned my chair around. This man was perfection; I’m talking your 6-foot tall, Calvin Klein underwear model body kind of guy. A chiseled jaw just like the ones men have in the movies and let’s not forget the perfectly deep voice. At that moment I knew I had to have this man.
Wait, what? I’m engaged! I cannot be having these thoughts.
I collected myself and answered the gentleman in front of me. “Yes, how can I help you, sir?”
“I have a meeting with Mr. Reynolds at 1:00 p.m,” said the Calvin Klein model look-alike.
“Yes, Mrrrrr…” I stretched out the “r”, waiting for him to jump in.
“Cooper,” he said quickly. “Mr. Tom Cooper.”
“Yes, Mr. Cooper. Mr. Reynolds is running a little late,” I said as firmly as I could. “He will be with you shortly.”
“Very well then. Do you have anything I can read to pass the time? I’m starting to get a bit nervous about my interview,” he replied.
“All I have are wedding magazines,” I said, embarrassed.
“Getting married, I see,” he said with a sly smile.
“Not just yet. Who knows, maybe something better will come along,” I answered, regretting the words as soon as they came out of my mouth.
“Interesting... I guess I’ll take the pink one with all the flowers,” he said with a big smile and a tease in his voice.
He then grabbed the magazine and sat down in a nearby chair. He turned the pages slowly, briefly scanning, such rough grace this man possessed. I couldn’t keep my eyes off him; there was something mesmerizing about him. His hair looked soft and black as night; his eyes were a strong dark brown, yet so calling. He must have assumed what I was thinking because he looked up and smiled at me. I looked away quickly, making sure to avoid eye contact.
At that moment Mr. Reynolds came out of his office. “Tom! I’m glad you could make it. Come, come,” Mr. Reynolds said, gesturing Mr. Cooper forward. He looked a lot happier than I had ever seen him.
“Good morning, Mr. Reynolds,” Tom said, standing up and handing me the magazine. “Wish me luck,” he said, giving me one last smile.
“Looks like you won’t need it,” I replied.
God, what is wrong with me? Why am I so nervous? He’s just a man.
A few minutes passed and I found myself wanting to be in Mr. Reynolds’ office. I wonder what they are talking about in there. He had said it was an interview but Mr. Reynolds had behaved in an extremely friendly manner toward him. I knew I should get back to work and was wasting too much time. I had barely finished that thought when Mr. Cooper came out of Reynolds’ office.
“It was nice to see you again, son. See you soon,” Reynolds said.
“You too, sir,” said Mr. Cooper.
He looked straight at me as if he were trying to peer into my soul. “Guess you’ll be seeing a lot more of me,” he said. “You’re staring at the new head lawyer of this firm.”
The fact that he used the word staring put me on edge, but I tried to stay relaxed. “Told you, you wouldn’t need luck,” I said, batting my eyes.
“Guess you boosted my confidence,” he said laughing.
“You don’t look like a man who needs boosting of anything,” I replied with a cock of my head.
“Miss...” he waited for me to jump in.
“Scott,” I said quickly.
“Well, Miss Scott... boosting can never go wrong when it comes from a beautiful young woman.”
I instantly blushed.
“I’ll leave you to it,” he said and walked away.
I must admit I don’t remember the rest of my day. I just know that by the time I got home I was walking on cloud nine and Ethan noticed immediately.
“Well, you sure look happy,” Ethan said.
>
“I had a great day at work, one of those days where nothing goes wrong,” I said with a smile.
“I’m glad to hear that. I haven’t seen you smile like that in a while,” Ethan said, moving forward, his eyes wide. “While I have you in a good mood there is something I need to tell you.”
I knew how it went when Ethan told me he had to talk to me, and I was not excited. “What now?” I asked, folding my arms in front of my chest.
“I haven’t even told you and you’re already mad,” Ethan said, sighing heavily.
“I know how this works.” My stomach hardened with my own words. “I’m happy or you get me happy and then you tell me bad news, so don’t waste your time or mine...just spit it out.”
“Fine, if that’s how you want it,” Ethan said, stroking the back of his head. “The Surgical Department has chosen me to represent them in a conference in Florida.”
“Again?” I said, louder than I probably should have. “This is the fifth conference in the past two months.”
“Rachel, someone has to do it.” He looked toward the door, a clear indication he was ready to finish this conversation.
“And why does it have to be you?” I barked.
“Because they want someone experienced. Can’t you understand that?” He wrapped his arms across his chest. By his demeanor and the words that were going to leave my mouth I knew this would not end well, but I still decided to proceed.
“How much experience could you possibly have? You’ve only been working there for three years.” I could tell my comment hit him harder than I expected, but I decided I wouldn’t give him the chance to reply. “It’s ok, Ethan. I’m getting used to being alone around here. I’ll handle things myself just fine.” And with that, I walked out of the room.
I’ve always been a bit dramatic. Ever since we met in college, Ethan has said it’s my way of being unforgettable, but lately I’ve been thinking he likes this part of me less and less. Sometimes I don’t like this part of me either. Ethan was a med student back then and barely had time for anything. It wasn’t until he graduated five years ago that he started thinking about proposing to me and after four years of careful consideration he finally did. At about that same time last year we started living together. Yet for some reason we still aren’t married, nor do we have a date set for the wedding. He definitely makes good money. I mean he is a doctor. Everyone knows how that works, or at least they think they do.
We live in a nice apartment in New York, with a big spacious living room, beautiful kitchen with lovely dark cabinets and a center island, dining room with a golden chandelier, large master bedroom, Ethan’s office, and a home gym, which he never has any time to use. Actually, I’m the one who uses the workout machines. I’m not a gym freak, but my body is getting slowly fitter. Looking at myself in the mirror is not half bad nowadays. I’m 5’5” tall and have black wavy hair, a Latin complexion, and brown eyes, which Ethan has always said are beautiful, or at least he used to. Nowadays I barely get any compliments from him unless it’s during sex, which I’m sorry to say does not feel as sensual as it used to. I have just the right amount of waist and breast, lacking a little in the back, but that’s a problem a person can fix. My mom was Hispanic, but my dad was fully white; thus my name: Rachel Scott.
My life isn’t all that bad apart from the fact that my fiancé is always working or at conferences around the U.S., which means I barely see him. When I do he’s usually too preoccupied mentally to spend any time with me. When he isn’t too preoccupied, he’s either too tired or not in the mood to do anything with me. My mother would say that I see too much of him, and I used to agree, but that’s not the case anymore. Speaking of my mother, she barely comes to visit, and when she does there is no stopping comments like, “If you keep going down this path you will go to hell.”
Yes, you guessed right. My parents are both Christians, Adventist Christians, to be precise. Yes, I do believe in God, and yes, I respect anyone who is an atheist or homosexual. I may not agree with all their beliefs but that’s ok. Everyone still has rights, and I understand that as long as others respect my rights they may go their merry way doing whatever makes them happy. I am an Adventist also, even though I don’t do everything right, and I’m not going to focus on religion and God.
Just for common knowledge, an Adventist is a person who waits for the Second Advent of Jesus Christ or the Second Coming. Within this movement there is a specific church group called Seventh Day Adventists, and this is what most of my family and I are, some with stronger convictions than others. Ethan and I are both Adventist, even though we are not as firm as we should be. Which is why my mom and dad are against us living together.
One major rule in the Adventist religion is that marriage comes before cohabitation. This would be the ideal situation, but when my landlord kicked me out of my apartment because I was late on rent just for one month, my only choice was to go live with Ethan. It’s been a year now and although I make more money I still don’t make enough to pay off my student loan and rent my own apartment, which is why I keep living with Ethan.
So enough about that; let’s talk about Ethan and me. As I said earlier, we met in College about four years ago. Somehow his family knew mine, but to this day I still don’t comprehend the connection. Ethan was practically finishing his Medical studies and I was starting my Master’s in Forensic Psychology. I was going to continue for a Psy.D. in Clinical Psychology with a specialty in Sexology, but I had to put it on hold to pay for my Masters.
So I got a full-time job as a secretary at R & R Inc., a major technology firm in New York. It’s not an ideal job, but for twenty-five dollars an hour I would sell my soul to them, though not literally. Meanwhile Ethan works in the second best Hospital in New York, New York James-Peters Memorial Hospital. Ethan Callum is about 5’10, as white as Mr. Clean, strong but not too strong and has a nice smile and hazel-brown eyes. It’s kind of weird; he is not the most handsome man on the planet but he has something that calls to you. He is very aware of details, yet is not very aware of me sometimes, which increasingly annoys me. We’ve been having problems for about 7 months now and I believe it all started when he started focusing so much on work. Don’t get me wrong. Work is important, but lately if I spend an hour with him that’s a lot. Many days we don’t even sleep in the same bed, since our schedules are so different. There are no special text messages or calls, no random dates, it’s as if I have a roommate and not a fiancé.
“Are you coming to bed?” Ethan asked, interrupting my train of thought.
“I’ll be there in a minute,” I said, more aggressively than I meant to.
“Fine,” he said and then went quiet. He stood there for a while then walked away.
Might as well go now, I thought, but let me take a shower first. I got to the bathroom and undressed, then hopped into the shower. The water felt so cool running down my body and I loved that. So I just stood under the water and leaned against the shower wall for about five minutes.
I started to pass my fingers through my hair to get the filth out, when the shower door opened and Ethan, walked in. “May I join you?” he asked. A smile danced across his face.
“You already did,” I said, facing the wall.
“Please, Rachel, I don’t want to fight anymore. I’m leaving tomorrow for Florida.”
“Fine,” I said, letting my tense body rest.
“I’ll be back sooner than you can tell,” he said, as he started kissing my neck, mouth, stomach, thighs, and that was the end of our conversation.
Chapter two
I woke up to a breakfast in bed and a note. The tray held hash browns, eggs, turkey bacon, cheese and orange juice just how I like it. This was so sweet on Ethan’s part. Which could only mean one thing: the note said something bad. I picked it up and started reading.
Dear Rachel,
My flight was at 6 am and I didn’t want to wake you. Left you your favorites for breakfast. I love you with all my heart, missing you
already. I know these last few months have been tough but we’ll make it through. I’ll see you in two weeks.
Yours truly,
Ethan
“Two weeks? Unbelievable! No wonder he made such a good breakfast,” I said out loud. “Whatever. I better get ready for work.” I ate Ethan’s breakfast, which was really good, took a shower, tied my hair up, got dressed and left for work. I hailed a taxi and got in, the traffic was crazy, nothing new in New York. I got to work at 5 minutes to 8 am and then saw Mr. Cooper walking toward the door. He was just so gorgeous and then he smiled. I looked around and he started laughing; clearly he was smiling at me.
We reached the entrance at the same time, and he opened the door. “After you, Miss Scott,” he said with a smile. “I must say, since we are going to be colleagues, we should really be on a first name basis, don’t you think? It is much less formal.”
“I would hardly consider the secretary and the head lawyer of the firm colleagues,” I said with a small taunt in my voice.
“Well...” he said, a valid argument forming in his voice, “we work in the same place, we are both professionals, and so I would definitely say I can consider you my colleague.”
“Very well then,” I said, accepting his point.
“Does that mean I get to know your name now?’ he asked insistently.
“Rachel,” I replied with a smile.
“Rachel,” he repeated. “Very nice to meet you, Rachel.” He proceeded to grab my hand and shake it. “My name is Tom Cooper, but I’m sure you already learned that yesterday.”
“Nice to meet you too,” I said. I then proceeded into the building.
Tom stepped in front of me. “So...I’ll see you around?”
“Most likely,” I said. “We do work in the same place after all.”
“That we do,” he said with a smile, then walked away.
He is so peculiar. But I still liked him. I walked to my desk as he disappeared from my sight, and I got to work.
The next few days were nothing special. I got up, got dressed and went to work. With the exception that each day Tom would say hi or smile at me. This went on for about 10 days, and then on the eleventh day something truly peculiar happened, and side note, please don’t judge me for counting the days. The building alarms started blaring and everybody started rushing out of their offices, except Tom, who calmly walked out and stopped at my desk. “Fire department called Reynolds,” he said. “Seems that there was a gas leak a few buildings from here and they’re evacuating the whole block. It won’t be secure till tomorrow.”
In Between Page 1