“Tom?”
“Ok, don’t freak out on me. Just hear me out.”
“Ok.”
“We’ve known each other for about 6 months now. One could say we’ve been seeing each other for about 5 months.”
“One could say that if the situation was different.”
“Ok, so for a small second let’s imagine that it is different. Just you and me and no one else in this world.”
“Ok.”
“Now that we’ve done that...I love you and you love me. We know all there is to know about one another, so marry me, Rachel.”
“Tom, I’m engaged to Ethan. How could this ever be possible?”
“Leave him. You’re not happy with him. He doesn’t give you what you need, and I do. We understand each other, and we click perfectly. So leave him, leave him for me.”
“Tom, I have to think this through.”
“Take all the time you need. But don’t give up what you think you can have for what you already have.”
When we finished eating our desserts we headed to our room. No one had much to say and in part I knew this was my fault. I know Tom had expected another answer by the way things were going between us, but I couldn’t lie to him; I really was conflicted. The rest of the weekend was actually very fun, which was surprising after Tom’s proposal in the restaurant. We got to the room and Tom suggested we go dancing in the hotel club. We got back around 4 am and went to sleep quickly. We slept in until twelve, had breakfast and went to the pool. Around five o’clock we got our stuff, checked out of the hotel and headed home, leaving some truly good memories behind.
Chapter twenty-one
Present
At first I felt really bad, extremely bad, but now I understand that no matter how bad I feel I still love them both. Does it not bother me to love two men? What really bothers me is that I can do nothing about it. I comprehend that these loves are different in their own ways, each one a different type of love. Ethan is my first love, and I want to share everything with him, even that I’ve fallen in love with another guy. I won’t tell him that though, because I know it would hurt him so much. He balances me out and brings out the good in me. I’ve learned how to love with him. Meanwhile, Tom is the better version of me, yet so perfectly wrong. He shows me how to love in new ways and awakens every deep passion and lovely desire. I have created a horrible situation for myself and I don’t know how to get out of it. I am engaged to Ethan, the man I have loved for so many years, and now, here I am considering whether or not to accept the proposal of another man, a man who could possibly be the man of my dreams. Making up my mind won’t be easy, knowing that I could have so many perfect weekends. Tom has always treated me like the best woman on this planet, and I love that. Meanwhile, Ethan pays attention to the smallest details. He wants me to have comfort even when he isn’t there.
Tom dropped me off at the apartment around seven pm, helped me carry my luggage inside and unpack it, then kissed me goodnight and left. Life was perfect at that moment. Tom was perfect and I couldn’t possibly be happier. Then I got a random call from my mother. Ever since Ethan and I started living together she barely called me, except from time to time to check on me. I answered the phone as happy and peacefully as I could because I knew whenever my mom called we always ended up fighting.
“Hi, Mom. I’ve missed talking to you.”
“Rachel,” she said through tears.
“Mom, are you ok? What’s wrong?”
In that instant all my happiness drifted away. The only thing I could hear was my mom crying hysterically through the phone, and I could feel my heart pounding inside my chest.
“Mom! What’s wrong?”
“It’s your father.”
“What happened? Is Dad ok?”
She stayed quiet and started crying again.
“Mom, please tell me what’s wrong. You’re starting to worry me.”
“Your father had a heart attack at work yesterday. I didn’t call you yesterday because he was fine after that. The doctor said he was actually pretty healthy expect his cholesterol was a bit high, but that he thought the heart attack was caused from stress. But then he had another heart attack today.” She started to cry again.
“Is he ok now?”
“Rachel...the doctors tried to do everything they could, but he died 10 minutes ago.”
As she finished her sentence I could feel my heart shredding into pieces and my soul drifting away. Every single part of me fell apart in an instant, and I didn’t know what to do with myself. I started crying hysterically and I could hear my mom on the other end of the line doing the same.
“He’s gone? How could he be gone? Mom, what am I going to do without Dad in my life? We weren’t even on good terms. Ethan and I just picked a date for the wedding...He’s not going to be there. He wanted him to walk me down the aisle so badly.”
I said all these words between tears and gasps. I threw myself on the floor and grabbed my chest, trying to mend my broken heart, but it was in vain. I had never felt such pain before, and I had no idea how to control it.
“I’ll be out on a plane as soon as I can.”
“Rachel, don’t worry about that. The funeral is on Tuesday.”
“Mom, you can’t be alone at a time like this.”
“I won’t be alone. Your brother is here with me. He flew in after he found out about the first heart attack when he called to see how I was.”
“It doesn’t matter. You need your whole family there with you.”
“Ok then.”
“I’ll see you soon, Mom, and I’m really sorry it had to be under these circumstances. I love you.”
“I love you too, Rachel. Goodbye.”
As soon as she hung up I burst into tears. I cried for hours in the same position on the floor, then started looking for my phone. I called Tom, but he didn’t pick up the phone. I tried again 5 minutes later, but he still didn’t answer. So I sent him a text message.
“Tom, I really need you. Please call me as soon as you can. It’s urgent.”
Hours passed and still I had no call from Tom. After about 5 hours I decided to call Ethan. He picked up the phone after two rings and as soon as I said hello he knew something was wrong.
“What’s wrong, babe?”
I started crying as soon as he asked, and I couldn’t find a way to control myself.
“Rachel, what’s wrong? What happened?”
I continued crying hysterically.
So he asked again, this time more insistently. “Rachel, what happened?”
“My father died.”
“Oh my God. How?”
“He had two heart attacks and didn’t survive the second one. His funeral is Tuesday.”
“I’m so sorry, Rachel. I’m about to board the plane, and will be home in about four hours. I love you. I hope my love can help you in this moment. As soon as I get there we can buy two plane tickets and we’ll go see your mom.
“Thank you, Ethan.”
“I love you, honey. I’ll be home as soon as I can.”
He hung up and once again I was left alone to my thoughts and sorrow. I felt nothing but pain, and I had no strength to walk to the room or even take a shower, so I just laid in the middle of the floor while crying and clutching my stomach. I cried for hours and at some point I must have fallen asleep because the next thing I knew I heard the door opening and Ethan running toward me.
“Rachel, are you okay?” he practically screamed with hysteria in his voice.
He picked me up and laid me on the bed. He then walked out of the room and returned with his laptop in hand. He sat on the edge of the bed, opened his laptop and started searching for plane tickets. About half an hour later he had purchased our tickets and said we would be leaving in four hours. He then picked up my cell phone and started searching through it; he clicked on something and put the phone to his ear.
Who is he calling? I wondered.
“Mr. Reynolds?” he said. “This
is Rachel’s fiancé, Ethan. I’m calling because Rachel’s father died and she can’t come in to work. His funeral is Tuesday and we are going to fly out today.” He stayed quiet for a while and then continued talking. “Thank you, sir, for understanding. I’ll tell her. Goodbye.”
He put the phone on the bed and sat down on the edge again.
“What did he say?”
“He said he sends his most sincere condolences. That you can take as much time as you need and that he’ll pay you for all your days out of work.”
“Ok. Don’t you have to call your boss or bosses?”
“I have tomorrow off, so I’ll just call tomorrow.
He got closer and hugged me. I started crying in his arms as he wiped my tears away.
“Have you taken a shower?”
“No. I had no strength.”
“Why don’t you take one now?”
“I really don’t want to right now. I don’t think I have enough strength.”
“I’ll help you,” he said.
He picked me up, carried me to the bathroom and placed me in the tub. He opened the faucet and started pouring water on me while I sat there and cried. Slowly Ethan started rubbing soap on me with much care and love. The more I cried the more he would wipe my tears and wash them away. Patiently he bathed me until I was completely clean. I got out of the tub with his help, he handed me a towel and I dried myself as best I could.
“Get dressed in what you’ll wear to the airport and then try to sleep a little while.”
“Won’t the clothes get wrinkled?”
“It doesn’t really matter as long as you rest a while.”
I got dressed and laid in the bed, trying my best to relax.
“What about the luggage?”
“Don’t worry, I’ll take care of it.”
I saw him start to look for our suitcases and start packing both of them. After watching him for a while I fell asleep. I woke up to his hand shaking me gently.
“It’s time to go,” he said, helping me up.
I got up and started walking toward the door. There was a taxi waiting for us outside. Ethan was behind me with both suitcases in hand; he placed them in the trunk of the taxi. Then we were on our way to say goodbye to my father forever.
Chapter twenty-two
When we arrived at the airport I looked at my phone. It was nine am and still I had no missed call or message from Tom. I called him again, but he didn’t pick up, so I wrote him another message.
“Tom! Where are you? I really need you. My dad passed away. I feel horrible. Please call me.”
Ethan took the luggage out of the trunk and we walked inside the airport. We checked our luggage at the airline desk and walked toward our gate. About an hour later we boarded the plane to Bangor, Maine. We claimed our baggage and took a taxi to my mom’s house. In about 30 minutes we were in Hudson on my mom’s porch. I rang the doorbell and my brother opened the door. As soon as he saw me, his face lit up.
“Rachel. I’m so glad you’re here. I just wish it had been under different circumstances.” He hugged me and then let me in the house. Ethan walked in behind me and also hugged my brother.
“Where’s Mom?”
“She’s upstairs in her room. Rachel, I’m warning you she’s in a very bad state.”
“I figured she must be. Don’t worry. I can handle myself so she won’t feel worse when she sees me.”
“Ok, good.”
My mom’s house looked exactly the same as the last time I had been here. That was about a year ago, maybe for Christmas or Thanksgiving, I couldn’t quite remember at that moment. The house was exactly what you would expect your parents’ house to look like—a mixture of antique and modern.. I didn’t really focus much on the house and just walked up the stairs to my mom’s room. I opened her door slowly.
“Mom?” I called out.
She got up from the bed and threw herself into my arms.
“Oh, Rachel. You’re here. You’re really here.”
“I told you I would come as soon as I could.”
She wrapped her arms around me tightly and started crying.
“Rachel, he’s gone. The love of my life is gone,” she said between cries. “I’m going to be so alone without him. We spent more than 30 years together. He was my everything.”
“Come live with me and Ethan.”
“I couldn’t do that to you two. Plus you aren’t even married yet. You know I can’t live under a roof like that. I wouldn’t feel right. Anyway, your brother already offered his home.”
“So why don’t you go with him?”
“I couldn’t do that either. How could I leave this house behind? All our memories are here. You grew up here. I made my whole life with your father here. How could I leave all that behind?”
“The memories will always be in your heart, Mom, and so will Dad. But you can think about that later. Why don’t you try sleeping a bit?”
“I have no room for sleep right now. Did Ethan come with you?”
“Yes, he did. He actually made all of this possible. He’s been very helpful.”
“I always knew he was a good man. I should go say hi,” she said and walked out of the room.
I followed her down the stairs and into the living room where Ethan and Alex were organizing everything for my father’s funeral the next day.
“Ethan,” my mom said, sounding happier than I expected. I see you still need more meat on your bones.”
She then hugged him and sat down next to him.
“So how are you?”
“A bit jet lagged and sad. I never expected this to happen to Robert.”
“None of us did. He was healthy; he had even started exercising. But I always told him that his job would be the end of him. But no sadness for you. You have to keep my baby here strong,” she said, grabbing my hand.
“I’ll do my best, Rebecca.”
“You guys must me hungry. Do you want any food?”
“It’s ok. I don’t want to impose.”
“It’s no problem at all. We haven’t eaten breakfast yet. Although by the looks of it, it’s about to be lunchtime. So how about I make us all turkey sandwiches?”
“That sounds good, Mom. I’ll help you.” I walked to the kitchen with her.
We made the sandwiches and called the guys to the kitchen. After we all ate, Ethan offered to wash the dishes with me. The rest of the day was spent preparing the rest of my dad’s funeral. By the time night came around we were all exhausted. I feel my mom was the most exhausted of all. I truly admired her for being able to hold herself together so well in such a difficult situation. She gave Ethan and me some blankets and headed to her room. I offered to sleep with her but she said it was ok, that she had to get used to sleeping alone. I watched her walk away, knowing that the last thing my poor mother would do tonight was sleep.
Chapter twenty-three
We all got up early and started to get ready for what would probably be a horrible day. By ten am we were all in the funeral, and the turnout was much bigger than I expected. Which was odd, because my father had been a businessman all his life and throughout it he had made many friends and associates. So I should have expected a big turnout. The thing about my dad was this: he may have been strict and disciplined, but he was extremely joyful and friendly and everybody loved that. My mom always said that I was just like him, and in those ways maybe I was. Time after time I could hear people giving my mom condolences, and I knew she was trying to keep a strong face for the people here. Every time someone would tell me how sorry he or she was for my loss I would feel like they were hammering a nail deeper into my heart. I was in so much pain and I couldn’t take it, so I texted Tom one more time.
“Are you ok? I’ve been trying to contact you. I really need you, Tom.”
By one o clock my dad had already been buried. Even though my mom and I tried to be strong, we couldn’t help but break down crying when his body was lowered into the grave. We embraced each oth
er, which eased the pain a bit because it was a shared pain. My brother hugged my mom as tears rolled down his face. Around two we were already home, all of us completely destroyed. We sat in the living room in silence until my mom spoke up.
“I won’t deny this has been a sad day. Possibly the saddest day I have lived in a long time. But you all have your own lives, your own families and jobs, and you must get back to them.”
“Mom, we can’t leave you so quickly,” I said.
“Rachel, I’ll be ok. You know your mom is strong. I’m a fighter, but if it makes you feel better I have decided to move in with Alex.”
“Yes, it does make me feel better.”
“Thank God,” Alex said. “I already talked to Vivian and she said there is no problem with you staying with us. You can stay as long as you like and you know the kids love you, so that’s never a problem.”
“Ok, I just need you to give me at least two days so I can pack everything.”
“Take all the time you need,” Alex said. “The work place said I could take up to a week off if I need it.”
“Do you want us to stay and help you?” Ethan asked.
“If you want you can help today, but you should really be leaving by tomorrow,” my mother said.
“Ok, I’ll buy the plane tickets soon.”
“Wait, Ethan. Mom, are you sure?”
“Yes, honey. Don’t worry. Your brother will help me and your cousin Ricardo lives close by so I’ll get him to help, too.”
“Ok, Mom. But if you need anything, even after we leave, don’t be afraid to call and ask.”
Ethan excused himself and went to buy the plane tickets. My mom started looking for boxes to pack with my brother, and when Ethan returned he told me we would be leaving the next day at 10 am. We all started to help my mother pack, and by the end of the night at least a fourth or maybe a third of the things in the house that were into storage were packed. My mom made some hot chocolate and we all sat at the table together. Mom was trying to get caught up on every single little aspect of our lives. At ten pm I looked at my phone and still I had no call or text from Tom. He had willingly decided to ignore me, to leave me in my time of need, and this made the void in my heart feel even greater.
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