Rachel,
I’m so sorry about yesterday. I didn’t want you to meet my mom like that. But now that you have I’m glad. I hope we can go visit her sometime. I feel like you finally know everything and I feel so free. I have given you every part of me, some in wrong ways I know, but I’m still going to fight for us.
I love you,
Tom
At least he was trying to make things better, and he wasn’t looking for a way to justify his actions. Later during the day Tom passed by my desk and on the way back to his office he stopped.
“Did you like the teddy bear?”
“Yes.”
“Good.”
“Are you going to try to buy my forgiveness every time you do something wrong?”
“I wasn’t trying to buy you’re forgiveness. I know I’ve done some things wrong, but I wanted to show you that I do care.”
“Tom, if you want to show me that you care, don’t lie to me, and be there when I actually need you. Don’t get me wrong. I like the gifts; they are very nice, but your honesty and your presence mean much more to me.”
“You’re right.” Then he added softly, “I love you.”
“I love you too.”
During the next three weeks until Ethan left for his conference, Tom kept sending me small gifts. Some days he would send chocolates; other days he would send flowers or he would just come himself in person and take me to lunch. Most of my coworkers thought the gifts were from Ethan, but when Tom and I went out to eat I could hear the whispers of the ones who passed by us on our way out. It didn’t worry me too much because I had told Ethan that Tom and I had become friends. One day he even told me that he should go golfing with Tom. As soon as I heard what he said I knew it was a horrible idea, but I didn’t say so. Instead I just agreed.
Things with Tom started getting better during this time. I started trusting him again and soon we were completely back to our old selves. Kissing on the rooftop of his building, skinny-dipping in his pool, reading books, and going to the movies. I started to fall for him all over again and this time Ethan noticed the change in me. He constantly said that I had become distant in the few weeks that had passed. He would say he understood that my father had died but that I shouldn’t push him away. There was not a single instant though that he thought I was in love with another man. As I started to take refuge in Tom again, Ethan started working more and more hours, and the next thing I knew he was in Colorado at his conference.
As soon as Ethan left the house for the conference, I started packing for my trip with Tom. He told me to bring mainly sportswear. I tried to get him to tell me where we were going but he just wouldn’t budge, so eventually I just gave up. Around six pm he came to pick me up. We drove for about an hour on the highway; then after he got off the highway we started passing more and more trees. I fell asleep for a few minutes and next thing I knew we were in what seemed like a deep forest. You know, the kind of forest you would see in horror movies where college students would go to party and end up dead. I cast a worried look at Tom, but he only smiled at me.
“Where are we?”
“Near a part of Connecticut. We’re almost there.”
“Where is there?”
“You’ll see.”
Tom kept driving with so much peace on his face it was annoying. After about 30 minutes, he turned right and entered a narrow dirt road. He drove about 10 more minutes on a road that was completely surrounded by woods. I was starting to get nervous and then I saw a cute little cabin. I had never seen one in person, so I don’t know if it was built that way on purpose or if it was actually supposed to be that way, but it looked just like the cabins in movies. It even had a chimney. There was a tree stump where you could cut logs for a fire. The house looked well kept despite the fact that no one was living in it. If the house did belong to me I wouldn’t want to live in a place so solitary. Tom brought our suitcases down from his truck and put them on the porch of the cabin, then turned around to look at me.
“Don’t you just love this place? I used to come here all the time with my family before the accident. For a few years we would get away from everything and spend Christmas at the cabin with just the immediate family. Other Christmases we would throw small parties and my aunts, uncles and cousins would come. We weren’t many, so the place was perfect for us since it isn’t enormous. Honestly, I could say some of the best memories I have are in this place, and now I get to make new ones with you.”
“This place seems really nice. I’m glad you’re sharing it with me.”
“After my brother and father passed away, my mother and I stopped coming here. The only reason it looks so well kept is because my mother hired a cleaning company to come every three weeks and maintain it.”
“Did you guys only come in the winter?”
“No. This place is even better in the summer. Come, I want to show you something.”
He started walking toward the back of the house, so I followed him. I saw what he wanted to show me and the first thought I had was he wasn’t kidding about his family having money. There was a lake not more than 100 feet from the house. In the summer it must have been a wonderful place to swim. Right now, though, the lake was frozen solid. There was a small hill on part of the front of the lake. At the top of the hill there was a tree with a rope tied to one of the branches. The whole place screamed summer fun and wild parties, or maybe I had just gone back to my college years. I walked toward the lake and Tom stood behind me. He put his arms around my stomach and clasped his hands.
“I could tell you so many stories about this place.”
“Well, we have all the time in the world.”
“Aren’t you cold?”
“Not really. This coat is very warm.”
“I’m really cold, so I’ll tell you my story quickly and then go inside and start a fire. We can keep talking in there. Do you see that rope up there?” He pointed to a rope tied to a tree on top of the hill. “Every summer when we got here the first thing I would do was grab that rope and swing into the lake. Sometimes without changing, sometimes I would strip to my underwear, other times I would throw myself in fully clothed. Every single time my mother was furious. She said it was unnecessary for me to do that when I had a perfectly good bathing suit. I just thought it was more fun if I didn’t use it...You know? Just to go against the rules.”
“In other words, you were always a troublemaker.”
“I would describe it as being young and wild. Having a sense of adventure. You’re only young once, so you might as well enjoy it to the fullest. One day I was so excited that I came running to throw myself in the lake, but I grabbed the rope from a wrong angle and slipped. I fell on a rock and almost cracked my head open, but nothing serious really happened. My mom was so scared all she wanted to do was take me to a hospital. I didn’t want to leave, so I told her I was fine and practically begged her to stay. I spent that weekend with a horrible headache so whenever she wasn’t looking I would pop some pills until it went away completely.
“You could have been bleeding internally or had a concussion.”
“Nah, I just hit my head hard.”
“Or maybe the fall caused a brain defect and that’s why you’re so stupid.”
He started laughing. “Very funny.”
I laughed too.
“I’ve actually been told I have been this way since I was little. Anyway, so over there,” he said, pointing at a spot in the lake, “my brother almost drowned. It was the strangest thing. He was fine and then he just started screaming for help. There aren’t any currents here, so I don’t really know what happened. I’m not sure if he was embarrassed or he really didn’t remember, but every time we asked my brother what happened he always said he couldn’t remember. That one moment he was swimming and the next thing he knew he couldn’t breathe and thought he was going to die.”
“How old was your brother when this happened?”
“About 15.”
“My brot
her was older than me by two years so I would always make fun of him by saying that his little brother saved him that day.”
“Oh, so you saved him?”
“Yeah, I was always a really good swimmer so I was able to get him out. As soon as he was on the ground he started coughing up water. It was horrible to watch.”
“How did your parents react?”
“My dad was calmer than my mom, like always. He said a little water was good for the lungs and started laughing. I remember every summer my dad would take me out fishing, and we would spend hours there. Many times he would tell me the same stories over and over, and there were times I would complete his stories for him. When I was little, hearing his stories was exciting and I loved it. But after a while it was just another part of fishing. Other times I would take a book and read while I waited for the fish to take the bait. My father would say that only made the process longer because the fish got bored. When I wanted to think I would just stay quiet and my dad respected that.”
“It sounds like you and your dad had a good relationship.”
“We did. I miss him so much sometimes. Sometimes I start thinking about him and just end up crying. It might sound dumb, but I feel like that’s a one-time type of relationship.”
“It’s not stupid. I feel the same way about my dad. That’s why it hurt me so much when he passed. Many nights I still mourn his death even though the pain has become slightly bearable. But in all honesty I’d rather just distract myself and not think about it. It’s a lot easier.”
“Why don’t we head inside and you can tell me more about your dad.”
“Sure. I was starting to get cold, so that’s the best idea you could have had.”
We walked back to the cabin and Tom opened the door. He brought our bags inside and we sat down on a couch facing the chimney.
“Ok, so keep telling me about your dad. What was he like?” he asked, crossing his legs.
“My father was a great man...the kind of person you couldn’t help but love. He cared more about others than he did about himself. He wasn’t very affectionate, but somehow you just knew he loved you deeply. What I loved the most about him is that he always gave the very best of himself. He wasn’t perfect, but he was the closest a human being could get to perfection. Sadly, since he was such a hard worker, he would leave home around five in the morning and I wouldn’t see him until six or seven o’clock at night. Many times I missed him, but he was a great father. When he was there his presence was always noticeable and that’s what mattered. Quality is better than quantity.”
“He sounds like a great man. I wish I could have met him.”
“I do, too. But even if he were alive, how could you meet him? What would I tell him? Hey, Dad, this is Tom, the guy I’m cheating on Ethan with. I’m going to hell if I don’t stop lying to Ethan.”
“I think I’m much more than the guy you’re cheating on Ethan with, don’t you think? You could tell him, Dad this is my future husband.”
“Yessss...because that would go so well. Then he would be like, what happened with Ethan? I thought you two were engaged, and I would tell him that we’re still engaged but that you proposed to me so I’m considering if I should accept or not.”
“See? You’ve got it all figured out,” he said, giving me a smile.
“Whatever,” I said, pushing him.
Tom pulled me with him and I fell on top of his chest. He looked into my eyes, and I knew what was coming. I could feel his lips getting closer, but very slowly I craved the feel of his lips on my lips. I placed my hand on his chest and he kept getting closer. Then just before our lips were going to lock, he stood up and walked away.
“Why would you do that?”
“I have to get the groceries out of the car. They’ve been there forever and I have to get wood for the fire.”
“You suck. You know that, right?”
“I love you too.”
“I don’t love you,” I said as he walked out the door.
The door opened and Tom had his hands full of grocery bags, which he placed on the kitchen counter. He then went out and came back with more bags before going out one more time and staying longer. I heard a slam and then a rip, so I went over and looked out the window. I could see Tom hitting the firewood with an ax and separating the wood.
When Tom was done cutting the firewood he put the ax away and carried the wood inside. He took off his jacket and started making the fire. It didn’t take him long to start the fire, and the whole cabin started getting warmer. I was still a little cold, so he moved the couch in front of the fire for me.
“I bought hot chocolate. Do you want some?”
“Yes, please. I love hot chocolate.”
“Ok, give me a few minutes and I’ll make it. Do you think you can help me put the groceries away?”
“Sure. You should have told me before. I could have done it while you cutting the firewood. I was just standing at the window watching you.”
“Did you like what you saw?”
“I always like what I see with you.”
“That’s good to know.”
He started leaning in to kiss me on the lips but then he kissed me on the cheek.
“Ugh, you are so stupid!”
His laugh clearly indicated how amused he was. All he did was laugh while I glared at him. This seemed to have no affect on him. He started making the hot chocolate and helped me put everything away. When I was done I walked back to the couch and sat down. A few minutes later Tom walked over with two mugs in hand and gave me one. He went back to the kitchen and came back with marshmallows, Hershey chocolate bars, crackers and two long wooden sticks.
“I thought we could roast some marshmallows and make S’mores.”
“I love the idea. Give me a stick.”
He handed me the wood stick and I placed a marshmallow on it. I put the marshmallow in the fire and started toasting it on the sides. When I thought it was ready I pulled it out and started eating it slowly. It was crunchy on the outside but so soft and chewy on the inside. Tom did the same but his had the chocolate and crackers on top. He pressed it all together so it wouldn’t separate while the marshmallow was roasting and the chocolate melting. After I roasted one more marshmallow I followed Tom’s lead and made myself a S’more. Tom leaned in and kissed me on the lips, sending lightning bolts down my back. My body shook spontaneously and he started laughing. This moment was perfect; every single detail about it was perfect. Looking at Tom and having him next to me made everything click for me and I knew. I knew I could be with this man forever and I would be completely happy. I loved Ethan with all my heart and I would probably always love him, but what Tom and I had was something as real as it could ever be. So I knew that when I got back to New York I had to tell Ethan that I couldn’t be with him anymore.
Chapter twenty-seven
The next day Tom and I went ice skating on the border of the lake. Tom had bought a pair of skate for him and myself. It was fun but extremely scary. I was constantly worried that the ice would break beneath me or that I would hit Tom and we would both fall. However, bumping into him wasn’t necessary for me to fall because after a while I was on the ice and panicked that my fall would break it, even though the ice was harder than a cement wall. When it got too cold to keep ice skating we went back inside the cabin and Tom turned on the chimney. We spent all day after that between food, TV and the bed. When we were watching TV Tom would start kissing me; when we were eating he would try to feed me; and when we were in bed he just wouldn’t leave me alone. He picked me up, tickled me, threw me onto the bed, kissed me, and bit me. I loved how he was so affectionate, and he knew I loved it. When he finally got tired he stopped and looked at me.
“Rachel?”
“Yeah?”
“I don’t want you to leave my side again.”
“I don’t want to leave your side either.”
“Does that mean you’ll talk to Ethan?”
“Yes, I’ll talk to E
than.”
“When?”
“When we get back home. I’ll tell him then.”
“What are you going to say?”
“I have no idea. Ethan was my first love, and I’ve never done this before. I don’t even know if I have the strength to do it.”
“You have to do it. Ethan may be your first love, but I am your true love. Quality over quantity, right?”
“Right.”
“So promise me you’ll talk to him.”
“I promise.”
Chapter twenty-eight
At the end of another great weekend together we returned home. Before Tom dropped me off at my apartment so I could talk to Ethan, he passed by his apartment to grab something. He parked around the corner from his building and walked to his apartment. I stayed in the car while he went up to the apartment. About five minutes later my cell phone rang. I didn’t recognize the number so I picked up the phone and answered cordially.
“Hello, is this Miss Scott?” a woman asked on the other end.
The voice sounded familiar, but I couldn’t quite pin it down.
“Yes, this is she.”
“Hello, Miss Scott. This Mrs. Cooper, Tom’s mother. We met about three weeks ago.
Immediately I matched the voice with the woman I had met before.
“Oh, I’m sorry, Mrs. Cooper. I didn’t recognize your voice.”
“It’s quite alright. We only spoke briefly the last time I saw you. You must be surprised to hear from me since we didn’t exchange numbers.”
“I’m a little surprised, but I figured Tom gave you my number.”
“Oh no, no, no. Tom does not know I’m calling and I’d like to keep it that way. He would be furious if he knew I called.”
“So how did you get my number?”
“I told Mr. Reynolds that I couldn’t find Tom and that I had to speak to him urgently. That I knew he was helping fix something in your house because you had no one else to help you. I asked him if he could give me your number so I could talk to Tom. Naturally he complied but not before telling me that he never did this. He said he would make an exception because he could hear the urgency in my voice.”
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