by S. D. Grimm
“You don’t remember?”
“Apparently not everything.” I stared at him. The uncertainty in his eyes. Something in my stomach fluttered and my hands started shaking. I was about to get answers. “How many times—”
“I’ve been on your cycle five times now.”
I breathed out. “We’ve had five lifetimes together?”
“How many do you remember?”
“So far one. Long-time-ago England.”
His lopsided smile melted my insides. “That first one is rough. But I have a lot of fond memories from then.”
I rubbed my hand across my face. “How are we…born?”
His eyes narrowed for a moment, as if he was trying to recall the best way to answer my question. “There’s a fire. It’s a contained fire. It doesn’t burn anything. In fact, it seemed to make the area more…lush. It causes vegetation to grow, dead trees to thrive. And then you emerge. Usually you and Cade are together, because you’re twins. But you rarely remember being with one another because young Phoenixes are dependent on other Phoenixes or humans to survive. So you search for population much like a newborn pup searches for a heat source.”
I stared at him with my mouth hanging open. He chuckled and I clamped my mouth shut, looking away while my cheeks heated. “This is a lot to process.”
“I know.” He touched my hand, sending a jolt through my core. “But you’re not alone.”
That touch. That small, infinite moment brought back a rush of feelings from the memories. Those stolen nights under the stars. “I remember Andromeda.” The words tumbled out in a whisper.
He didn’t say anything, so I looked up into his eyes. They were the same kind eyes from the memories. Trusting eyes. I was not ready to feel these things. The reality of right now was that I hardly knew Wyatt. My skin heated. I jerked my arm away from him.
Wyatt pulled back, putting his hand up to show he hadn’t meant to make me feel uncomfortable. “I’m sorry. I—”
“It’s okay.” I breathed deep and then forced myself to look at him. “Your eyes are the same. You—you are the same.”
“So are you.”
“Do you remember…anyone else?”
“You mean Cade?”
I nodded, and something in my heart changed, like the dam cracking. Was I really ready to let the waters break free? Was I really ready to trust? And be trusted?
If not, I’d remain alone.
Was I ready for that reality?
“I remember him.” He looked down at my hand. It rested against the couch cushion millimeters from his. Slowly, I let my pinkie finger brush up against his, the electric feeling humming through my body. He didn’t move.
The touch. I recalled this touch. I closed my eyes. It felt so familiar. Titillating. Forbidden. I shook my head as a memory started swimming in my mind. I sat beneath the willow, a blush of wind on my face. The sky growing darker in hints of red and indigo and purple. A rush of shivers shot through my core as Wyatt’s hand stroked mine.
I turned to look at him. He lay next to me, his left hand propped under his head and his right grazing against my skin. I linked my fingers between his. “My brother would not approve.”
He chuckled. “So I hear. But he trusts me, Ava. Both of them.”
“Nick doesn’t trust anyone. But Cade speaks of you often.” I rolled to my left side so I could look into his impossibly blue eyes. “I think he knows.” I whispered with a slight giggle.
“Really? It’s not from my part. I’ve been nothing but secretive.”
I sighed and tingles danced over my skin as his fingers trailed my forearm. “Cade sees the way I look at you when you’re not paying attention.”
His gaze pulled me in. “I’m always paying attention.”
His gentle touch sent a buzzing through my core. And he tugged me closer.
I closed my eyes.
And shook free of the memory. My heart pounded.
But the memory tried to slip back. I didn’t want to see it. I wasn’t ready for that kind of—for that emotion.
“Ava?” I thought I heard Wyatt talking to me, but I didn’t. It was the memory again. Only I was no longer under the willow tree. This time, I found Wyatt in the stables getting his horse ready.
“What are you doing?” A pit formed in my stomach, huge and hollow.
He looked away.
“Wyatt? Look at me.”
“I have to go.”
I tried to get in his line of sight and failed. “You were just going to leave in the middle of the night without telling me?” My voice wavered.
He took his time answering. “I think it’s for the best.”
“Whose best, Wyatt?” My pulse thundered, and I tried to speak past he ache in my throat. “Nick’s? He doesn’t understand now, but—”
“Ava.” He touched my hand. “He said you’re forbidden to fall in love with me.”
My heart beat faster. “Nick’s words. Nick’s rules. If he wants to live alone, so be it. But he should know better than to make me live without you.”
He turned away from me. Wouldn’t stop fixing the saddle.
“Wyatt? Say something.”
He paused. “It’s not just that.” He looked at me now, the blue in his eyes shrouded by the overcoming darkness. “I’m not good for you.” He shook his head. “I’m not even good.”
I grabbed his hands and the love in my chest swelled. I didn’t know a person could feel so much for one person. “You are good.”
He breathed deep, shook his head. “We’re all full of darkness, Ava. Some of us embrace the light, even when it shines bright on the darkness inside us. Sometimes we have to do what little good we can. I have to hope it builds over time. Like a snowball. And then maybe it shows who we really are despite the times we lose control and act in evil.”
“Is that why you saved Tommy from punishment? Is that why you save boys from drowning and tell little Ella that her mud pies are wonderful? To counteract the evil things you’ve done?”
“I do those things because it’s right. I can only hope it counteracts the evil things I’ve done.”
“You don’t seem evil, Wyatt.”
He swallowed. Closed his eyes. “You are a light in the dark, Ava. You see things in me that no one else can. That I-I didn’t even know were possible.”
I ached for him to touch me. To see the truth of my words. “I see your heart.”
His eyes opened. So close now. The air between us alive with hope and desire. “Then see all of it. The good. The bad.”
“I have, and I do.” I touched his cheek as he started to turn away from me again. “And you don’t need to hide from me. I can take care of myself.”
He face was unreadable. The heat in his eyes drew me in. Captivated me. His hand cupped the back of my neck. Heat spread through me. And that much passion seemed too large for what I knew of Wyatt now. My blood turned to ice, and I jolted free of the memory. I’d felt like that was a stolen moment between two people. Two separate people. Like characters in a story. I was experiencing their feelings, but they weren’t mine.
Only supposedly they were.
And I didn’t feel that strongly for this Wyatt. My throat felt thick. I had so many questions. When had I fallen in love with him? Did Wyatt remember loving me? Would I fall for him again?
Slowly, emotions of Wyatt and me together began to pour back into me. Emotions I wasn’t ready to feel. I bottled it up inside and moved away from him, heart pounding.
I glanced over at him, and he made similar, tentative eye contact like the Wyatt I’d just seen in the memory.
Slowly, his eyebrows rose as if asking me if I’d just remembered something.
I cleared my throat, afraid my voice might warble. “My brothers didn’t approve.”
He laughed—a break in the tension. “Understatement. But can you blame them?” That rueful look I’d started recalling looked so natural on his face. “Phoenixes aren’t supposed to fall in love.”
/> “What? Who is Nick to make that choice? And why aren’t Phoenixes supposed to fall in love?”
A little crease formed between his eyebrows.
“I’m just going to remember if you don’t tell me.”
He nodded. “All right. When a Phoenix uses love to heal someone from the brink of death, that person is forever placed on their life cycle.” He shook his head. “I think it might drain your powers. Put a strain on you.”
“So, wait, the healed person will become a Phoenix?”
“No. Not exactly. They just…they’re reborn with you. That’s why Phoenixes mate for life if you will.”
“I can only heal so many?”
“One. Except you can heal other Phoenixes. But only one…human. Although that is basically illegal.”
Why did I suddenly feel so weightless? Dizzy? I tried to breath deep. “Only one?” Tears threatened as confusion turned to a flame in my chest. My gaze snapped to meet Wyatt’s, and I fisted my hands. “So why shouldn’t I fall in love?”
“That’s a question for Nick.” Wyatt shifted his weight and winced.
I touched his shoulder. “How’s your arm?”
“I think by tonight I should be good as new.”
Because he’d heal. Because he was a Phoenix? “What if two Phoenixes fall for each other. You said they can heal one another. Does that mean… Can they be together then?”
He stared back at me, eyes squinting. “How much, exactly, do you remember?”
I thought I was just finding normalcy, but who was I kidding? This was too weird for words. The lightheadedness threatened again. I closed my eyes, breathed deep, then looked right at Wyatt, that new fire burning in my bones. “My supposed brothers don’t get to rule my life.” I stormed toward the door. Then I stopped and turned, but I didn’t mean to say, “Enjoy the cookies” so harshly.
Chapter Twenty-Six
Nick
A strange tug inside my heart pulled, and I looked out the coffee shop window, scanning the parking lot. Gwen. She had to be close. I didn’t see her. Didn’t see anything but cars and red, orange, and yellow leaves skittering across the pavement.
But I’d felt her.
This next full moon could be hers. I needed to be ready.
Kelsey returned to the table, coffee in hand. “It’s really getting cold out there.” She smiled and sat down. Then she frowned. “Is something wrong?”
I shook my head and shrugged. Aside from the fact that I’d just recalled how my conversation with Gwen, my twin sister, had resulted in her betraying our entire family and all the Light Phoenixes, nothing was wrong. And yet I felt like I’d just slaughtered someone all over again. It was like I stood outside of my father’s council room door again, waiting to give him the bad news. That I’d killed three of the four he’d asked me to go after.
That I’d failed again.
Kelsey tilted her head to the side. “You don’t have to tell me.” Her big, brown eyes rounded. Soft and comforting. She reached across the table and touched my hand. “I know something’s wrong, though.”
For a moment that seemed to stall time, I stared into her eyes. My heart blazed because I wanted this. I wanted something. Companionship. A deeper connection. Something more than fighting and protecting without ever feeling loved in return. These were the hardest days, when Cade and Ava didn’t remember. When they would start to recall all the ways I’d failed them. All the things that I’d done to betray their trust.
All in the name of protection.
So I stared deep into Kelsey’s eyes because I wanted the comfort I’d received so long ago. But she couldn’t give it to me. She’d never understand. She was human. I was a Phoenix. I could never have this. Not anymore. It was forbidden.
The tightness in my chest pulled so hard it hurt. And I tugged my hand free of her grasp. “Kelsey, you’re a nice girl.”
“I know.” She sighed and her lips twisted as if fighting a frown. “You lost someone. I can see it in your eyes. I’m sorry.”
“S-sorry?” The air left my lungs as if someone punched me in the gut. She could see it in my eyes? Why did she have to say that? Why couldn’t she have said a million other phrases? A sharp heat seemed to flood my skin. She had to say the same thing Dinah always said to me. Of all the things in life that surprised me, this was not something I’d prepared to deal with. I could hardly breathe.
She chewed the inside of her cheek. “Do you want to talk about her?”
“No.” My voice sounded husky.
“Okay.” She sighed and leaned back. “My boyfriend died two years ago.”
“What?” I looked into her eyes.
She smiled sadly, but a tear slipped out, and she wiped it away. “Yeah. He was—I loved him.” She paused and fought more tears. Then that sad smile returned. “I understand that kind of loss. I’m not going to push you, Nick. But if you need a friend.” She shrugged. “I’m here.”
“Kelsey, you’re—”
“A nice girl. I know. And I know what that means.” She picked up her coffee and headed out. I wanted to stop her, but there was no way now. I couldn’t drag her into more heartache.
Because that was all I left in my wake.
I gave Kelsey time to leave, and then I exited the coffee shop and tossed my cup into the trash. The scent of something evil rode on the wind, and I turned. Sniffing. Feeling. Watching. There. In the shadows. Another puppet. As soon as I made eye contact with it, the creature ran. I caught up with it behind the building. No one else in sight. I pulled out my knife, ready to throw it. “What do you want?”
“She knows where you are. She knows who’s important to you.”
Important? Kelsey. The air left my lungs. They’d seen her with me. I lunged forward and grabbed the creature by the throat. “What did you do to her?”
“Nothing.” It hissed on a laugh. I squeezed harder and it clawed at my hand, coughing. “Gwen is strong enough. But now you have given her the best puzzle piece of all.”
“I am not in love with that girl.”
“No? Gwen herself said you’d never fall in love again. Imagine her surprise when I tell her.”
My heart stalled. “Tell me what you came to tell me.”
“I only came to observe.”
She didn’t know. Or maybe she did. I had to leave. I had to take Cade and Ava and leave. That meant I had to get Ava to be willing enough to run away.
“You can run.” The puppet choked on its hiss. “But you won’t escape her. She sent monsters here to feed on this town. Who will protect them if—”
I snapped its neck and dropped it. The creature didn’t even hit the ground before it turned to smoke and dissipated.
With trembling hands, I called Kelsey.
“Hello?”
“Hey, I…” Wasn’t sure what to say. “Are—are you okay? The way we left things…I just want to make sure you’re all right.”
“I’ll be fine, Nick. See you Monday?”
“Yeah.” I ended the call and leaned against the brick building. If the monster hadn’t taken her, what was Gwen’s plan? And where was she? I turned around and slammed my fist into the wall. Blinding white shot through my vision, and the pain steadily grew in my hand with each pulse. Then it started to recede as the healing overtook it. Mending. Fixing.
If only everything I’d done could be fixed so easily.
I stared at the blood on my hands. This time it was mine.
But I couldn’t shake the memory now, so I might as well let it swallow me.
I was in the courtyard. The Dark Phoenixes had infiltrated our home, and Father had sent me to the courtyard, yelling that it was Dinah’s and my job to protect Ava and Cade at all costs. They were the only ones who could save us now.
“This way.” Dinah led the twins to the tunnel we’d been forced to dig after Gwen betrayed us and left. Ava followed, but Cade wanted to stay and fight. “I’m trained, Nick.”
I pushed his shoulder. “When tonight is done, you w
ill rebuild the Phoenixes.”
“I can help you. I’m faster. I’m—”
“Cade, go.”
His eyes widened. A scream echoed from inside the tunnel. Ava ran out, followed by Mother and Dinah. “There’s no way out. Someone blocked the escape. We have to run.”
“Too late for that.” Gwen stood in front of us with seven other Dark Phoenixes I knew. At least one of them had my power. Whoever he killed would be gone forever.
My breath seemed caught in my lungs. I stared at the way her eyes had dulled. Then a fire lit behind them. Not a normal red or orange flame. No, this flame was the absence of light. Devoid of color. It was a shadow that danced like a fire. And the heat that poured out of her smoldered. “I chose love. And no one will take him from me.” She held out her hand and the black-as-night flame danced in her eyes.
Fire.
She had fire again.
My heart shuddered and my voice escaped in a low whisper. “You brought them here?”
“I believe you are eradicating the wrong side, brother.”
“Those powers…that’s not your fire, Gwen.”
She laughed as if she pitied me. “It is now.” She raced down the hall, and I followed her but stopped when I heard the shouts. The screams. Father would tell me to protect Ava and Cade. I looked at my sword. They would need me. I was a Taker.
And they wouldn’t know that these Dark Phoenixes also had fire now. I should warn them.
I looked behind me where Cade had stood. And my heart stalled. If Gwen was a Dark Phoenix now, did that mean they would make Ava kill her?
My knees weakened.
If Ava killed her, I would become human.
Then I would die for good.
But as her twin, I couldn’t eradicate her. The laws of balance forbade me from doing so. Either I died with Gwen or the Dark Phoenixes would hunt us until they were the only race of Phoenixes left.
Gwen and her friends surrounded us and pushed us toward the entrance of the tunnel. It would increase my odds if I could limit the amount of them that came at me at once. I glanced at my Dinah. “Get them inside.”