by S. D. Grimm
His eyebrows rose and he chucked my chin. “Do you hear me?” His soft eyes pleaded for me to be kinder to myself.
My heart squeezed under the weight of my guilt. “But she pushed me out of the way. She—”
“Loved you enough to die for you. Don’t let her sacrifice be in vain. Don’t blame yourself for it. Can you do that? Can you trust that I know what I’m talking about?” He sort of smiled.
I shook my head, a cold tear dripping off my skin. “How could you love someone enough to—”
“Ava, I love you enough.”
The air left my lungs, and he wrapped his arms around me. I hugged him back so tightly.
“Ava?”
That voice was Cade’s, pulling me out of the memory. A tear slid down my cheek. I was crying?
“Are you okay?” Both of my brothers, one on each side, asked at the same time.
“I’m fine. I—” My gaze snapped up to meet Nick’s. “You remember everything?”
He nodded, the concern in his eyes.
“Do you feel like you know me?”
“I do know you.” He squeezed my arms just like he’d done in the memory. “And I’ll be here when you remember.”
That comment knocked the air out of me. He’d be here. For me. I’d been waiting for this level of belonging my entire life. The tears wanted to start up again.
“Hey! He’s not your only brother. I’m here for you, too.” Cade leaned on the counter and winked. “I just don’t get into to the mushy stuff as much as this guy.” He slapped his hand on Nick’s back.
“Shut up.” Nick reached over and grabbed Cade in a headlock.
“I was thinking group hug, but whatever.” Cade punched Nick’s side.
Sibling affection, or whatever it was, felt so normal. So real. I laughed and rolled my eyes and snagged a bite of pizza. “I have to go.”
Cade finally extracted himself from Nick’s grip and gave me a hug. “Be careful, please,” he whispered.
I swallowed my bite of pizza. He’d remembered my date with Wyatt tonight. And he was worried. At least he hadn’t said anything to Nick. Maybe he was starting to trust me.
But seriously, what was Nick so worried about. Had he met Wyatt? He was the kindest, gentlest… Wyatt went off. Bashed Scott’s face in. Danny’s words crashed into those thoughts like a wrecking ball, hard and heavy and full of a mess of complicated emotions.
I shook the thoughts away. I knew this Wyatt. And this Wyatt…well, I liked him. A lot. I hugged Cade back. “I will. And you be good to Yuki.”
“I promise.” He smiled, sincere.
He let go and headed back to the island. And my brothers waved as I left.
The feeling of warmth inside of me started to grow. Was this really happening? Could I really belong somewhere?
I pulled the edges of my hoodie closed at my neck and got into the car.
Maybe I could just pack up and leave with them. We could run from Gwen until I was ready to face her.
Except there was Wyatt. Part of my heart wanted to give him a chance to tell his side of the story. Because I had the feeling he wasn’t on Gwen’s side at all.
Finally back at the Fieldses’, I parked in the driveway and rushed through the front door, Jean and Dave smiling as I raced upstairs reminding them of my date tonight. I thought I even heard Dave chuckle.
“Date tonight?” Danny said as I breezed past his room. He came out and leaned in the doorway. The smile on his face told me he was glad for my happiness. “You must have hit it off with Wyatt.”
And just like that, my cheeks were flushed again. “Yeah.” I walked closer to him. “You’re not worried, are you?”
He sort of shrugged. “Guy wants to take my sister on a date, I’m going to worry a little. But Wyatt’s a nice guy.” His eyes narrowed and he looked at me like Cade or Nick did when they were making sure I was okay. “He’s treating you well, right?”
“Of course.” His concern slammed into me like a warm and unexpected hug. One of those where you’re not sure at first whether to return the embrace or to gently pat the person on the back until they let go. My eyes stung, and I blinked furiously. “Thank you…for asking.”
“Ava.” He tipped his head to the side. “You know I have your back, right?”
I did now. That thought sent a rush of air out of my lungs.
“They want to adopt you, you know?” His forehead wrinkled. “If it’s what you want.”
I needed a chair. The hallway seemed too small suddenly. Then too big. I leaned against the wall as hope pushed at my self-created barricades, trying to rise inside of me. I pushed back. Not because I wanted to. I just…for now I needed to. “They do?”
“Come here.” He held out his arms and pulled me in for a hug. Danny…was…hugging me? Now the tears really fought to break free. I clutched him tighter as I tried to warn myself not to hope too much. Not yet. “Is that what you want?” he whispered.
Nick wanted to run, but if this was going to happen…I had to stay. I had a reason to stay. I had…was this all because I’d thought about putting down roots? All because I opened myself up a little bit?
“Do you want that?” My words shook and I was so embarrassed.
“For them to adopt you?” He held me at arm’s length and tried to look into my eyes. “Are you kidding? I’ve always wanted a sister. We love you, Ava. We want you to stay.”
Would this break Nick’s heart? Drive him away? All this…love. I hardly knew what to do, but for the first time in a long time, I didn’t want to run. “I want to stay.”
I wanted to fight. Gwen was not going to ruin this for me.
Chapter Thirty-Two
Ava
I looked in the mirror again. Definitely going with the sparkly lip gloss. Why was I so nervous?
The doorbell rang. Heat spiked through my blood, and Ajax’s deep barks shocked me out of my stupor. It was crazy how nervous I was. One more look at myself in my purple top and jeans. I pulled my lightweight black shirt over top, ran my fingers through my hair, took one last cleansing breath, and smiled at my mirror image.
Then I headed down the stairs.
Wyatt stood at the bottom, talking with Danny. Then he looked my way and his eyes widened magnificently. A slow smile stretched his lips, and all I could see was him. That casual outfit looked somehow more dressed up. I think he’d gotten a haircut. But what captivated me was the sparkle in his eyes.
He held out his hand to help me down the last few steps. Such a strange gesture, yet it suddenly felt so normal. I took his hand.
“Mr. Wilcox.” I wanted to slap my hand over my mouth. Had I actually just said that? Heat rose to my cheeks so fast.
“Ava.” He didn’t miss a beat, just steadied me as I fumbled my way down the last step. “You look amazing.” He smiled and tucked my hand in the crook of his elbow.
“Thank you.”
The whirlwind of Mr. and Mrs. Fields reminding us to be safe and have fun and come home on time passed so quickly—almost like a muffled version of reality—as my sharp focus remained on Wyatt. How he smelled—amazing! How his arm was so strong beneath my hand. I didn’t want to move away. Everything in me wanted to be touching him. And how his deep chuckle vibrated against the back of my hand. He squeezed his arm a little, like a tug on my attention, and looked down at me. “You ready?”
“Yes.” I could not stop smiling. It was almost embarrassing, until I saw how happy Jean looked for me. My heart warmed again, and I followed Wyatt’s gentle tug out the door.
My hand stayed in his arm until he led me to the car. “Are you hungry?”
“Yes.” What was wrong with me? Could I say anything else? Why was I so starstruck?
He chuckled. “Good. I was thinking we could have dinner and then maybe I can take you to my favorite place.”
“Really?”
He nodded and closed my door.
Dinner was divine. Falling into fast conversation with Wyatt came easier than expected. I felt like I knew him
. I did. I just didn’t remember. After dinner he drove down to the beach. “You want to walk the pier?”
“Do I?” The pier at night, with its beautiful lights and archways lining the length of it. Not too windy tonight. “This is why you told me to bring a jacket?”
He smiled. “Let me know if you get cold.”
I didn’t think it would be possible to get cold with him. I followed him out onto the long cement walkway. The lighthouse far out in the distance, lines of lights on iron archways revealing the trail. The steady sound of the waves. “It’s beautiful here.”
“I love it.”
I looked over at him and smiled. “Why?”
“The water. The sand. It’s so open and free and wild.”
I slipped my hand into his and intertwined our fingers as if this was the most natural thing in the world. He glanced at me and the lights revealed the desire in his eyes.
“My brothers don’t trust you,” I said.
He swung our joined hands a bit. “Do you?”
Trust. Such a heavy word. I could lie. I didn’t want to. “I remember trusting you.”
His thumb rubbed against the back of my hand, sending a tingle over my skin. “And do you now?”
I breathed deep. I wanted to. But I needed to know what he felt first. “I don’t know yet.”
“That’s fair.” He nodded.
“They think I should stay away from you.”
He faced me, eyes tracing my face. “And what do you think?”
“If I asked you to leave—”
“I would.”
“If I begged you to stay—”
“I would.”
I felt odd right now. I wanted to know this devotion—I wanted to remember it. Feel it. My whole life I’d wanted people who would stick by me no matter what, and here they were—coming out of the woodwork. “Why?”
He tilted his head slightly and smiled ruefully. “I’m not sure you’re ready to hear that answer, but let’s suffice it to say I care about you very much.”
The beating in my chest revved so fast I thought it might break through bone. It knocked on the door of my subconscious. I felt so loved. I wanted to hang on to those feelings so tightly. I squeezed my hands together and they felt warm.
Too warm almost.
“Ava?” Wyatt snapped his hands away from me with a hiss and I saw my fingers. Little sparks, like glowing embers with small, purple-tipped flames, flickered over my skin. There one moment and then gone.
I gasped. “Is that?”
“You found your fire.” His eyes met mine. Intense, awestruck. And then he gripped my shoulders, letting out a surprised laugh. “That’s amazing!”
I couldn’t stop staring at my hands, even though they looked normal now. Something about that fire felt different.
I stared at my hands and willed them to spark again. I closed my eyes, listened to Wyatt’s encouraging voice, and felt for the warmth of the flame. Heat seeped into my palms, and I opened my eyes. There was definitely fire. I willed it to grow, to shrink. The flickering flame in my hands obeyed. “I can control it!” I closed my hands, snuffing the fire. “Nick has been trying to get me to do that for weeks. Wyatt!” I gripped his sleeves. “If I asked you to train me…?”
He straightened his spine and backed up a step. “Ava, I—”
“You’re not willing?”
He grabbed both of my hands. “I’m willing. I—I just—wouldn’t Nick be better suited to—”
“This happened here. With you. Nick is still training me. But if I you did, too, I might be able to figure it out faster.”
He still seemed reluctant. “I remember things Nick has told you in the past.”
“Then show me. Help me. Please.” I faced the water and held out my hands over the waves, dark in the night sky. “I need my fire or I’ll never be able to defeat her.”
He nodded once. “Okay.”
Chapter Thirty-Three
Ava
Cool, early-November air kissed my cheek as I stepped outside after school. The next full moon was approaching, and Nick wanted me to help him on a hunt tonight—he said he thought Gwen would make her move on full-moon night. I’d told Jean I wanted to sleep over at Yuki’s this weekend.
Yuki caught up with me.
“I was just about to text you.” My smile fell when I saw the heartbroken look in her eyes. “What’s wrong?”
“Do you have a minute?”
“Of course.”
She dragged me to one of the benches under a tree that had lost most of its leaves already. Her finger picked at the green, peeling paint on the bench. “It’s hard to explain.”
“Try me.”
She glanced up at me, and one corner of her mouth pulled down. Her eyes started to well with unshed tears. “He isn’t what I thought he’d be.”
“Cade?” My heart sank. “I thought things were going well. Did he…do something to you?”
“No!”
Well, that was a relief. I really didn’t want to have to tear out Cade’s throat because he broke Yuki’s heart. But the way he’d been singing and floating this past week, he’d fallen hard. I kind of felt bad for him. Yuki was going to break him to pieces.
She shook her head and dusted paint peelings from her fingers. “As you know, he took me on a date last week and was a perfect gentleman. And he’s smart and funny. I—I just don’t know if I’m ready for that.”
“For smart and funny?”
She stopped and splayed her hand on the bench with force and looked up at me. “No. For someone with whom I could see myself living the rest of my life with. Growing old with.”
“Whoa, Yuki. You don’t have to decide these things right now.”
“I know. But the thought of it. That he might want more. All it does is make me think how much more I don’t have to give. I’m supposed to be having fun. Instead, I’m dwelling on the fact that my forever might not be very long.”
“Yuki!” My heart stung as if she’d smacked it.
“I’m sorry, Ava. It’s just the reality of my life.”
“You’re going to break up with Cade because you might die? That’s—”
“Don’t tell me what it is.” Her eyes held a warning that told me to back off. “I don’t expect you to understand. When I’m with him, I start thinking about the future. Then all I think is that it’s a future I might not be able to have.”
An ache seemed to hollow out a hole in my chest. I touched Yuki’s hand. “I’m so sorry.”
“You don’t have to understand. But I have to do what I have to do. Just—I know you guys are friends. I don’t want to make it awkward for you.”
“Don’t worry about it.”
Suddenly, she sat up straighter and then picked up her bag. “I have to go. Sorry, Ava.”
Before I had a chance to react, Cade approached me, his backpack hanging on one shoulder. “Have you seen Yuki?”
Her apology made sense now. She hadn’t told him yet. I looked into Cade’s hopeful eyes and a piece of my heart broke for him. “Listen, I’m sorry to have to tell you this. Maybe you should stay away from her for a little while.”
Just like that, the fire in his eyes winked out. He opened his mouth as if he wanted to speak, and then closed it. I wanted to hug him. Tell him it would be okay. But how could I?
Instead, he frowned and it did little to hide the hurt on his face. “What did I do?”
“Cade.” I rubbed his arm, but he backed away, shaking his head.
“It’s okay. If that’s what she wants.” He smiled and it looked so real, it would have convinced me if I hadn’t been the one to break the news to him. “I’ll see you tonight.”
Yeah. I understood that detachment. I also knew that masks didn’t actually take away pain. They just covered it up so no one else knew about it.
Head bowed and heart strained, I walked toward my car. The sound of two harsh voices caught my attention. I whirled around to see Wyatt standing near a black car
. Too many other cars in the parking lot blocked my view of the driver or his vehicle, but I knew the voice.
Nick.
Wyatt backed away a pace, hands in his pockets, glare in his eyes, and nodded once, tight. A spark of heat flared in my chest. What was Nick saying?
Then the engine revved and the car sped off. I ducked behind the vehicle closest to me, but I got a good glimpse of tight-jawed Nick. A fire ignited in my gut. What had they been talking about?
I popped up, scanning the parking lot for Wyatt. He walked away with his head bowed. I headed in his direction in time to watch him stop and smash his fist into a parked car.
I froze, my heart stuttering. Wyatt went off. Bashed Scott’s face in.
He just shook his hand and kept walking.
A horn honked and I realized I’d stopped in the center of the lot. My heart jolted back to life, blood slowly warming my veins again as I picked up my pace. I’d spent the last month secretly training with Wyatt almost every day. I’d seen nothing but the calm, patient person I’d seen in my memories. All that added up. Scott…that situation was different. He’d attacked Wyatt’s sister.
I didn’t care what anyone said. I cared what I’d seen. What I felt. Wyatt might have been a Dark Phoenix once, but if the darkness still resided in him, he fought it.
That was the thing. Darkness resided in all of us. None of us was perfect. Who was my brother to think he could be the judge of that?
Who was I to think I could be the judge of that.
I raced after Wyatt. I knew he was angry right now. More guarded than a moment ago, I caught up to him. “Wyatt!”
He stopped and faced me. “Hey.”
“I thought you were going to train me after school today.”
He sort of winced and pointed his thumb over his shoulder. “You know what, I totally forgot about this thing I have to with my family today.”
“So tomorrow?” Was he going to tell me?
He rubbed the back of his neck. “You know, I probably won’t be available for a few days. I’m sorry.”
I tried to tamp down my rising anger. The beating in my chest sped. Thrumming. Heating. “You’re sorry?” My words came out hotter than expected.
His eyes widened and he leaned back.