by Lizzie James
“Thomas.” Luke clapped me on the back. “I think you need to talk to Lauren.”
“Here we go again.” I rolled my eyes at him, chuckling.
“Have you noticed that she never dates? Never stays out late? Never even screws around like the rest of us do?” He raised an eyebrow at me.
“Lauren isn’t like that, man. She’s not...” I shook my head. “She’s a good girl.”
“She is.” He took a swig of his bottle before turning back to me. “She’s the best you are ever going to get.” He walked away, leaving me confused as hell as he went to greet more of his guests.
Grabbing my coat, I quickly slipped out the door, avoiding Cindy’s gaze. Going home with her was the last thing I wanted with the way that I was feeling since Luke dropped the bomb on me about Lauren. He’d muddled my brain and had made me feel like I was missing something.
For so long, I had looked at Lauren as family. She was my best friend, confidant and partner in crime. It had been her and me for as long as I could remember, and now I was starting to think that maybe it was more for her on her side. Was Luke saying these things to me because she had confided in him? Told him a secret that she couldn’t tell me—a secret about me that she was too afraid to tell me about?
I didn’t like the idea of Lauren hiding something from me. I think I could understand it, but I still didn’t like it.
I stepped off the doorstep, walking down the snowy path. I didn't have a chance to get too far before a shrill voice behind me stopped me.
“Thomas!” Cindy called after me. “Wait for me.”
I turned around, giving her a polite smile, not really in the mood for her tonight. She slid her arms around my waist and held her body against mine.
“Your place or mine?” She leaned up and nibbled my lip, biting it before letting it go.
I grasped her gently by her upper arms and started pushing her away from me. “Neither.” I dropped the fake polite expression from my face. “I’m not in the mood tonight.”
She frowned at me as her icy mask slipped into place. “Because of her?” she asked coldly. “I see the way you watch her.”
“No.” I shook my head and then continued. “Lauren and I are just friends. I’m just not in the mood for you tonight.”
“Why?” she snapped as she crossed her arms across her chest defensively.
I stared at her, debating over whether to be honest or not. I shook my head before deciding to just go with it. “I saw you just now.” I glared down at her, not liking the anger I felt thinking about how Cindy and her friends had glared down at Lauren when she’d left. “I didn’t like the way you and your mean girls crowded her when she was leaving.”
“I knew it was because of her!” she snapped.
“It is,” I agreed. “But not for the reasons you think. Lauren and I come as a package deal, Cindy. If I catch you looking at her like that again, you and I are going to have a problem.”
I turned and walked away from her, leaving her in the cold. I wasn’t normally someone to be harsh to a woman but right now, after this party in Luke’s and Cindy’s company, I needed to escape. I had a lot of thinking to do, and with the way I was feeling, I was the last person who should be in a woman’s company.
I spent the next hour walking the streets, trying to clear my head. I couldn’t switch my mind off. I kept going over everything that had happened tonight.
Luke’s hinting that I was missing something with Lauren. Lauren blushing when I kissed her cheek. Cindy glaring down at her and accusing me that there was already something going on.
Was I missing something?
Shaking my head, I made my way to our apartment building. Taking my key out, I slid it into the lock, trying to be quiet. It was past midnight, and I didn’t want to wake Lauren if she had fallen asleep waiting up for me.
Walking inside, I smiled gently when I saw her slumped on the sofa. She had her knees tucked up and her head on the arm. There was a crumpled paperback on the floor below where her arm was hanging down and a blanket was down to her waist.
I bent down and picked her book up and placed it down on the coffee table. Turning back to face her, I smiled down at her, chuckling at the pout on her face. Leaning down, I gently grasped her arms and placed them around my neck before sliding my arm beneath her knees and lifting her up.
She rested her head on my shoulder, opening her sleepy eyes. “You’re home,” she whispered.
“It’s late,” I replied. “You shouldn’t have waited up for me.” I walked into her bedroom, lifting my elbow and pressing it against the light switch, needing to be able to find my way to her bed. She was a messy person with clothes and books littered across her bedroom floor.
“I didn’t,” she denied, shaking her head.
I laid her down in her bed and lifted the blanket, pulling it over her. “Sure you didn’t.” I leaned down, placing my hands on either side of her. “I’ll see you tomorrow.” I don’t know why I did it, but I kissed her forehead. “Good night, Laurie.” I turned away and flicked her light off before I softly closed her door.
I walked into my room and flopped down on my bed. My thoughts were running around in a constant loop, not shutting off, going over what Luke had said. Shaking my head, I quickly stripped down to my boxers and flicked the light off before climbing back into bed.
Grabbing my phone, I sent a message to Luke and the boys, asking them to meet me for drinks tomorrow after work. A night out away from all this thinking was exactly what I needed.
3
Lauren
Sitting at a table in the corner of Dominic’s bar, I held the mug of coffee in my hands, warming my cold fingers. Thomas and Luke weren’t working today which was why I had chosen here. I needed somewhere private for this conversation, and my nerves were running away with me over it.
I smiled as I looked around at the Christmas decorations that were hanging: baubles on the tree, ice wrapped around the bar top and pillars and festive crackers placed miscellaneously around the room.
“There she is!” an excited voice shrieked, disturbing me from my gazing around the room.
“Mrs. Danvers!” I stood up and held my arms open for her, allowing her to pull me into a tight hug. “Thank you so much for coming to meet me.”
“Sweetheart, we have spoken about this. It’s Dana.” She pulled back, looking down at me. “You lived with us for long enough. I think you can call me by my first name,” she mocked.
“Right. I ordered you a latte. I hope that’s okay.” I pointed to the mug already on the table, smiling when she grasped the handle and gently blew on it.
“How has that boy of mine been?” she asked. “He hasn’t called since last week.”
“You know what Thomas is like.” I rolled my eyes. “I’ll ask him to call you,” I promised her.
“Okay.” She nodded and took a small sip of her drink. “So, tell me,” she said, continuing. “What worries you so much that you have to leave a voicemail on my answering machine at eight am this morning?” She raised her eyebrows, waiting for me to answer.
“I’m sorry,” I quickly apologised. “I shouldn’t have... I didn’t want to bring you into this but I just... I didn’t know what else to do.” I hated that my voice wavered as I rambled at her.
“Sweetheart.” She reached across and placed her hand on top of mine where it was resting on top of the table. “Lauren, you’re scaring me. What is it?”
I looked up at her, hating that I would be admitting this out loud to his mother of all people, but after last night, being held in his arms as he carried me to my bedroom, I knew I never wanted to leave them. I wanted to stay in his arms for as long as I could, and I didn’t want to give that up for anything.
“Dana.” I straightened my shoulders, trying to be strong. “I think I’m in love with Thomas.” It came out as a quiet whisper. I looked down at the table, unable to maintain eye contact with her. I must have seemed like a pathetic sight to her, getting emotio
nal over a guy, but I just needed someone to talk to—someone who wouldn’t take whatever I said and take it back to Thomas.
“Oh, dear.” She said it so blasé that it made me nervous. “I’ve been waiting for this.”
“You have?” I asked, confused. “What do you mean?”
“Lauren.” She ducked her gaze to look in my eyes before she squeezed my hand. “What has taken you so long?”
I knew that I was staring at her with a look of shock but I couldn’t help it. “You’re not surprised,” I muttered stupidly.
“You lived with me for three years before you went off to college and you have been my son’s shadow since you were both children.” She had a disbelieving expression on her face. “I think I have come to know you very well during that time, but more importantly... I know my son better than that.”
“He doesn’t think of me like that,” I said, disagreeing. “We are just friends as far as he is concerned... He’s not exactly a one-woman guy.”
“I know.” She took another sip. “I don’t... I don’t know what you want me to do about it.” She sounded hesitant, and I knew she was probably choosing her words wisely. “I think the only thing I can advise, sweetie, is that you need to ask yourself what you want.” She gave me a patient look. “I guess you need to ask yourself, what are you willing to risk for him.”
I stared at her for a moment before I slowly nodded my head. “I’d risk anything for him, Dana.” I gazed down at my clasped hands for a moment and met her gaze again. “I just don’t know if I’m willing to lose my friendship with him.”
“I can’t help you there, sweetheart.”
“I know.” I took a deep breath. “I know.”
Walking home after work, I was having a silent argument with myself, still no clearer about which way to go. Did I risk it all for him and tell him how I felt, or did I cut my losses and move on?
Climbing the stairs to the apartment, I opened the front door and dropped my bag to the floor. I pulled my coat off and placed it on the back of the sofa before walking into the kitchen.
I froze in the doorway when I saw Thomas standing in the kitchen, looking in the fridge. I’d been so lost in my thoughts, I hadn’t realised he was home. He was dressed in only a pair of jogging bottoms and was looking way too tempting, and I couldn’t stop my eyes from trailing down over his naked back.
Before I could turn away, he spun around, catching my staring session with his back.
“You’re home!” He grinned at me as he pulled a tub of strawberries out of the fridge. “I was starting to think you had plans.”
“No.” I shook my head, watching him as he reached for a bowl from the cupboard. “I just had a late one and took a long walk home.”
He poured some strawberries into a bowl and put the tub back in the fridge.
“On a health craze, are we?” I chuckled at the thought of him being on a diet. He would never survive without pizza or nachos.
Before he could answer, we were disturbed by a voice calling to him from his bedroom.
“Thomas! Do you need a hand?” It was followed by a high-pitched giggle.
“Oh. You have company.” I tried to keep the disappointment out of my tone, but I don’t think that I was successful.
“It’s Cindy.” He shrugged his shoulders before he took a step towards me.
“I thought you and her weren’t serious?” I asked.
“We’re not. It doesn’t have to be serious, Lauren.” He stopped at my side and bent down, pressing a kiss to the top of my head. “We’ll try and keep it down.” He walked away from me, leaving me alone in the kitchen.
“Thanks,” I whispered.
I shook my head, hating the hurt that I felt at his parting words. I had worried all day about telling him the truth—about opening myself honestly to him for the first time. As I stared at my reflection in the kitchen window, seeing the white flakes fall, I felt something for the first time—something I had never allowed myself to ever feel before.
Rejection and complete stupidity.
He was never going to see me as anything other than a stupid best friend who was too silly to see what she was never going to have.
Walking to the freezer, I grabbed a tub of salted caramel ice cream I kept in there and then grabbed a spoon and disappeared to my room. Turning on my stereo, I loaded my ‘Welcome to the Black Parade’ album by My Chemical Romance, turning the volume up, not in the mood to listen to any of the high-pitched noises that I knew would be coming from his bedroom.
After stripping and changing into my Friends-themed pyjamas, I grabbed my sketchbook and dug my spoon into the tub of sweetness and scooped a healthy blob of ice cream into my mouth. Grabbing my pencil, I began drawing an animation short I had been struggling to get right over the last week. I was a terrible sketcher of landscapes and people but Disney characters, I was great at. I had done a lot over the years: Minnie, Mickey, Belle, Ariel, Tinkerbell. I had even done the characters of Monsters Inc.
I was currently working on a sketch of Pinocchio, and no matter how hard I tried, I struggled with the nose and it always ruined it. It just never looked right. I became so lost in my sketch that it wasn’t until I started adding some shading to the shorts, that I realised my face had crumpled. I hated myself when I gave in, letting a weakness break through my armor.
My tears began to fall, ruining the drawing before I tossed it to the bottom of the bed and fell backwards. Turning over, I pulled my knees up and pushed my face into my pillow, trying to remain quiet. It wasn’t needed, though, because a faint tapping noise was coming from the room next door, and I knew exactly what it was.
That’s when I knew that Thomas was never going to be what I needed, and it looked like I wasn’t what he needed, either.
The next day, I hid in my room most of the day, waiting for Thomas to leave the apartment. He came in to check on me before he left around noon, but I forced my eyes to remain closed, pretending to still be asleep.
As I’d lay awake most of the night, I had come to the decision to move on. Thomas and I were never going to be anything more than those best friends who never became anything else. It was time to move on and find what I had been missing out on while I had been waiting for him.
After making myself look presentable with some minimal make-up and lipstick, I dressed in a pair of black jeans, a blue jumper and my cute new boots with a bit of a heel on them, before putting my coat on and locking up the apartment. I made my way to Dominic’s and walked up to the bar. I knew that what I was about to do was a bitchy move, but the way that I felt right now, I really couldn’t have cared less. I had given more than enough time to Thomas and it was time that I started taking a little back.
“Hi!”
“Woah!” Luke grinned at me as he turned around from where he was standing behind the bar-top. “Check you out. Why are you all dressed up?”
“I’m not,” I quickly denied. “I just thought I would make a little effort.”
“For, uh…?” He nodded his head down to the other side of the bar to where Thomas was stocking the fridge behind him.
“No!” I vehemently shook my head, lifting myself and taking a seat on the barstool. “Not for Thomas. Not anymore.”
His face dropped at my words and I hated it—hated it because I knew that he wanted us together just as much as I did. It just wasn’t going to happen, though.
“I’ve just decided it’s not worth the risk. He is never going to see me as anything else, and I just think we should all move on from it.” I don’t know why I felt that I needed to explain myself but I felt better after saying it.
“I still think you should say something to him.”
“No. I thought about it, but he has made his decision. He’s with Cindy and I…” I sighed deeply. “Now I need to figure out what I want besides him and go after it.”
“And that’s why you’re here looking all…?” He gestured to his face, indicating my makeup.
“I’m h
ere to see Christopher.” I smiled at him, tucking my hair back behind my ears. “Do I look okay?” I asked, worrying.
“Really?” He stole another glance down the bar to Thomas. “You want to do it right in front of him?”
I glared at Luke, offended by his words. Thomas could go and screw every woman he met, but if I want to so much as date a guy, I had to be guilted over it? “There’s nothing to worry about, Luke!” I snapped. “He has made his decision and now it’s time for me to do the same. He spent the night with Cindy last night, and I am tired of crying myself to sleep over him. Sometimes it feels like he doesn’t care about me or how much he hurts me so it’s time for me to move on.”
“I’m sorry, honey.” He reached over and gently patted my shoulder. “I just wanted to see you both happy.”
Before he could say anything else, we were disturbed by Christopher pulling a seat out next to me.
“Hey, pretty girl.” He grinned at me. “You’re looking very lovely today.”
“Thank you.” I turned to face him, trying to ignore Thomas. “So, I know that you’ve asked me out in the past…”
“And you shut me down,” he said, interrupting. “Broke my damn heart.” He grinned at me.
“I know.” I made a face at him before continuing. “I was wondering if you wanted to go out one night?” I cringed when I saw Thomas walk past us behind the bar. He wasn’t exactly subtle about his eavesdropping.
“How about tonight?” Christopher asked. “Maybe we could go for a coffee? I hear you’re a Christmas fan, so maybe you could help me pick something out for my mother.”
“I’d like that! I’m off work tonight so that’d be great. I’ll meet you here at six pm?” I asked.
“Sure.”
I slid off the stool and gave him and the boys a small wave. “Bye Luke,” I called. “Bye Thomas.” I gave him an awkward wave and left the building—leaving them to their work shift and hoping like hell my asking out Christopher didn’t cause any problems.