by Lizzie James
“Well, you do come highly recommended.” He swung our hands in between us, making me giggle. “I expected high results.”
“I hoped I delivered as expected?” I chanced a glance up at him, blushing when I saw that he was already gazing down at me.
“No complaints that I can see.”
I ducked my head at his words, feeling touched by the compliment. “So, uh, you don’t need to walk me home. I usually go this way most nights by myself.”
“No way.” He frowned down at me. “I’ll take you home. It’s only a street out of my way anyway.”
“If you’re sure,” I said.
“Positive.”
We walked the rest of the way home chatting about books and movies. He was a very funny guy and also really nice. I hadn’t realised how easy he was to talk to and relate to. He made me feel relaxed without even trying and it was nice to feel like that—it was nice to be with someone where I didn’t have to hide my reactions or lie about my feelings. It felt very freeing.
As we approached my building, I was starting to grow nervous at the thought of Christopher and Thomas bumping into each other, which was silly because they bloody worked together.
“You okay?” His hand tightened on mine. “You’ve gone very quiet.”
I shook my head at him and quickly pasted a smile on my face. “Just thinking.” I stared at the door ahead of us. “I’ve had a really nice time.”
“Me too.” He opened the door, holding it for me to go through and followed me up the stairs.
We stopped outside my door before I turned to face him. “Well, thank you for a lovely night out. I had a really nice time.”
“Nice enough that you’d like to do it again?” He lifted his hand and stroked his thumb across my cheek. “Or did my insane knowledge of Star Wars trivia scare you off?”
I giggled at him, surprised when I noticed that he seemed a little nervous. “I’d like that,” I whispered. I smiled up at him when I saw his expression relax a little. “I’d like that a lot.”
Before I could pull away and turn to open the door, he unclasped our hands and lifted his arm, framing my face in both of his hands. “I really want to kiss you good night.” His eyes flicked down to my lips and quickly came back to my eyes. “Would that be okay?”
I nodded my head, tilting my head up a little.
He bent his head and placed his lips on mine. He tasted of mint and coffee. He tilted his head, pressing his firmer to mine, but before it could go any further, we were disturbed by my apartment door opening behind us.
“Hey, you’re home,” Thomas’s voice sounded from behind us.
I pulled back from Christopher and turned around to face my interfering roommate. I cocked an eyebrow at him, as if to say ‘really’? He shrugged his shoulders at me, keeping the innocent façade going. He turned around and walked back into the apartment, leaving us alone.
Just kill me now
“I’m sorry about that. He’s not usually so—”
“Obvious?” he joked, cutting me off.
We both laughed at his words before he took a step back away from me.
“I’ll, uh, I’ll see you then.” He gave me a small wave and took a step towards the stairs. “Bye.”
“Bye, Christopher.” I held my hand up to give him a small wave and disappeared into the apartment. “Thanks for that, Thomas.”
“Thanks for what?” He gazed up from whatever he was reading on his phone. He seemed to be confused but I didn’t buy it for a second. He wasn’t that stupid.
I rolled my eyes at him and walked to my bedroom.
“Where are you going?” he called after me. “I thought we could watch a movie or something.”
“Good night, Thomas!” I shut my bedroom door on him, not appreciating the way he basically gate-crashed my first date in forever.
6
Thomas
It had been a few weeks since Lauren and Christopher started dating. It hadn’t been a problem to start with, not really, but lately, I never saw her. I worked through the days at Dominic’s bar, and when I got home, she’d either already be out with Christopher or getting ready to leave.
“I’m going!” Christopher called as he went past us.
“Tell Lauren I said hi!” I called after him, sarcastically, hoping he’d pick up on it.
He stopped and turned back to face me. He looked over at the few customers we had before walking towards the bar.
“What’s that supposed to mean?” He stared at Luke before coming back to me. “I detected a tone. If you have something to say, I’d prefer you to just say it.”
“No tone,” I lied. “I just never see her anymore.”
He narrowed his eyes at me and shook his head, turning away. “Not my problem, Thomas.” He stormed out, leaving us.
I wanted to slag him off, but I couldn’t. He was right: it wasn’t his problem, it was mine. I was working hard to keeping a lid on my jealous side that had woken up since they had become a couple. Or whatever the hell they were. I usually kept my insulting remarks to myself and attempted to keep our friendship as it had always been, but every time I saw them together, I just wanted to punch him in the face.
I had never felt that level of anger before.
Whenever I saw them together, I wanted to reach out and smash his head into the nearest wall. Whenever I saw them, I wanted it to be me that she was staring at with happiness and adoration. For the first time, I wanted to be the one she smiled for, and I wanted it to be my hand that she reached for. Before Christopher, it was, but since him, it felt like she had closed herself off from me and I had no fucking clue how to fix it without hurting one of us.
Me. Lauren. Christopher. One of us was going to get hurt.
“He’s gone, bro.” Luke clapped me on the shoulders. “You can stop glaring at the door now.”
I rolled my eyes, shaking his hold off, turning around and glared at the wall instead. “It’s not funny, Luke.” I crossed my arms, hating this situation.
“It is, a little.” He paused to fill a pint of cider for a customer, turning to me once they had paid. “The one time you finally become interested in a woman and she’s the one you can’t have.”
“Can’t have,” I said, repeating his words back. I didn’t like the way that sounded. “What do you mean, ‘can’t have’?”
“Really?” He cocked an eyebrow at me. “You’re a player, man. I can’t even count on two fucking hands how many women I have seen you with. Think about it. Can you imagine if Lauren has felt about you the same way that you are starting to feel about her?” He shook his head at me with a look of pity on his face. “Fuck, man!”
“What?” I snapped.
“It’s easy to assume that she must have been hurt.” He shrugged his shoulders. “I mean, you haven’t just paraded one woman in front of her. There’ve been a few.”
I stared at him, hating how much like shit I felt at that thought. He was fucking right. I had hurt her. “I gotta go,” I muttered. I went around the bar, grabbing my coat off the hook and walked towards the door.
“So, what are you going to do about it, man?” he called after me. He placed his hands on the wood, leaning his weight against it as he waited for a response.
I pulled the zip up before looking back at him. “While I have been parading women around in front of her…” I blew out a deep breath. “While I have been having all this fun being a player, I’ve been hurting the most important person in my life.”
“So what are you going to do about it?” he asked, repeating his words. “I mean, are you going to talk to her about it or what?”
“No.” I walked to the door. “I’m going to talk to someone way more experienced with this emotional crap than I am.” I gave him a two-fingered salute as I went out the door and headed up the street.
Moving through the shopping centre, I groaned when I heard Christmas music coming through the sound system. I was surrounded by shoppers loaded with shopping bags, and
I knew I would have to start doing mine soon. I had hoped that Lauren would come with me so we could get my mom’s present together, but at the moment, it was doubtful.
Stopping at the door to Alex’s bar, I noticed their festive decorations were up, and it made me remember that Lauren and I still needed to put ours up. I spotted my mum sitting at a corner table, and I walked over to her, kissing her on the cheek before she squeezed me in a tight hug. I didn’t come here often but it was a nice, quiet, family pub and restaurant. Plus, I knew we would have some privacy here without Luke or Lauren popping up unexpectedly.
“Thank you for meeting me, Mum.” I took a seat opposite her, chuckling when I saw she had ordered me a pint of cider.
“No problem, sweetie. It’s good to spend time with you.” She reached for her glass of wine, taking a sip and then continuing. “How is Lauren?”
“Uh…” I hesitated, not really sure what to say. “She’s okay. Why are you asking?”
“No reason.” She reached up, tugging on her earring. “You seem a little worried. Is everything okay?”
“Yeah.” I pasted a smile on my face, deciding to let it drop. “Not really.” We both laughed at my flustering before I spoke again. “Truth be told, Lauren and I don’t see a lot of each other at the moment.”
“How come?” she asked. Now, she looked worried.
I huffed. “She has started dating someone.”
Her eyes widened.
“Christopher. He works with me at Dominic’s.” I took a gulp from my pint. “He’s a cook there and they have been dating for a few days.” I shrugged my shoulders, not liking the sympathetic look that she was giving me.
“I’m very surprised by that,” she admitted. She placed her thumb and forefinger on the stem of her glass, fidgeting with it.
“Why?” I asked. “I mean, she was going to meet someone that she would become interested in at some point.”
“Well…” She reached across the table and gently tapped my hand. “This might not be my place to say, Thomas, but I always thought that you two would end up together.”
“Why did you think that?” I asked. Why the fuck did everyone seem to know about me and Lauren before I did?
“Sweetheart, I have been watching you with that girl since you were both small children.” She smiled at me. “The way that you are with her and the same with her. It’s like gravity. You always seem to be drawn to her.”
“What do you mean?” I asked, confused.
“I met with Lauren several days ago,” she confessed. “She, uh, she needed someone to talk to.”
“Talk to?” I stared at her, not really knowing what to say. She had me to talk to! I was starting to feel like I no longer knew the person I called my best friend. Why couldn’t she come to me? What was so bad that she had to go to my mother instead of speaking to me?
“Why did she go to you?” I asked. “I live with her! What is it that she couldn’t… That she… Why couldn’t she speak to me about whatever was bothering her?”
She held her hand up, silently telling me to shut up. “I don’t like to interfere, but it seems you two need to have an honest talk. I think Lauren has feelings for you, sweetheart.” She gave me a patient smile. “I think she has had feelings for you for a long time and I think now.” She blew out a breath, taking my hand in hers and giving it a gentle squeeze. “I think now she has hit the point where she’s had enough.”
“Enough?” Why the fuck did that sound so final? Why did that word make it sound like I had already lost her?
“You two really do need your heads knocked together.”
I stared past her, memories of us together flicking through my mind. I was trying to find a moment—a moment where I could have missed something: a sign, a glance or a touch where she had tried to tell me, but I couldn’t. All I had ever thought was between us was friendship.
Well, until she asked Christopher out, that was.
“Why didn’t she tell me?” I asked. “Why didn’t she ever…?”
She raised her eyebrows at me, like she was waiting for me to catch on to something—something I was obviously failing to grasp on to.
“What?” I muttered.
“Would you have listened?” she asked. “If she had told you how she felt, would you have listened to her?” She tapped my hand comfortingly. “Or would it have pushed you two apart?”
I stared at her. “I don’t know,” I muttered. I thought it over, trying to imagine it, but I couldn’t. I couldn’t because I knew that what she was saying was right. I probably wouldn’t have listened. “I don’t know, Mum.”
“Well, sweetheart.” She stood and bent down, pressing a kiss to my forehead. “I would suggest you figure it out before you lose her completely. Call me in a few days, okay?”
“Okay.” I nodded, letting her go as I remained sitting, thinking everything over. I blew out a deep breath and reached for my pint glass, taking a large gulp before I stood to leave, still not any clearer about what the fuck I was going to do. Shaking my head, I walked out of the bar and began making my way home.
My mother’s parting words had frightened me. I didn’t want to lose Lauren, and I hated that I felt like a clueless bastard. Luke—and now my mother—had begun making it obvious to me that I had been blind when it came to Lauren. It was also being made clear that my actions over the last—fuck, I don’t even know how long—had been hurting her.
Hurting her and she hadn’t even bothered to say anything to me.
Well, fuck that. Lauren may not have had the courage to talk to me and tell me how she felt, truthfully but I did. I was tougher than her. I was more than willing to fight for what I wanted and right now… Right now, I wanted Lauren, and I was happy to fight for her to show her how I felt.
Christopher may have her now, but I was beginning to wonder if he was just a bandage, to cover up the hurt, and that she was settling for him because she thought she had no chance with me.
I’d had Lauren since we were children. I had over twenty years on that fucker and I was more than happy to start making her realise that I wanted more.
More than friendship. More than a roommate.
I wanted her to be mine, and for the first time, I was more than ready to be hers.
I just had to make her want me again.
7
Lauren
I woke up laying in my way-too-comfortable bed looking at the window. I had spent most of the night tossing and turning, my thoughts on a continuous loop of the last few days.
Thomas had been acting very strange lately. There was something different about him that I just couldn’t put my finger on. The last few evenings I had been out with Christopher—shopping, dancing, getting to know each other—and each time I had come home to find Thomas sleeping on the sofa.
He had been a player ever since our college years and seeing him with a different girl each night was normal. He didn’t settle for one girl, but lately, since Cindy, I hadn’t seen him with any girl.
I couldn’t get my mind off it. When I’d started dating Christopher, I’d naively thought it would make things better between Thomas and me—relieve the tension I felt around him a little. Instead, it had seemed to make things worse. Now, it just made me feel like Thomas was further away from me than ever. I missed my friend. I missed how we were before all this happened.
Until Christopher and the kiss…
Looking at the clock, I saw that it was already past seven am, and I knew that I would have to be getting out of bed soon. I closed my eyes, turning over, hoping to have another half hour until I’d have to get up. I cuddled my head into my pillow, getting comfortable again before I felt something wasn’t quite right. Opening my eyes, I shrieked when I realised that I wasn’t alone in my bed. Thomas was lying there with his head on my pillow already dressed for the day in a T-shirt and jeans, grinning at me.
“What the hell are you doing?” I shrieked at him.
“I’m sorry.” He laughed at me. “I though
t you knew I was here.”
“How long have you been there?” I asked.
“I woke up around six am and I couldn’t get back to sleep.” He shrugged his shoulders. “So, I just thought I’d come in here and catch you before you go to work. You’ve been working days lately and…” He paused for several moments of silence.
“And what?” I asked.
“I just… It feels like we never see each other anymore.” His eyes gazed into mine. “I figured if I hung out in here, you’d have to see me.” He chuckled but it sounded so off.
So… not Thomas
“I haven’t been avoiding you,” I whispered. “I’ve just been busy, I guess.”
“With Christopher.” He turned over on to his back and held his arm open for me, inviting me to snuggle into his side.
I moved closer, placing my head on his chest, and he tightened his arm around me before he kissed the top of my head.
“I know.” He sighed. “I know you’re dating now and want to spend time with him, but I’d like to see you from time to time as well.”
Now I felt like a real bitch. “I’m sorry,” I apologised. I looked up at him, giving him a small smile, deciding to change the subject. “How about we go Christmas tree shopping this evening?”
He groaned at my words, just like I knew that he would. He was the grinch to my elf.
“Come on! It’s ten days to Christmas and we still haven’t got our tree!”
He rolled his eyes up to the ceiling before he gave me a deadpan expression. “Fine. We can go to one of the stores down the street and bring it home.” He raised his hand, pointing his finger at me in a warning. “No glitter though.”
“One time!” I rolled my eyes at him and shuffled to the end of the bed. “I did that one time and you’re still not over it.” I walked out of the bedroom, chuckling when he began following me to the kitchen.