“Thanks.”
I step outside his bedroom and closing my eyes, lean against the wall. This is bloody awful. I don’t know what to do with Ethan for the best. I hate that he’s in so much pain. A pain I can’t ease.
“Ethan, mate she loves you. Don’t be angry with her.” I hear Stephen tell him.
“I’m trying not to be, but she doesn't understand what I’m going through. How can she?”
“No she doesn’t. But Libby is trying to keep your family together.”
“My family, you and I both know that’s all rubbish.”
I don’t listen to their conversation any longer. Stopping in Lucy’s room I grab a sleep suit from the drawer, she will be need a change now. I know I have nappies and wipes downstairs along with a changing mat. Didn’t see the point in having it upstairs. Walking back downstairs I find Kirsty has Lucy settled in her arms, after feeding her. Kirsty does look at home with a baby.
“Is everything okay?” she asks as I enter the room.
“No, not really. I’m not sure I’ve done the right thing in bringing Lucy home.”
“Of course you have. Look at her, she is perfect.” She smiles watching her.
“But what will happen if Ethan doesn’t come round to the idea of being a father? What will I do then?”
“I’m sure it won’t come to that.” But as she says it, I can see Kirsty has her own concerns. “Well, auntie Libby, a certain someone needs her nappy changed, and there’s no way I’m doing that.”
I laugh at her before gathering up everything I need. Lucy is tiny. I’m scared I’m going to hurt her as I change her. My mum has assured me that as long as I’m gentle with her, I won’t hurt her.
“You’ll soon be a pro at changing nappies,” says Kirsty.
“I’m sure this will get easier,” I reply as I finish buttoning her sleep suit up. I pick her up and cradle her in my arm.
“You’re going to be good at this. A natural.”
I laugh at her words. “We’ll see. I just don’t want to muck it up. She’s too precious to our family.”
“You won’t.”
I sit and gaze lovingly at Lucy in my arms and I feel my tears start to fall. God, I don’t think I’m strong enough to do this. I suddenly feel fearful of the journey that lies ahead for Lucy, Ethan and myself. I fear that Lucy will miss out on the close relationship a mother and daughter have. My own mum is not just my mum, she’s also my friend. We have always been so close, I can tell her anything, all my secrets.
Secrets.
That makes me think of Jeff and the secret I’m keeping just now. I know I will tell my mum eventually, but just now she has enough to worry about with Ethan. The other thing is, my parents really like Jeff. They’re certain we’re going to end up married with a family. That thought makes me feel sick. Kids with Jeff.
“Libby, what’s wrong?” Kirsty asks.
“I’m just being silly. There is so much going on and I don’t know where to start or if I’m strong enough to get through it all.”
“You, Elizabeth Ann Stewart, are one of the strongest people I know. Being strong doesn't mean you can’t be scared, have doubts. You know that.” She smiles. “Being strong is still being able to move forward in difficult circumstances, it’s about helping others. It’s standing up for everything and everyone you believe in. You always know what to do and right now is no different. You are selfless, thoughtful, loving, and the one thing that has been missing lately is confident. But I know it’s there.”
“The way you’re feeling isn’t just about Lindsay’s death and helping Ethan. Because believe me, you will help him, and he will be fine eventually. No, a lot of what you’re feeling has to do with Jeff. You can’t hide much from me.”
“I suppose it is,” I tell her.
“Libby, I really wish I had been around more, then maybe I would’ve seen the change in you long before now. But with him and I not getting on, I thought me staying out the way was for the best.” She glances at the floor, almost ashamed.
“This isn’t your fault.”
“I haven’t been a very good friend lately.”
I wrap my free arm around her and we both watch Lucy, who is blissfully unaware of all the trouble in our lives. And with that thought, I will make it my goal to ensure her life is trouble free. Well, I suppose until boys come on the scene, when she is much older. Then God knows how we will all cope with the boyfriend scene.
“You have Kirsty; you are always here when I need you. You are one of the best friends a girl could have.”
WE SIT FOR ANOTHER FEW minutes, in complete silence, until I see a shadow passing at the front window. “Is that who I think it is?” I ask Kirsty.
“Sorry, I didn’t see,” she says at the same time the doorbell rings. If it is Jeff, why the hell would he ring the doorbell? Keeping Lucy in my arms, I go and answer the door. Opening the door, I do indeed find Jeff.
“Well, this suits you, a baby in your arms. But it shouldn’t be your brothers, it should be ours.” Not what I expected him to say, but then again he has been so unpredictable these past few days. Okay, so he doesn’t look drunk, I will go with Kirsty’s assumption; I think he might be on drugs.
“Are you feeling okay, neither of us have ever spoke of children?” I ask as I watch him. His eyes are dark as he smiles at me. It’s the kind of smile, that if this was a stranger in front of me, would make me feel very uncomfortable. Actually, it does make me feel uncomfortable, giving recent events between us.
“We will have children,” he tells me bluntly as he comes in. Really, I don’t think so. There’s not a hope in hell of that happening. Children with him.
“Not yet.” I close the door behind him. “There’s no rush, is there?”
“Oh, I don’t know, now that I’ve seen you with her in your arms, it suits you. We could start trying? You know what they say. ‘Practice makes perfect.’”
We enter the living room and I see Kirsty pull a face. I really hope she stays. No, I need her to stay. “Evening Kirsty, didn’t expect you to be here,” Jeff says, taking a seat.
“Yeah, when Libby said she was bringing Lucy home tonight, I wanted to come and meet her.”
“Where is Ethan?” he asks.
“Upstairs. He’s not in a good way.”
“So, who is going to look after the baby then?” he asks, looking straight at me. I smile. “No. You can’t, you have enough to do. I hardly get any time with you as it is.” He sounds like a child.
“I’m going to be staying here, until Ethan is up to looking after her himself,” I tell him as I sit back down beside Kirsty. She watches me and I just make out the slight smirk of a smile, and with that one look I know my friend is staying here with me.
Jeff has a look of thunder on his face and I’m sure if we were alone things would probably kick off. I can see him try to rein in his temper, but he’s not doing a good at hiding it.
“Jeff, surely you would do the same for a member of your family?” Kirsty asks him.
“No, in life you have to do things for yourself.” Kirsty and I both look at each other, surprised by his answer.
“What about all the things Libby does for you?”
“That’s different; we are a couple.”
“Not for long,” Kirsty mutters.
“What was that? I didn’t hear you.”
“Nothing. But surely you’re going help Libby, with Lucy?” she asks. Kirsty has put him on the spot; he looks a little bewildered at her comment. I want to laugh, but I know I shouldn’t.
“Em, yeah of course I can help.”
“You don’t have to,” I tell him. “I know how busy you are at work. I’m sure I’ll cope fine on my own for a few days.”
“Libby, I think you and I both know you are going to be here longer than a few days,” Kirsty adds. “It’s going to take longer than a few days. It could take weeks, before Ethan can start looking after Lucy. He needs all the help and support we can all give him.” If
she was trying to shock Jeff, it’s worked. The look on his face is priceless. But it’s also made me a little scared.
“WEEKS.”
“Yes. I suppose it could take that long,” I say looking at Lucy.
“YOU CAN’T PUT YOUR LIFE ON HOLD BECAUSE OF YOUR BROTHER AND HIS TART,” he shouts angrily. It’s the second time he’s been so . . . abrupt with his choice of words when speaking about Lindsay.
“Jeff, I don’t know what is wrong with you. There is no need for you to sit only a few feet away from me shouting. I don’t want Lucy hearing this,” I say calmly.
“She’s a fucking baby. She doesn't understand.” He hisses.
Well his last statement has left me without doubt that I’m doing the right thing for me, as far as he is concerned. I don’t need someone like him in my life. Kirsty is right, things would be bound to get worse through time.
“Jeff, I want you to leave,” I tell him.
“What do you mean leave? I’m not going anywhere without you.”
“Jeff . . .” Kirsty starts, but I don’t let her finish.
“I don’t want you here tonight. Go home.”
“I’m not going next door without you.”
“No, I said go home. Next door is my home, not yours and I don’t want you there.” I hand Kirsty Lucy so I can show him to the front door.
“Are you okay, Libby?” she asks. I nod.
“I’ll show you out.”
“I’m not fucking going anywhere,” he shouts standing up. I walk out into the hall, hoping and praying he will follow me. I’m relieved when I hear his footsteps behind me. I stop at the front door. “Libby, what is going on?”
“I could ask you the very same question, after last night and now this.”
“You can’t expect me to be happy about spending less time with you, especially when I want more time with you. Just you and me.”
“Jeff, I don’t want to spend any more time with you. I’ve got enough to deal with.”
“You shouldn’t be dealing with the brat.”
“Enough! Just fucking leave!” I shout.
He reaches out and grabs my shoulders roughly. Now there is a surprise. “I’ve already told you I’m not going without you.” His hands dig in tighter, and I wriggle trying to break his hold.
“Jeff you’re hurting me,” I say quietly, because I’m not wanting to draw attention.
“Hurting you. You’ve got to be kidding; I’ve not even started with you.”
“YOU HAD BETTER GET YOUR HANDS OFF HER RIGHT NOW,” Stephen shouts as he reaches the bottom of the staircase.
“So, this is the real reason you’re not leaving with me. You and lover boy going to play happy families.” Not this again, this game is old. He seems to think there is something going on with Stephen and me. It’s not the first time he’s said it. Any time before he’s said it, it always sounded a bit of a joke, but tonight it doesn’t.
“I said get your hands off of her. Now.”
“Stephen it’s fine.”
“It’s not fine, when I can see clearly he’s hurting you.”
“So, you going to be her knight in shining armour?”
“If that’s what it takes.”
“Libby, your brother and his brat or me? The choice is yours,” Jeff says almost sweetly.
“There’s no choice to be made.” He smiles at me. Really does he really think I would pick him? “I’m staying here and you’re leaving. My choice is an easy one to make, Ethan and Lucy. They are my family.” I spit the words at him.
“What?”
“You heard me. Ethan and Lucy.”
I don’t have time to see what comes at me. Jeff’s hand connects with the side of my face pretty quickly, but it’s Stephen who reacts quickest. He opens the door and throws him out like the rubbish. I rush out because I don’t want them fighting in the street. We don’t need this with everything else going on.
“Stephen. Let him go. He’s not worth it,” I try to say calmly. Kirsty appears at my side. “Where is Lucy?” I ask worriedly.
“She’s in her car seat sleeping. Come on let’s get you in; I need to clean you up.” She wipes away the hair from my face and shakes her head.
“What?”
“You have a cut at the side of your eye,” she tells me. “Stephen, leave him he’s not worth it as Libby said,” she calls over as Stephen restrains Jeff.
Stephen glances over and nods in response. “You get your stuff, all of it and get it out of Libby’s house. Do you hear me?”
“Yeah,” Jeff says, as he looks toward me his head hangs in shame. “I’m sorry.” Sorry is just a word that seems to fall so easily from his lips. I turn my back on him and reenter the house with Kirsty and Stephen following closely behind.
I fall onto the couch and lean my head back, closing my eyes.
“Right, I think someone better tell me what the hell has been going on.” Stephen voice distracts me from my thoughts. I open my eyes and find him kneeling on the floor in front of me, studying me, looking for some sort of answer from me. What the hell do I tell him? “Libby, talk to me. I think I’ve known you long enough to be able to read you.”
“What’s to tell?”
“Oh, for fuck sake. Just tell him. He’s as close to you as your brother and with everything going on, it might just be Stephen’s help you need. Because, let’s face it, Ethan is in no fit state to help,” Kirsty says as she approaches me with wipes and I can only presume some sort of antiseptic lotion to clean my face.
“Fine.” I sit and ponder what to tell him, I don’t want Stephen knowing every last detail.
“Right, I’ll ask first.” He looks at me, as Kirsty starts cleaning my face. “Is that the first time he’s hit you?”
I think about his question and how best to answer it. I chew on the inside of my mouth, avoiding eye contact with him. I glance at Lucy who is sleeping soundly. I really should move her from the car seat. “Libby?” Stephen says.
“Yes and no.”
“What the hell do you mean yes and no?”
“Stephen, please try and stay calm, you’re not helping the situation,” Kirsty tells him, as she looks at me sympathetically.
“It’s the first time he’s actually hit me.”
“I still don’t get it. What other way has he hurt you?” Just as the question leaves his lips, his expression changes and all I see is anger. “Please tell me he hasn’t, because if he has I will fucking kill him. No means no in my book.” Stephen stands and I see him struggling with the thoughts that must be running wild in his mind. I need to set him straight, but that means telling him.
“Let’s just say he was a little too rough with her,” Kirsty tells him as she pulls my hair out the way and lowers my top slightly.
“Fucking hell!” Stephen sinks to the couch beside me. “Libby, please talk to me?”
I turn away embarrassed by what he knows. Stephen is a friend, he’s Ethan’s best friend. He’s like another brother to me, and if I’m honest I wouldn’t be comfortable telling Ethan any of this either.
“Please, Libby, because I’m so close to going to yours and going more than a few rounds with that piece of shit.”
“Okay, okay. But this goes no further, Ethan has enough to deal with and as for my parents I’m not sure what I will tell them, yet.”
I sit and tell him everything that’s being going on the last day, but Kirsty fills in her own bits on the last few months and weeks. Most of it surprises me, although I have no idea why, we spoke about this already. Stephen sits and agrees with nearly everything Kirsty says. I have always got on well with Stephen, but I feel awkward when he asks about the bruising on my neck and back.
Stephen wraps his arm around and pulls me close to him. Kirsty smiles warmly as she finishes cleaning me up. “Well, I don’t know what you’re going to say about that, because I think you’re going to have a black eye tomorrow,” she tells me.
“Now are you telling me everything?” Stephen as
ks.
“Yes, and I told Kirsty straight away, well after I left the hospital.”
“I still think I should go and teach him a lesson.”
“Please don’t.”
“Is there anything I can do then?”
“When he leaves go and check the house.”
“Of course.”
Lucy stirs and I immediately pick her up and cradle her in my arms. I catch the sight of Jeff’s car reversing from my drive, and so does Stephen. I give him my keys and he leaves; I tell him to check all rooms. I have a bad feeling that I can’t seem to shake.
“He’s meant to be Ethan’s friend, he didn’t even ask once, how he was coping. Don’t you think that’s strange?” I ask turning back towards Kirsty.
“Well, I suppose.”
“I’m beginning to think he is on something. It would explain a lot. I know he’s under a lot of pressure in work.”
“It sounds as though you are starting to make excuses for him. You can’t go down that road, or before you know it, he will be back in your bed worming his way into your life. You’re too good for someone like him. And as your friend, I could not stand back knowing how he would ultimately make you feel. Oh, yes I’m sure he would be all flowers and sweetness making you feel amazing, but how long would it take before he started dragging you down? Or the beatings start.”
“I know you’re right. I wouldn’t put myself through that. But it feels, I don’t know, strange.”
“How so?” she asks.
“Well we were together for two years, how can someone change so much almost overnight?”
“But it wasn’t overnight; it’s been gradual over the last few months. Little things, which you haven’t noticed.”
I sit back down with Lucy still in my arms, my gentle rocking seems to have done the trick for the time being, and she’s settled again. I know what Kirsty is saying is correct, but I feel so foolish for wasting my time on Jeff. I feel deflated. I have wasted two whole years on him.
“Libby, I know it’s going to be tough on you, what with everything else you’ve got going on, but you are strong enough to get through this.”
“I know; I will get through this. I have this little one to focus on and not forgetting Ethan.”
Family Ties: A Captured Series Novella Page 5