Penelope sips her coffee now. She looks like she’s thinking about everything I’ve said. I hope she thinks long and hard. This gift that I have comes with such a price.
“I still want you to be my mentor. Would you?”
I nod. “And guess what? Now, every time I preach or speak at one of these conferences, I want you to sing. You can open it up or sing at the altar call, or both. I think you’ll be incredible.”
“Yes, I’m gonna sing every time you hand me the microphone. But I am seeking God for that prophetic gift. I truly believe He wants me to have it. My father says that there is a process to everything. I will just watch and learn your process. You’ll teach me without even realizing you’re doing it.”
If the expression on her face wasn’t as serious as a sinner praying on his deathbed, I’d think she was joking with me.
“Did you hear anything I said?”
She nods. “And I just think my faith is bigger than the box you’re trying to put me in. While I’m praying for power, I’m going to pray for your unbelief. Because we are destined to do great things together, Nya.”
Father God in heaven. I nod and smile at Penelope, although she needs no approval from me. She’s decided the path that she is going to follow, and I don’t think anyone, not even all the apostles and Michael the archangel can tell her she won’t prophesy.
I don’t need the prophetic gift to predict a disaster in the making.
CHAPTER 19
FELICIA
I wake feeling groggy. I guess it’s from the anesthesia. I touch my midsection, knowing there’s no one growing there anymore. I feel an emptiness in my spirit and in my womb.
The nurse walks over and checks my IV.
“You’re awake. Good. How do you feel?” she asks.
“I have some cramps. Is my boyfriend in the waiting room? He can come back now,” I say.
“He told me to tell you that he had an emergency, but he said when you’re ready to be released, he will send a car service to take you home.”
“He’s not here?”
The nurse shakes her head. “Do you want some pain medication?”
“How long before I can go home?”
“A couple of hours or so. The doctor will want to come in and make sure your uterus is fine. Then we’ll administer some antibiotics to make sure you don’t have any infections.”
My head is reeling. I just had to terminate my pregnancy and Lance couldn’t even stay until I woke up. What could the emergency be?
“Can you please bring me my cell phone out of my purse?” I ask the nurse.
I take my phone from the nurse and open up Facebook. I navigate to Lance’s page, but there’s no new posts since yesterday. Then I log into Instagram and check Lance’s profile. Again, no new posts. I close my eyes and sigh. I hate to do this, but I need to know for sure.
I navigate to Jasmine’s Instagram page, and I almost drop my phone when I see the first picture. It’s a family photo. Her, Lance, and their son. The little boy is wearing a Happy Birthday hat, and they’re all smiling. The caption on the photo says, “My favorite guys.”
Now, of course, I have no clue if this picture was taken today or some other time, but Jasmine seems to post daily, like Instagram is her personal diary. If Lance left me to spend time with his wife and son, while I’m here still bleeding after taking the life of our son, I don’t know what I’m going to do. What could be a bigger emergency than this?
I log off Instagram and call his number. It doesn’t even ring once before going straight to voice mail. He’s ignoring my calls now?
I dial again, and again I go straight to voice mail. I throw down the phone and burst into tears.
The nurse rushes back over to me. “Are you okay?” she asks.
“No. I am not okay. Not at all. He’s not answering his phone. Why won’t he answer his phone?”
The nurse pulls a chair up next to my bed and sits down. She takes one of my trembling hands and squeezes.
“Listen, baby, I see a lot of women here with their guys, and sometimes the men are supportive. Sometimes they’re not. But you have to take care of you. You have to heal in your heart, body, and spirit. God will forgive you for making this decision.”
“My baby . . . he had a birth defect.”
She rubs my hand and nods. “Okay, then you can feel better knowing that you saved your baby from having any pain.”
“I do feel better.”
“Your boyfriend is just a man. You can’t worry about him, and we can’t control what men do.”
No, I can’t control what he does, that much is true. But I don’t even need to do that anyway. God is in control. He has the final say. So Jasmine can post all the Instagram family photos that she wants to post. If God means for me to have Lance, then, by God, I will have him.
The next time I talk to him though, we’re going to have to discuss his lack of attention to my situation and my feelings. I may be his woman on the side for now, but he might as well get used to treating me as the number one.
CHAPTER 20
NYA
This might be horrible, but I don’t know any wife who doesn’t do this. I just got Greg in a really good mood. A really good mood. Because I’ve got a pillow-talk confession to make. He’s propped up on the pillows playing a game on his tablet when I hit him with the news.
“So, Greg. I talked to Lady Sandy the other day. We’ve got a book deal on the table from a major publisher.”
Greg sets his tablet down on the bed and stares at me. The way his lips are pressed together in a straight line makes me worry what his response is going to be.
“A book deal? Nya, are you serious? Do you even write?”
I had prepared myself for Greg’s skepticism about this newest opportunity. He laughed about the television show, but now he’s just looking at me crazy. And I totally understand. I made a million objections when Lady Sandy brought it to me. Honestly, I’m just happy Lady Sandy isn’t mad at me about what happened at our church dedication.
“Listen, I’m not writing an entire book. I’m writing about my testimony. Lady Sandy was offered a book deal and she wants to have a compilation of testimonies.”
“A compilation. So that means there will be a lot of other ministers telling their stories? Is this another all-girl project?”
I nod slowly. “Yes. It’s going to be like a women’s devotional. But don’t you think my story . . . the things that happened to me growing up . . . can help someone?”
“Of course. But I thought you didn’t feel comfortable talking about being the product of sexual molestation. How will your family feel about that?”
“My grandmother is gone, and my mom . . . well . . . she won’t like it. But she won’t try to stop me.”
“What about your cousin Zenovia? I thought you said she didn’t even know about it.”
“She doesn’t. She doesn’t know anything about it.”
“Well, don’t you think you ought to talk to her before you put out a book about your family secrets?”
I let out a huge sigh. Greg is right. Zenovia is in ministry herself, and she is an incredibly private person.
“Maybe I’ll go and see Zee. I haven’t seen my cousin in about five years.”
“Why don’t we go and see her? You’re so used to doing everything by yourself these days that you’ve forgotten you have a husband.”
Greg looks so irritated right now, but I don’t mean to make him feel that way. Everything has been happening so fast lately, and I know I need to make sure he’s a part of all of it.
“I’m sorry, babe. We can make it a long weekend trip. Zee and Justin will be happy to see us.”
“Okay.”
“What should I tell Lady Sandy about the book deal, though?”
“Tell her you’re not ready to make a commitment yet. It shouldn’t be a big deal. And if it is, you can send her to talk to me.”
Greg had his chest puffed out a little bit when he said th
at. I don’t know who is supposed to be scared of him, but it surely isn’t Lady Sandy. She knows exactly what kind of opportunity she’s putting in my lap. And she knows that I would be crazy to turn down being a part of this project. It’s a real book deal with a publisher.
“Greg, can you believe that Penelope Bowens asked me to teach her how to be a prophetess?”
He shakes his head. “I wish I didn’t believe it. I wish it was the most outlandish thing that I’ve ever heard. What did you tell her?”
“When she basically made it seem like I owed it to her, because her mom put me on, I told her about Simon the sorcerer.”
“Good! Did that set her straight?”
“Not at all. She’s really desperate to have the gift, and for it to be authentic.”
“That’s dangerous.”
I’ve been going back and forth in my mind on this one. Whether it’s truly dangerous or not. Maybe it’s not such a bad thing to want to be gifted.
“I don’t think it’s desperate,” I say.
“It is, and so is she. This is why I don’t really want you around them, Nya. That kind of desperation is catching.”
He doesn’t have to tell me this. I caught a serious case of desperation at that Women’s Empowerment conference. Now there’s not a day that goes by that I don’t think about how I failed God and the gift he gave me.
“Just admit it, Nya,” Greg says. “You’re enjoying the attention. A television show, for Christ’s sakes. It’s okay to say that this is fun and exciting.”
“It is, Greg. It is! I know what you say is true about the desperation and getting caught up, but I have you to help keep me rooted and grounded. I’m not worried about losing my focus.”
“Well, I am praying for you and us. Our church is growing so quickly that I need a bigger staff. We’re starting a new minister’s class and I think I’m gonna need some associate pastors.”
“Associate pastors. Really? Are we there yet?”
“On the day of our dedication after Bishop Lipford ushered in the Holy Spirit, six hundred people joined our church.”
“Wow. On the first day.”
“Yes, God is up to something with us. And I just want you to be careful about the Bowens. After what they did at our church dedication, I feel they’re capable of anything.”
I will keep Greg’s warning in mind while I’m dealing with them. My husband might not have a prophetic gift, but he does know a good man when he sees one. If he’s still not sold on the Bowens, then they still have to convince me too.
CHAPTER 21
FELICIA
I took only a few days off to recover from terminating my pregnancy. Since my excuse was the flu, it’s not like I could stay home for weeks. I don’t want to be here though. I’d rather be back in Puerto Rico with Lance. But in order for us to go on vacation somewhere, he’d have to call me. He’s been missing in action since he sent the car service for me at the hospital four days ago.
My boss, Mr. Bailey, asked me to meet with him this morning, and although I’m not really in the mood, I print out my status report and make my way over to his office.
The door is open, so I step inside. Mr. Bailey is on the phone, so he motions for me to have a seat in the leather chair in front of his enormous desk. Sharon wasn’t lying about how they spared no expense for these offices. Mr. Bailey’s office furniture is all cherry wood and bamboo. The pieces are so unique that it looks like they imported them all the way from China.
Mr. Bailey ends his call and finally gives me his attention.
“Good morning, Felicia,” he says. “I’m sorry we haven’t had much time to chat since you’ve been here. I think these two major fundraisers are finally planned and ready to go, so I can focus on going over some housekeeping items with you that I had forgotten.”
“Housekeeping items?”
“Yes. You’re doing a great job so far, by the way. That Boys and Girls Club in South Carolina sent you a thank-you card.”
“Thank you, Mr. Bailey. I’ve never enjoyed grant writing as much as I do here.”
“So, yes, the housekeeping items. Of late, there have been many infractions in our non-fraternization clause.”
“Why does that concern me?”
Mr. Bailey chuckles. “Listen, the clause is in place to protect our beautiful female employees from advances at work. These players have lots of testosterone, and most of them are looking for a soft place to land. So the cheerleaders, dance team, and all of our female staff are off-limits to them.”
“Are the players aware of the clause?”
“Oh, absolutely. But it doesn’t stop them from trying to break it at every opportunity.”
Lance knows that it was against policy to pursue a relationship with me. Is he ever planning to make me his woman for real? Or am I just a soft place to land?
“What happens to them if they break the clause? Do they get cut from the team?”
“No. Unfortunately, the team has invested too much money into each of these guys to lose them over that type of infraction. The woman, however . . .”
“Is fired.” I finish Mr. Bailey’s sentence. “That is extremely unfair.”
Mr. Bailey shrugs. “I know that it isn’t fair, and I can’t say that I agree with it, but that is the way things are here.”
“Thank you for letting me know! I wouldn’t have wanted to get caught up with one of these guys. You make it sound like they’re all on the prowl.”
“Mostly they are.”
“I have a pretty full schedule this morning. Is that all you wanted to share with me?” I ask.
“Yes, that is all. Please continue doing great work. I am happy that I hired you.”
I walk out of Mr. Bailey’s office feeling like someone punched me. The timing of this is completely suspect. Does he know about my and Lance’s baby? Lance paid cash for the procedure so I wouldn’t have to use my insurance coverage.
When I get back to my office, Sharon is waiting at the door with a cup.
“I brought you some chai. Hope you’re feeling better.”
“Yes, I am feeling somewhat better. Thank you. Can you reschedule my morning meeting? I have an emergency that just came up. I need a couple of hours to handle it.”
“Of course. Do you want it rescheduled for this afternoon or tomorrow?”
“This afternoon is fine.”
I go back into my office to grab my purse, and I hurry out to my car, not exactly sure of my plan or even where I’m going. I know where Lance and Jasmine live, but that is too cliché for me to show up at their house. And then what would I do when I got there? Tell Jasmine I just had an abortion? She would laugh in my face.
I take out my cell phone and send Lance a text If you don’t want me to show Jasmine the video I took of you pleasing me in Puerto Rico, meet me at Caribou Coffee in fifteen minutes.
I’m at the coffee shop in ten minutes, and I keep staring at my phone for a reply from Lance. When the fifteen minute mark passes, I don’t think he’s coming. I don’t have any video footage anyway.
Then, finally, Lance speeds into the parking lot driving his white Lambo. He pulls up next to my car and gets out, a furious expression on his face. I almost grin as I unlock my doors. I may not have all the power, but I do have a little.
“What video, Felicia?” he says after sitting in my passenger seat and slamming the door shut.
I giggle. “There’s no video. I had to do something. You’ve been ignoring my calls and texts.”
“I haven’t been ignoring them. I just haven’t replied.”
“That’s the same thing, Lance.”
“What is it that you want? I left my son’s school program for this, so it better be important.”
His words are harsh. They feel like jabs. “Why are you being so mean to me?”
“Because, Felicia, you know I have my home situation going on. I’m not trying to neglect you, but sometimes I have to be attentive at home.”
I feel tears
welling up, but I don’t let them fall. “You said that we were still going to be together after we lost the baby.”
“Well, I’m thinking maybe that abortion was for the best anyway. I’m not even supposed to be seeing you. You could lose your job.”
I close my eyes and shake my head. “Why are you calling it that? We had to terminate the pregnancy. It was God’s judgment on us that our baby was sick.”
“What are you talking about? God’s judgment? We had an abortion, but now we have to move on with life.”
“You said we could have another baby. You said we would still be together. I don’t care about my job if we’re going to be together. I’ll quit right now if you say the word.”
“I know what I said. I’m just thinking that maybe that’s not for the best anymore.”
“Were you going to tell me that, or was I just supposed to figure it out?”
Lance tilts his head to one side and sighs, like my questions are getting on his nerves. How am I annoying him? He is the one who started this—became my blessing.
“I don’t know why you’re acting like this, Lance.”
“Acting like what? Look, we enjoyed each other. Maybe in the future we will enjoy each other again. But for now, let’s just let this affair die a natural death.”
A natural death. I can’t tell if he’s just not choosing his words carefully or if he’s intentionally being cruel. I want to cry, but I refuse to let him see it.
“All right, then. I guess you can get out of my car.”
Lance tries to take my hand, but I snatch it away. “It doesn’t have to be like this,” he says. “I don’t want us to stop getting together from time to time, I just don’t need the relationship right now.”
“I understand.”
“’Cause, girl, you got the good stuff, for real.”
I am suppressing the urge to dig my acrylic nails into his throat and he’s telling me I’m good in bed?
“Get. Out. Of. My. Car.”
Lance shrugs and jumps out of the car. He has a pep in his step when he walks back to his car, as if a burden has been lifted from him.
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