“Mary knows? How long? Never mind. You don’t need to know everything. It’s painful for your father. It’s best left in the past, though I gather Aleen hasn’t left things. Always better to keep on the road taken and not look back. That’s how you get lost.”
“Or how you find your way home. She loves Mr. Dunbar.” Katie propped up an elbow and leaned her head on her hand. Her aunt’s story disturbed her in many ways. Not the least of which was the similarity of her aunt’s feelings for Mr. Dunbar and Katie’s toward Fin: disregarding all reason, a dangerous, reckless love. A love Katie chose to ignore, to run away from, as her aunt had Mr. Dunbar because her head told her what her heart wanted was the wrong choice. But their flashes, visions, spoke a different truth.
“I’m going to call her.” Her mom sighed. “Please, Katie, try with your dad. He’s got enough to worry about.”
“I could help, if he’d only let me.”
“You have a good heart, but you need to learn to meet people halfway. Then, slowly, you can change things. I’ll be on the phone a while. Don’t forget we’re going to the Dunbars’ at four.” Her mom stood, rubbing her arms. “Katie, are you sure there’s nothing you’d like to tell me about you and Fin?”
“There’s nothing to tell.” Not according to Fin. Her mom sighed again. Katie’s stomach fell as she watched her walk out. Her throat hurt with the sting of disappointment, her own and her parents’ in her.
Chapter Eleven
Fin walked into his parents’ living room. Katie stood dwarfed by the cold fireplace, her cheeks pink when she glanced at him. He’d hoped to see her at church this morning, but she hadn’t been there. Probably she didn’t drink very often so she’d be suffering the effects today.
“How’re you feeling?” he asked after making his way to her.
“Okay, thanks. I’m sorry. I act like that when I get drunk. I’m not easy, though.”
“No, sure and you’re not,” Fin replied. Maybe he had Katie all wrong. Maybe she only looked innocent, with her childlike gaze and smattering of light freckles across her pert nose. Why did it matter? The pit in his stomach told him it did, even if his mind told him it shouldn’t.
He strode away as Rose burst into the room, his parents following. Fin spun Rose around, feeling himself smile as Rose shrieked in delight. She let out another shout when Maureen and Fergus opened the door ten minutes later; greetings and hugs were exchanged.
Katie stood with his mom, Maureen, and Rose when Fergus pulled him into the far corner.
“What’s going on?” Fergus whispered.
“You know as much as I do,” Fin said.
“I see how you’re watching Katie.”
Fin glanced around the room. His father sat talking to Mavis while Pat hunched in a wing chair, frowning. “She had a rough night last night. I was concerned, that’s all. We work together, you know.”
“I know you never want to tell me anything. I don’t think you talk to anyone, not about what matters. I’ll tell you what I did when Katie first came into our family: don’t bother her. I’m bigger than you now, too.” Fergus grinned but his eyes shone with the determination of their father and grandfathers. Fergus would trash himself, but he wouldn’t let anyone hurt the people he loved.
“I’ll always be your big brother,” Fin said. Though guilty pins pricked, he smiled and clapped Fergus on the back. Fergus was about to speak but their mom called everyone for dinner.
As they went into the dining room, Fin noticed his father seemed uncomfortable, fine beads of sweat on his brow. He was usually cool and collected. His silence, unusual around Pat, pushed an edge of worry into Fin.
Fergus, Maureen, Rose, and Pat talked enough for the rest of them. Fin sat shoving his food around his plate, while his dad and Mavis looked preoccupied and his mom glanced around concernedly. Katie didn’t eat much either. She must have some hangover.
“Is Aunt Aleen out this evening?” Maureen asked. “She’d be sorry to miss this cherry cake. It’s her favorite as well.”
Fin watched Katie as she glanced at his father. Her brow furrowed as he rubbed his chest, obviously pained. Maybe his father had heartburn from all the stress he put himself under, no joy in his life. Fin’s hands clenched. Where was the joy in his own life?
“Shall we take coffee in the living room?” his mom asked. Everyone rose and followed her out. Maureen held a bouncy Rose on her lap while the rest took seats around the room, except his father, who stood by the window, frowning. Fergus approached their father. Fin listened.
“Dad, are you all right?”
“Just a little uncomfortable. Maybe I should go lie down,” he said.
“Maureen and I should get Rose home anyway. Will you call if you need anything?”
Their father nodded as Fergus patted his back. The rest of them kissed and hugged the three. Katie’s parents motioned to her as they all waited in the hall once Maureen and Fergus were gone, a protesting Rose in tow. Before Katie could walk to join her parents, Fin’s father sat on the stair, clutching his chest.
“James!” his mom said, standing still.
Fin ran to his father. “Dad, what is it?”
He shook his head. “I don’t know, chest pain, I can’t talk.”
“Katie, call an ambulance,” Fin said. Fin’s chest tightened but he stayed steady.
“No, I’ll be okay,” his dad said. His breathing seemed an effort.
“Oh God,” his mom said. Katie’s parents surrounded her. She leaned on Katie’s dad.
“It’ll be faster to drive him to the emergency,” Katie said to Fin.
Fin almost lifted his father up and led him to the door. “Mom, he might need you.” Fin was not going to panic. He was not letting his father get away with dying on them.
“Mavis, call Aleen, please. She should meet us there,” his mom said.
“What’s she got to do with anything?” Fin asked, looking back at his mother while Katie held the door for him. His mom shook her head, tears coursed down her cheeks.
“I will, Mary,” Mavis said. “You’re sure?”
“Yes,” his mom said as she followed them out. She grabbed Katie’s hand. “Please come too, Katie,” she whispered. Katie glanced at her parents, who nodded.
“You call us,” Pat said, hugging Mavis to his side. She kissed him and went into the living room. Katie followed them to his dad’s car.
“Let Katie drive,” his mom said as Fin helped his dad in. Fin jumped into the passenger seat. Katie slid into the driver’s seat, her hands shook while his mom sat behind her. Something was wrong, more than the immediate crisis.
“Why did you tell Mavis to call Aleen?” Fin said with his body turned so he could see his mother.
“She needs to be there. Oh, James, I’m so sorry. I should have let you go. Now your heart has broken and it’s all my fault. I’ve been so selfish.” His father shook his head.
“What the hell are you talking about?” Fin said.
“Not… Katie,” his father said. His voice sounded tight, his breathing ragged.
“It’s okay,” Katie said. “My aunt Aleen told me everything.”
“Told you what?” Fin said.
“Your father and Aleen fell in love when your father and I were engaged,” his mom began. “And I loved Pat. They left Ireland and your father and I married. You must know we’ve never been like most couples, Fin, not like Mavis and Pat. I told your father to go to Aleen when I saw her again. Remember, she and Mavis picked up Katie and Maureen when they were so little? I saw in Aleen’s look she still loved him. She and I were good friends as girls. And I knew James never stopped loving her. Try to understand, Fin.”
“Are you telling me they’ve been having an affair?” Fin’s body closed in on itself, crumpling as if someone punched him. More like rammed his gut with a crowbar.
Katie glanced at him while he ran his hands through his hair. Her eyes held an apology.
“That was twenty years ago. Twenty years?” He p
aused. “All those times he said he was on business or working late? The golf games on weekends? Weekends he couldn’t spend with us.”
“Fin, don’t blame your father. I should have given him a divorce.”
“He wanted to?” Fin’s life had been a lie. Nothing made sense, if it ever had.
“Yes, but I wouldn’t.”
“But you let him carry on an affair for twenty years,” Fin said.
Katie pulled up to the emergency room. Fin helped his father out while his mom went to the door. They left Katie behind.
The next ten minutes were a blur, Fin filling out papers, his parents slumped in chairs waiting. A nurse helped his father in when Katie and Aleen ran in the entrance.
“Here she is,” Fin’s mom said. “Your wife is here now, James.”
Katie and her aunt walked over. Fin rubbed his forehead then cracked his knuckles.
“He needs you with him, Aleen,” his mother said. Aleen hugged her before going to his father.
“I’m here, Dun,” she said, supporting his other side. “Everything will be okay.”
His father gazed at Aleen and put his arm around her waist before they were shut out by the door.
“I can’t believe this,” Fin said. “This is crazy.”
“Not here, son.” His mother led them outside. “Thank you, Katie.”
Fin stared at Katie, his eyes bored into her. She wouldn’t meet his challenge.
“How long have you known?” he asked her.
“Since last night. She only told me because I’d seen them together last week--”
“What? I thought we were friends. You should’ve told me.” The woman he trusted more than anyone and she lied. What else had she lied about?
“I only saw them hugging. It wasn’t for me to tell you.”
“Bull,” Fin said. How could she do this to him? She seemed so honest, her innocent, open face…he’d believed she was different, but she was like everyone else, lying and untrustworthy.
“Fin,” his mother said, putting her hand on Fin’s arm, “it doesn’t matter now. I’m going to divorce your father and let him be happy. I should have done it twenty years ago. I only hope it’s not too late,” she said, crystalline tears dropping down her pale cheeks. Katie supported her and led her into the waiting room. Fin followed.
His mother sat with her head leaning on Katie’s shoulder while Fin sat next to them on a chair. After sitting in silence for what seemed to Fin a lifetime, he got up, saying he would go get them some waters. His mother sat up. She clasped her hands together.
Fin strode down the hall to the shop and bought three bottles of water. Then he circled back to the emergency to ask about his father. The sickly, sterile, heavy air in the halls infected his limbs as he trudged up to Katie and his mother.
Katie shrugged. “Will you tell me about Maura sometime?”
“I’d be glad to, but, I don’t really need to, you were so like her,” Mary said. They both glanced up to see Fin returning. He handed them each a bottle. He wouldn’t look at Katie.
“I asked at the desk. They’ve run some tests so they should know something soon,” he said. “Mom, will you tell me now?”
“I’ll go for a walk and call my parents,” Katie said, standing.
“You’ll come back, Katie?” his mother said.
“If you want.”
“Why not tell your parents to go home? Fin can drop you off later.”
“That’s okay,” Katie said.
“Nonsense. He lives right across the street.”
“It’s no problem, Katie,” Fin said. Everyone expected him to be polite. They’d have to work together.
Katie nodded and walked out. Fin sat next to his mother.
“Please listen, really listen, son.” Fin studied her. He leaned back. His mother was weak. He’d always had a tender regard for her which was now squashed under the weight of the truth. His father had failed them all and it would be Fin who again would have to be strong for his mother and Fergus.
“I’m here,” he said. “Tell me.”
She sighed. “I loved Pat from the time we were children. He was brave and brash, everything I wasn’t. I was once, one time it mattered. Aleen was my friend. Pat teased me mercilessly,” she said. She smiled, as if it was a fond memory. “She always gave him what for. When she was a teen, she came to work at my father’s house. I told her all my secrets. She married Pat’s older brother Seamus, who’d been away from home for years by then. She didn’t tell anyone she was leaving. I was devastated. Pat was kinder to me then. He worked at the pub in the village a couple miles away and did odd jobs at our house. Aleen and Seamus were in New York, they’d been gone two years then, and Pat wanted to move there. We…my father didn’t want me to marry Pat. Pat left when I wanted to wait for my father’s blessing. Pat said it would never come. Then I realized I was pregnant,” she whispered.
Fin closed his eyes and leaned his head into the hard back of the bench.
“I wrote to Pat, but he never replied. Later he said he never got my letters.”
“Grandpa probably intercepted them,” Fin said.
“You’ve always known about people, Fin.” Fin wished that were true.
“My aunt in Cork took care of everything. I went to live with her. She told everyone I was a widow. My Maura was born, she was so sweet, light brown eyes and hair, a little pixie. Like Katie. Your father started calling, his mother was friends with my aunt. We got engaged. He wanted the freedom his father promised if he married well and I wanted a good father for Maura. Then Pat came back. He and Seamus took Maura after I refused to talk to him. It was while we were all recovering from the accident which claimed Maura and Seamus that James and Aleen met. I don’t know why she and Pat left soon after. I believe she felt she owed me and that she and James were too different for them to last.”
Fin smirked and stood. His parents had never even loved each other. He knew they weren’t as affectionate as other couples, but he assumed that was because his father was cheating. His mother’s words crashed in on him like bottles off a shelf in an earthquake. Glass shards seemed to sting him when his father and Aleen strolled out, holding each other by their waists, secret smiles on their faces.
“He’s okay, Mary,” Aleen said. “They think it was a panic attack, though they want to run more tests.”
Fin tensed, feeling Katie behind him, her fresh scent mocked him.
“Oh, Katie, did you hear?” his mother said. Katie nodded. “Thank God.”
“He needs more tests,” Fin said.
“He’ll be fine now,” his mother said. “You’ll want to go with Aleen, James.”
“You don’t have to do this, Mary,” he said.
“Yes, I do.” Her smile faded. “Will you want to keep the house?”
“You can have it. I have everything I need now.”
Fin pushed out a breath.
“You’ll need some of your things. What about your study, all your books…”
“We’ll figure that out later,” his father said. “We’ll meet you at the house, then.”
“Thank you,” Aleen said, hugging Fin’s mother, then Katie. Fin walked away from her as she turned to him.
“Let’s go, Álainn,” Fin’s father said. They even had special names for each other. “Beautiful” his father called Aleen. Fin gritted his teeth. “Thank you, Katie.”
Katie gave his father a weak smile and watched him walk out with her aunt, arm in arm.
“Doesn’t it bother you?” she asked Fin’s mother. “You seem happy about it.”
“I am. I care about them both. Now maybe I can have my friend Aleen back. I’ve missed her. When James told me last night he’d told Aleen it was over, I felt so horrible, knowing she would be alone. I knew his being gone couldn’t be worse than that. I’ve always been so afraid: afraid of work, afraid of being alone, afraid…but having James there never changed that. I have my friends and family. I’ll be fine,” she said, patting Katie’s
hand. “Fin?” Fin turned to his mom, frowning. An invisible wall separated him from them. All the broken glass.
“Where’s the car, Katie?” he said.
“In the lot,” Katie said, guiding his mother out. Fin followed.
Aleen and his father were speaking to Maggie in the front entry when he, Katie, and his mother walked in. Maggie approached Fin’s mother and squeezed her hand.
“Are you well, Miss Mary?”
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