“A boggart.” Her gorgeous eyes grew wide but she made no move to recover the step he’d claimed. “Nicolai…”
“Damn shape-shifters. Bet old Wells didn’t know—”
“No, he was petrified.”
“You should’ve waited. I would’ve tagged along.”
Ravenna inhaled sharply, suspicion clouding her eyes. “I don’t think that would have been a wise move,” she said, tossing a quick glance to the front door of the Mal cottage. “I need to go. Kenneth is expecting me.”
Before he could stop himself, he’d wrapped a hand around her wrist and tugged her forward, desperate for the feel of her against him. “Don’t,” he pleaded softly. “Stay out here with me.”
“I don’t—”
“Dangerous vampire here. Kenneth wouldn’t want you neglecting your duties, would he?”
Ravenna’s gaze softened with longing, and the wave of relief that crashed over his chest could have flooded the village. “What are we doing, Nicolai?” she asked softly. Her tone dropped with gravity he’d never heard before coloring her voice. The idea that he’d put such conflict in her life tore him in two, but he wouldn’t let her go without a fight. “The other night—”
“Was just the beginning.”
“The beginning of what?” She shook her head hard, her eyes suddenly shining with tears. “I’m so confused. What we…what we did the other night…it—”
“You don’t regret it, do you?” God, he couldn’t stand himself if she did. She couldn’t regret it. She couldn’t. She’d changed him—changed everything—and if she regretted it, he didn’t know what he’d do with himself. “Please, Ravenna—”
She shook her head again, but the tears spilling down her cheeks spoke volumes for what she couldn’t put into words. He was at a loss. He wanted to wrap her in his arms and will the world away. He wanted to toss her over his shoulder and make a run for it. Fuck the Guardian. Fuck her duties. Fuck it all. He was the one who truly loved her. She should live with him, not the wanker who sent her out to face ugly death every night.
She belonged to him.
“I do not regret what we did,” Ravenna whispered. “But Nicolai, we can’t again. It’s too dangerous.”
“Making love with me is too dangerous?”
A stupid question. Of course it was dangerous. One of the Few entrusting a vampire with her body? Very, very stupid question.
Her answer, however, threw him off his feet. “If Kenneth finds out, he’ll kill you.”
Nicolai froze. For long, empty seconds, he could do nothing but stare at her in astonishment. She worried about him. Ravenna worried about him. About what would happen if her Guardian discovered what had happened right under his nose, if he found out that his warrior had thrown in her hat with the enemy? The idea that any human could ever best him seemed beyond ridiculous, let alone an aging sod who lacked the strength or the will to fight and sent a young girl out to face the night’s dangers alone. Ravenna worried for him—about him. She worried.
He’d never had anyone worry about him before. Never.
“He won’t kill me, darling,” Nicolai promised softly. “He doesn’t—”
“No, no, you don’t know him. If he ever found out, he’d—”
“He won’t find out.”
“But if he did—”
“He won’t.”
She shook her head, her tears coming harder. “He’d kill you.”
“He would try.” Nicolai turned his attention to her gorgeous mouth, unable to keep his lips to himself a minute longer. He needed to taste her kiss. He needed to feel her body against his, rocking against him, squeezing his cock until he saw stars. He needed her hands on him and her mouth on his skin. He needed her, plain and simple. He needed her like he’d needed nothing, and the realization nearly rocked him off balance.
There was something in her eyes, something familiar and haunting, something he’d carried with him as long as he could remember. Her existence was as lonely as his, but she managed to find and enjoy life whereas he had lost his taste for it. They were creatures of the same mold. They both walked alone when solitude was no one’s friend. Still, her spirit hadn’t suffered. Ravenna was intimate with death every night, yet managed to remain more alive than anyone he’d ever encountered, be they human, vampire, or some other breed of monster.
Perhaps he deceived himself in what he thought he saw, but Nicolai didn’t think so. He wouldn’t pretend to know why she hadn’t killed him yet, but a part of him wanted to believe it was because she’d recognized him in the same way he had her.
She was too compassionate. Any other warrior in her place would have killed him, but she showed him mercy. He didn’t know why—why remained a concept larger than himself.
Now she worried about her Guardian, and what human hands could do to end a non-human life. Nicolai wouldn’t let her concerns become his. Ravenna was the old man’s only real weapon, and now, regardless of whether or not she knew it, she belonged to Nicolai.
“He would try,” he said again. There remained no doubt in his mind about that. After what Nicolai had tasted, had taken from Kenneth Mal, the Guardian would try to kill him. It was only a matter of when. “He’d fail.”
“You don’t know him, Nicolai.”
“I don’t need to.”
“He—”
Nicolai kissed her again, his touch hungry and demanding this time, tongue shoving past her lips to explore the hidden secrets of her mouth. It seemed forever had passed since he’d last tasted her and he wouldn’t deny himself a minute longer. Not when she stood here. Not when she felt for him. Not when she cried tears over the thought of his death, ridiculous as the notion sounded.
Ravenna cared for him. Even if the words never breathed life in her sweet voice, he had proof enough in the liquid crystals trailing down her cheeks. She cared.
God, he’d become so completely hers.
“Please,” Nicolai whispered against her mouth. “Please…fight with me a bit.”
She batted her pretty eyes in confusion, her succulent tongue peeking out to taste him on her lips. “Fight?” she repeated, her hips moving against his erection in a manner he knew had to be subconscious. “You want to fight?”
He couldn’t help it. He grinned. She was so cute and innocent.
“Oh yeah,” he purred, nipping at her lips. “All night long.”
“But Kenneth—”
“You’ll have bruises enough to prove to him you were tied up by a particularly nasty beast.” Nicolai grinned devilishly, squeezing her tighter to him and thrusting his hips forward. He loved the wanton widening of her eyes, the comprehension born there and coinciding with the secrets she now possessed. She now knew what her body could do, just as she knew his. She knew what they could do together, and that was just in the bedroom. She had no idea of the world he’d show her once he managed to sever her ties with the Guardian for good.
“I want you,” he whispered. “I want you like I’ve never wanted anyone. I always have.”
Tears were forming behind her gorgeous eyes again, but this time, they were not out of fear. “Always?”
“Since the first moment I saw you. I’ve been fighting it forever. Trying to convince myself you hadn’t turned my life upside down.” His head dipped, tongue eagerly sampling the mark he’d given her with his fangs, the one he itched to make permanent with a blood link. He wanted her at his side for all time, not just in the limited span humans were given on this wretched planet. No, he wanted her cemented beside him, free of her calling and everything that held her prisoner. He wanted to make her his.
He wanted to claim her and tie their blood together once and for all.
“Have you wanted me like I’ve wanted you?” Nicolai asked softly, his mouth fluttering over her throat, dropping sweet kisses as he made his way back to her lips. “Wanted me like this?”
She hesitated. “I didn’t know what it meant to want anyone before you.” Her tone indicated an apology, as t
hough she should feel shame at her innocence.
The idea, however, that she’d never wanted anyone before him had him soaring. She didn’t know what a gift her desire was, how it felt to be the first man she had or would ever touch. She didn’t know what a precious rarity she was.
She didn’t know her own worth, and the knowledge nearly made him weep.
“Do you want me now?” he whispered. He knew the answer, of course. He just needed to hear it.
Ravenna inhaled sharply and nodded.
“Then have me, sweetheart. I’m right here.”
His lips found hers again, and he rejoiced when she didn’t fight him. Instead, she whimpered against him and surrendered, her arms linking behind his neck. He wrapped his arms around her waist. Her tongue pushed inside his mouth, eagerly stroking his as her body molded against him. The warmth of her surrender had him swimming in bliss.
There existed nothing in the world like this. He’d settle for nothing less.
Ravenna was the only one for him.
“It’s going to rain,” Ravenna observed, her eyes wandering heavenward.
“Better get inside.”
“No.” She brushed a tender kiss across the corner of his mouth. “Will you dance with me?”
“In the rain?”
She nodded, and he about collapsed to his knees in awe. Never before had he known anyone like her. He’d never met a woman, human or vampire, who didn’t wilt at the idea of getting wet. She burned with courage, was witty and beautiful, and belonged to him.
Ravenna was his perfection.
“Sweetheart, I’ll dance with you wherever you like.”
She smiled softly, tossing a wary glance to the cottage behind them. “He’ll be expecting me.”
“Evil vampire,” Nicolai countered. “Right here. You can’t let me go, can you?”
A fond smile crossed her lips, and she shook her head. “Never.”
He’d make her keep that promise. She belonged to him. She’d lived alone for so long, but she was not alone anymore. Neither was he.
They’d saved each other without knowing it.
He only had to convince her it was a chance worth taking.
Chapter 7
Present Day
Dexter hadn’t said anything as he led her back to the apartment they shared, nor had he said anything when she wordlessly closed herself inside her room, which she appreciated. She needed her space right now.
Raven barely recognized her own face. Her hair hung too short, her skin was too tan, her face too youthful. But then, this was the face she’d known for twenty-one years, which was as long as she’d known the face she’d left behind. The differences that did exist were glaring, though mainly cosmetic. Her hair hit her shoulders rather than dragging along her back. Her eyes were painted with make-up, her lips were a ruby red, and her skin’s imperfections hidden beneath a layer of foundation. She presented the picture of a woman born into the twentieth century, rather than One of the Few from the eighteenth. She presented the image of a woman who only now knew who she was.
She was Raven Rayne. She knew that. She’d lived as Raven Rayne all her life.
Before that, she’d lived as Ravenna Mal.
The only reason she lived at all—that she hadn’t made it as nothing more than some footnote in history—remained due to a bargain she’d made with a demon.
A bargain she’d made with a King of Hell, no less.
No doubt stood in her mind, no room for second-guessing or thinking it might be a dream concocted by the night’s bizarre twist of events. No, Raven knew her purpose. She knew everything. Her memories of the past were painted as fresh as her memories of yesterday.
Nicholas—Nicolai. Her Nicolai. She remembered so many things. The way he smiled and how his eyes lit with life. The way he held her at night and kissed her tears away when she woke up crying. The simple way he loved her.
Now he didn’t know her. He didn’t know her at all, just as she hadn’t known him until tonight. She’d come into a future she’d wished for herself—wished for them—without remembering a damn thing.
She was supposed to be with Nicholas now, but Paimon hadn’t wanted that. He’d buried their memories and given them new lives, distant but the same, all except for each other.
He’d deceived her.
Raven met her reflection’s eyes and laughed.
Of course Paimon had deceived her. He was a King of Hell. Deception marked his job description. Deception, lies, taking what he thought belonged to him…
Raven glanced down, rubbing her arms and fighting off a shiver.
He hadn’t taken anything yet. Perhaps the terms of the bargain hadn’t been met. Perhaps he’d forgotten.
Only she knew he hadn’t. Bargains made with Hell were written upon unbreakable stone tablets and signed in blood. She knew it because she’d watched Paimon carve out the details of their agreement with a hardened quill. He used the last of her blood to verify her signature, then wished her a happy death before leaving her in oblivion.
No, Paimon hadn’t forgotten her or her debt. He just hadn’t collected.
Raven released a long, pained breath, tears prickling her eyes. She glanced up again and gazed into the face of a stranger.
She’d lived two decades not knowing who she was. Now by the grace of some cosmic accident, she had an answer.
She sat here because of Nicolai, who now went by Nicholas and didn’t remember her.
Sure, he felt drawn to her—she’d seen it in his eyes. He felt drawn to her but he didn’t know why. He couldn’t know why. Paimon hadn’t intended for them to ever reunite. He’d made sure they were both reborn, yes, but he hadn’t intended them to find each other again. He hadn’t intended for any of this.
Only now Nicholas lived in her town. Raven understood now. She understood the way her heart had stopped the second he introduced himself at Club Intensity. The second their eyes clashed and his voice tickled her ears.
It had felt unlike anything she’d ever experienced, unlike any response she’d had to another vampire—it was a response built on recognition. She’d met his gaze, and she’d known him.
She just hadn’t known how until tonight.
Raven sniffed and wiped away her eyes. She’d tasted his lips and felt his hands on her body. He’d stroked her clit and murmured things he couldn’t have meant. He hadn’t known her, but something about her had spoken to him, called out to him in a way both intimate and primal. It had been the same way before, a game of history truly repeating itself. She didn’t know what had first caught his attention back then, except her willingness to spare his life, but he always came back for more. They would fight and go their separate ways, only to return to fight some more. It became such a ritualized tradition that the inevitable change had felt like a betrayal. On that night, he had come to kill her for real, but things hadn’t turned out that way.
Nicolai hadn’t known compassion or anything but the fight for self-preservation, in himself or anyone else. He’d once told her that her want of goodness went against nature. People didn’t look out for each other and she couldn’t count on anyone to return the favor when she needed a helping hand. A part of her had always believed that was the reason he couldn’t keep away. A stranger to compassion and warmth, he’d felt magnetized by her, and angered when he didn’t understand why.
Perhaps even angrier once he did, explaining why they came together as violently as they had. Then again, their natures lent themselves to violence. It seemed just as fitting now as it had then.
Why she had fallen for him was anyone’s guess. He was hardly the first vampire to appeal to her generosity, and she’d met more than one silver-tongued demon in her time. All had fallen dead at her hand. As One of the Few, she knew no mercy. Kenneth had raised her under fierce prejudice; the fact that she’d spared Nicolai at all had gone against everything she knew.
But spare him she had. His eyes had done it. Eyes of killers were cold and resolute. Nicolai�
��s had been playful but sad, screaming loneliness she knew intimately. Loneliness which spoke to her, touched her, and made her want to touch back. Nicolai’s eyes had spared his life. He’d barreled onto the scene and nothing had stayed the same. They’d fought for months before giving into the dance, and then her love for him had gotten them both killed.
She’d watched life fade away. He’d died right in front of her, refusing assistance and asking for nothing. All he’d done was kiss her, thank her, and tell her goodbye.
And then Raven couldn’t help it. The pressure on her chest exploded into a thousand tiny shards of pain, and before she could catch herself, she’d slumped forward in a storm of tears.
She’d come three hundred years to find him, and he didn’t remember her.
* * * *
“All right,” Dexter said the second she emerged from her bedroom. “I can’t take it anymore. What the hell was that?”
The pain in her chest deepened. She’d expected it. Dexter could only remain quiet for so long. What had happened tonight stretched beyond anyone’s imagination. She still didn’t know how it had happened, but that wouldn’t be good enough for the Guardian. No one had ever touched her the way she’d let Nicholas touch her tonight. No one had gotten close enough.
Nicholas didn’t even know why. How should Dexter?
“I don’t know,” she replied. The look on the Guardian’s face clearly demanded more, but she had nothing else to give.
“You don’t know?”
Raven licked her lips, sinking into the nearest sofa. “Do you believe in past lives, Dex?”
“What? Don’t change the subject. We’re talking about—”
“What happened,” she confirmed with a nod. “It has something…I think, no, I know Nicholas and I…”
“Have a past life.”
“Together.”
Dexter’s eyes narrowed. “Now, I’ve heard of cop-outs before, but this one’s bad, even for you.”
“It’s not a cop-out. It’s real. Everything’s real.”
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