by S. J. Sylvis
I reached my fingers inside to pull out a few chocolate chips and threw them in my mouth, savoring their gooey goodness, and then kept on walking. Just like that.
Things were always so different with Luke, but in a good way. My heart always felt…full around him. No matter the situation. Whether I was rolling my eyes at him, or whether he was covering me up in bed, I felt happy with him. Even now as I watched him eat a handful of chocolate, I felt completely content.
“So, just to be clear,” I said. “We brought the chocolate chips to eat?”
“Mmhm. They’re my favorite snack.”
I laughed and he turned to me, grinning with the left side of his mouth turned upward. I quickly pulled my gaze from his, because that grin got me…
Every.
Single.
Time.
We walked another block, and I checked my phone to make sure I hadn’t been called in to work yet. Then the thought hit me.
“What if he shoots you?! What if he thinks you’re a burglar?”
Luke ignored me with an exasperated breath.
“Seriously, Luke. He has a gun! He’s one of those guys who always carries one to seem more important than he really is.”
He snorted. “Seriously? Why were you dating someone like him?”
Grant wasn’t all bad. He was attractive with his blond hair and deep blue eyes. He always wore nice clothes and he made me laugh, sometimes. But now that we’d been apart and I’d have had time to reflect, I realized I had no idea what I was thinking.
I shrugged. “I don’t know.”
He shook his head. “It doesn’t matter, anyway.”
“What doesn’t matter?”
“If he shoots me.”
I asked, “What? Why?”
He scoffed. “Because I’m bulletproof.”
A sharp pain hit me right in the chest for two reasons: 1. No one was bulletproof. Alex wasn’t, and unless Luke was secretly some sort of superhero, he wasn’t bulletproof, either. 2. The thought of Luke getting shot sent a surge of panic down my spine.
Yep. I’m definitely screwed.
I whispered, “No one is bulletproof, Luke.”
The air around us swirled with tension, especially when Luke didn’t say anything. He stopped on the sidewalk, facing the old, moss-covered benches of a nearby church. It was one of my favorite places in New Bern. It was right in the middle of town, the ground lined with eroding bricks, and there was a little spot up front where the pastor would stand for outside sermons, or weddings. I used to imagine myself getting married there, in the middle of a spring day, with bright yellow flowers blooming all around.
I slowly stepped away from Luke and his rigid posture. I ran my fingers along the wooden benches, wondering if I would ever find someone to marry. I was only twenty-five, but with JoJo engaged and all my other friends in serious, long-term relationships, it often made me wonder if I was always going to be alone. I felt like a loner.
Maybe I would end up like Ms. Deacon.
Maybe I would get a cat. Or ten.
I could feel Luke’s presence behind me before he said anything. The space between us was bouncing with electricity.
“I know better than anyone that no one is bulletproof.”
I didn’t turn around. Instead, I crept further down the aisle between the benches and took a seat. I didn’t want to prod him. I knew that he knew no one was bulletproof. I knew he was joking when he’d said that a few minutes ago. And I could tell by the way his voice lacked its usual dominance that he had some demons buried deep inside him. If he wanted me to know, he could tell me. If not, then we would stay here in silence for as long as he needed. I was fine with just sitting here, while he sorted through his memories. I was just going to make sure to sit in this exact spot so he knew that someone was here for him.
“I was on a deployment before I got stationed here. Did you know that?”
I nodded my head as he took a seat between me and the jar full of grape jelly.
“I came home early from the deployment because of a situation I was in.”
Luke adjusted himself on the bench, squeezing his fists together so tightly that I could see the white of his knuckles. Our only light came from the corner street lamp a few yards away, and I almost wished it was turned off. Sometimes the dark made it easier to talk about difficult things. It felt like a security blanket. Like no one could touch you.
“I was out on a mission with three other guys. One of them was my good friend, Zach. We were goofing off, just patrolling the borders. Things weren’t really bad near our camp. It was always worse for the guys who went out in the Humvees. That’s why when the bullets started flying our way, we were shocked.”
I wanted to move closer to him, but the way his voice seemed so far away, even though we were only a foot apart, made me stay put. I didn’t want to disrupt the recollection of the memories he was digging into.
“It happened so fast, and I think about it constantly. Like it’s on replay.” He paused for a few seconds. “I yelled at the guys to get down, but as soon as I dropped to the ground, I saw the blood.”
Images flew throughout my brain…scary, gory, bloody images. Like the ones I’d seen in my high school history textbooks. Luke stopped talking, and after I got the images out of my head, I finally gathered the nerve to ask, “Whose blood?”
He looked over at me, shocked, like he couldn’t believe that I was sitting here listening to him. He bit his lip, showing off his bright white teeth and said, “Zach’s. He jumped right in front of the bullet that was headed for me.”
My heart ached. Tears pooled in my eyes, but I was quick to blink them away. I moved the jelly over to my other side and climbed right into his lap. One of his arms wrapped around my waist; the other draped over my lap. I cuddled his head onto my chest and gave his forehead a quick kiss, savoring the smell of his shampoo.
“I wanted it to be me.”
I was quick to reply. “Don’t say that, Luke.”
His arm squeezed me tighter. I had to fight the feeling of lust as he pulled my body closer to his.
“But, I wanted it to be me. I wished it had been.”
I pulled back, putting my hand under his strong chin to look up at me. “Why would you say that?” I searched the entirety of his face and watched as several emotions moved almost imperceptibly across his eyes.
“I—” He looked away. “I had just got some bad news the day before, and in that moment, I hated him for taking the bullet for me. It should have been me. It would have made things a lot easier, Cammie.”
His voice lowered at the end, and an unfathomable amount of hurt and anguish hit me. I hated what he had said, especially because Alex took the blunt of an IED to save others, and as much as I wanted him back home with me, I recognized that what he did was selfless and so incredibly brave. If I ever heard one of those men, who he had saved a year ago say that he wished it had been him…I would want to smack him. I would want to shake him and tell him that Alex died so he could live on and do the things that this world needed them to do. The world needed those men for some reason, and they had better not waste their time wishing about things they couldn’t change.
“Let me ask you something,” I said, voice full of courage. He looked at me quickly, eyes squinting. “Have you saved anyone, since then? Or done something to prevent someone else from getting hurt?”
Luke’s mouth dropped a little, and I watched his gaze scan over the old bricks lying on the ground.
He finally answered, “Yes.”
I whispered, “Have you ever thought that Zach died, only for you to be able to save someone else?”
I saw the understanding form on his face. It looked as if relief washed over him just like a downpour in the middle of summer.
If only I had the courage to ask him what news he’d gotten that made him want the bullet to hit him instead of his friend. But I didn’t have that much courage. No way.
When my gaze made its way back to
his, I saw him blink once.
Then twice.
Then three times.
Then…he looked right at my lips longingly, and heat blared from down below. I had the urge to squeeze my legs together and place my lips on his. But I didn’t. I stayed completely unmoving, afraid that if I did move, I’d do something that I’d regret later down the road.
He must have had the same thought, because he looked away quickly, shaking his head.
I climbed off his lap, desperate to change the suffocating tension around us. I placed my hands on my hips and with an ornery smile plastered on my face, I asked, “Are you ready to go prank the ass who cheated on me?”
His smile was so big that the corners of his mouth reached the width of his face. He picked up the jelly, hair-removal cream, and chocolate chips in one quick movement, and said, “Let’s go, Doc.”
And we’re back to being, us. Whatever the hell that is.
Eleven
“Are you sure about this?” I whispered, as Luke and I climbed the first set of stairs to Grant’s apartment.
A million and one thoughts flew through my head. What if he doesn’t live here anymore? What if he’s sleeping with a girl? What if he really does shoot us?
Luke stopped, mid-stair, and turned around to look at me. His green eyes twinkled in the crappy hallway light above our heads.
“Cammie. Cammie. Cammie.” The corners of his mouth rose a bit. “Just live a little, Doc.”
I gave him a curt nod, and we continued on our trek to door number three. The hallway still reeked of mildew and fresh paint, just like it had last year. I had hated spending time here. Grant’s apartment was small and always a bit messy. It drove me crazy, which is why we often hung out at my house instead of here.
“Give me the key, amateur,” Luke said, voice quiet yet bursting with amusement.
I pushed past him and rolled my eyes. Amateur, my ass. Before I fished the keys out of the pocket, I leaned in and put my ear against the hard door. I didn’t hear a thing. Not even the TV. I looked back at Luke and shrugged. I grabbed my keys from the inside of my hoodie, finding the one to Grant’s and carefully put it in the lock, turning it ever so slightly. I felt Luke brush up against me from behind, and I took in a small inhale of air. His scent was husky, covered up with cologne, and it completely sent my senses into overdrive.
Luke whispered into my ear, literally making my heart beat out of my chest, “Your hands are so steady with that key. Very skilled…I wonder what they would feel like—” Before he could say anything else, I jabbed my elbow into his stomach, leaving him with a loud grunt.
He caught his breath quickly. “I was just going to say—”
“SHH!”
Luke growled in response from behind me and as much as I wanted to smack him again, I found myself liking that throaty growl. I liked it a lot.
Once the door was quietly pushed open, I stepped over the threshold with Luke right behind me. He was walking like a cat. For as big as he was, his footsteps were quiet and stealthy. Unlike me…I sounded like a freaking hippopotamus.
As soon as Luke made his way to my side, he grabbed my wrist. His breath was warm and minty when he bent down to whisper in my ear, “Lead the way to his room…”
My lower stomach tightened with an aroused feeling which paired perfectly with the exciting anticipation of doing something totally illegal. It was a rare feeling for me, so I basked in it.
I tiptoed through the small living room (which was still a mess, by the way), and made a turn towards the back bedroom. It was a small room; just enough room for a full-size bed and a small dresser, but the amazing thing about the apartment was that it had a tiny balcony right off the back of the bedroom. It was pretty much the only thing this apartment had going for it, including its douche-bag tenant.
When we walked into Grant’s room, an awful stench of musty dirty clothes hit us in the face. I instantly reached up and covered my scrunched-up nose, and once again, fought the urge to laugh. I could feel it building up inside me, but when Luke leaned down to whisper in my ear again, I straightened right up.
He had no idea that him whispering into my ear like that, our bodies nearly touching, was sending me into a whirlwind of hormones. It was totally turning me on, and I was finding it hard to breathe. It was honestly becoming extremely difficult to pretend like it didn’t make me want to strip my clothes off and have him claim me.
Something had changed between us. Something had changed from the second we’d set foot on our way to Grant’s. Maybe it was the little insight I’d gotten on his time in Afghanistan, or maybe it was just becoming too difficult to fight my attraction to him, but I was finding it really hard to ignore the desire simmering below the surface.
Realllly hard.
“What the fuck is that smell?” Luke whispered, and I hid my smile before I whispered back.
“He’s a fucking pig, Luke.”
Luke’s tone was soft. “What is it with you and pigs? Didn’t you call me a pig the other day?”
I giggled quietly. “Yes, but he’s a sloppy pig. At least you’re well put-together…”
My eyes went wide. I just complimented him. Shit! I didn’t mean to do that! Before I could conjure up something snarky to counteract it, our heads snapped to where Grant was sleeping peacefully in his disheveled bed. He murmured something inaudible, and it had us literally frozen in our spots. If only we had the song, “Freeze,” playing in the background, we’d truly be winning.
When Grant rolled onto to his side, I cocked my head. The weirdest noise had just come from his bed. It was a squeaky-swishy sound, like plastic rubbing together. At first, I thanked God that the redhead wasn’t in bed with him. But that thought was quickly replaced when my eyes finally adjusted to the dark room.
“Holy—” I started to whisper before I grabbed onto Luke’s forearm. If I hadn’t grabbed onto his forearm, I swear I would have fallen over.
“Cammie…what the—?” Luke’s voice was laced with laughter, and I almost died right then. Almost.
“Is that—”
“Yep,” he croaked. “Please tell me…that you’ve brought me here as a joke. You’re fucking with me, right?” Luke was biting his fist, trying not to lose it and we were both about five seconds from laughing out loud and ruining this entire scheme.
“I can’t…I can’t even talk,” I choked, suppressing a laugh.
I had no idea what had happened during the last year that Grant and I weren’t together, but apparently the woman he had cheated on me with wasn’t satisfying him. Grant was lying on his left side, butt-ass naked, spooning a BLOW-UP DOLL. You know those life-size blow-up dolls with yellow hair and bright red lips? The ones that are naked that people usually get as a joke of some sort? Well, guess what? This wasn’t a joke. Grant was nice and cozy in his warm bed right in front of me, spooning a doll.
“I’m never letting you live this down, Doc. Never.”
I murmured, “I would expect nothing less from you.”
Playfulness aside, Luke and I both got down to work. I followed his instructions on exactly what to do. I went into the dark bathroom, using my phone for light, and poured the hair-removal cream into Grant’s shampoo and conditioner bottles (apparently, he had turned into a doll-loving, self-pampering, type of guy since we’d broken up). Once I had quietly twisted the caps back onto the bottles and placed them on his filthy shower shelf, I tiptoed back into Grant’s room and saw Luke’s tall stature standing above Grant’s sleeping body. He was very delicately reaching into the glass jelly container and placing grape jelly onto Grant’s head.
How is Grant still sleeping? I had no freaking clue. The doll must have worn him out. I snickered at my own joke, and Luke’s head snapped to mine. He gave me a stern look, which only made me want to laugh harder. Then I looked down and saw the chocolate chip bag clutched between his legs, and I couldn’t suppress the silent laugh inside my head for much longer.
When Luke was finished, he stepped ba
ck, wiping his sticky fingers on his shirt and then reached inside the chocolate chip bag and placed a few into his perfect mouth (wait, perfect? I meant…dirty. Dirty, dirty mouth). He put one hand under his chiseled chin and nodded in approval. I walked over and stood beside him, placing my hands on my hips.
“Well done, Luke. Well done.”
The idea of this entire prank was for Grant to wake up, only to find something sticky smeared into his lovely straw-colored hair. Then he’d rush to the shower to wash it off, only it’d be hair removal cream instead of shampoo. He could say goodbye to the hair that he probably took better care of than anything else in his life…at least according to the expensive shampoo and conditioner in his nasty shower.
“Thanks, Doc. That’ll teach him to cheat on a girl like you.”
I looked over at him and grinned, feeling the fluttering in my heart that I usually shoved way down below the surface when he was near, but right now, I was allowing it. I was basking in it. Actually, I was full-on rolling in it.
“Thanks…but I don’t think he’s going to associate this—“ I pointed to Grant’s messy jelly-filled hair, “with me.”
I laughed, but soon as the words tumbled out of my mouth, Grant’s curled-up body started to move. I froze. It was a heart-stopping moment, the kind that made you feel like your legs were cemented to the floor.
“What do we do?” I asked, voice well above a whisper. I looked over at Luke, who immediately stopped chewing the rest of the chocolate chips in his mouth.
“We run,” he muttered.
Eyes wide, I looked back and forth from Grant, who was on the verge of recognizing me, and back at Luke. Then I freaked the hell out.
“Cammie, come on.” Luke tugged on my arms and pulled me through the back balcony door.
“What are we doing?!” I exclaimed.
Luke looked down below the balcony and said, “Running.”
Then he jumped…off the balcony. Sure, it was only fifteen feet or so, but to someone who wasn’t fond of heights, (that would be me) it seemed like five hundred feet.