by S. J. Sylvis
I answered, “Nothing.”
But before I could shove it away even further, Luke sauntered up and glanced down at it. The corners of his eyes crinkled just a bit and his mouth twitched. He stared at it, memorizing it just as I had done several times before. His voice was soft when he asked the next question.
“Alex?”
His eyes found mine and I felt my heart drop a little. I nodded and grabbed the Polaroid around its edges and placed it back on the corner of my mirror, just under the soft glow of my lamp.
“Afghanistan, right?” he asked.
I whispered, “Yeah.”
Out of my peripheral vision, I saw him nod his head and then look back at me. I didn’t meet his stare, though. I felt too insecure, and that was never a safe way for me to feel around him.
Never.
“You looked beautiful, tonight.” I felt my cheeks heat.
“Let me help you,” he said, moving behind me. I looked up into the mirror and watched as he stood behind me. Luke was at least a foot taller than me, especially now that my heels were kicked off and thrown to the side of my dresser.
I could feel his warm breath on my neck as I pulled my heavily hair-sprayed curls to the side so he could reach my zipper. His hand brushed against my back when he found the clasp. My breath caught in my nose. I continued to hold it as he slowly unzipped my dress, its ricocheting noise the only sound in the room.
His gaze was steady and focused on my back, but in the mirror I could see the way his jaw ticked back and forth and how his chest was rising a bit faster than before. Me, on the other hand…I was still holding my breath.
The warmth emitting from his body caressed my back as the zipper dipped even lower and finally reached its destination: the very top of my lacy, black underwear. Luke’s eyes slid up my back, and he quietly growled when he noticed I wasn’t wearing a bra. His eyes traveled further and further upward until they reached my face, staring back at him in the mirror. I shifted my gaze back to myself and my cheeks were already flushed with a dark pink tint. My round, hazel eyes looked wild with hunger and I finally let out a shaky breath.
Our eyes jolted to one another the instant I took another gulp of air. It only took half a second for him to whip me around and pin me against the front of my dresser. The second his lips collided with mine, I felt stunned. My mouth parted on its own accord and his tongue swept inside. He cupped one arm around my waist and the other around the back of my head.
There was no way our bodies could have been any closer unless we’d been literally glued together. My dress fell slightly downward, and my bare breasts were pushed up against his soft, cotton t-shirt. My hands found his hair, and I ran my fingers through it, plunging my tongue deeper into his mouth.
I was captivated by his mouth and hands on my bare skin. He pulled me back, and his eyes dipped to where my round breasts were exposed. His eyes danced with aroused excitement. Before I knew what he was doing, he bent down low and took my nipple into his warm mouth. My head fell back effortlessly and I let out a breathy noise. It felt so good. It felt so good to have his mouth on me. It was earth-shatteringly good. Was that the earth shattering?
I felt a familiar tug in my lower stomach and I was mere seconds from pulling him away and ripping the rest of his uniform off, when his phone started shrieking with a god-awful noise.
We paused, me standing there with an expensive red gown bunched around my hips, chest exposed, panting like a dog. He stood there, chest rising and falling as if he had just run a marathon. His face glistened with sweat and his cheeks were a splotchy red.
His darkened green eyes never left mine as he reached into his pocket and pulled out his phone. He answered it sharply and a few seconds later, he very hoarsely said, “I’ll be there in ten, Sir.”
That’s when the realization fell on me like a ton of bricks. It was like a bucket of cold water had been poured over my head.
Fuck. What did I just do?
“I gotta go…” he started. He rubbed his hand along his clean-shaved jaw. “Two of my guys just got into a fight, so I gotta go pick them up now. That was my commanding officer on the other end.”
I breathed deeply before I spoke, “That’s probably for the best.” I pulled my dress up to hide my breasts, and he narrowed his eyes in frustration.
His head shook back and forth when his eyes bounced between the pair of mine.
“And…there it went.”
“There what went?” I asked, confused.
He raised both of his eyebrows. “The moment…”
I swallowed and bit my lower lip. Luke walked backwards out of my bedroom, his hard stare never moving from mine. The second he disappeared around the corner, I squeezed my eyes shut and smacked myself on my forehead.
Not only was I completely turned-on, I had also just made a huge, fucking mistake.
One I couldn’t take back.
Fourteen
My phone had been vibrating on my night table for what seemed like hours. But, I think it’d really only just begun ringing. I grumbled under my breath and peeled open my eyes, feeling my mascara-caked eyelashes scrape against my cheeks.
My eyes were still blurry, but I slapped my right hand on top of my phone and pulled it towards me, getting tangled up in the charger cord.
“Hello?” I answered groggily.
“Sweetie. Hi.”
“Mom?” I asked, still half-asleep and turned onto my side.
“Yes, babe. It’s mom. Are you okay? You sound tired.”
I pulled the phone away from my face, the light of the background illuminating my dark room. When I glanced at the time, I rolled my eyes.
I groaned, “I am tired. It’s six in the morning.”
My mom’s warm laugh rebounded through the phone, “Oh, goodness. You’re right. I forgot we’re only an hour apart now.”
“How are you calling? I thought you were in Mexico without a way to call me.”
“José found a long-distance phone for me to use. I wanted to call you for a couple reasons.”
How nice. Her half-her-age-boyfriend had found a way for her to call me. I wasn’t being sarcastic either; it was sweet. I wanted my mom happy, even if it was with a guy who was relatively close to my age.
“It’s fine. What are the reasons you’re calling me?” I asked, rolling over to my back. The room was almost pitch-black, even as my eyes adjusted to the darkness.
But that’s when I felt something. Just as I was tugging the blankets up to cover my neck, I felt something hard. I looked over and almost jumped out of my skin. My eyes adjusted again, and then I shut them, shaking my head.
“What the…” I said, and my mom paused mid-sentence (the sentence that I hadn’t even heard). I poked the manly figure beside me, lying on top of my covers, and he stirred quickly.
When he looked over at me, a stern look took over his face but was replaced quickly with a soft smile.
“Hey,” he said, and my mouth formed a straight line.
What the hell was Luke doing in my bedroom? What the hell was Luke doing in my bed? I couldn’t ask him these questions because my mom was basically yelling into the phone.
“What mom? Sorry.”
“Cammie, are you with a man?”
“What? No!”
Thankfully the room was dark or else Luke would have seen my face break out into a reddish hue. Last night’s moment between us came back to me in waves…lips touching, my boobs on his chest…Oh, my God.
My mom interrupted the very hot images flapping through my brain, “Oh, okay. Anyway, I was calling to see if you’re okay. Today is a hard day, for all of us. I hate that I’m not there with you. I should have come home…”
Wait, what? Today? Oh my, God. Today. Today. Today. I sat up quickly in my bed, allowing the blankets to fall to my lap. My stomach instantly coiled like a snake and I broke out into a fire-burning sweat. I wasn’t sure how it was possible to break out into a sweat within seconds, but I swore I could feel sweat droplets forming o
n my forehead.
“Oh…”
“I know it’s been a rough year… for everyone. Even your father.”
I grunted, wrapping my arm across my stomach. I glanced over at Luke, who was turned onto his side, sandy hair falling over his head just a smidge. He was staring right at me.
“Yeah, I know. I’ll be alright.” My voice came out weak and hoarse. “I don’t really want to talk about it, Mom.”
“I know, sweetie. I just want you to know that I love you, okay? I just felt like I had to tell you that today.” Her voice began to break at the end and I hated it. It felt like my heart had just been sliced open in my chest. I couldn’t imagine how hard today must be on her…or my father. Regardless of whether I was angry with him or not.
Alex was their son. They’d made him; they’d known him longer than I had. This sucked. This entire thing fucking sucked.
I constantly felt like it was sucking the life right out of me.
My mom’s voice changed back to her normal tone, “Okay, enough of that. I also wanted to warn you about Bernadette.”
“What?” I questioned. “Who’s Bernadette?
“The hurricane.”
“What hurricane?” I felt Luke twitch to my right and he mouthed for me to put it on speaker. I gave him a hard shake of my head and went back to ignoring him.
“There’s a hurricane headed your way, babe. Haven’t you seen it on the news?”
I don’t watch the news. I had stopped watching the news right after Alex died.
“You know I don’t watch the news, Mom.”
She sighed, “Well, look it up. A hurricane is headed your way soon.” I heard a faint male voice in the background. “José said it looks like it’ll be over to you in a few days. Maybe two.”
“Oh,” I started. “Well, I’ll be fine. I’ve been through hurricanes before.” A little voice in the back of my head whispered…Yeah, with Alex.
The last hurricane that we had, over two years ago, had been full of excitement. Alex came to JoJo’s with me, along with Ryan and a few other people, and we had a hurricane party. Lots of booze and lots of fun.
“Okay, well, make sure you email me when it’s all done and over with…I’m going to be worried sick. If I thought I could make it back to New Bern before it hit, I would be there with you. I…” she stopped for a moment, and my brow furrowed. “I couldn’t take losing you, too, Cam.”
My throat closed and I was back to clutching my stomach. “I know, Mom. I’ll call you. I gotta go.”
I could feel the vomit burning the back of my throat. Nausea took over my body, and not only was I sweating, but now my legs felt as if they were trembling. This exact feeling would overtake my body for weeks after Alex’s death. Most specifically on the day of his funeral. It was like my body didn’t know how to handle all the sorrow, so it just wanted to combust.
“Okay, babe. I love you, and just try to be happy today. Try to celebrate his life, not the ending of it. The therapist told me that would help.”
I could barely get the words out, “Mmhm, love you, Mom.” I hung up the phone and threw it to the side. I heard Luke let out a groan as it landed very close to his most valuable possession (that would be his dick, in case you were wondering).
I jumped up and ran to my bathroom, stumbling and hitting my toe on the corner of the door, and when I finally reached the cold porcelain of the toilet, I heaved and gagged until the bitter taste was off my tongue. I didn’t even realize it, but my eyes were leaking, too. Salty tears flowed into my mouth, and it was honestly a little refreshing compared to the taste of vomit.
I breathed in and out of my nose several times before I got the nerve to lift my head and flush the toilet. I placed my elbows on the edge of the toilet seat and pinched the bridge of my nose before wiping my eyes quickly. Once I leaned back on the wall, I let out a small scream.
“Goddammit, why are you sneaky?” I whispered when I saw that Luke was sitting only a few feet away from me, wearing clothes that were disheveled and rumpled from sleeping.
He propped his legs up, resting his forearms on them. “What do you mean?”
I almost laughed, but I didn’t quite have the energy to do so.
“Well, I found you asleep in my bed this morning, which means you snuck in without me knowing, and then you just slinked in here like a damn cat, sneaky as shit.”
Luke angled his head to the side and thought for a moment. He didn’t say anything, though, which was unnerving.
“Why are you here, Luke?” I asked, letting out an exasperated sigh.
“Because…” he looked away toward the hallway, “I know what it’s like to lose someone, and I didn’t think you should be alone.”
The hard shell around my heart fell into pieces, just like that.
I began, “I—I’m…”
I wanted the words to come out. I wanted to tell him that I was fine and that I didn’t need him, or anyone. I should tell him that I wanted to be alone. But, the words dissipated the second I opened my mouth.
I thought I wanted to be alone today, to mourn Alex by myself, but now that I saw Luke here, staring at me with such a gentle look on his face, I’d changed my mind. I wanted him here. I wanted him here to comfort me, and I couldn’t figure out why. I just did.
I knew if I said another word, I was going to lose it. The tears were barely staying put, and the sob in my chest was approaching an epic entrance.
“I know, Cammie. I know…” He leaned over and put his hand on my bare knee, stroking it idly.
Then I found myself sinking back with confusion when I reached my hand up and placed it right on top of his.
* * *
Luke stayed with me for the rest of the day. Only leaving once to grab us some burgers from The Chelsea. He even brought me back an entire box of wine. I was simply stunned, and even though we jabbed each other with little insults all night, I hadn’t felt that happy in a long time. Which was so strange, considering I had expected the day to be full of tears and heartache. Luke made my brother’s death anniversary easier to bear, just by being next to me on the couch and listening to me ramble about all the memories I held with him. It was as simple as that; just being near Luke, I felt better.
He was so thoughtful and compassionate: two things I was finding out that Luke was full of, whether he wanted to hide it behind his thick skull and lecherous comments or not. Luke was making it really hard for me not to fall for him. But I wouldn’t.
I wouldn’t do it.
Because if I did, I could very well find myself in the same position that I was in tonight—mourning the death of someone who I cared so deeply about.
Fifteen
“He did what?” JoJo was beaming and totally psyched, regardless of the fact that a giant-ass hurricane was heading straight for us.
“Yeah, I know. Sweet, right?” I jumped off her counter at the shop and straightened out my clothes.
“It’s extremely sweet. It may even beat Ryan’s sweet moments. I’m impressed.”
I laughed, “Don’t get too excited. We’re just friends...” I could barely get the words out and was so thankful my phone started to ring so I could put a pause on our conversation.
When I glanced down at my screen, I pinched the bridge of my nose while closing my eyes momentarily.
“Who is it?” JoJo asked, standing up on her tiptoes to look over my shoulder. “Your dad? How many times has he called today?”
I glimpsed at the time; it was only ten in the morning, and my father had called me twice and texted me three times.
“Twice.”
“Are you going to answer?” she asked, voice quiet.
“Nope.”
JoJo didn’t say a word and I was thankful for it. She knew when I didn’t want to talk about something. That was the great thing about still being best friends with a girl you met ten years ago.
I knew exactly why he was calling even if he didn’t disclose it in the text messages he sent. He called me t
wo days ago, too, the day of Alex’s anniversary. I didn’t answer then, and I wasn’t answering now.
My finger hovered over my text inbox, and I let myself read the messages once again.
Dad: Just calling to make sure you’re okay.
Dad: Call me when you get a chance.
Dad: I love you, Cammie, even if you choose to ignore me.
I took a deep breath and felt a little guilty, but not enough to text him back. I clicked my phone shut and slid it into my back pocket. I lifted my head and watched JoJo prance around her store, setting all of her merchandise on the highest shelves possible.
The hurricane was coming tomorrow, and I had to get home soon to start preparing. I’d been through hurricanes before, so I knew the protocol. Board up my windows, get things off the floor, gather candles and flashlights, store up extra food, etc.
I wondered if Luke was doing the same to his house. Would he even be at his house? I wanted to invite him over to my place, I really did. I wanted to ride the storm out with him (or on him…whatever), but I knew it was a terrible idea. If I got another taste of that man I’d be a dead girl walkin’, even more so than I am now.
“Are you sure you want to stay here? You can come to Ryan’s parents’ with us. You know they love you just as much as they love me.” JoJo smiled her warm, bright smile at me, but I wanted to stay home for more than one reason.
“I’m sure. You go and spend time with your future in-laws. I’ll be fine.”
She slumped her shoulders. “Fine. But call Ryan if you need any help with getting the house ready. We’re not leaving until tonight.”
“Okay, I will.” I started to walk out of her store only to hear her call my name.
“Love you! Call me when you can so I know you’re okay. And…” she grinned, “Even though we’re pretending that you aren’t going to end up with Luke tonight, use protection!” She laughed hard at herself and I scowled, hiding my own laughter. It was truly amazing how well I could lie to myself.