by Dawn Brower
Word has it Lady Helena is to be sent away for the remainder of the season. Will she ever see London again?
—Whispers from Lady X
CHAPTER FOUR
HELENA LOST HERSELF in his kiss. He pulled her closer and everything around her disappeared, leaving only him, her, and the thousands of sensations pouring over her. Lord Dashville was dangerous. He had the power to make her forget her own name, her ambition, and all she’d worked so hard to achieve. He should not have kissed her, and she never should have allowed things to progress this far. She pushed him away and took a step back, then wiped her mouth with the back of her hand.
“You shouldn’t have done that.”
He grinned. “I should have done it much sooner.” Dashville winked. “You can’t deny you enjoyed it as much as I did. Passion like that isn’t feigned.” He took a step toward her, and she retreated. “Don’t run, love. I won’t do anything you don’t want to.”
“Like kiss me?” She tilted her head. “I don’t recall asking you to maul me with your mouth.”
She was a mess of emotion, and oh, how she wanted to surrender to every single one of her wanton desires. It would be so sweet to give in to him and let herself enjoy what he offered. Then she’d wake up and realize what a grave mistake it was and be miserable. Was it really worth it to give herself over to one night of passion and allow him to break her heart? She was a fool—one completely in love with the rogue standing before her. No matter how hard she tried, she couldn’t shake him from her heart. She had enjoyed the kiss, but she couldn’t allow herself to revel in it. The sooner she put an end to this farce, the better off she’d be.
“Not in words...”
“Not at all,” she interrupted him. “Don’t touch me again.”
He reached for her and wound his fingers around her wrist, grasping it tight. She tried to pull away, but he refused to let go. “Is this how you seduce all your many conquests?” She glared at him. “Do you force yourself on all of them?”
“That’s not what this is, and you know it,” he replied. Anger tinged his voice and his cheeks heated. “I’d never do that to you or any other woman. Why are you making this something it isn’t?”
“No woman should be roughly handled because a man doesn’t like what she has to say.” She lifted her chin high. “I don’t want you. Let me go.”
He released her wrist and ran his hands through his hair. It was a disheveled mess that called to her. She wanted to run her fingers down the path he’d left in the wake of his. “I’m sorry,” he said quietly. “I never meant to hurt you.”
“Well, you did.” Physically she’d be fine, but emotionally she’d be a disaster for a long time to come. He wasn’t a bad man, but he was male, and that often came with an air of superiority. “I don’t want to be your enemy, Dashville.”
“Call me Oliver.”
She jerked back. “What?”
After all that, he wanted her to use his given name? What game was he playing with her? That kind of intimacy—it only made it worse. The kiss hadn’t been as much of a surprise as this. There was something between them, and always had been. He may not have seen it or felt it, but she had. Every time he neared, her entire body hummed with desire. That made his attitude toward her that much more unbearable to take.
“I think we know each other well enough to disperse with formalities. I’d like us to at least be friends—even if I’d like more.”
He’d been so aloof and unperturbed to be close to her. Now, after not paying her any mind for years, he wanted her to address him as one would a family member or a—lover... She couldn’t do it. Helena studied him for several seconds before she replied, “I don’t think that’s a good idea.” The rules were there for a reason. If she let them go, she’d never be able to pretend she didn’t feel far more for him than she should.
“What?” he asked sardonically. “Us being friends, or you using my given name?”
“Both,” she said. “I don’t know if we can ever be more than what we are.”
She didn’t want to define their relationship. Mostly because she didn’t know if it was possible to find a word to describe it... They weren’t enemies. Acquaintances weren’t special, and friends not personal enough. They hadn’t gone so far as to become lovers—they were somewhere in-between.
“We can,” he insisted. “But I won’t push any more tonight. In fact, I won’t pursue you at all. If you want me, you’ll have to come to me.”
“That’s not going to happen,” she replied defiantly. “I already told you I don’t want you. Don’t wait for me to change my mind.”
He closed the distance between them and raised his hand to cup her cheek. His silence was almost deafening, and she couldn’t handle it. Helena opened her mouth to speak, but the right words eluded her. The stillness was too much and spiked with emotions that overwhelmed her. She wanted him far more than she should, but she’d never speak that aloud. Not now, probably not ever, but that didn’t make her feel any less for him. It had always been that way for her. She hated admitting it to herself. That had been why she’d been so disappointed in him so many years ago. He’d rebuffed her and made her feel inferior. Now that he’d changed his mind she was supposed to forget all of it? That wasn’t possible.
“You’re lovely,” he finally said. “Strong, brave, and resilient.” Dashville rubbed her cheek with his hand. She was so choked up with feelings she couldn’t handle, and all she could do was stand there like a fool. “I should have seen it sooner. That’s my fault, and I’ll gladly spend the rest of my life making it up to you. All I ask is you give me the chance to.”
She shook her head, unable to find words. He stepped back, putting distance between them. His face darkened at her response. She wanted to tell him yes, but she couldn’t. Not when she wasn’t sure she could believe him. She had no faith in his ability to do as he said. How could she? He’d been so cruel to her, and that wasn’t easy to forget.
“I see.” He frowned and then shook his head. “As I said, I’ll leave you in peace. If you change your mind, send word and I’ll come. I’ll wait forever if that’s what it takes.”
He spun on his heels and exited the library. Helena stood where he left her for several heartbeats, not sure how to respond. Surely he wasn’t serious? He’d have to marry and produce an heir. He couldn’t wait for her to decide to be with him.
Maybe he didn’t mean marriage—he hadn’t come out and said it. There was no proposal for her to turn down. He wanted her that much was clear, but perhaps it was only for an affair. She was fully on the shelf and a spinster of notoriety. Maybe he thought she’d be an easy conquest. No, that didn’t seem right either. She had no idea what to make of it, and perhaps it wouldn’t be solved tonight.
“It’s time to go home...”
She left the library and went in search of her mother. The duchess had reluctantly come out to chaperone her. Her mother didn’t like going out in society and preferred to keep to her personal sitting room. She didn’t even accept callers often. It was quite the coup to have the Duchess of Montford attend a social gathering. Helena had counted on that and talked her into attending when both her father and brother claimed to have prior engagements. The duchess being in attendance had taken the spotlight off of her and gave her the opportunity to gather more gossip for her scandal sheet.
Her mother was sitting on a chaise lounge near the drink table holding court before the other dames of the ton. “Young people these days,” Lady Marvelle exclaimed. “My poor niece is being snubbed by some of the haute ton, and it’s so distressing.”
Lady Anne had to grow up before she was completely ruined. Perhaps she should tell Lady Marvelle exactly what her niece was up to and how she flirted with disaster. No, she didn’t owe Lady Anne anything, and the debutante thought she was better than Helena. A spinster wouldn’t give good advice.
“Mother,” Helena greeted the duchess. “I’m a bit fatigued. Would you mind terribly if we left ear
ly?”
“After you demanded we attend tonight?” The duchess sighed. “Very well, if you insist.”
Helena didn’t think her mother would terribly mind leaving. “Thank you,” she replied demurely. Her mother and father demanded respect at all times. “I appreciate your understanding.”
“As well you should,” the duchess scolded. “Now help me up.” Her mother waved her hand at Helena. She assisted her mother, and they nodded their goodbyes to her friends. Then they made their way out of the ballroom, stopping briefly to thank the hostess for her hospitality. Once they were in the carriage her mother dropped all pretenses.
“Really, Helena,” she said scornfully. “Why must you drag me to these entertainments when we both know you’re not going to pick a man to marry. That ship sailed years ago—even if you do appear lovelier now than you did when you first had your come out.”
Her mother, ever the optimist... “Perhaps I shouldn’t bother with social gatherings anymore then. Since they’re a useless endeavor, as you mentioned.”
She frowned. “I didn’t say that. It wouldn’t do for you to stop socializing altogether. It is the end of the season though.” She tapped her chin. “Maybe it would be better if you went to visit my dear friend, Lady Scarsbury for a few weeks.”
“You want me to go all the way to Scotland?” Helena asked, appalled. “What did I do to deserve such punishment?”
“Don’t be ridiculous,” her mother said dismissively. “It’s on the English border.”
“But it’s still Scotland,” Helena reminded her. “That’s a little far to go, don’t you agree?”
Scotland? Her mother couldn’t be serious. She hated Scotland, and the duchess knew that. This had to be a punishment of some sort. How would she write her scandal sheet while she was so far away from London? Lady X hadn’t missed a week since she started writing her publication years ago. With her absence, the ton might start to wonder if she was Lady X—that wouldn’t do at all. This wasn’t going to work for her, and she had to find a way to make her mother see past this insane idea of hers.
“Not at all,” she said. “Maybe you will find a Scot to marry. At this point, any man will do. It’s not right that a duke’s daughter can’t secure a match. You should have been the first lady to marry after your first season. I don’t understand how you’ve become a spinster. It’s not right.”
That was all her parents cared about—her unmarried state. Maybe she should have taken Dashville up on his offer. If he wanted to be lovers, she’d be ruined for marriage. Then her parents would have no choice but to accept she didn’t want a husband.
“I rather like who I am, and I don’t need a husband to make me happy.”
“Whoever said a husband equals happiness?” the duchess said, appalled. “Don’t be ridiculous. Marriage has nothing to do with that. It’s connections, money, and political alliances. I couldn’t care less if you like the man you wed. Just pick one.”
Helena sighed. She wasn’t surprised at all. That was the sad part about their entire discussion. Her mother didn’t care about her and never really had. Nannies and governesses had raised Lucas and her. Her mother was heartless, and that wasn’t going to change.
“I don’t want to go to Scotland.”
“I’ll make the arrangements,” the duchess said, ignoring her. “Your maid will pack your trunks, and I’ll send a letter to Caroline to expect you. The carriage can be ready by midday, and you can begin your journey. Stay as long as you like.”
“Then don’t send me at all.” Why wasn’t her mother listening to her? “Since I don’t want to go, the amount of time I stay is quite moot.”
“It’ll be fun,” the duchess said somewhat enthusiastically. “You’ll see.”
She’d have to stay up all night and write two weeks worth of gossip. Maybe she’d only miss a week of publications. That wouldn’t be too bad... Scotland would be bloody awful, and she hated her mother. In the meantime, she could maybe work toward ruining her reputation. Maybe there was something to Dashville’s indecent proposal she could work with—even if none of it would be true. Lady X was going to paint a picture of scandal she’d never escape from. Hopefully, Dashville wouldn’t mind too much...
This lady finds it quite intriguing that a certain marquess vanished at the same time as the lady he outwardly despises. Is there more there than hate?
—Whispers from Lady X
CHAPTER FIVE
THE SUN WAS LOW ON the horizon as it began its ascent. Dawn had come and gone as Dash traveled to visit his aunt. He had to get away from London and think about how he’d handled everything with Helena. He’d gone about it all wrong. When he’d started pursuing her, he’d believed it was the right thing. In one regard, he did think he’d been correct. He belonged with Helena, and she was the one that he wanted. Now he had to figure out how to make her see that too. Going away for a couple of weeks would help them both gain some perspective.
The trip to his aunt’s castle would take several days. They’d have to stop in several coaching inns to change horses. He hated traveling in general, but rather looked forward to this particular journey. Dash considered it an exercise in patience, and one cathartic in nature. Life had kicked him in the head hard and knocked some much needed sense into his thick skull. When he returned to London he’d have a new plan, and hopefully he’d win the lady he wished to make his wife.
The click clack of hooves on the road lulled him into a sleepy state. He’d left the ball and gone straight home to make plans for this journey. His valet had packed in a flurry as Dash talked to the household staff. His house should run without any problems while he was away, but he always liked to have a hand in things when possible. Any staff not needed while he was gone would be given a chance to visit family and have a couple days off for whatever they wanted to do.
Before long, they were pulling up to an inn to change horses. It was the noon hour and his stomach grumbled. As they pulled up to the building a crack echoed through the air. The carriage rocked heavily, pushing him from one end to the other. He banged his head against the side and groaned.
“What the blazes was that?” he shouted.
The door to his carriage swung open and his driver poked his head inside. “Many apologies, my lord. A wheel snapped loose.”
That was bound to delay them for a while. He cursed and dragged himself out of the broken carriage. “How long will it take to fix it?” He brushed his waistcoat down and took note of his surroundings. It was a normal coaching inn. Nothing much to recommend it, other than its expediency for switching horses. “I’d like to be on our way as soon as possible.”
“I’ll inquire inside,” the driver said bobbing his head as he backed away. “Be back before you realize I’m gone.”
He doubted that. Dash glanced at his carriage in disgust. Of course they’d find themselves delayed. Luck hadn’t exactly been one of his friends of late. It was a damn good thing he didn’t have a gambling problem, or he’d already have been divested of all his funds.
The driver rushed inside and Dash pondered what he should do. He could go inside and see if he could get a meal. It would most likely be inferior compared to his own cook’s fare, but he didn’t really care. His stomach was protesting the lack of food, and he needed to eat. Before he had a chance to go inside, the driver came rushing back out. That had been far quicker than he’d anticipated.
“Good news, I hope,” Dash said to him.
“I’m afraid not, my lord.” He fidgeted in front of him and twirled his cap in his hands. “The blacksmith is ill and can’t repair the axle today. We might be here a few days.”
Dash hadn’t expected that bit of news at all. He had the urge to curse again but held back. It wasn’t the driver’s fault his bloody carriage had decided to crack the wheel axle. They’d have to take a room until it could be repaired.
“That’s not all, my lord.”
He was afraid to ask. “What is it?”
“All the
rooms are full. They have lodging in the stable.”
This time, Dash did let out a string of curses that would make the most skilled reprobate blush. If he could turn around and go back to London he would. Unfortunately, that wasn’t possible. How was he going to survive a night in the stables? He’d never spent a night in such a place in his entire life. He wasn’t looking forward to it, but what choice did he have.
“Fine,” he said to his driver. “Make the arrangements. I’m going inside to have a meal.” At least that should go well—he hoped. If they suddenly didn’t have food, he’d go bury himself in a haystack until his luck turned around. Surely things couldn’t continue to go bad...
“I think they have mutton stew for the lunch meal,” the driver provided. “The smell made my mouth water.”
“Good.” Because if he had to hunt his own food, things wouldn’t have been pretty—he hated being hungry. It was the worst feeling. “When you’re done taking care of the carriage and horses, make sure you get some food too.”
“Yes, my lord,” he said with a nod. “I’ll take care of them now.”
Dash spun on his heels and went inside the inn. The smell was as scrumptious as his driver had proclaimed. He couldn’t wait to get a bowl of it and sit down to enjoy it. All the tables were full, but one had an open seat. The lady already sitting at the table had a wide, sweeping bonnet that covered her head and face. He didn’t like the idea of talking to a stranger, but desperate times and all that.
“May I join you?”
“Dashville,” she looked up at him and said, surprised. “What are you doing here? Are you following me?”
God save him... The last person he’d expected to find at the inn was Helena. She’d never believe it was a coincidence. How was he going to explain this?