She kept hearing Aaron’s words. The pain in them. The confusion. He’d been genuinely surprised at her sudden departure, and hurt, too. But she couldn’t have stayed with him. She couldn’t have sat there and pretended it was all okay. It wasn’t.
How could she let it happen? Was she so weak that dinner, a brief apology, and some good manners were enough to get her into the sack? After all that had happened?
She sighed. Maybe so. But it was a moment of weakness and the moment was over.
God, he must think she’s crazy, going from cold to hot to cold in such a short span of time. She felt a little crazy.
The sex sort of made sense. Aaron still got her motor running, and he’d come all that way to see her with his hat in his hands. But what was up with the freakout? With the bad dream and the sneaky departure? She’d come to peace with what happened, hadn’t she? Maybe not. After all, they’d never talked about it. He’d withdrawn, and she’d bailed. He tried to reach out, but she refused to listen. But what was the point in hearing his excuses? It wouldn’t have changed a thing. He was set on getting back with his wife, and that was that.
And Josh. She’d called him and apologized for not calling last night. In the interest of honesty, she told him the truth, that she’d run into an old boyfriend. He wasn’t happy about that, and she couldn’t blame him. But she and Josh had no romantic relationship. They’d only had the promise of one, and she realized she didn’t want to explore it. Seeing Aaron made her see the truth, that if she’d felt any real attraction for Josh, she would have looked forward to their trip, instead of feeling ambivalent about it. She’d hoped their trip would change things, but why would it? They’d been friends for months and no amount of phone or Skype chats had generated that spark, that desire to let him strip off her clothes and screw her senseless.
She didn’t know if the right guy existed. She only knew Josh wasn’t him. She wanted someone who made her feel like Aaron had… but without the pain and suffering.
Later, when she pulled into her parking spot, relief came over her. She was home safe after a great con. It would take time to shake off the Aaron thing, but she’d shaken off much worse before. She unpacked and took a shower, putting on fresh clothes before lying down to take a nap.
A ringing woke her. Groggy, she looked around, realizing it was her phone. She grabbed it. It was Aaron. She rolled her eyes, wondering which part of “don’t call me again” was so difficult to understand. But when he left a message, she couldn’t help but listen.
“Hey, it’s Aaron. I know you said not to call you, but I need to talk to you. It’s important. Please, please call me. Please, Teagan.”
Teagan bit her lip. The pleading in Aaron’s voice… it was so unlike him. She called him.
“Hey,” came Aaron’s voice. It was a relieved hey.
“Hey.”
“Thank you. For calling me back. I couldn’t… I can’t leave it like that.”
She said nothing, waiting for him to say what he needed to say.
“Look,” he began. “You don’t owe me anything, okay? I just want to talk, about what happened last night… and before. I have a lot to say.”
“What’s the point? It’s done.”
“No, it’s not.”
There was a knock at her door. Teagan told Aaron to hold on and opened the door, ready to tell Ben she’d talk to him later. But it wasn’t Ben.
It was Aaron.
Chapter Twenty-Six
Teagan couldn’t believe it. Aaron had driven all the way from Albuquerque, taking him another seven hours out of his way, not including the way back. He looked tired and a little stressed out, his smile nowhere to be found. Before she could say anything, Ben’s door opened and he stepped onto the porch.
When Ben saw the grave look on Teagan’s face, he scowled and approached them, staring at Aaron. “Dude, what the hell are you doing here?”
Aaron raised his eyebrows in surprise. “I’m here to talk to Teagan.”
Ben took a step closer, breathing fog into the cold air. “Why? So you can fuck with her some more?”
“Ben,” Teagan said, grabbing his arm. “It’s okay. We’re just talking.”
Ben’s eyes remained on Aaron for several more tense seconds before he finally turned to her and pointed at his place. “I’m right here if you need me.” He gave Aaron a warning look before disappearing inside.
Teagan let Aaron in and closed the door. “Sorry,” she said. “Ben can be… intense.”
“It’s okay.” Aaron took off his coat and sat down on her couch, rubbing his face with his hands.
“What can I get you? A sandwich? Coffee?”
She didn’t want to be servile, but he’d come all that way… for her. Just like he’d come all the way to Albuquerque for her.
He shook his head. “Maybe later.”
Instead of feeling anxious that Aaron was there, she felt relieved. He was right, it wasn’t done. She would finally get to say everything she never got to share with him. Her pain, her humiliation, her feelings of betrayal. She sat down on the other leg of her L-shaped couch, facing him.
“Aaron, I’m sorry I left like that. The thing is, we never talked about what happened before. I never got to tell you how I felt—”
“Yeah,” he said, anger in his face. “Because you took off before I had a chance to say a fucking word, just like you did today.”
Teagan hesitated, taken aback by Aaron’s anger. “You could have spoken up back then. You didn’t because there was nothing to explain—”
“I tried to talk to you—”
“I mean the night before! When you got home and went to bed!”
“I didn’t know what to say, alright? You know I’m not good at talking about feelings. But I was ready to talk the next morning, if you would’ve stopped for two seconds to listen.”
“Listen to what, Aaron? Listen to you say, hey, thanks for watching my house and my dog, but can you please leave so my wife can come home?”
“That’s not how it was—”
“That’s exactly how it was!”
“How would you know how it was?” he cried. “How would you know? You didn’t let me say a goddamn word. You just packed all your shit and bailed—”
“Oh, I’m sorry! Should I have stuck around so you could tell me I was no longer wanted? That you needed me to leave but felt really guilty about asking me to? What did you want me to listen to? How bad you felt for making your divorce seem almost final, for letting me take care of your house and your dog, just so you could not call me when you said you would, twice? You always called me! Always! Until you didn’t. And now I know it was because you were with her!” Aaron looked away, his jaw tight. She’d never seen him so angry. But Teagan went on, her own anger showing no signs of retreat. “Why on earth would I stick around for that, Aaron? What the hell could you have said that would’ve made any difference—”
“How about the truth?” he shouted, his face red. “How about an opportunity to tell the truth? Do you have any fucking idea how terrible I felt? I felt like the world’s biggest asshole. You took care of my house and my dog. You missed holidays with your family and ate fast food for Christmas. And you did it all for me, so I could get promoted and have a better career. And… you expected nothing in return! I’ve never felt so shitty in my life for doing that to you. When I told my dad, he got pissed off at me, told me I was a fucking idiot and that I did you wrong. Those were his exact words. I haven’t seen him that mad in years. And he was right! Fuck, even Patton moped around for three days after you left!”
Teagan stared at Aaron in stunned silence, her anger softening just a little. “Okay. You felt shitty. That makes you a decent man. But it doesn’t change the facts, Aaron. It doesn’t change the fact that you withheld the truth, that you still had feelings for your ex and were spending time with her during your training while I was at your house—”
He shook his head. “We had no contact until that last week—”
>
“But you still spent time with her. And that’s probably when you stopped calling me, right? You, who always called, because you knew how important that was to me!” Tears came to her eyes. “You said you missed me and I thought you meant it. But then you didn’t call and you were acting weird. You broke your own rule about being a man of your word because you found something—or someone—worth breaking that rule for. Her, not me! That’s what hurt the most, Aaron!” Tears streamed down her face.
Aaron looked away, pain on his face. He shook his head.
“She may not look so good to you now,” Teagan went on, “but she did back then. Good enough to forget about me, to treat me almost like a stranger those last few days of your training and when you returned home. I knew something was wrong. But I thought maybe you were exhausted from the training, and I’d never seen you under stress before so I just tried to give you space.” Tears still fell. “But you just wanted to be with someone else. Someone you loved. And I know what that looks like, Aaron, because my ex-husband did the same fucking thing to me.”
He shook his head. “You’ve got it wrong.”
“How?”
He paused for a moment. “Our divorce… it was almost final. She found out I was there and just showed up. It’s a long story, but she wanted to give it another try. When we split, we just… split. She left and I let her because I wasn’t happy. We didn’t try to make it work or go to counseling or any of that. I told her I didn’t see the point of trying again. But she said we owed it to ourselves to honor our promise, to give it one last try… and I agreed with her.”
“Oh, come on. Don’t say you ‘had to’ or that it was the ‘right thing.’ You did it because you wanted to.”
“Don’t do that,” Aaron said through gritted teeth. “Don’t tell me how I felt.”
“Fine, I won’t. But I’ll tell you this: people always talk about doing the right thing, but in the end they always do what they want.”
“You mean like leaving my house without talking to me? Or leaving this morning without a word?”
Teagan’s anger rose again. “Don’t you put this on me!”
Aaron took a deep breath, gathering his next words. “You said what hurt the most was when I said I’d call and didn’t. You knew I was a man of my word, and if I did that, it was for an important reason. And you’re right.” He paused, looking at her. “I made the decision I did for that very reason, to honor my word. I didn’t want to get back together with her. But I did it because I made a promise to her, in front of my family and friends. We made a promise. Where I come from, you don’t break that. You do everyone you can to uphold that, even if it isn’t what you want. It’s a military thing and you wouldn’t understand. I felt like shit for what I did to you, but I’d never have forgiven myself if I’d turned my back on my marriage vows without at least trying to make it work.”
Teagan’s tears stopped. For the first time, she began to understand. A little, anyway. “If honoring promises is so important to you, why pursue divorce at all?”
He shrugged. “She left. We agreed to move on. She dated, I dated. That made it easier.”
“So when she didn’t want you, you found someone else until she changed her mind. And that still doesn’t explain why you told me in August that your divorce was almost final, and you were still married at Christmas!”
Aaron’s face reddened again. Teagan knew she was angering him, but she had to know all of it. She didn’t want excuses; she wanted the truth.
Aaron scooted a little closer to her, his eyes boring into hers. “Teagan, listen to me. I wanted to be with you, not her. We’d been separated a year! I never expected her to change her mind, because I hadn’t. But when she did, she reminded me of the promise I’d made. I owed it to her, and to myself, to try. I didn’t believe it would work, but we went to some marriage seminar where they said they could revive any marriage, no matter how broken. When I saw those other couples…” Aaron shook his head. “Some had cheated multiple times, one guy hit his wife… and they made a lot of progress. I assumed I just hadn’t tried hard enough. But it failed, and for the same reasons it failed the first time. We respect each other, but there’s no real love there. I’m not sure there ever was. And that’s when I realized that the promise isn’t enough.”
“What do you mean?”
“I mean… for some couples, they think love is enough and they forget about the promise, so when shit gets difficult, they bail. But for others, they think the promise is enough, that if they just stick with it, everything will work out, even when it’s clearly not working and probably won’t ever work.”
“Like me and my ex,” Teagan said suddenly, the truth hitting her at once. Aaron raised his eyebrows. “We were a horrible match and I stuck with it anyway, ignoring all the signs that he was a jerk who never appreciated me. I always hated him for leaving me for someone else… but he did us both a favor.” Why hadn’t she considered that before? Then she had another thought. “Did you sleep with her? When you were out there?”
Aaron scowled. “No. I didn’t touch her. I would never do that, Teagan. I know I fucked things up with you, but I’m not a cheat. I’m not your ex-husband.”
Teagan stared at Aaron, the gravity of those words sinking in. He wasn’t like her ex. “Why did you stop calling me?”
He sighed, resting his elbows on his knees and rubbing his face with his hands again. “The first time, I was talking with her. The conversion got intense, and I lost track of time. The second time… I couldn’t. I couldn’t stand hearing your voice, because deep down I knew what I had to do.”
“But you let me worry. You put your own guilt before my feelings—”
“No!” he said, raising his voice. “It wasn’t because I felt guilty. It was because I was torn between honoring my word and what I really wanted. I’d fallen in love with you, Teagan!” he said, his eyes glimmering. “The thing that kept me going during that hellish month was you, knowing I would see you at the end of it. The whole time, I was trying to figure out a way to convince you to come live with me in Tucson. I wanted to be with you, and I couldn’t. And there was no easy way to explain that to you!”
Teagan’s remaining anger drained away. Her instinct had been right. He’d had something good planned for his return home, until everything changed.
Aaron grabbed her hand. “You’re the one I wanted. It tore me up to let you go. I should have told you that right away, but I couldn’t find the words. By the time I did, you were gone.” He paused. “When she and I split for good, all I wanted to do was find you. And the moment I saw you, I knew I wanted you back. I just prayed that you would talk to me. I prayed that some other guy hadn’t found you first. At dinner last night, it felt like it used to feel with you, even with all the tension, and I thought you felt it too. But when I woke up and you were gone… I felt like shit all over again. And then I wondered if I’d taken advantage of you—”
Teagan shook her head. “No. Absolutely not.”
“You said you didn’t want a fuck buddy who throws you away when something better comes along.” He grimaced at the words. “I made you feel like that.”
She shook her head again. “No. I was just scared. Sleeping together probably wasn’t the smartest idea. Not without talking first.”
Aaron nodded in agreement.
“I have another question for you,” she said. “Don’t get mad, okay? I just need to know. Why did you tell me in August that your divorce was almost final?”
“It was. There was a mix-up with the paperwork and that pushed the final date back a few months.” He paused. “I didn’t mention it because it didn’t seem important. But I should have told you and I apologize for that.” He squeezed her hand before glancing at his watch. Teagan did too; it was 5:30.
“Do you have to get home?”
“Unfortunately. Big meeting tomorrow with the General. I can’t miss it.”
Teagan felt bad for Aaron. A twelve-hour drive ahead of him, and t
hat was with good weather. He wouldn’t get much sleep, if any. But before she could say anything, Aaron stood up.
“I almost forgot. I have something for you… I’ll be back.”
Teagan watched as Aaron left her place. Within a minute, he returned with something in his hand and handed it to her. She gasped.
It was her Saturn notebook. The one she’d left by his bedside. The one she’d told him to throw away.
“Oh my God,” she whispered. “You kept it.”
He nodded.
She flipped through it, seeing all her notes and doodles. Before she knew it, the doodles began to blur as tears filled her eyes again. She held the notebook to her chest, tears streaming down her face. He’d kept it, for her. She put it down and threw her arms around Aaron, fighting the urge to sob like a child. Aaron’s arms surrounded her, holding her as he caressed her hair. She believed everything Aaron told her about why he’d left and how much he cared. But at that moment, she felt the truth of his words, down to the depths of her soul. The truth had always been there, and she’d been too blinded by pain and fear to see it.
“I’m so sorry I misjudged you,” she said, wiping her tears away. “That I didn’t let you explain.”
He shook his head, holding her face in his hands. “I’m the one who’s sorry. I fucked things up. But I want to make it up to you, if it’s not too late.”
“It’s not.”
Aaron studied her, as if making sure she meant it. He reached out and stroked her hair before leaning over to kiss her. How amazing it felt, his lips on hers, softly at first, then with more intensity. When he released her, he stared at her for several moments, sending shivers through her.
“I wish you could stay,” she said.
“Me too.”
She found her phone and checked the weather. “No storms are coming, so that’s good. But I’ll worry about you, driving all night.”
He shook his head. “I’ll be fine.”
“I’ll pack you some dinner and snacks, and a thermos of coffee, then.”
Afterglow (Four Corners Book 1) Page 17