by jc santo
Words escape me.
How lucky am I to have this amazing group of friends?
Reed holds me while I cry into his shoulder, overwhelmed by the amount of love from these people.
Once I finally compose myself somewhat, I turn to see all of them standing in my Mom’s living room, quietly looking over the shadow boxes, allowing me to have this moment I need to comprehend that they all took time off of work, flew across the country, left their children to come out here and support me through my mom’s death.
J.C. is standing with everyone now; at some point during my mini breakdown he emerged from the shower and dressed before joining us in the living room.
I walk away from Reed and straight into his arms where the tears fall freely again.
I’m an emotional basket case.
He peppers light kisses to my hair and forehead. “Is it okay that I got them all out here?”
Still unable to talk, I press my forehead into his chest and nod.
“I thought you might like to have the girls and Marsh here. I couldn’t just leave Reed and Hunter out,” he jokes.
I finally look up and smile through my now swollen eyes. “I’m glad you didn’t leave them out. Thank you for bringing them out here. I love you.”
“Anything for you, Jo.” He uses his thumbs to wipe away some of my tears. “I love you.” He looks deeply into my eyes and then plants a kiss to my lips.
J.C.
Sunday Evening
The service was beautiful, Pat would have loved it. All of the small yet important details were things she would have picked for herself.
When I walked into the church with my hand in Jo’s, my grip tightened when I saw that the spray of roses across her casket were white, just like what I planted in her garden months ago. I have no idea if it was intentional or not, but it made me feel like I was a part of the ceremony. I was represented in an amazing woman’s final goodbye.
Jo was dignified and so strong through it all. I gained so much more respect as I watch her through the entire process.
And our friends were amazing to come out. I wasn’t sure everyone would be able to make it, especially Hunter and Tess since they have three little ones to worry about; thankfully Hunter’s dad, Jeremy, stepped up without question and volunteered to take them, as well as Chachi, for the weekend.
We spent the afternoon hanging out around the house. Jo’s family was excited to meet her military family, and everyone got along well. We all passed around stories of Pat; if it wasn’t already known, the woman was a living legacy. We all had at least one tale of how she enhanced our lives.
Marsh told us how she prayed with him and gave him words of wisdom when she came out to Virginia to visit shortly after his and Hunter’s mom passed away.
“She told me, ‘she might be gone physically, but she’ll always be there for you, my dear.’ It really stuck with me. Everyone else offered up ‘I’m sorrys’ and all that, but for a woman I barely knew to sit and talk to me, to let me fall apart in her arms, I knew,” Marsh pauses and rubs his hand down the back of his neck, “I knew she was special. Pat’s always gonna be special to me.”
Reed’s story was similar; she provided him with advice regarding his biological mom. He didn’t go into details like Marsh, but we all know that is still a touchy subject for Reed to openly discuss. It shows the character of Pat that he was willing to talk to her about it. Or perhaps it shows her orneriness that she wouldn’t allow him to not discuss it with her.
Or course, Tess and Jo provided many stories. She was a constant sounding board for the two of them. And one of their biggest supporters with their Navy career.
When my turn came around, so many memories swirled around, I didn’t know which to share at first. But then I realized that no one, not even Jo, knows of our conversation we had months ago when I showed up here unannounced.
“I’ll never forget when I showed up here after my deployment. I had no idea what to say or how to convince Jo to take me back, I just knew I had to try. I was instantly relieved when I found out Pat was here and Jo wasn’t.” I look over and Jo is watching me with intense interest. “She let me have it. Really, if y’all haven’t been on the receiving end of one of Pat’s rants, feel lucky. It was not fun.” Both Jo and her brothers snicker, all of them knowing how their mom was.
“Anyway, once she was finally done chewin’ my ass, she told me she loved me and that she knew you did too.” I look directly at Jo now. “I’ll never forget that conversation; she questioned me about everything regarding you. It felt like an interrogation to be honest, but one I’d go through again in a heartbeat.”
My amount of respect grew in the span of that conversation. I saw how fierce her love for Jo was, and I’d like to think she saw how fierce mine was as well.
“What do you mean she questioned everything regarding me?” Jo asks.
“I mean, do I love you, how am I gonna make up for my screw up, what about both of us being in the Navy, are we going to attempt to have more kids in the future...Everything.”
Jo’s eyes widen but she doesn’t respond for a moment. Looking around the room, I see that Miguel has started telling another of his own stories, drawing in everyone’s attention.
“What did you say?” Her voice is so quiet I almost don’t hear it.
“What do you mean? I told her I love you more than anything in this world and that I’d fight until my last breath to prove that to you. I made the decision then that I would get out of the service. It wasn’t a lifelong career for me anyway.”
She ponders my answer for a moment before asking the one question I know she wants to hear the answer to.
“What about kids?”
I run my thumb along her jawline and skirt it across her bottom lip.
“Darlin’, the minute you want to try for another baby, all you gotta do is say the word and I’m on board. If I had my way, I’d already have a baby in your belly.”
She nods her head and then gets up from the couch and walks away to the kitchen.
Unsure if my response somehow upset her, I follow.
“Jo,” I say, stepping into the room. “What’s going on?”
She doesn’t answer and continues rummaging through a medium sized box. When she finally finds whatever she’s looking for, she turns with the item wrapped up in her arms and immediately goes to her duffel bag to collect something else. Finally, she comes to stand in front of me with water-filled eyes.
“What’s wrong?”
“Nothing, it's just a lot to hear, you know? Not that it's a bad thing; it's just a lot to take in on top of everything else. My emotions are just all over the place this week.”
“You sure?”
She pushes her hair out of her face and smiles at me.
“Yeah, just needed a minute alone to kind of collect my thoughts.” She looks around at all of the food people brought to the house with their condolences. “Figured I could at least be productive while I process everything.”
“Okay.” I kiss her cheek and step out of the kitchen, where I'm met by Tessa.
“She okay?” she immediately asks.
“I think so. You may wanna go help her with all of the food in there though.”
She smiles and gives one firm nod before heading in the way I just exited.
There was laughter, smiles, sadness, and the occasional tears throughout the afternoon and evening, and every single moment of it was amazing. We celebrated Pat’s life which is exactly what she would have wanted.
It was a long and bumpy road to get to this point, and God knows none of us wanted to lose Pat along the way, but her loss brought all of us closer together. Through her guidance this past year, I reunited with the love of my life, made amends with my father, I’m following my dreams towards a career I want, and I’ve started my own family. Pat is to thank for a lot of that.
I place a kiss to Jo’s temple and send up a silent thank you t
o Pat.
J.C.
Two Months Later
Last weekend, Jo and I traveled back to California for a short trip. It was the first time we’ve been out there since Pat’s funeral. Our weekend was filled with family time and we visited Pat’s grave.
It was beautiful and heartbreaking. We took fresh white roses and replaced the ones that Miguel had brought a week ago. He and Joseph are very good about keeping fresh ones here for her.
Back at the house, we sorted through a lot of Pat’s stuff and Jo filled a medium sized box to bring back home with us. I haven’t asked what is in there; I figure she’ll tell me if and when she wants to. Those things are personal between Jo and Pat and I don’t want to intrude.
Later that night, I walk into our room to see Jo sitting on the bed with something bundled up in her hands.
“You okay, darlin’?”
She doesn’t answer, just climbs off the bed and rummages through her nightstand and then finally comes to stand in front of me with water-filled eyes.
“What’s wrong?”
Again, she ignores my question.
“Mom left these for you, well us.”
She places a bundle of crochet, off-white material in my hand.
Booties?
“Why would your mom give us baby booties?”
It’s then that she hands me the other item in her hands; a reminder card for an OBGYN appointment
“Jo..”
“You said you’d be on board whenever I’m ready. Well...I hope that’s still true because I’m pretty sure I’m pregnant.”
I pull her into my chest as tears of joy fall from my eyes.
“I’m on board, I’m so fucking on board, Darlin’,” I say as a splay kisses to any reachable surface of my wife.
Grabbing her cheeks, I lean back to look in her eyes.
“You’re serious? You think we’re having a baby?”
She nods and continues to cry. I kiss her hard then immediately pull her to the bed and lie her down to pepper kisses along her still small stomach.
Sitting in the waiting room, two days later, I’m a mess.
What if we lose this baby, too? How will Jo handle it? How will I handle it?
I continue playing the hypothetical ‘what if’ game until Jo’s name is called.
The nurse runs through a line of questions with Jo; last period, experiencing any sickness...normal stuff. But when she asks the ‘previous pregnancies’ question, my shoulders immediately tense and eyes shoot to Jo’s.
All of her progress and healing over the loss of our baby comes to this moment. I maintain eye contact and wait with baited breath for how she’ll handle this situation.
“Yes, one previous pregnancy. It was a miscarriage at ten weeks.”
There’s no flinch, no tension in her shoulders as she answers. She looks over to where I’m sitting in the chair across the room and gives me a small, but assuring smile. I know the loss of our baby will always have an effect on both of us, but it seems like we’re both finally at a point of moving on from it.
Perfect timing, too.
Twenty minutes later, we walk out of the office, hand in hand with three black and white, grainy pictures of our little sprout.
We’re gonna have a baby.
Jo
Tonight is another one of our ‘family dinners’, this time at Tess and Hunter’s house.
I’m beyond excited for everyone to show up; J.C. and I are announcing our news. And, Marshall is finally bringing the mysterious Preston to meet all of us.
Apparently he put his foot down. If Preston backs out this time, Marsh claims he’s ready to move on.
Tessa comes to sit beside me on the living room floor where I’m playing with Madison and Parker in their activity chairs.
“Well, Marsh is running late, as usual,” she says by way of starting a conversation. It’s a topic we’ve discussed many times since we found out about Preston. Marsh used to be pretty punctual but now, he’s always the last to arrive and first to leave one of our get-togethers.
J.C. comes into the room and takes my hand to help me up. He walks me into the hall, away from everyone else.
“Can we please tell them now? I’m dyin’ here, Darlin’.”
Poor thing, he’s known about the pregnancy all of a week and he can hardly contain his excitement. I can’t help but laugh at his poor attempt to seek sympathy from me.
“Marsh isn’t here yet.”
“So? We can tell him whenever he decides to show up.”
Unable to deny myself or J.C. the thrill of excitement running through both of us, I agree and am immediately pulled back into the living room.
“Guess what!?” J.C. practically yells, drawing everyone’s attention.
“We’re pregnant!” I answer before anyone has a chance to guess.
The room is quickly filled with oohs and ahhs and congratulations are passed around along with hugs.
So much activity is happening that no one notices Marshall step through the front door until he speaks up.
“What’d I miss?!”
Everyone turns and our immediate reaction is to try peeking over his shoulder at who’s with him.
He steps into the already crowded living room with no visible person behind him and I’m sure everyone’s first reaction is to think that Preston was once again a no-show.
Marshall takes in everyone’s sympathetic demeanor and quickly puts an end to it.
“So, is someone going to tell me what you were all celebrating?”
“I’m pregnant,” I say with a shy smile.
“You’re shittin’ me?”
“Nope, it’s for real,” J.C. says.
“Holy shit! Congrats you two!” He pulls me in for a hug and everyone else picks up their own conversations and congratulations again now that we see Marshall is okay.
After a few moments and more hugs, Reed finally questions Marsh.
“So, what happened with the guy?”
Marsh shrugs his shoulders but can’t fight the smile on his face. The front door opens again as Clark steps inside.
“There he is, the man of the hour. We were just discussing you, Preston,” Marsh calls out with a sly grin.
The End
Coming soon: Marshall & Preston’s book
(Book 4 in the Navy Love Series)
This book is dedicated to two people, one being my late father in law, Patrick Santo. There were so many aspects of Jo’s mom that I took from my father in law, he was a wonderful man who our family misses dearly. He was the nicest guy, he could make friends with anyone who he spent more than two minutes with; the type of guy who would put a smile on your face just by being himself. He was silly, free spirited and so incredibly loving and giving. Pat was the type of person that people strive to be like, he was a genuinely good person, a rare thing in our time. I consider myself so fortunate to have had someone like him in my life. He was taken too soon, but even in his illness, he still remained a caring, compassionate man. He passed from cancer two and a half years ago, but his presence is still felt daily. This man made an impact on not only my life, but the lives of so many people he met, and those small impacts will never be forgotten. I love and miss you Pat.
I wouldn’t be able to do this without my family. They may not all understand my need and desire to write, but they support me regardless. Thanks to mom and gran for reading my books even though they aren’t what you really like to read. And to my husband and my three little boys, I love you guys so much.
To Alex Grayson...I feel like we grow closer with each book and this one is no different. Thank you for sharing memories of your mom with me through this. I’m sure she was an amazing person, and I’m honored you allowed me to include her in Pat Fuentes. I hope I did right by her and you.
I wouldn’t know what to do without Marie Carlisle, from the late night pep talks, to the crazy word count deadlines...I wouldn’t have fi
nished this book, and it wouldn’t be as good as it is, without your persistence. Ready for the next one now?
My amazing team of beta readers, Amber Baker, Amy English, Erin Ann and Jeanette Christine...you guys are awesome. I truly appreciate each of you for taking time out of your busy schedules to read this and give me feedback. I seriously have some of the best betas around and consider myself damn lucky for that.
A very special thanks goes to Marie and Erin for rereading this book so many times, through all of the different stages and being listening ears for me to bounce ideas off over the past few months!
My Sailor Girls group, you ladies are so much fun and a pick me up anytime I’m having a rough time with my writing. I love getting to know each of you and can’t wait to meet some of y’all!
I have to thank all of the amazing ladies behind the scenes who are crucial in getting this book ready to go to readers. Aleesha Davis and Amy Callahan, my amazing editing team. You two rock. Thank you both for all of the hard work you put into making this book as great as it can be. I finally found a perfect team for me and my stories! Melissa Gill, with MGBookCovers, thank you for a beautiful cover! And the ladies at FMR Book Grind, y’all are amazing to work with and I love the support I get from you guys. That Formatting Lady, Angela Shockley, I can’t say enough wonderful things about you! I’m so thankful to have you as my formatter. You all do a fabulous job making my books beautiful and are quick and so reliable! I look forward to working with all of you again!
Lastly, to all the bloggers who promoted Resilient Love and the readers who fell in love with Jo and J.C.’s story from the start. I hope you guys enjoyed their book, it was a hard one to write for me. It touched on some very personal issues and I hope that I portrayed them well. Thank you all for reading it and I hope that you continue to see what happens with this group of characters who have become like family to me.
We are not promised tomorrow.
Live Life Today.
-unknown