If only it were that simple. “But I was distracted, and I shouldn’t have been. My job was to ensure the safety of my men, and I let a dog interfere with that.”
“A dog that saved your life.”
“Yeah. But if I hadn’t looked away—walked away—I’d have noticed that Lopez wasn’t heading back to the Humvee with us.”
“Luca, you couldn’t have known any of that. You assumed Lopez was obeying you, and that was a fair assumption, wasn’t it?”
“In theory. But Lopez could be stubborn. I should have checked to make sure.”
There. It was out in the open. His part in the tragedy.
She didn’t speak for a very long time. He appreciated that. He’d heard enough of the pat phrases and received plenty of consoling hugs. His relief at finally telling her was immense.
“I see why they sent Amigo to you.”
It wasn’t what he’d expected her to say, and he cocked his head, mystified.
“He saved you once, and I imagine they hoped he’d save you a second time. Back home, I mean.”
Luca nodded slowly, taking that in and mulling it over. “Possibly. They were right, in a way. But I think what really saved me was coming here. To the farm and the countryside. Being exposed to a very different life.” His eyes held hers, and he saw that she got what he was trying to say. “It’s just that I’m not sure how to come to terms with these feelings about what happened over there. How to put them to rest.”
“Maybe they’ll never be completely put to rest. But maybe you can have peace of mind.”
“I’d like that.”
“Have you ever had any contact with Lopez’s family?”
She was getting right to the crux of the matter, he thought. “No. They got the formal visit and so on from the army. My squad and I sent cards. I’ve been meaning to contact them, but...I hate to admit it...I’ve been afraid to.”
“You’ve been planning to, though.”
He liked that—her confidence in his better instincts. “It seems that avoiding emotional situations has been a habit of mine for a long time.” He thought back to his refusal to discuss his re-up with his parents; his refusal to listen to any part of Becky’s explanations about why she’d cheated on him.
“Habits can be changed.”
He smiled at the optimism in her voice. “I’d like to believe that.”
“They can. Take small steps. Starting with a very big one, though.”
“What’s that?”
Her soft answer echoed in the room. “Go see Lopez’s family.” She reached across the table and placed her hand over his.
* * *
KAI’S ROOM WAS so dark she was certain she must have dreamed the alarm tinkling next to her bed. But no. Not only was it time to get up, but a quick glimpse out her bedroom window told her it was raining, which was good for the newly planted crop.
Today she planned to go through the photos she’d taken at the monument and make more phone calls, finalizing her schedule for Memorial Day. The excitement of getting into some work other than the domestic kind propelled her out of bed.
She checked Thomas’s room on her way to shower. It was empty and the bed was actually made, Thomas-style. The fact that he’d already gotten himself up and, she hoped, eaten breakfast, was a good sign.
The boy who’d stepped off the school bus at the end of the day yesterday was one Kai hadn’t seen for a while. He’d smiled at her and Amigo, raced ahead to dig into his after-school snack and spent a long time playing with Amigo in the yard before dinner. But the most telling sign was his reaction to Luca, when he’d returned from an impromptu run into Lima for pizza. Thomas had rushed at him, clasping his arms around Luca’s middle while Luca juggled two large pizza boxes. The moment, so quick she wondered if it had really happened, overwhelmed her and she had to turn away to dab at her eyes.
Later, after Thomas was in bed and Luca was on his way to the bungalow, she’d said, “There must have been some good fallout at school from our visit this morning.”
Standing under the shower spray, Kai thought back to yesterday’s events—the school visit, the frightening episode with Bryant Lewis and especially Luca’s candid talk about his guilt over Lopez. They’d sat at the table for a while, her hand resting on his. Her sleep had been restless as the day unspooled over and over in her mind, ending with that casual hand-holding at the kitchen table. The light physical contact with Luca had felt not only comforting, but natural. Her final thought as she eventually drifted off was that perhaps there’d be no more misunderstandings between them.
Petty or otherwise. Kai smiled. She’d like that. It was good to end their time together at the farm on a positive note, and—the notion inexplicably popped into her thoughts—maybe what had happened yesterday could lead to a friendship beyond the farm. Or something more. What she felt with Luca wasn’t simply the familiarity of friendship and the sharing of interests and ideas. Last night, sitting at the table with him, his hand beneath hers, had highlighted what she’d been missing in her life. The meaningful connection with a man. She wanted to be with him as often as she could, wherever they might end up.
Thomas was finishing his cereal at the kitchen table when she came downstairs. He glanced up at her and smiled a greeting.
“Morning to you, too, mister,” she said, rubbing the top of his head. “Thank you for letting me sleep a bit longer. Guess I’ll be driving you to the bus this morning.” She was busy making coffee when the kitchen door blew open, droplets of water spraying into the room. Luca stood on the threshold, soaking wet from head to toe.
“It was a bit farther than I’d realized,” he said.
Kai and Thomas looked at one another and then back at Luca. Thomas gave a low chuckle and Kai, in wonder at the sound of Thomas giggling, stared dumbly until she, too, joined in.
“What’s so funny?” he grumbled. “No raincoat or even an umbrella over there.”
“Ah, poor you. I’ll get you some of my father’s clothes and put those in the dryer for you. His frame is a bit smaller, but they’ll do for now.”
Luca pulled off his soggy T-shirt and turned to close the door behind him. Kai brought a hand to her mouth. She saw Thomas’s eyes widen, taking in the same view of Luca’s back as she was. The whole area was pocked with shiny pink, puckered skin, circles of scars varying from the minuscule to the size of bottle caps. A jagged scar gleamed at the side of his waist.
As he faced them again, Kai shot Thomas a warning look to stop staring and rushed from the room to get the clothing. Taking the stairs two at a time, she gathered a bath towel from the linen closet and a T-shirt, a pair of old khakis, underwear and socks from her father’s bureau. All the while she was picturing the sight of Luca’s back, an indelible map of his time in Afghanistan.
She’d never truly know what he’d experienced there. His story yesterday had created vivid mental pictures for her, but now she was realizing those images were mere shadows of what he’d seen and felt. Thinking that she’d urged him to see Lopez’s family made her cringe. How could she possibly be in any position to offer advice?
When she returned to the kitchen, Luca was at the sink wringing out his T-shirt. “Here,” she said, holding out the towel and clothes. “Get out of those and I’ll put them in the dryer. Won’t take long. While you’re doing that, I’ll drive Thomas up to the road to wait for the bus.”
“Oh, right.” He glanced from her to Thomas, seemingly unaware of the effect his bare back had had on them. “Have a good day, Tommy. See you later.” Then he headed upstairs to change, leaving Thomas and Kai staring at one another until Kai shifted into action. “Let’s get going.”
She guessed from the weight of Thomas’s customary silence that his thoughts were with hers. When the bus came around the curve, Thomas opened the pickup door, casting one last look at
Kai. She leaned across the seat and pulled him close enough to kiss him on the forehead. “Have a good day, sweetie.” He smiled, climbed down from the truck and ran to the open bus door, his backpack flopping against his rain jacket.
As the bus pulled away, she saw him sit next to Robyn. The fact that Luca had called him Tommy without raising an emotional response was proof of her nephew’s slow transformation. Tommy. The name David had always called his son.
Luca was drinking coffee when she returned. She did a double take, seeing him in her father’s clothes. Familiar, yet not so much. That amused her, and she was smiling as she took off her mother’s raincoat.
“I’ve just figured out,” he said, “what those little houses or sheds are for beside people’s mailboxes along the highway.”
“Oh, you mean the weather shelters?” She hung up the wet coat and went to the counter to pour her own coffee.
“Right. I’d been wondering why they were so small and what purpose they could have.” He gave a small laugh. “Must be the city boy in me. I should’ve guessed. How come your family doesn’t have one?”
“We used to, but eventually it deteriorated so much Dad tore it down. David always meant to build another one for Thomas, but...well...he never got around to it.”
“Would it be all right if I built one for him? I mean, would your father mind? Maybe he was planning to.”
“That’s very sweet of you, Luca. My folks would be thrilled. And I don’t think Dad will be doing much building anymore.”
“If you can find me some paper and a pencil, I’ll get to it.”
“Seriously? You don’t mind?”
“It’s a rainy day, isn’t it? Perfect for a project.”
Kai rummaged through the desk in the family room to find what he needed and then, while he bent over the paper at the kitchen table, went upstairs to call her mother. She’d emailed Margaret after the call about Harry’s prognosis, wanting to offer some positive outlook on the situation.
Making a living from fifty acres of soybeans wasn’t feasible, and Kai believed her father had known that when he’d sold the last large section of land. He and Margaret had small pensions and, thanks to David’s insistence years before, some investments. They should be able to manage without a cash crop. Except...there was Thomas. Her parents were now his legal guardians, but Kai knew that one day, that responsibility would fall to her.
Responsibility. She chastised herself for a word that made caring for Thomas sound like a chore. He was her nephew, and she loved him. But the past few weeks had demonstrated all too clearly how onerous childcare could be, no matter how much love was involved. She was still midcareer, living in one of the most vibrant cities in the world, with opportunities and dreams ahead of her. She had to admit, though, that since Luca’s arrival the time hadn’t dragged, and there’d been a day or two when she hadn’t thought of that old life in the city at all.
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
LUCA’S GAZE SHIFTED right as he checked Kai’s profile for the umpteenth time during the drive to Lima. Except for mention of her meeting with Boychuk at the VFW office, she hadn’t uttered a word. Maybe she was mesmerized by the swishing windshield wipers, but more likely she was replaying the moment in the kitchen when he’d bared his back to her and Thomas.
He’d caught their shocked expressions when he’d removed his T-shirt, and although he hadn’t been bothered by the reaction, he couldn’t help but wonder if there’d ever be a time when his wounds would cease to stir any response from people. The fact that they were on his back helped him forget about them most of the time. At least his scars were easily covered up, unlike the injuries of many of his fellow soldiers. He needed to remember that.
When they reached Lima, Kai finally spoke. “Do they still hurt?”
Startled, he turned sharply to her. “Not anymore.” His smile was to reassure her, but then he impulsively added, “The physical injuries are well on their way to recovery.”
Her silent acceptance of his reply without further probing meant a lot. She understood and was content with the limited information he’d given. Acceptance. It wasn’t a word he’d normally use, especially about himself. He liked to think he didn’t need to care about such “feel good” expressions.
Yet he was beginning to see that he’d fought for acceptance his whole life. From his parents, who’d always expected more of him; from his classmates at school, who’d resented his refusal to be drawn into factions and heck, even from Becky, who’d wanted a country club clone for a fiancé. His thoughts followed the loop further, connecting Thomas’s unexpected embrace last night to yesterday morning’s school visit. He saw that acceptance was what Thomas had been seeking, too. No questions about why he wouldn’t speak or encouragement to do so. Simply acceptance that he chose not to. That’s all the kid wanted. Luca was going to miss Tommy. No doubt about it.
Luca braked at the first traffic light on the main drag into town and glanced once more at Kai, now rummaging in her bag for something, her forehead creased. He was going to miss her, too. He took a deep breath. Okay, Rossi. Get hold of yourself.
As the light changed, he asked, “How about if I drop you off for your meeting and pick up what I need for the shelter. You can text me when you’re ready to be picked up.”
“You don’t want to come with me?”
“Why would I want to do that?”
Kai frowned, puzzled by his tone. “You’ve met Brian. I thought you might be interested in hearing about the day.”
“It’s your assignment, not mine.”
Kai turned to look out her window. “No problem,” she muttered.
Here we go again. Luca cursed himself for being so touchy, but at the same time, he didn’t feel like making amends. She had no right to assume he’d want to tag along. That’s what rankled. After opening up to her about his regrets over his father and his guilt over what happened to Lopez, he’d hoped she’d understand him better. That he didn’t need—didn’t want—to be pushed. Time was what he wanted. Time to accept and forgive himself.
He parked in front of the VFW building and stared through the windshield while Kai got out of the vehicle. “If you haven’t heard from me by the time you’ve bought what you need, you can text me,” she said, closing the SUV door after her.
As he headed for the local big box supply store, Luca felt his enthusiasm for building the bus shelter wane.
* * *
KAI TOOK A moment inside the foyer of the building to calm down. She’d thought Luca might be interested in hearing about the Memorial Day celebrations but now wondered if he’d even want to attend.
She decided to take the stairs up to Brian’s second-floor office, using the few extra minutes to focus on the meeting rather than the petty misunderstanding in the car. Though she wondered how many of these petty episodes it would take to create a big, irreparable misunderstanding.
The door was open, and Brian rose swiftly to his feet from behind a desk when he noticed her. “Ms. Westfield, come in,” he said, coming around to shake hands.
“It’s Kai. Thanks for making time to see me. This assignment was very much last-minute.”
“These things happen. Have a seat.”
She sat in a chair opposite the desk and took her notebook and pen from her handbag. “Do you mind if I take your picture for the article?”
“No, but I’ll be in my dress uniform on the day.”
“I’ll try to get one then, too. This is just in case I don’t get a chance during the ceremony.”
“Good thought. I’ll likely be pretty busy.” He straightened and passed his hand over his short hair. “Sorry, no tie.”
“Casual is good,” Kai murmured as she prepped her camera and moved around the office for the best light.
While she was setting up the shot, he asked, “Is Luca sti
ll helping out on the farm?”
She looked up from the camera lens. “Um, yes. Though we’ve finished the planting.”
“I haven’t heard from him so got to wondering if he’d left town.”
That stopped her. She didn’t feel ready to accept that Luca would indeed be leaving soon.
When she didn’t reply, he added, “Maybe he’ll come to the ceremony on Monday.”
Not sure about that.
After she snapped a few rounds, he said, “Well, tell him I said hi.”
“Sure. Okay, I think I’ve got what I need for now.” She sat and picked up her notebook. “So how does the day look so far?”
Brian’s rundown of the event was enhanced by a copy of the program, and Kai soon had enough information to text Luca that she was finished. As she was making her goodbyes, Brian said, “I don’t know what Luca’s plans are, but if he’s thinking of staying on in Lima, will you let him know that our Veteran Employment Services has some great reintegration programs?”
Kai paused in the doorway. “Uh, sure. Though I doubt he intends to stay much longer...”
Brian shrugged. “You never know. I got the feeling he was at loose ends.”
In the elevator, Kai thought about Brian’s comment. She couldn’t imagine Luca at loose ends. He always seemed to have an agenda of some kind. He just didn’t always share it with others. As she stepped into the foyer, her cell phone dinged with Luca’s reply.
On my way.
She sighed, hoping his mood was more congenial for the ride home.
* * *
BY THE TIME Thomas’s bus was due to arrive at the end of the school day, Luca had set up shop in the work shed adjacent to the barn. It was here that Harry, his father before him, and then his own son had made repairs and built things for the farm. Luca could tell by the setup, a bit dusty now but still intact, that both Harry and David were lovers of organization. He’d have no problem respecting that, because he, too, liked order—in work and in his personal life.
Perhaps that’s why he was so frustrated at his inability to communicate better with Kai. The talk between them was never cut-and-dried, the way he liked talk to go. Plain and simple.
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