And drugged the champagne.
“I know this is not the time to discuss it, Nicolette. I was simply so overcome with joy that you survived,” he murmured, shaking his head, “despite the fact that you insist upon making the most foolish decisions available to you at every opportunity.”
It was Alejandro, all right.
“But, Alejandro, you aren’t thinking clearly.” Though it pained her to speak, she managed to form the words. “It would be a detriment to your country to marry me. You would come to hate me.” She shook her head and then thought the better of it, groaning. When would she learn?
“Never. I love you, Nicolette. Mi cielito, mi vida. You are my heaven and my life.” He took her hand and kissed it gently.
“Alejandro. When? How?” she whispered, watching him. She felt herself warming to the feel of his lips on her hand. Was it possible? That he truly loved her? She felt giddy even as her head was spinning, and her heart wanted to jump out of her chest. She had loved him for so long—and in this marvelous moment she could not even sit up!
“I will never change my mind, Nicolette. If you knew me better, you would know that. You will always be my love.”
“Oh, I wish it could be…” Maybe it was true. Maybe he was not delirious. Or maybe she was. “If only we could be together. If only you could live in Paris with me.”
“I shall rule Spain from Paris.” He chuckled, his melancholy grin lighting his face. “If I could, I would for you.”
“But don’t you see, Alejandro? It is not possible.” How ridiculous. She felt like a fool. “It is not possible.”
“Let us make it possible.”
“We each have separate destinies, Alejandro.”
“I love you, Nicolette. I am ready to compromise my standing with the national community, put everything I hold dear at risk, compromise my duty because I cannot bear to live without you. I can no longer contemplate the thought of a life separate from you.” He shook his head, laughing. “I, who haven’t felt fully attached to anyone in many years. Something has come alive in me. And I begin to think that my life matters, that I matter, because of you. I want a life. I want to live.”
“Alejandro…” she whispered, watching him. How could she ever love anyone as much as she loved him? “Of course you matter. So much. But the only thing for us is this time together and a night of pleasure.”
“One night?”
“Not tonight. But when I have recovered somewhat.”
“I need to know, Nicolette.” He studied her, his expression desperate. “Do you not reciprocate my feelings? What am I to you? Why did you throw yourself in front of a deadly animal if not to gain my attention? And you did gain my attention. You awakened me—for the second time. You made me realize the depth of the value which I place on your life. Did you do it simply for one night of carnal lust? Is that all that you feel for me?”
“I do. I mean no. I mean, yes, I do, I love you, Alejandro. I have for so long.” Nicolette closed her eyes momentarily, feeling tears welling up at this impossible situation combining, as it were, with the pain of her injuries. She didn’t know what she felt anymore. She had been confused ever since she had met him. “Why else would I want to experience all of you? Why else would I throw away my chance at a respectable marriage?”
“Then say yes.” His face lit up. “Say yes you will marry me.”
“Marriage with you is not possible, Alejandro. I do not wish to leave my singing career, and I certainly do not wish to be the queen of a country. I could not give up a vocation I love for a position I want nothing to do with. I am not merely a singer. The music is me.” She pushed the hair out of his eyes. “No, Alejandro, do not do this. You know very well that this can never be.”
“Why? Tell me why it cannot be, mi cielito?” he demanded. “You may perform to our guests after dinner. It will be considered very elegant to hear the queen of Spain sing. And you are the daughter of a peer. There can be no question of your bloodline.”
“Alejandro, I do not perform occasional songs after dinner. I perform whole operas.” She was shocked on every level of her being. But even in this state the absurdity of what he was proposing was clear. “I have a profession.” She gazed into his dark eyes and saw herself swimming there. She gulped. “I have a…life.”
“Ah, a life. You have a life, but I do not, Nicolette. Not without you. And you cannot have a life if you are with me. I see. That does make our situation impossible.” He frowned, and she saw pain written across his face even as all the hope appeared to die in his eyes.
Take care that you have something here when the applause stops. She thought back to the Dalai Lama’s words as he had touched his heart. She looked at Alejandro. He was so much larger in her mind than any stage or audience. When had that happened? She wanted to cry from her longing for him.
No! She would not! She would not give up the dreams she had worked for—just now coming to fruition.
“Would you not miss me, Nicolette?” He stared at her, his expression cold and hard, his broad shoulders heaving. He stretched his long legs out before him, and she could see her reflection in the sheen of his knee-high black leather boots. Pain seemed to be welling up inside of him, and his voice grew deadly soft. “You are willing to go away, to live apart forever. How can you do this so easily? My heart is breaking at the thought of being separated from you, but clearly it is a simple decision for you.”
“I will miss you every day of my life, Alejandro. But don’t you see? It is simply not meant to be. One night together is all that we have. We must take that for ourselves.”
He leaned down and kissed her forehead tenderly, his coal-black hair brushing against her skin. Her heart was crushed as a vision of her life with him floated away before her. She felt his control, his stiffness, and it sickened her.
“You need time to think about it,” he pronounced in his most sultry voice. He returned to his seat, his camel pants adhering to his every movement perfectly. Looking at her, his rich, dark eyes caused her to melt inside, and she forgot her pain for a moment as she lost herself in them. The man had the most charisma of any man she had ever known. He could have sunk a ship with those eyes if he had set his mind to it. “I apologize. It was wrong of me to bring it up now.”
“No, I don’t need time. I shall not change my mind.”
“Very well. But remember, mi vida, you cannot have what you do not pay for. And neither shall I change my mind.”
“Pay for? How dare you! Why I—”
“Unless you marry me, Nicolette, you shall never have that night.” His lips formed a slow, seductive smile. “A shame. I am thought to have a certain…ability.”
“Never?” She gulped. “But, I…we…”
“Never. But you shall be invited to my wedding, of course. It cannot be long detained.”
“Your wedding? Oh, I see. It is next on your royal agenda, is it? By all means, let us not delay! Why, I wouldn’t…not if…”
“You told me once, Nicolette, that your body is your instrument.” His eyes penetrated hers, and she shivered. “I should like to play that instrument.”
As she gazed into his eyes she grew weak at the thought. She hoped that she wasn’t blacking out again.
Chapter Thirty-Eight
Just wait
my dear young lady,
And meanwhile I'll tell you
in a word
Who and what I am.
Shall I?
—Giacomo Puccini, La bohème
“He what? His Majesty proposed marriage to you?” Lady Elaina exclaimed, taking a deep breath as she attempted to keep pace with Nicolette.
Nicolette especially liked the Sabatini Gardens on the grounds of the Palacio Real. They were something of a maze, which disturbed the guards. All of the grounds surrounding the palace were magnificent—fountains, lakes, ponds, waterfalls, gardens, statues, monuments. But she had a partiality for the northern view of the palace from the fountain the size of a fighting ship.
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She glanced behind her, watching for the guards. Although no one else in her party appeared to be plagued by them, since she arrived she had been unable to escape their surveillance.
The guards maintained their distance, but they were ever present, and it had only gotten worse since her lovely encounter with the bull. Outside her room there were guards. Anywhere she went she was followed by guards.
“It is conspicuously obvious,” Lady Elaina continued, panting as she spoke. “That he is enamored of you, but I never thought that he would consider marriage! He is more devoted to his country than any person I ever met. And certainly you are wellborn, Nicolette, but not high enough for a sovereign ruler.” She grabbed Nicolette’s arm, stopping her in her tracks, as she heaved.
“It’s not much farther, Grandmamma,” she pleaded. “We shall sit next to the fountain, and the sound of the water will cover our voices.”
“And you are a singer on the stage.” Lady Elaina rolled her eyes but kept pace with her granddaughter. “You have a reputation, shall we say.”
“I most certainly do not!” I would like to attain one, which is proving impossible.
“Undeserved and nothing more than the projection of men’s lust but nonetheless not favorable to the king.” She took her granddaughter’s hand. “Forgive my plain speaking, Nicolette.”
“I suppose this is not new information to me.” She spun around. “Grandmamma, at first I thought he might be suffering from a momentary shock, but now I am convinced that he was serious.”
“And what has convinced you, dear heart?”
“He is the most stubborn man that I know—even more so than Papa, if that can be imagined—and once he sets on a course, it runs deep and true in his character.”
“You believe him to be sincere then?” Lady Elaina stopped in her tracks.
“I do.” Nicolette smiled to herself. “He does not know how to be anything else. But I was never so surprised in my life. Even the critics’ reviews did not shock me as much,” she whispered.
“He must truly love you, Nicolette.”
“I do not know why, but I cannot fathom it.”
“It appears the only thing for you to do is to decide on your answer.” They reached the fountain, where they sat with a full view of the palace, and Lady Elaina took out her handkerchief and patted her forehead. Her lips formed a shaky smile. “I am so glad to be seated. To think my own granddaughter could be the queen of Spain. Do you love him, Nicolette?”
“Indeed I do, Grandmamma. There can be no question of that.” She turned to face her grandmamma as joy overcame her. “And it thrills me to think that he loves me so much. And yet…I cannot. It is not my path.”
“What then?” Lady Elaina put her fingertip to her mouth, lovely in an apricot lipstick. “You love Alejandro, you do not care for the opinion of others, what then prevents you from marrying him? You could always insist on touring the opera houses for six months of the year. Many wealthy couples spend much of their time apart.”
“Hmmm,” considered Nicolette. “Perhaps it could be arranged. There might be certain benefits to the arrangement.” Her lips curled into a sly smile as she contemplated spending six months out of the year with Alejandro. She would show him life like he had never known it. If he wanted her now, wait until she stepped out of his imagination and into his bed. She shook her head in a sudden determination, though it seemed her heart was bursting in her chest. “It’s no use, Grandmamma. I cannot give up my singing career. It is who I am. I fear I would cease to live.”
“Hmmm, I don’t see that as a possibility, my dear.” Lady Elaina raised her eyebrows, suddenly looking very aristocratic. She wore a stylish shimmery-gray afternoon dress of Lansdowne linen trimmed with silver crochet buttons and embroidered silk floral ornaments. The paneled skirt overlay fell ten inches above the hem in a curlicue pattern.
Suddenly anger overcame her. “And do you know, Grandmamma, that I would be required to convert to Catholicism?”
“Of course, my dear. Spain is a Catholic country. Her queen must be Catholic.” Lady Elaina laughed as she waved her gloved hand matter-of-factly before patting her hand in a consoling manner. “God knows your heart and what you believe, Nicolette.”
“It is intolerable that someone should tell me what I am to believe,” she muttered. Nicolette crossed her arms defiantly in front of her blue linen suit.
“Both Protestants and Catholics are Christian. There is very little difference in their beliefs other than the memory of a long-standing feud. They both believe in Christ as the son of God.” She shrugged, pursing her lips as she suddenly appeared pensive. “Since you follow your own beliefs in your heart, it should not tax you greatly. Many couples have made far greater sacrifices that they might be together.”
“But it is infuriating.” Nicolette smiled ever so slightly. “And why can’t Alejandro see my perspective?”
“Love doesn’t mean that the other person gives up who he is for you, Nicolette.” Lady Elaina touched her cheek. “It means that he loves you as you are. A loved one doesn’t change to be you. He isn’t you.”
“Of course not, Grandmamma, but sometimes I feel so invisible with Alejandro, that he doesn’t see me. He can be so difficult to reach. I cannot challenge a bull every time I need to speak with Alejandro.”
Lady Elaina laughed, her auburn hair bobbing about her. “That is possibly one of his shortcomings, Nicolette, one that you will have to accept if you decide to share your life with him. Alejandro is so accustomed to depending on himself that he has difficulty. It will no doubt be a lifelong struggle for him. But you will help him to reach outside of himself. You already have. Love is sharing a life together from different viewpoints.” She smiled at Nicolette, and her eye had a twinkle in it. “You learn to appreciate your moments of shared ecstasy in each other’s presence.”
“Oh, why do I have to love him so?” Nicolette moaned. “Why does he touch me like no other, and yet he…is so distant. So stubborn. So different from me.”
“But if Alejandro had no center, no beliefs, if he could completely dissolve everything he believed just to be with you—what kind of a person would he be? A person who has no values of his own.” She shook her head. “And you have fallen in love with a person who has a great many values and convictions, a person who is on a mission in this life. If you cannot accept that mission and its importance to him, if this life must only be about you with no higher ideal than that, if it is not acceptable for him to be a separate person with his own outlook, then you need to find yourself a puppet, Nicolette. There are plenty to be had.”
“Alejandro is no puppet. “
“Precisely. He is a real man with an enormous job. An impossible job. His life’s work is not just his vocation, it is who he is. He has a higher calling, he has a passion. As do you. You can choose to help him with that vocation and, in so doing, share his life with him, or you can look for someone else to love.”
Someone else to love? No one. Only Alejandro. Nicolette shook her head. “It will never work, Grandmamma.”
“That is most unfortunate for you both.”
“Oh, Grandmamma!” she moaned. “Why did I have to fall in love with someone whose life requires me to forfeit my own? I cannot imagine that we would be happy together.”
“Possibly it is for the best. If you need someone to be part of your audience, my darling, that is not Alejandro.” Lady Elaina kissed her granddaughter’s cheek. “He wants to enter into life with you.”
Chapter Thirty-Nine
Whence happily I came
At your call of love
I will return to my lonely nest
Good-bye
and no hard feelings
Gather up the few things I left about
Shut in my drawer
Is that little gold ring
and my prayer book
Bundle everything up in an apron
And I’ll send the concierge.
Look under the pill
ow
You’ll find the pink bonnet
Keep it as a souvenir of our love
If you want to
Good-bye, good-bye
And no hard feelings
—Giacomo Puccini, La Bohème
It is the first time I have been a coward in my life. Her hand trembled in the lock. What was wrong with the blasted key? For all she knew the door had not been opened for hundreds of years.
Click. She didn’t know whether to sigh with relief or to turn and run. With a sense of trepidation, quietly she inched open the door of the royal suite leading to the king’s chambers, which adjoined her room.
I cannot bear to tell him in person. My resolve will go out the window. Was she doing the right thing? She had no idea, no idea at all. All she knew was that she had the strangest desire to run.
Her hand started to perspire as she clenched the note telling Alejandro that she must leave, that they were only torturing themselves. She had arranged for Désirée to sing her solo at the coronation while she fled for Paris. Never to see Alejandro again. She gasped even as the thought crossed her mind.
An even worse thought. Possibly some ten years from now she might see him with his royal bride and their horde of children, all with the look of Alejandro and the misplaced aristocratic noses of his bought-and-paid-for cousin-bride.
Even as she took the first step into his adjoining room, it felt terribly misdirected, as if she were ripping her heart out of her chest by her own hand.
There is no other way. Nicolette shook her head with resolution.
Bloody hell, she cursed under her breath. She had been assured that the king would be out riding. She heard Alejandro’s voice, and it filled her with a tenderness that tested her resolve. Two other voices followed.
She forced herself to move forward. Her plan was unchanged. She did not expect them to enter Alejandro’s wardrobe closet, after all! She looked around the huge compartment, filled with luxurious clothing.
The Serenade: The Prince and the Siren [Daughters of the Empire 2] (BookStrand Publishing Romance) Page 34