“Are you ready yet, it’s almost time to – oh!” came a gasp from the direction of the doorway. Apparently Daisy had come looking for us, or me. Jordan immediately released me and stepped away. I stood there looking dumbstruck and wide eyed at Daisy, who was looking rather wide – eyed back.
“I – I’m sorry. I was just,” she stuttered. “I mean it’s time to go, well almost. I’ll just wait out here.”
She turned and quickly fled from the room.
“Shit,” Jordan hissed, running his hands through his hair and then down his face. He took in a deep breath and then let it out slowly. Then, he turned and looked at me. “Do I owe you an apology?”
“Uh, I don’t think so,” I sounded breathless, even to myself. He nodded uncomfortably and headed for the door.
“I’ll wait for you out here,” he said, then disappeared through the door.
I sat down on the bed. What had just happened? Since I’d met Jordan he seemed to barely be able to stand being around me. Then suddenly, lately, he seemed to get over his aversion to me. But, this? He had just kissed me! Why? What did that mean?
When he’d kissed me my senses had opened. I could feel his desire for me and was helpless to resist. I’d also felt a strong inner conflict I had been too preoccupied kissing and being kissed to analyze. It didn’t make any sense.
I heard the front door open and close and remembered I needed to get dressed. I’d taken a shower the night before as always. I jumped up and began pulling on my clothes. I ran in the bathroom and brushed my teeth and washed my face. When I came out of the bathroom Daisy was sitting on the bed looking at me worriedly.
“I’m ready,” I said, pulling my hair into a hasty ponytail.
“Are you ok?” she asked softly.
“I’m fine,” I said quickly, flushing with obvious mortification.
“You don’t look fine,” She continued speculatively.
“Just a little surprised and embarrassed.”
“And, confused?”
“That too.”
“Do you feel any weakness or pain?” she asked warily.
I stopped my hurried frenzy to find socks and shoes and asked, “Why would I feel weakness or pain?”
“Well, Jordan is a drainer. And, remember the pain you felt when you were attacked?” she said frankly but cautiously.
“Jordan didn’t attack me!” I practically yelled.
“I didn’t think he did,” she said calmly. “However…,well, I’ll just see for myself.”
She came over to me and put a hand on my arm. After a moment she removed her hand.
“He will be relieved to know he in no way harmed you.”
“Why would he think he had? Why would you?”
“I didn’t, but Jordan is afraid that he could harm you without intending to.”
“How?”
“You’ll have to have him explain it. I, however, was certain he would not. And, now I have my proof.”
I hadn’t really wanted to discuss this, but curiosity was quickly overriding this feeling. I remembered her assuring me that Jordan didn’t dislike me. I had a feeling she’d known more then, than I had given her credit for.
“I felt so much conflict in him,” I mumbled.
“Well, you felt him correctly. He’s very conflicted right now,” she paused and glanced at me speculatively, “over you.”
I looked away feeling self-conscious now. I hadn’t meant to give myself away. I knew what she was wondering now. And, she hadn’t sounded surprised. I braced myself. I knew what was coming. They had bared all to me so, I guess turnabout is fair play.
“I didn’t want to ask, because I felt like you weren’t ready. But, my intuition is telling me that you have a few secrets of your own.”
I said nothing. She raised an eyebrow and continued, “You can trust us you know.”
“I know,” I muttered resignedly.
“When you say you felt the conflict in him, you mean you actually felt his conflict don’t you?” she asked cautiously.
“Yes.”
“Are you also able to read minds?” She asked sounding excited now. She didn’t sound as though the prospect of me reading their minds was intrusive.
“Well, sometimes, but I rarely ever do. I try never to be intrusive,” I rushed to explain. “Besides, it takes a great deal of concentration and energy.”
“I knew it,” she squealed, “I knew there was more to it than just being able to resist a drainer. You still have to tell me how you did that.”
“Jordan asked me that already. I honestly don’t know besides, every fiber of my being rejected being a victim.”
“We’ll have to tell the others,” She said impatient with excitement now. “You don’t mind telling the others do you?”
“I guess not.”
“A telepath and something else. This is awesome,” she exclaimed. “Jordan said he knew you were in trouble because he heard you screaming in his mind.”
“What?”
“Read my mind.”
“I don’t know if I can. I’ve never tried.”
“What do you mean? Is my mind different?” She asked, her overly excited movements coming to an abrupt halt.
“No. I mean I don’t know. I’ve never tried to read your mind. I haven’t tried to read any of your minds.”
“Why not?”
“Because, it’s intrusive, Daisy!” I said flabbergasted. “Do you honestly expect me to believe you would have wanted me hanging around all this time reading your mind without you knowing? Besides, I’ve found that I really don’t want to know what most people are thinking.”
“Well, ok, you might have a point,” a delicate frown crossed her face as she thought about that. “But, you said you felt what Jordan was feeling?”
“Yes, but I only got a taste of how he felt. I didn’t try to actually read his thoughts. Like I said, that’s intrusive. I try not to intrude on the personal private thoughts of others. I haven’t tried to read your minds.”
“Well, you’re about to start,” she grinned.
Chapter 20
Daisy was driving my car today and I’d noticed when we left that her car was gone. Jordan must have left in a grumpy huff. I shrugged it off as we set off for the ranch. When we got to the ranch, Daisy assembled everyone in a big meeting room I had not been in before. She left me sitting in a butter soft plush chair around an oblong table and ran to get everyone else. Jordan was the first to arrive followed by Grace and Logan. Once we were all together Daisy launched into a speech about how I was a telepath and could resist drainers, just as they could, and they needed to know how this was done. I sat there growing more and more uncomfortable as Daisy talked and everyone else listened intently while looking at her and then me. Everyone had been politely staying away from me, I assumed to let me assimilate all the new information I’d gotten about them in the last twenty-four hours. I still hadn’t decided how I felt about it. I had started feeling better until Daisy put me in the center of attention again. But, this time it was me whose secrets were being exposed to them.
“While this is very fascinating, Daisy,” Logan said during a pause, “I can’t say I understand where this is going.”
“Don’t you see? She can help us,” Daisy exclaimed enthusiastically. Jordan stiffened. Logan put a hand up to stop him from speaking and looked at me doubtfully.
“I’m guessing you didn’t ask her if she wanted to help us?” Logan patiently asked Daisy.
“Of course she does,” Daisy looked at Logan as if he were dull witted. Logan sighed and sent a sidelong glance at his wife.
“Help you how?” I asked feeling like I had better jump in and do damage control. I wasn’t sure exactly what Daisy was thinking, but I had a feeling I might not like it.
“Help us with the case. You can read the minds, or feelings, or whatever, of the people we are investigating.”
“Daisy, I told you it doesn’t quite work that way. I can’t always get exact thoug
hts.”
“Then what do you get?”
“I don’t know, feelings I guess. Sometimes words.”
“Well, read me now. Let’s see what you get,” She began looking at me as if she were willing her thoughts to me.
What am I thinking? The words popped into my head and my mouth and eyes popped wide in surprise.
“Well?” She asked.
I looked around the room and everyone was now staring at me.
“You asked me what you were thinking.”
“What is Grace thinking now?”
I paused for a moment, opening my senses. I hadn’t had to open my senses to Daisy. That was curious. Maybe that was why she’d been so plagued by the thoughts of others before she’d learned to lock them out. Maybe people had been inadvertently sending her their thoughts.
I reached out to Grace and I got no words, but I felt her curiosity.
“I don’t hear any words, but she feels curious.”
“I’m not sure I was thinking anything coherent enough for words,” she laughed, “but, I am definitely curious.”
“What about Logan?” Daisy went on excitedly.
Again, I opened my senses and reached out to Logan. “I don’t get any words from him either. But he feels curious as well, and skeptical.”
Logan’s eyes widened in surprise, but he didn’t say anything.
“Logan, think some actual thoughts to her. That’s what I did.”
“What do you want me to say, uh, think?”
“I don’t know. Anything.”
Logan turned from Daisy back to me and gave me a concentrated look, and I heard his thoughts in my mind. Is helping us something you would want to do?
I gasped again, looking at him wide eyed. But this time I was smiling. I’d never done this before. Then, the thought came to me that I should think something back and see if he gets it. I don’t know. What would I do exactly?
Now, it was his turn to gasp.
“What? What did he say?” Daisy was practically jumping up and down now with delight. Jordan cleared his throat and then leaned forward in his chair catching everyone’s attention.
“Does anyone else but me see that while this may all be very interesting we are forgetting something?”
“Forgetting what?” Daisy asked.
“That we are supposed to be protecting her, not putting her in harm’s way. How can she help us without us making her a target, even if she can read feelings or minds or whatever?”
“She’s already a target,” Daisy pointed out. “By helping us she’s also helping keep herself safe.”
“How is exposing her to the people that are after her going to keep her safer?” Jordan bit out through his teeth. His rising ire was palpable now. I didn’t need to open my senses to figure that out. Daisy opened her mouth to respond, but Grace stepped in before she could.
“No, Jordan is right, Daisy.”
“Oh, come on, Grace. We can keep her safe.” Daisy threw up her hands in frustration.
“More importantly, you haven’t asked her if this is something she wants to do. You can’t just go around assigning people jobs, Daisy,” Logan chided. “Especially people who are under our protection.”
“I am curious though about your, uh, gift,” Grace went on before Daisy could argue more. She sat back in her chair looking contemplative. “Do you mind if we try a few more things?”
I nodded my head in agreement. I had never experimented with my gift this way. And, I definitely hadn’t shared my secret with anyone before, not even my brother. So I found myself sharing Daisy’s enthusiasm though not for the same reason. I wasn’t even sure of what I could do.
We ran more experiments. They thought questions at me to see if I could, not only hear their thoughts but, distinguish who was asking. I could. This was so cool. Then, they thought thoughts at each other to see if I could pick that up. This was a bit trickier. When they thought directly at me I could pick it up easily. I didn’t even have to try. It was as though the sound of their voices just entered my head. But when they didn’t direct their thoughts at me, I could sometimes pick up the thoughts of the person I concentrated on. So they took turns telling me to concentrate on them while they thought random thoughts to someone else who, of course, never received the thought. Well, everyone except Jordan. Jordan appeared to remain impassive, but when I reached out to him I could feel him brooding. It was clear that he didn’t like this at all. I kept glancing at his darkening face. Grace seemed to notice too.
“Fascinating,” Grace exclaimed. “But, I fear you’re getting tired dear. We’d better let you rest.”
“I do believe you can help us greatly. However, ultimately, the decision is yours. Either way, we will keep you safe,” Logan said, then gave Daisy a pointed look as he continued, “Think about it but don’t feel pressured.”
“And don’t worry about Jordan, whatever you decide. He won’t brood too long,” came a thought from Grace.
“We’d better get back to work,” Grace stated aloud. “Let us know what you decide.”
Everyone rose and filed out the door, leaving me alone with Jordan. Grace’s last words seemed to leave Jordan angry. Great, now I got to work with a grumpy Jordan all day. This was turning out to be a heck of a day and it wasn’t even 10am yet. First Jordan kisses me silly, then Daisy discovers my ‘gift’ and wants me to use it, thrusting me into the middle of her family and making a spectacle of me. But, oh! Jordan seems to hate the idea. And with all of this trying to find room in my head to be ruminated upon, I have to now contemplate if I want to use my ability to help protect myself. Oh, sure. No pressure there. As alluring and as fascinating as it had been to use and explore my ability so freely, I didn’t think I could take much more. My nerves were on edge. I was ready to run out of there screaming.
“Are you alright?” I looked up to see Jordan watching me with an unreadable expression.
“No,” I said after a moment. “I don’t think I am. But, I will be. Give me a minute.”
I had wanted to lie, but I figured it was pretty obvious that I wasn’t alright. I was practically vibrating with the need to run, run away from here as fast as I could. I felt like I woke up this morning in an alternate reality.
“About this morning – ” he began.
“Please,” I cut him off shaking my head, “I don’t want to talk about it right now. I’m at my limit. Just give me a moment.”
“Do you want to be alone? Would you like me to leave?”
I thought about that for a moment and found that I didn’t want him to leave. And, I didn’t want to be alone. I just didn’t want him to talk.
“No. I don’t want to be alone. I just – I just need to clear my mind for a moment. I can’t talk right now.”
I leaned back in the plush chair and rested my head on the headrest. I closed my eyes and took in deep slow breaths. I just focused on letting go. Letting go of whatever thoughts came to mind. They could stay or not, I would just let them be. I let go of trying not to be tense and confused. I was already tense, and confused, and frustrated, and excited. I just let go of worrying about it. I only wanted to be in my happy place and ignore everything else. After a few moments I began to relax.
I don’t know how long I stayed that way, maybe 10 or 15 minutes, but when I opened my eyes Jordan was still there watching me. He actually appeared more relaxed as well.
“Better?” His mouth twitched as if he were holding back a smile.
“A little.”
“Enough to get started with work?”
“Might as well,” I signed and stood. He stood as well.
“Are you ok with going back to the barn?” He gave me that unsettling concentrated look of his, probably trying to gauge my reaction. I hadn’t been back in the barn since I had been attacked.
“I think I can face it,” I replied evenly.
We walked out of the house without talking. Jordan was walking very slow and seemed to be deep in thought as if trying to fi
gure something out. I had a feeling I knew what was on his mind. I sighed and he looked down at me.
“What’s wrong?”
“I could ask you the same thing,” I said, surprised at how comfortable I was with him now that he’d stopped being so aloof around me. Nothing like sticking your tongue down a girl’s throat to let her know you don’t despise her.
“I want to talk to you about what happened this morning,” he said, interrupting my wayward thoughts.
“What about it?”
“You’re not angry with me?”
“No, Jordan, I’m not. Confused maybe, but not mad.”
“What are you confused about?” His forehead crinkled in a frown. “And don’t say you thought I didn’t like you again. I have assured you repeatedly I do.”
“Well, until recently you barely seemed to be able to stand being around me. There is a reason I got the distinct impression you didn’t really like me much. Then, within days, you went from being friendly to – to kissing me,” I tried to control my voice which had been rising in pitched with frustration and my arms and hands where gesturing wildly, “I don’t understand you.”
“I’m not sure I understand myself,” he chuckled and stuck his hands in his pockets, sucked in a deep breath and let it out. “I never disliked you though. I’m sorry for giving you that impression.”
We were at the barn door now and he stopped. I stopped too and faced him.
“You really never tried to read my mind or feelings, or whatever you do?” He was looking at me with narrowed eyes and I looked away.
“I tried to get a glimpse of your feelings,” I told the truth, but didn’t meet his gaze.
“And?”
“And, all I could tell was that you were conflicted. I assumed you were conflicted about hating me.”
Out of the corner of my eye I could see him bending down peering at me to get my attention. He waited for me to look up at him before he spoke.
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